Parents: how do you talk to your kids about weight issues?

AllTehBeers

I'm not a parent, but I've always been the 'bigger girl' and I can talk about my relationship with my mother in regards to my weight. It's only been in the last maybe two or three years that I've really read up on nutrition and exercise and before that had almost no knowledge about it other then calories in must be less then calories out. Also that cookies are bad and fruits and veggies are good. I always knew that I needed to lose weight and that it kind of hindered my self esteem. I played sports in high school and while I had the talent and the skills, I just wasn't the fastest.

I don't think my mother really knew how to approach the issue with me. When we would go clothes shopping and I didn't fit in the sizes she picked out or picked bigger sizes she'd say something like, 'Oh my gosh.' Then she'd shake her head and I wouldn't really get anything because most of the stuff didn't fit right on me. It wasn't a big thing but it was something I noticed. She also would comment about how much food I ate or that maybe I should do some exercise. She even told me a couple of times if I could lose so much weight, she'd give me money. As kids it was easy for her to monitor our eating habits because she was a stay at home mom. She always kept fresh fruits and veggies in the house. We did a lot of stuff like bike riding, playing basketball and running around outside. After she went to work full time and we were alone for a few hours after school, we'd just make something quick and easy or run and get some fast food. That's when I noticed I was packing on more pounds quicker.

Something that has been working for me now, and probably would have help then is for her to maybe be a bit more conscious about the things she bought at the grocery after she went to work. Less chips and cookies and more fresh, ready to eat fruit. I always try to have fresh fruits and veggies available to snack on. Cooking dinner every night is a big thing and making small substitutes can have a great impact. Turkey meat instead of ground meat, wheat pasta and bread instead of white, and lower calorie sauces. It would also be easier if you wrote down a planned time every day to have snack time. Fresh fruits and yogurt perhaps and had what meals were planned for when. That not only helps you plan a menu and help yourself eat healthier but sets a routine that everyone can get use to.

Also, something that may have been fun was doing something every other night that's fun but good exercise. Yeah my mom would walk on the treadmill every night, but as a kid, who wants to do that? Maybe instead, play some catch or basketball. Plan a bike trip with a healthy picnic on the weekends if you have a local bike path. Do things that get you moving but are fun for everyone. Maybe there's a summer sports team in your city that does T-ball or softball that might be fun for the kids. Or even just going to the park for 'mother daughter time' can cultivate the bond with her as she gets older. Those will also be things she'll remember always.

I'm not sure if any of this helps, but I do know one thing. 'Telling' isn't going to get anything but feeling bad about something you already know is true. I always knew I was bigger and that I needed to lose weight and just being bribed or having my mom buy smaller clothes just made me feel more bad then I already did about my size. Always try to avoid telling her how big she's getting and that she needs to lose weight or that she's bigger then everyone else and this is unhealthy. This just lets her know that somehow she's wrong but it doesn't give her the tools to fix it Letting her know that she is perfect the way she is and that you'll always love her will give her confidence that may help her be pushed in the right direction..

hdlb123

Don't have junk food in the house. Snacks are either raw veggies, fruit or yogurt, or a special treat on Saturday night like fudge cycles or sherbet. At meals, we allow ourself unlimited veggies if we are not full, but no second helpings of meat and potatoes/pasta/bread, so we never feel like we are leaving the table hungry. I didn't buy juice, as I thought an apple or an orange sliced up was more filling and healthier that a cup of juice. We have always been water drinkers, and soda was a special treat with popcorn and a movie on the weekend. And we opted to eat at home so we could take a family vacation each year instead of the fast food Happy Meals. Meals out were (and still are for hubby and me) a special treat.

Hope this helps! I know raising kids is alot of work, but it really pays off.

This. Exactly this. Don't have the foods in the house, or if you do have them in the house, have them as a special treat, not daily.

I have 3 kids. Our oldest is 9 and very thin. Shes also really short, way down on the % on both weight/heigh. Our 3 yo daughter is a big girl. Not overweight, but she has an athletic build and shes tall for her age. Shes in the high 80% for weight/height. My son is 2, and hes also big. He has a big belly, but it looks right on him lol. Hes in the 90% for both weight/height. Eventually he will have another growth spurt and slim out a bit, but I don't think he'll ever be a small child. He's built like a mini body builder. Wide shoulders and chest.

We do not have candy, cookies, juice, etc in our house for the kids. We actually cut out all candy, juice, sugar cereals, everything last year to try and combat my oldest daughters terrible attitude, and it worked. We also have food allergy after food allergy in our house, so that makes a huge difference in how we feed the kids too.

One of the things we do is we have "snack buckets". One in the fridge, one in the cupboard. The one in the fridge has portioned bags of carrot sticks, snap peas, grapes, and cheese strings. The cupboard one portioned bags (1 serving each) of sun rype fruit bars, crackers (rice, whole wheat ritz, triscuits, breton) and pretzels. They kids can grab one and go. That way they are eating the right amount, and I don't have to be controlling everything they eat. Hopefully they will remember as they get older how much they normally eat, it should become habit. Instead of taking a whole box, they get their 5 or 6 crackers and a bag of grapes.

Another thing we do is all the kids are involved in meal planning, and in preparing meals at least once a week. My oldest cooks a full meal, the two little ones just help out. We talk about what we're eating, we talk about why its good for us, and we still have treat days, usually on Sundays. We make waffles for breakfast, we have chips or popcorn with a movie in the afternoon, and we have our only dessert of the week after dinner. One of their favorite "treats" is frozen berries. They also have fancy super cool water bottles for their water, since its all they drink.

We've been pretty lazy this winter between the sicknesess and weather, but on warm days we are outside, or we walk around the block, or we go to playgroup/gymnastics/swimming. In the summer, we are out all day long and we take a family walk every night.

I realize that didn't answer your question about how to talk to her about her weight, but I'm not sure what we'd do in that situation. Def. do not say the word "fat" to her. Every girl is beautiful no matter their size, and they do not need to feel badly about themselves, especially at a young age.

natika33

If you want to teach your kids healthy eating habits, then don't make it be about being skinny. Make it be about being healthy first and foremost. I see absolutely no problem in telling them that being a bit heavier is ONE indicator that maybe something is out of balance. However, it is only ONE indicator, so teach them some others. For example - how many push-ups can they do? How many jumping jacks? etc. How far and how fast can they run without being out of breath?

As far as food goes - tell them that junk food is junk food for a reason. It's ok to have it in small quantities, but if they are eating more than a few junk food choices a week, they are eating too much. That's another indicator of health that you can talk about that's not directly dealing with weight, but can affect it. Excess sugar is not just bad for gaining weight, but also for increasing your risk of diabetes. Excess fat is bad for cholesterol. Phrase it that way.

The biggest thing you can do as a parent though is to lead by example. Your kids learn best by watching you eat well and exercise often. Include them in your exercising whenever possible.

As for the outside pressures that you can't do a lot about - the break in the middle of the one hour game for example - just prepare a healthy snack. Carrot sticks might not be so popular, but if it's either that or have nothing, what do you think your child will choose?

natika33

One of the things we do is we have "snack buckets". One in the fridge, one in the cupboard. The one in the fridge has portioned bags of carrot sticks, snap peas, grapes, and cheese strings. The cupboard one portioned bags (1 serving each) of sun rype fruit bars, crackers (rice, whole wheat ritz, triscuits, breton) and pretzels. They kids can grab one and go. That way they are eating the right amount, and I don't have to be controlling everything they eat. Hopefully they will remember as they get older how much they normally eat, it should become habit. Instead of taking a whole box, they get their 5 or 6 crackers and a bag of grapes.

Another thing we do is all the kids are involved in meal planning, and in preparing meals at least once a week. My oldest cooks a full meal, the two little ones just help out. We talk about what we're eating, we talk about why its good for us, and we still have treat days, usually on Sundays. We make waffles for breakfast, we have chips or popcorn with a movie in the afternoon, and we have our only dessert of the week after dinner. One of their favorite "treats" is frozen berries. They also have fancy super cool water bottles for their water, since its all they drink.

P.S. These ideas are great, especially the snack bags! This is a great step to add between the age when you make everything for them and when they take complete charge of themselves.

MountainMia

I am soooo right there with you! We usually have really healthy options available regularly and it's a non-issue, but occasionally, there is a treat in the house and we're all working on not abusing it. Packaging snack buckets is a FANTASTIC IDEA that I'm definitely going to start doing. THANKS!

I just got done having a conversation with my 6yo daughter who has a chunk punkin (tummy). She had been sneeking Thin Mints after I had told her no. I didn't get upset, but I did bring out the other full package to show her how many cookies she had eaten. I told her about the serving size and why cookies are a "red light" food.

I explained that it's okay to have these kinds of treats, but we need to think about how much and how often we eat them. When she offered one to me, I told her that I like them, but I ate too many "red light" foods yesterday and it made me feel sick (samoas are my nemisis). I told her I don't want to feel like that again, so today, I'm choosing "green and yellow light" foods.

I'm finding that grouping foods makes it a lot easier for my kids to catch on. They are learning which foods are okay to have lots of every day like whole grains, lean meats, fruits and veggies, which are okay to have some of every day like cheese, milk, yogurt, nuts, eggs, and oils and sugars paired with higher nutrients, and which are okay to have in reasonable poritons once in a while like cookies, cakes, candies, and fried or processed foods. The lesson I want to teach is that ALL food is okay, but yellow and red light foods will make you sick if you eat too many of them too often.

I'm also experimenting with the lesson that having too much fat on our bodies is a sign that we are nutritionally sick... that our bodies aren't working as strong and as fast as they should because they are getting stopped by all those red light foods too often and for too long.


Good luck to you.

emfilomena

I don't have any kids, but I remember a few family friends who had this awesome idea. The house was stocked with nutritious, healthy, wholesome foods and then they had a cabinet downstairs that held all the treats and snacks. The parents kept a lock on the cabinet in the basement and hid the keys in their safe. A little extreme, but their kids were healthy and very active as a result of the cabinet method and the family getting out a lot, doing things that interested them all in some way. I understand that finding similar interests can be a bit difficult, or that family day isn't exactly the highlight of many teens or preteens, but I thought the cabinet suggestion was neat.

ericalynn104

Monkey see monkey do. I remember a few years back, my mom was losing weight and I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to eat what she did and do the workouts like she did. If you set a good example it will rub off.

Do try to keep a positive attitude about it though. My dad made a comment about my weight once (in MIDDLE SCHOOL!) and it haunts me to this day. A part of me is on my weight loss journey just to prove him wrong, to prove that I am not like him or my family.

Haha, sorry for the anecdotes there, but I hope it helps even a little!

jkdarby

I think the best way is to be a role model. I do not have kids, but I think that if my parents ate healthier, I would have picked up on those habits. When I was 10, my doctor suggested to my mom that I be put on a diet. The rest of the family would have pizza, and she would give me a salad. It made me feel so isolated and angry that I was the only one that had to be healthy. To spite her, I would sneak out of my room in the middle of the night and find the most unhealthy foods (snack cakes, leftover pizza, etc.) to stuff my face with.

kellyb63

My oldest daughter is an extremely picky eater. She could thrive on pizza, burgers, carbs forever. She is overweight and needs to lose at least 40lbs. She 5 ft 5 and 160. She has a gorgeous frame, just the wrong foods. This Spring Im getting her into tennis and getting her a gym membership. I'm looking for a nutritionist now . She'll eat some fruits and some veggies, salad and celery.

anfmusicgrl

I WISH mine would have been addressed as a child... but unfortunately it wasn't until after puberty I began gaining weight. At that age, my mom would try to address it...but as we all know, it's completely someone's personal decision.

At that age, one of the best things you can do it get them to have a taste in better foods. My mom was tiny, and could eat anything, and so growing up I liked: Bread, Pasta, Cheese, Mac & Cheese, Hot Dogs....and that's about it. I didn't even like steak. Definitely no veggies..and it wasn't until I was about 23/24 did I start to finally incorporate those things into my life.

As well as the fact that I always looked to calorie/sugared drinks when I was growing up, and that carried over.

At that age, a "talk about weight" isn't necessarily what you need. Especially about weight. If I was that young, I probably would have gotten a major eating disorder if I had obsessed about weight instead of barbies at that age... Instead, you could approach it in a "this is really healthy for you." type of way. So the children aren't obsessing about weight. Tell them it will help them grow more, be more adult, etc...anything that would motivate them in a positive manner to try out those new things. Give them lots of water, get them used to relying on that as their main source of thirst quinching... I think all of these things will help and over the next year or two your daughter might grow and thin out some...so in the end, it isn't so much about weight, as it is about health, and developing healthy habits with them.

Find something active that she would like, and enjoy..I used to love bike riding and roller blading to my friends houses. Playing tag, getting the neighborhood kids to play knock out and horse in front of my house with my basketball hoop. I think all of that helped keep the weight off at the younger ages.

Sl1ghtly

No one loves fat kids by Nadine Bernard Westcott, Random House Publishing. Very easy for young children to read and understand. It has cool pictures too.

muffyjog

What I've seen that works well is the emphasis on how cool the good food is, and really, pay no attention to the candy at all. Talk about the flavors that would go well with the cool food, what spices would enhance it? Encourage them to help come up with dinner ideas that include it. But when they like the cool food, talk about that, give them attention when they pay attention to the things you want to encourage. It's a longer return time, but I think that in the end, it will help both of you focus on the parts that matter.

Lena1967

Thanks to everyone for all of the thoughtful answers. This is some great input. I will definitely not talk to her about "fat" or "thin", and will focus more on health. I found some books on Amazon that talk about the red-light, yellow-light, green-light foods (although I wouldn't put much in the "red-light" category -- maybe alcohol and caffeine, or meat since we are vegetarians). I'll try those, and also getting her and her brother more involved in meal preparation.

We do eat pretty healthily -- they've never had fast food (as mentioned above, we are vegetarians) but all the constant birthday parties, etc., seem to send a steady stream of candy, cookies, punch, cake into their little mouths.

Another issue that we have is that my husband cooks most of our dinners and he is not nutritionally saavy to put it mildly, although I've been working on him and he is improving. (Actual quotes from our dating past: "Sugar has calories??" "What do you mean, they don't have the four food groups anymore?")

I think she has a hard time figuring out when she's full, even of fairly healthy food, like enchiladas. Before I had kids, I used to have this naive belief that kids would just naturally eat what was healthy and would stop when they were full without overeating. But it turns out kids are just like the rest of us . . .

shanahan_09

Thanks to everyone for all of the thoughtful answers. This is some great input. I will definitely not talk to her about "fat" or "thin", and will focus more on health. I found some books on Amazon that talk about the red-light, yellow-light, green-light foods (although I wouldn't put much in the "red-light" category -- maybe alcohol and caffeine, or meat since we are vegetarians). I'll try those, and also getting her and her brother more involved in meal preparation.

We do eat pretty healthily -- they've never had fast food (as mentioned above, we are vegetarians) but all the constant birthday parties, etc., seem to send a steady stream of candy, cookies, punch, cake into their little mouths.

Another issue that we have is that my husband cooks most of our dinners and he is not nutritionally saavy to put it mildly, although I've been working on him and he is improving. (Actual quotes from our dating past: "Sugar has calories??" "What do you mean, they don't have the four food groups anymore?")

I think she has a hard time figuring out when she's full, even of fairly healthy food, like enchiladas. Before I had kids, I used to have this naive belief that kids would just naturally eat what was healthy and would stop when they were full without overeating. But it turns out kids are just like the rest of us . . .

For my kids I tell them to 'listen' to their tummies, and the tummies will tell them when they are full. By doing this, they are paying attention to their stomachs, instead of just eating mindlessly (as we all can do at times). Just like when we work out with weights...if you pay attention to that muscle, and 'feel' that muscle when working it--get a better burn...wonky analogy, but hope that helps, lol.

lschuttem

Hey
I was really overweight as a kid, im 21 now. I am still really grateful that my parents never said a single mean word about my weight, because if they did, it just would have made me feel worse. However it would have been helpful for me if they would have kept more healthy foods in the house, and fewer packaged snacks, just to make healthy eating easier and more of a habit.
I took a foods/nutrition course in university, and what we were taught is that parents should control what and when children eat, but the children control HOW MUCH. So you can decide when breakfast,lunch, dinner, and snacks are, and what they are, but if your child says they are full, dont force them to eat more. And likewise, if they say they are hungry, you can offer more food.
It seems to me like that would be a healthy way to learn good eating habits.
I think this also makes sense with when/how i started to gain weight. When i was young i used to have to ask my mom for a snack everytime i was hungry and she would say what i can have (you can have an apple...banana...yogurt, etc) but probably when I was 7 or 8 I started to just help myself to whatever I wanted...and the weight started to come on.
I understand that you cant control your child's eating habits forever, but until they are ready to make healthy choices, it might be best if you do anyway. Hope that helps a little!

wackyfunster

Your kids attitudes on food, weight, etc. come primarily from the example you set. Kids have no preconceived notions regarding any of this stuff. We, as humans, are hardwired to like things that are sweet, salty, and/or fatty. If a kid is allowed to eat whatever they want whenever they want, they will gravitate towards things that are terrible for them if that is what you keep in the house. Kids have a lot more leeway than adults in regards to what they can eat, but if the food choices that you present to them are bad, then they will be at risk of being overweight.

YOU need to teach your child what to eat. You can talk with them about food, but what is 100x more important, and what kids will learn from MUCH more quickly (and this is not just true of food) is the way you act. E.g. I wouldn't say "I want to eat candy too, but I'm afraid it will make me fat." That doesn't sound like a healthy attitude to instill in a child. I would say "you haven't finished your [healthy food]." YOU define the causal relationship between things for your kids, so if you simply behave as if the relationship between healthy and unhealthy food is "I eat a meal of this healthy food, and then I can enjoy a small amount of this unhealthy food" then that will be what is normal to them. Once again, your ATTITUDE and the certainty with which you act is what they pick up on. Learning via language is something that we all do in different ways and to differing levels of effectiveness. We are HARD-WIRED to learn via modelling and imitation. Whatever behaviors you model for your children, they will imitate.

Also, listing enchiladas as a healthy food? We're talking about fried tortillas with cheese? That is pretty much the epitome of unhealthy food! I am confused... Veggies are healthy. Rice is healthy. Quinoa is healthy. Lentils and beans are healthy. Fried fatty bread and cheese? Not so much.

robot_potato

We teach about respecting our bodies, and treating them nicely. We talk about what foods are good for us and what things are treats, which can hurt us if we have too much. We talk about things they like doing, like jumping rope and riding bikes and how these things are good for our bodies and fun. We involve them in the food making process. It's very important to us as our oldest has had to struggle to gain weight her whole life, so we have to look at health from a few different angles.

zevonfangrrrl

My kids love to eat and want to do it all the time because they're bored, because we don't do a lot of screen (tv/computer/playstation etc.) time. They are 6 and 3 and I serve up what I consider to be a balanced diet every day, in the form of 5 small meals. Outside of that there is nothing to eat, the answer is always no. I try to be gentle about it...

- the hungry feeling will go away if you finish your water and wait a bit (they always want more when they're finished)
- let's read a book!
- do you want to go outside?

One of my biggest "things" as a heavy person losing weight is reorganizing my thoughts so they're not all about food. There is more to life!! I want my kids to know that, too. There's going to the beach and swimming in the sea, making mud pies in the garden, reading, building with lego...so much to do!

It doesn't usually take long to distract them. Tonight my 3 year old complained right up until bedtime that he was hungry, but after books and lights out it turned out he was just tired and wanted a cuddle. Story of my life!! LOL

audreygumm

bump

AmberJslimsAWAY

I am so confused by these kinds of posts.