4-year-old Temper Tantrums... HELP?!?!?

pamperedhen

Dude girl, I feel for you.
My eldest was the master of the tantrum. This is what I found out to be the biggest mistake of time out. They have a full meltdown in time out, sit for a moment, and then leave. A little cleansing for them. What put a stop to my son doing that was I held him accountable for that time. I told him when I sat him down that the temper he was having was on his time. The time out did not start till after he was done. And for every minute he used having a squab he would owe me. First time I did that he tested it. So that was a full day of him having a fit, waiting a moment, then attempting to get up. Finding out he was not going to get up, and going into another squab. I did get all the laundry folded that day...very productive. Once he found out his time was wasted he stopped with the big fits. Oh, it took quite a few times. He was very stubborn. Put a headset on and pretend you don't hear him. That one is really hard if he can hit those notes! But try! Just keep an eye out for a runner.
Want to throw them for a serious loop! Look at them puzzled and shake your head and say ' what?....my ears can't hear you when you are to loud....they get to full of words and then I can't hear....I can't hear you if you yell...what?'. That will make them stop in their tracks...lol! They might try louder, but if you keep the confused look and act up they will get confused too. I remember when my daughter would get mad and stomp to her room. As she went into the hall I would yell from where I was 'Hey! Be sure and slam the door!'. She tells me now that made her so mad she was determined not to slam the door. Another thing that will confuse them? When they are throwing a squab I would draw a line around myself and tell them I made an invisible wall that blocks out their sound. Again..if you dedicate to it, it will work. Then tell him that once he talks low you might hear him. It is the look on the face once they buy what you are selling that is priceless.
Can you find a sub for a week? Going to grandmas should be the treat in itself. Grandma should tell him if he throws a temper he can't come back the next day. It's not mean. And then when he does throw the test fit, back it up and take him to the sub. Let him know before the fit what will happen,once he is done what is going to happen (if you could even pretend to call grandma and tell her he threw a fit so he can't come), and then before you drop him with the sub. Just know that if he is throwing this with you, he will probably be ugly at the subs. I would always tell my fam 'I would love to do.........., but YOU chose to throw a fit so you made the choice'. Before dropping him off at the sub tell him if he throws no fit he can go to grandmas the next day. You will even let him call her himself.
All of mine are grown. They have learned that they are the only one responsible for their actions, as well as the consequences if they make poor choices. Oh...and it has not hurt their psyche at all! These 3 people are not afraid to take a chance on what they want to do with their lives, or take on something challenging. They know they are loved. I have even had them come and thank me for the way I raised them.
I do feel for you! My oldest was a pill! Good luck!

YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!!! GREAT PARENTING!!! GIVE CLASSESS!! :drinker:

Jennyisbusy

Sun 03/04/12 11:36 PMQUOTE:

OMG!!! I'm too old~school for all of ya'll! NONE of my 4 kids EVER had a temper tantrum! They knew what would happen!



How did they learn what was gonna happen?



When you have a connection with your children and tell them what behaviour is acceptable and what is not! They also respect their father, me and all in authority.:drinker: PS None of them have ever been in the office, jail and are highly respected and successful in our area!

With 4 kids? Either we have different ideas of what a tantrum is or maybe your kids are robots???

Hello there,
I am one of "Pamperedhen's" sons and my mother has been informing me of your interesting remark in regards to my temperment as a child up to today. I am pleased to inform you that I have not had a temper tantrum ever in my life. So, unless I am from an Isaac Asimov book, I am not autonomic or mechanical in any metallic way. I am human and have learned to control my mood through guidance of my mother. If you cannot believe that, then I am sorry for you. No disrespect, but whatever experience you've had with children is directly compounded by their parents relationship and guidance. Remarks like yours are what incite flame wars and are generally caustic and venomous. May I suggest you refrain from being on your computer when you are in a negative mood. The internet is not a place that you can just vent your frustrations.

Best of luck.
Joel

Remarks like mine? Who's venting?

I was being lighthearted - I genuinely wanted to know how 4 kids never had 1 temper tantrum.
I thought maybe it was in the definition, cause I define a tantrum as a negative behavior that needs to be addressed. Could be a pouty face, laying on the floor, whining,,,, I would think that most kids would try out this behavior at some point in there young lives, someone corrects the situation (or not) and then the kids learns (or not). Maybe Mama Hen only counts biting as a tantrum, I don't know?

ninerbuff

Too the parents who claim their children never threw a tantrum...

You are delusional... Either A. Your child deserves the child of the universe award. B. You deserve the parent of the universe award.

Honestly, my daughter has NEVER thrown one. She's been sad or upset when she hadn't gotten the answer or action she expected, but that anger or displeasure usually blew over after an hour max.
I spend a lot of talking time with my daughter and also lots of quality time too. She has responsibilities in our home that's "her baby" and takes pride in doing them and letting us know when we've also not been abiding by the rules (shoes not put in the closet EX.)
Maybe I'm just really lucky to have a good kid.

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

pamperedhen

Sun 03/04/12 11:36 PMQUOTE:

OMG!!! I'm too old~school for all of ya'll! NONE of my 4 kids EVER had a temper tantrum! They knew what would happen!



How did they learn what was gonna happen?



When you have a connection with your children and tell them what behaviour is acceptable and what is not! They also respect their father, me and all in authority.:drinker: PS None of them have ever been in the office, jail and are highly respected and successful in our area!

With 4 kids? Either we have different ideas of what a tantrum is or maybe your kids are robots???

Hello there,
I am one of "Pamperedhen's" sons and my mother has been informing me of your interesting remark in regards to my temperment as a child up to today. I am pleased to inform you that I have not had a temper tantrum ever in my life. So, unless I am from an Isaac Asimov book, I am not autonomic or mechanical in any metallic way. I am human and have learned to control my mood through guidance of my mother. If you cannot believe that, then I am sorry for you. No disrespect, but whatever experience you've had with children is directly compounded by their parents relationship and guidance. Remarks like yours are what incite flame wars and are generally caustic and venomous. May I suggest you refrain from being on your computer when you are in a negative mood. The internet is not a place that you can just vent your frustrations.

Best of luck.
Joel

Remarks like mine? Who's venting?

I was being lighthearted - I genuinely wanted to know how 4 kids never had 1 temper tantrum.
I thought maybe it was in the definition, cause I define a tantrum as a negative behavior that needs to be addressed. Could be a pouty face, laying on the floor, whining,,,, I would think that most kids would try out this behavior at some point in there young lives, someone corrects the situation (or not) and then the kids learns (or not). Maybe Mama Hen only counts biting as a tantrum, I don't know?

Well, this is "Mother Hen"..:laugh: What I think of temper tantrum is the kind you see in the store...the child throwing themselves , kicking, screaming, farting ...the kids never did that ,cause, like I said before, I would use that as an opportunity to learn what is acceptable behaviour and what isn;t. I also reminded them that ALL actions whether GOOD or BAD have consequences to them and shape your future. I am sorry if your were offended by the way I posted and that I and my son took umbridge.:blushing:

I hope all will be well {flag":flowerforyou:

Alceriniel

The best way to deal with a temper tantrum: Shut the kid in his/her room and don't speak to him until he is done. By giving him attention or trying to placate him with toys or activities, you are positively reinforcing this behavior (even though it doesn't seem like it at the time.)

I get asked quite often how I dealt with my little brother Donny who is autistic and throws temper tantrums a lot, since apparently you are supposed to 'handle these children differently'. His thing was if he would get upset he would hold his breath, and several of my friends asked me what I did in that situation. When I told them I just let him hold his breath they were shocked.

What is the worst thing that could happen by letting your kid cry it out? So what if I let Donny hold his breath? The worst thing that is going to happen is he passes out, in which case he would start breathing again (which he never did, he barely lasted more than 30 seconds. :P)

Point being, let the kid cry, put him in his room, and don't take it personally. It's not your fault that he is having a tantrum, and once he stops getting attention from throwing fits, he will stop throwing them.

bebreli

If you have never read or heard of Love and Logic it is awesome!! As many of the responders have stated you don't want to encourage or react to the behavior. A "catch phrase" whenever they start to act up is always great so they know what is coming next. Like, "uh oh" or "so sad" looks like you need to go to your room (timeout) until you can be sweet again. You can also give them a choice if you think he will respond better. Example - You can either go to your room until you can be sweet again or you can help mom make a snack before dinner.

All of that being said, there are extreme and not so extreme cases.As you have seen from posts. Some kids are pushers and they will push to the limit (take away Christmas kid - I loved this!!!) and some kids (the no tantrum kids, just don't). Every person on this earth is different and will react differently. You will figure it out we all do.

We were ALL perfect parents before we had kids.:laugh: Mine aren't even 4 yet so I can't wait to see what's in store. (Sarcasm font!!)

Jennyisbusy

Too the parents who claim their children never threw a tantrum...

You are delusional... Either A. Your child deserves the child of the universe award. B. You deserve the parent of the universe award.

Honestly, my daughter has NEVER thrown one. She's been sad or upset when she hadn't gotten the answer or action she expected, but that anger or displeasure usually blew over after an hour max.
I spend a lot of talking time with my daughter and also lots of quality time too. She has responsibilities in our home that's "her baby" and takes pride in doing them and letting us know when we've also not been abiding by the rules (shoes not put in the closet EX.)
Maybe I'm just really lucky to have a good kid.

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

You are lucky! I also know you love her very much.
It's different when you are talking about 3 or 4 kids though, that's 3 or 4 little kid opinions and that many more opportunities for them to come undone when they don't get their way. Ever ask 1 kid what they want for dinner? Ever asked 3 kids what they want for dinner? - usually you get 3 different answers

pinkminy

I have 5 kids and 5 grand kids and I am one of 9 myself . I also did childcare when I was younger to earn extra money, I gotta say Time out works best. ..... that is on the bed not playing in there with toys etc.....and staying very calm and quiet yourself going about what you are doing while ignoring any demands for attention.
I often made my kids sit on a chair and not get down until I heard a genuine " I'm sorry " .though I must admit my lot were pretty good on the whole
.If bad behaviour persisted then I would leave the child in the bedroom till DAD came home and he would go in and discuss the issue and sometimes a smack was in order.
But I did all so reward good behaviour too with something like a trip to the shops or the park .
a special treat was to choose either a drink and something nice from the bakery or a new story book.
Maybe a star chart will help you , I did this for a while where you can award stars for good behaviour and when a certain number of stars are won then the child gets to choose a treat doesn't need to be much could be a balloon or matchbox car or some stickers
I raised my kids in a small country town though and I do think that was a bit easier,
GOOD LUCK

domsmoms

I also cast my vote for the "ignore him" when he's throwing tantrums solution. I know it's hard, but try and see how it goes.

ninerbuff

Too the parents who claim their children never threw a tantrum...

You are delusional... Either A. Your child deserves the child of the universe award. B. You deserve the parent of the universe award.

Honestly, my daughter has NEVER thrown one. She's been sad or upset when she hadn't gotten the answer or action she expected, but that anger or displeasure usually blew over after an hour max.
I spend a lot of talking time with my daughter and also lots of quality time too. She has responsibilities in our home that's "her baby" and takes pride in doing them and letting us know when we've also not been abiding by the rules (shoes not put in the closet EX.)
Maybe I'm just really lucky to have a good kid.

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

You are lucky! I also know you love her very much.
It's different when you are talking about 3 or 4 kids though, that's 3 or 4 little kid opinions and that many more opportunities for them to come undone when they don't get their way. Ever ask 1 kid what they want for dinner? Ever asked 3 kids what they want for dinner? - usually you get 3 different answers

Lol, I usually never ask my kid what she wants for dinner (my wife either). Whatever I made for dinner is what we ate. Not gonna say there was some stuff that my daughter didn't like, but funny now that I think about it, I don't make a dinner I know she dislikes.......................hmmmmm who's in control here?

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

iKapuniai

Wow... I wasn't expecting so many reponses!

Thank you all SO much for the feedback and experiences. I will definitely make a list and try them out, and I'll make sure daddy and grandma are in on it so they can implement it as well.

Personally, I'm starting to believe in some of the "old fashioned" folks out there. My husband, who is 15 years my senior, is the most wonderful, kind, patient, respectful man that I know, and when he tells me stories about how strict his parents used to be, and some of the things they did to keep their children in line... it amazes me. As much as I try to refrain from, as one person put it, "corporal punishment", I am beginning to wonder if that's the key. Looking back at the older generations compared to the new... my goodness, the elders knew exactly what they were doing! LOL But I may leave THAT sort of punishment to daddy. I'll definitely try everything else first.

I like that some of you also mentioned praising your child and making sure they also feel safe and loved when they're with you, but also keeping in mind that they need to know who and how to respect. I think that's also key for good parenting.

You all sound like wonderful people, and I truly appreciate all the wonderful tips and advice!!

Love and Alohas to you all,
-Ihilani Kapuniai