Parents: how do you talk to your kids about weight issues?

Lena1967

Okay, this is a spin-off from the apparently endless DisneyWorld exhibit thread. :laugh:

Parents, I would like your tips on how you talk to your kids about making healthy food choices (easy) and what happens if they don't (not so easy).

I have a preschool son and daughter. My son is super picky and very thin. My daughter loves food of all kinds and has a big tummy. She is higher on the charts for weight than for height, and her pediatrician said if the pattern continues, we will need to intervene. Well, I have already intervened by making sure she gets more exercise. And we talk a lot about what foods are healthy, everyday foods and what foods are "sometimes" foods. I've talked about why we want to eat healthy foods, to make our bodies healthy. But up until recently, I hadn't really connected the dots for her that overeating or eating unhealthy foods makes you fat.

Tonight she was competing with her brother about who had the biggest tummy after dinner, and it was her. I said, "Well, having a big tummy isn't always a good thing." When she wanted candy after dinner, I said no and commented that I would like candy too but I wasn't going to have any because I felt I already had too much fat on my body.

Not sure I'm comfortable with this approach though and here's why . . . I have never ever heard my mom make one positive comment about her appearance. And in high school, although I was 5'6" and 128 lbs, I CONSTANTLY obsessed about my weight, going on diets, joining Weight Watchers, etc. And it continued into college too. Such a waste of time and mental energy!

I am torn because I feel like junky food is much more accessible today than it was when I grew up (70s-80s), and that childhood obesity is much more of a risk now. I see lots of chubby preteens around and I know it must have been so easy for them to get that way. Example, my preschoolers have a 1-hour soccer practice, and the team stops in the middle for a 10-minute snack break (complete with juice box). Is that really necessary??

OTOH, I want my daughter to have a healthy self-image and not to stress out about gaining weight, and I want to be a positive role model for a healthy self-image.

I'd welcome any thoughts from parents who feel they have this figured out, and also any thoughts from former kids who feel that what their parents did was particularly helpful or unhelpful. Thanks!

Anomalia

I'm in my early 20s and I don't have any kids so I'm really not that much help but I can say that my mom being completely honest with me about my weight was really helpful to me. I've never been overweight but there have been times when I've gotten lazy and put on 5 lbs or so and she kind of gave me a nudge in the right direction.

abbigail_r

Just make it a learning experience. Always tell her how beautiful she is just the way she is but instead of saying this food will make me fat say something like this is a treat and right now my belly is already full so its not a good idea to eat this. And then when it is time for a snack or a treat bring out a couple options and talk about which ones are better for you and why. Like maybe say this one has vitamin a,b and c those vitamins do this for our bodies but this is full of sugar and then share the effects of sugar. But dont ever make it about getting skinny or being fat, that will give her image issues.

jjblogs

It's hard.....I have the same situation at home....two teen boys...one is very fit, rarely gets into junk food. The youngest is the opposite, and he doesn't like to exercise either. I hit the gym 4 days a week. He used to come with me, but hasn't for a long time. He did do baseball conditioning which was great exercise, but didn't make the team. So, now I'm going to have to try to talk him into coming to the gym again.

I try to keep the house stocked with nutritious food, but I run a daycare so there foods that he sneaks that he shouldn't have. I try not to make a federal case about it because I don't want to make things worse, but I'm kinda like you. I have no clue what to do. I'm hoping to get him and his brother set up with a trainer at the gym for several sessions so they are more comfortable with the equipment. But, not sure I'll get them to go with me weekly.

sigh....it's hard to know what to do. My son's doctor also told me he needs to watch his weight. They tested him for diabetes and thyroid issues last time we were in for a check up. Everything was fine, but it scared me that they suggested. that.

CajunApril

I also wonder about this same issue, and how I will approach/teach my children about food (when i have them). I would like to just comment that something my parents never did with me is teach me why and what is healthy eating. I was never taught balanced plates etc .. meat & veggies on a plate with maybe a simple fruit type desert. I grew up in a cajun houshold. I lived on staples: fried fish, shrimp, red beans and rice, gumbo and rice, etouffee and rice .. basically carbs and butter

I think its very important and it seems you are on the right track with the basis of "sometimes" foods and a"everyday" foods. I also feel that my parents lacked the imagination to introduce me to different types of "good" foods.

For instance, my mom would buy grapes, but I didnt eat them. Maybe if she would have done stuff like I do now. Freeze them, put them in jello, cut them up and use food coloring for decoration.

Another thing that was really never taught in my house was portion size. Teach kids now how to portion a 1/2 a cup of rice, sauce or hamburger helper. Make sure its visual that its part of the way you put your food on your plate. It should be normal to them in my opinion. There are even cute measuring cups that can be thier very own.

I don't have kids but these are some of the things I have thought about so that my children don't suffer the way I have.

I think its great that you are exploring this subject and I look forward to others responses. Good luck

SafireBleu

I talk to my daughter about being healthy. She is high on the charts for height and weight and was just about a % or 2 above on weight for height. The doctor comment on it as well. We talk a lot about needing to be healthy . We talk about exercising and she does some exercise for me. She knows she can have just one dessert-ish snack a day. So if she has pudding after lunch she has fruit after dinner and for any other snacks. I am currently trying to lose weight so she know I am dieting but I have tried to focus on saying I want to get healthy so I can be strong and so my heart can be strong.

heathermarie517

I have 3 young daughters and always applauded healthy choices . I shared with my 7 year old 2 nutritional labels. One for chocolate mini. Donuts and on for a red apple. I pointed out the sugar contents, then talked to her about natural vs. artificial sugars. She dropped her donut in disgust! Lol! I was sure to mention that it's ok to have a treat every once in awhile, and acknowledged how yummy it can sometimes taste. When I am on my A-game, so are they.

It scares me to think that she might grow up with my weight struggles/habits.

When any of my 3 girls ask if the food is a "healthy choice" I feel proud that they are beginning to make appropriate choices for their bodies.

This is really tough, and I'm interested in other posts, too! Good luck! :-)

IvoryParchment

It's tough to deal with self image with all the pressure to diet. I was thin as a stick as a child, but my brothers teased me calling me fat, knowing it would upset me. My parents couldn't understand it.

My kids fortunately don't have weight problems. But one strategy that is helpful with difficult topics is to ask them about problems other kids are having. They may be very interested in talking about someone else in their class who doesn't eat healthy food, and it may allow you to get the subject out in the open without criticizing your daughter.

lmelangley

One of my cousins is doing something neat with her kids. Each person in their family - including the adults - can have only 2 non-nutritious things a day. So, if the kids have chips with lunch and one cookie for a snack, that's it for the day. And, the parents are held to the same standards. They talk as a family about food = fuel and why it's important to eat well. I wish I had done this with my kids!

My eldest daughter put herself on a food plan a couple of years ago based on one of the characters in a Janet Evanovich novel. It's basically the "S" is for Saturday and Sunday - or sweets. She may eat a few salty snack foods Monday through Friday, but she'll only eat sweets on the weekend. At first it was a challenge, but over time she started wanting sweets less and less. She barely eats any sweets now.

loftus2005

I would so love to hear what others have to say about this too. Im in the same boat... My oldest son and daughter love to eat and aren't that picky. My son is 7 and is a bit chubby my daughter is getting a little belly on her, she is 8. My youngest is 5 and skinny. He doesnt love food as much and is a bit more picky. All 3 are active and in sports and such. I don't want to give them a complex or hurt their self image in any way. I do try to make healthy meals and choose healthier snacks for them. My problem is this, when I give them a serving of food and they eat it. Then they ask for seconds is it okay to give them as much as they would like? or do I cut them off and say you've had enough? I just don't know. I feel like they are young and active so let them be kids and eat. Don't get on their case about food. Then on the other hand I don't want my kids to have weight problems when they get older because I didn't say anything now. I just don't know!? My husband or I have never had a "weight problem" really. My hubby is one that could eat and eat and not gain anything. I do have to be more careful as I do gain weight like most people! I've never been over weight though... Opinions and ideas would be appreciated!!

nlehmann

I have 3 girls (7, 5 and 4) we talk a lot in our house about what is healthy and what is not in regards to everything - food, exercise, sleep, everything. It is always focused on healthy, NOT fat or thin. We never talk about being on a diet and I am very careful with my words to describe myself or eating habits. Unfortunatley as your kids get older than will get all the "bad" information from friends, they only need to hear the positive lifestyle message from mom and dad. I truly believe leading by example is the biggest thing you can do.

My girls know how to pick a good snack - yogurt, carrots and ranch, cheese stick, ect. They will try to pick out not so great food at the store on occassion and I use it as a learning opportunity about sugar, ect. Do not get me wrong, they get treats and candy every now and then but in moderation.

Hopefully this helps.

nwhitley

This is a tricky one and I don't really have the answers for you. My son is 12, naturally thin and runs cross country and track. When he was younger I did discuss what foods were healthy and we both always read nutrition info on food. I'm a teacher and also talk about this with my 5th graders b/c we have a snack time and sometimes they bring in pure junk food and seem shocked as if they have no idea.

Since your daughter is so young, I wouldn't use the words fat or skinny but I do think that parents should be honest with children. If you eat junk and don't exercise you will become overweight. I think they also need to understand what constitutes a healthy lifestyle. Maybe make a daily calendar where you include exercise along with sleep and brushing teeth. So, both kids know this is part of being healthy. And phrase it more in terms of being healthy and to make your body work correctly these are the types of foods we eat. And, of course don't bring the foods into the house. When my son and I choose to have ice cream or some other treat we only buy one serving so it doesn't linger around the house.

I will be interested in hearing what other people have to say. Good luck!

KansasRain

iv always been bigger, not always "fat" but bigger then most girls my age and my mom and dad never did the whole dinner time with the family thing and honestly we were so poor we hardly had good food it was cheap TV dinners and fast food. Now im 279 pounds at 21 yrs old i HATE myself because of my body and i have a little girl who is 1.5 yrs old and i DON'T want her to end up in my situation. She is already a picky eater like myself so what i do is give her vitamins and i give her what shes allowed to eat and that's it. she either eats it or she doesn't and if she doesn't then she doesn't get anything to eat until the next meal time. i give her milk with every meal and i give her water through out the day too, she cant have anything else to drink until shes finished it. I hardly ever give her sweets or junk food, i usually save that for when we are out and in a hurry or when she see;s me eating it because well its not fair to eat something she cant have is it? Which is another reason im on here loosing weight, if i expect her to eat healthy and be active then i need to SHOW her that.

I don't know how old your kids are but, if you want her to eat better then MAKE her while she is still young enough to change her habits. i have 7 nieces and nephews all of which are taught this way as well and they are all healthy and exactly where they should be. They don't know what fat means or what eating bad foods will do to them, my little girls DR told me they WONT make that connection until they are about 7-10 years old. He also told me not to make it about being fat or not having a big body but to simply DO it and tell them that's the rules and if they don't follow them then they wont be able to play and have fun.

Seems mean or unfair in some ways i know but it works and they wont grow up with bad eating habits and they wont worry about being fat because you wont be making it a big deal. Using the words like diets and fat or big boned makes the problem worse according to my DR. It's part of what teaches them to have image problems. so instead of saying "no desert because we have to much fat on our body" you just simply say "no desert because that was such a healthy meal we don't NEED it" also you could try subbing her Favorite bad snacks for a healthier version. like 100 calories snack packs.

i don't know if that helps you at all or if its what you wanted but its whats been working for me and for everyone i know. I wish now that my parents had done it for me, maybe then i would have grown up with healthier habits and better thoughts about myself. i tell myself its just like letting them cry it out sometimes. You just HAVE to do it for them.

squishycow7

When I was 12 or 13 I came downstairs in a tight tank top and my dad made a comment about how it was inappropriate to wear it. I thought he meant because it was revealing, but as the argument continued... It was because it didn't look good. He told me "let's face it, you'll never be described as skinny."

I saw that as a wake up call. Weight issues had never been discussed before then. I knew my mom went for jogs and did weights but I was always under the disillusion that because I was a kid, I didn't have to worry about being active or watching what I ate.

Even though the way my dad said it to me was harsh, I think being straight with me was a good idea. I had a tummy. I was not flattering myself in that shirt, and I was of course old enough to realize that weight is a result of eating/exercise habits. I only wish he'd done so when I was younger, before I could establish bad habits.

I think you should encourage watching foods and exercise, but with of course enough tact to ensure that she is seeing it as just a way of life, not as a consequence for having a big tummy. Don't make her feel like what she did was wrong. Just show her how things are going to be from now on.


P.s. I'm not a parent so Im sure I don't have quite as much insight as others... But I WAS a chubby kid!

j1wright

I have a 6 YDD old who is thin I think falls around the 30 percentile in weight for her age and she eats a lot of junk but she also eats a lot of healthy food too. She will have a huge salad and then eat a big piece of pizza. I feel she has a good sense of balance......Although she has a sweet tooth. I know what her weakness is and I do watch that. She would eat cake for dinner if I let her so I feel like I must set limits in boundaries and it isn't always about weight but about overall health. I don't want her to be a diabetic or have cavaties.

My daughter tells people that I am trying to lose my belly (I had a baby two months ago). She knows I am making smaller portions sizes for myself. I think this is helpful for her to see what real portion size looks like. She also views as getting bigger for her age as getting stronger and older. She is always showing me her muscles and when I work out she wants to work out with me to get strong not to lose weight. I believe her surroundings such as school shows a positive environment too and I support that.

So I guess in short if you approach as living healthy not about image, and focus on getting strong and happy then you got.

nlehmann

When any of my 3 girls ask if the food is a "healthy choice" I feel proud that they are beginning to make appropriate choices for their bodies.

My girls have also learned enough to ask as well. Often disappointed with the "no that isn't healthy because..." answer but will always pick something else. In the store today my 4 year old was picking out granola bars and kept asking "does this one have a lot of sugar" "is this one healthy". We settled on the reduced sugar variety She also asked if gum was healthy, it was the sugar free kind so I told her yes.

Donnacoach

Maybe getting some books at her level with pictures would help you get through to her about how
eating healthy foods make it easier for a person to do different things such as compete in sports.
You say she plays soccer,so that's a good way to start. Nobody wants to be last. I think you are
right by not wanting to shove it down her throat, but on the other hand, she's young enough right
now for you to get her on the right path. It's a good thing that she is involved in soccer, but they
do NOT need snacks ESPECIALLY with juice boxes after an hour of practice. Water is fine, or a
gatorade or powerade juice to help keep them hydrated especially on a hot day. Sugar is the worse
thing they can be given. If they are given anything maybe some orange slices, grapes, or water-
mellon would be best. I am a coach and I stress healthy eating to my players all the time, and even
though they are high school girls that I coach, talking about weight is a hard thing to do. I just tell
them that they need to come into the season in shape and quicker, instead of telling them they are
fat and need to lose 20 lbs. It's so nice to hear a mom being concerned about something so serious
in our society today. Good luck to you and your little ones. Hope I helped.

ninerbuff

Approach it like you would yourself. Really it's all about calories in and out. Personally I eat 80% good and 20% whatever. My 7 year old also eats this way. As long as daily essentials are met, exercise is met, and we do some stuff together at least once a week, I don't think it will be a problem.
It may be easier for me since I deal with kid athlete's too, but dealing with average kids might be different. Right now I'm not having an issue with my daughter. As of how she's considered underweight, but I don't worry about it since I know she's getting in all her essentials.

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

blessmy5

Try to relax and just lead by example. Children learn what they lives. I remember my mother (now 75) talking about how healthy is was to have lots of different colors on our plate, and about how baked and grilled was healthier than fried and breaded. She talked about the fantastic vitamins in different foods and how they helped our hair grown long and our eyes see better. She taught us how to cook health dishes and we were so excited to be her little helpers in the kitchen. She even bought each of us kids our own set of measuring cups & measuring spoons, a spatula, etc. and put them in our own little basket, with a hand made apron. Her and my dad went for a walk every night with the neighbor couple about 9:00 p.m. and I remember my mom going to an excercise class after work back in the 70s. I naturally picked up those habits and taught them to all my kids, who are all health conscious. One is in college studing to be a trainer, one goes to the gym five days a week and the other is always experimenting to make recipes healthier.

Don't have junk food in the house. Snacks are either raw veggies, fruit or yogurt, or a special treat on Saturday night like fudge cycles or sherbet. At meals, we allow ourself unlimited veggies if we are not full, but no second helpings of meat and potatoes/pasta/bread, so we never feel like we are leaving the table hungry. I didn't buy juice, as I thought an apple or an orange sliced up was more filling and healthier that a cup of juice. We have always been water drinkers, and soda was a special treat with popcorn and a movie on the weekend. And we opted to eat at home so we could take a family vacation each year instead of the fast food Happy Meals. Meals out were (and still are for hubby and me) a special treat.

Hope this helps! I know raising kids is alot of work, but it really pays off.

shanahan_09

I've been trying to teach my kids from the time they could talk to what is a healthy diet. Thankfully, they both love fruit, veggies and good protein. I never have weighed myself in front of them...and I use the term "Mom needs to get in better shape so I can keep up to you guys when we're hiking". I never say I'm gross, or fat, or any of the harsh words we women call ourselves when we're unhappy with our weight.
We exercise a lot outdoors (not so much in winter...too rainy here). They love going for hikes, we all practice archery, son is in hockey. Finding a sport / activity they enjoy is the key.
They are allowed junk food, but they know that it is in fact, junk food. I explain consistantly about nutrition...showing them what is a good fat, carbs, protein sources etc. I tell them what can happen when people's diets only consist of unhealthy food choices. They have a great-aunt who must weigh close to 550 lbs....and thankfully they have never belittled her behind her back. They know she is unhealthy, and that food and not exercising contributed to that fact.
With my daughter especially, I stress the importance of her being funny, intelligent, a nice and empathetic person...want her to love herself from within, and not get caught up in the media chaos of what a girl should look like when she gets to be a teen.
Being a parent is one of the hardest things there is. We all want our kids to have a healthy mindset about food, of themselves etc...can only learn from OUR mistakes and do better for the next generation.

Daphnemomof9

I think a lot of great ideas about just educating our children about food and nutrition and a healthy lifestyle were presented. Something else I'm realizing is how many active things I can do with my kids and therefore they will partake in an active lifestyle. I've always been pretty sedentary and never really wanted to do the activities that involved much moving around. As I've started this journey, I've looked at things I can do to burn calories with my kids. They love spending time with their parents and why not have active fun while we're doing it. We've started going to the roller skating rink weekly, I think it will be every other week from now on, but they love it and my heart rate gets up in the 160's. We've also begun hiking up the hill behind our house and they love that, and they love spending time with me. I think anything that we can play together and not make it seem like they're working out is going to be a lifelong lifestyle. Why have family get togethers that are gathered around food, why not meet together for something active and fun.

Also, I've been doing most of my working out around the house. Instead of going to the YMCA and they go off and do their own thing, (which isn't very active, IMO) they see what I'm doing and sometimes get involved in it with me. Exercise and time with my kids. Anytime I can combine things I want to do is a good thing for me and them. Make activity a regular thing to do relationally.