Yeah, but what if you LOSE weight?

Mallory0418
Mallory0418 Posts: 723 Member
edited November 12 in Chit-Chat
I was reading through another thread about whether your SO would be attracted to you if you gained weight. It got me thinking...what if you LOSE weight? Have any of you experienced your SOs seeming LESS attracted to you as you lose weight? It's quite confusing. What are your thoughts?
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Replies

  • UponThisRock
    UponThisRock Posts: 4,519 Member
    I think everyone's goal should be to get to a place that makes them happy, not anyone else.
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,832 Member
    Nope, but my fiancé did make a joke saying, "You're getting too skinny now." I think as long as I get down to a weight where I'm happy, he'll be happy as well.
  • sillygoose1977
    sillygoose1977 Posts: 2,151 Member
    My ex thinks I'm getting too skinny. It's a good thing he's my ex.
  • grapenutSF
    grapenutSF Posts: 648 Member
    I agree with Rock. The other day, my husband looked at me in the kitchen, tilted his head, looked puzzled, and said "you're lookin GOOD."

    Ya, buddy, I've been noticing that for a while.

    This is most definitely for me. :drinker:
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    I'm happy to say that my SO was attracted to me at my heaviest and lightest. I am a lucky person!

    If your SO becomes less attracted to you as you approach a healthier weight, my guess is that his/her ego probably took a beating.
  • whitneysaenz
    whitneysaenz Posts: 125 Member
    I think everyone's goal should be to get to a place that makes them happy, not anyone else.

    I totally agree. So many people lose weight for the wrong reasons and I think that plays a major role in why a lot of people gain it back.

    You should always get healthy for yourself. I've learned that is the only way for me to hold myself to the journey.
  • kelswg102
    kelswg102 Posts: 37 Member
    I sort of had this problem. My bf liked me when I was larger and was really difficult in the beginning, but I told him that I was losing the weight to make myself happy and he could live with it or leave. He chose to stay and has become a lot more supportive of my desire to be healthier.
  • jenniejoy07
    jenniejoy07 Posts: 78 Member
    My ex thinks I'm getting too skinny. It's a good thing he's my ex.

    he's just jealous :)
  • Chalesie
    Chalesie Posts: 68 Member
    My SO doesn't care either way and just wants me to be happy. But the think that irks me is when people say that I don't need to lose weight. Yes, I do. I'm about 85 lbs overweight and I'm classified as obese (by all the doctors, etc) so I know that I need to lose weight to be a healthier me, to reduce the chances of heart attacks and diabetes and to feel good about myself. I'm doing this because I want to and I'm ready. So whether someone thinks I need to or not... I don't care... I'm doing this for me so close your mouth...LOL! (Oh, guess I had some pent up resentment there...LOL!)
  • hedgiie
    hedgiie Posts: 1,226 Member
    maybe it depends, that comment applied for underweight people. i'm assuming that most people will say the opposite if your overweight/obese.

    i say if you go see yourself in the mirror, if you like what you see then i think it doesn't matter what other people says. not to mention that it will boost your self esteem and confidence.
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    My (soon-to-be-ex) husband found me significantly more attractive as I lost weight. I mean, I was 100 pounds heavier than him when we got married and am now 40 pounds lighter than he is. I'm also 4 1/2 inches taller.
    He loved having a "trophy wife" but sometimes you have to do something to earn that trophy.


    (Purposely written to sound shallow, but it should still convey that he didn't mind me losing weight. That being said, if I got scrawny instead of just fit and healthy, he probably wouldn't have liked that, either)
  • fatboypup
    fatboypup Posts: 1,873 Member
    My ex thinks I'm getting too skinny. It's a good thing he's my ex.

    he's just jealous :)

    haters will hate
  • littlemili
    littlemili Posts: 625 Member
    My bf wants me to gain more. He probably has a fair point. I'm not happy with myself at any weight so I may as well go by his superior judgement.
  • monicamk1975
    monicamk1975 Posts: 298 Member
    My husband met me 40 pounds heavier than I am now, saw me through pregnancy and 70 pounds heavier than I am now. He tells me he is proud of me all the time. He has one aunt in particular that is awful and tells him things like, " becareful because now that she's thin and you've put on weight she's going to leave you for someone else". I want to smack her when she makes stupid comments like that, but her husband cheated on her and she's thin, so I know she's just got a ton of her own issues.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    I think everyone's goal should be to get to a place that makes them happy, not anyone else.

    WORD. A supportive SO should want you to be healthy, no matter if that means gaining or losing weight. But ultimately, YOU should be happy with your weight, and if your SO isn't, that's their problem.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    My husband sometimes complains that my booty is smaller. He likes big butts and he cannot lie! (or at least he chooses not to). I just remind him that it is now the same size as when we started dating and he liked it well enough then. He hasn't really shown any signs that he finds me less attractive though, other than the booty comments, which I suspect is just an excuse to feel it anyway.
  • TrailRunner61
    TrailRunner61 Posts: 2,505 Member
    My SO has always told me I'm beautiful. From the time I was anorexic and weighed 95lbs and even when I was up to 170. He specifically tells me that he loves me for who I am and not because of how I look. With me and my self-image problems though, I never believe that he loves the way I look but thats in my head and I probably won't ever be happy with that. I'm working on that but I do know he loves me! :)
  • CosmicBella
    CosmicBella Posts: 195 Member
    I think everyone's goal should be to get to a place that makes them happy, not anyone else.

    ... This!
  • Heaven71
    Heaven71 Posts: 706 Member
    I think everyone's goal should be to get to a place that makes them happy, not anyone else.
    ^^This

    My exhusband always wanted me extreme skinny and it had such a negative emotional impact on me. I quit smoking for him and of course, gained weight. I didn;t eve get fat really just went from 110-130 at 5'5" My size 0 jeans split in the rear and he had the nerve to say, when you get back in to the size 0, we will replace them. I immediately started smoking again. How horrible!

    So a year and a half ago, I quit again, for me! I gained about 20lbs again, my current BF never spoke a word of the gain, not even when I said something. In the end, I found MFP and did something about it, for me and he has been so supportive and positive. It makes the shame of divorce just a little lighter for me.
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    I'm happy to say that my SO was attracted to me at my heaviest and lightest. I am a lucky person!

    If your SO becomes less attracted to you as you approach a healthier weight, my guess is that his/her ego probably took a beating.

    I agree with this... my DH met me when I was at my lightest and he has seen me at my heaviest (this moment)... He doesn't care what I weigh as long as I am happy... And while I don't care what my DH looks like or weighs, I really only care whether he is healthy and happy... that is my biggest concern, regardless of weight or looks.
  • Mkserpa
    Mkserpa Posts: 136
    I have found my husband to be most attracted to me when I'm happy with myself.

    After having my baby girl last October, I felt horrible about my body. He was super supportive but you could tell he was feeling how I was feeling. I've been feeling fantastic about myself the last few days and I can tell it's rubbed off on him. I'm not skinny and I appear the same as after I had baby (parts of my body not being where they once were, although 50lbs lighter) And he's been all over me. It isn't because I'm losing weight or because I'm skinnier, heck I still weigh over 150lbs. It's because I feel good about myself and I'm happier that he's more into me. He loves me no matter what I look like, but what seems to be most important is how I feel about myself.
  • bulletprooff
    bulletprooff Posts: 77
    I think everyone's goal should be to get to a place that makes them happy, not anyone else.

    Agreed. You can't do it (or not do it) for anyone other than yourself and your health.


    Mine recently confessed that he didn't want to praise my loss because he didn't want me to think that he thought i "HAD" to lose weight, meanwhile to me it seemed like he wasn't proud because he likes me heavier.
  • robinogue
    robinogue Posts: 1,117 Member
    I think everyone's goal should be to get to a place that makes them happy, not anyone else.

    ^^ this... my SO didn't like me bigger, he didn't say anything negative but it came out how he felt. When I made the lifestyle change he didn't want me to get to small.. In the end, I did what was best for me.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,419 Member
    I've seen many people on this site lose significant weight and then get divorced. I don't know for sure if it played a part, or if people just get divorced.

    I've read in threads where the other half has gotten controlling during the weight loss, but I just figure they were probably controlling long before this.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    YES

    Each time Ive reached a mini goal, Ive lost someone and I still have about 20 pounds left to go. SO I stopped dating. I was tired of having someone that was attracted to me as I was, no longer attracted to me as I got healthier and smaller.

    Its left me lonely, shy, embarassed and sometimes very sad and alone.... but goddamnit I love rock climbing and when I DO get laid, I jump on top lik THAT was my minigoal.

    But yes, losing almost 100 pounds has left me very lonely.
  • PatasDeGallina
    PatasDeGallina Posts: 155 Member
    I actually had a situation where *I* was less attracted to my ex boyfriend when he lost a lot of weight, but he lost the weigh very quickly and not in a healthy way and did no exercise (no cardio, no weight training, no toning).

    So as a result, his hair all turned grey (ok, no problem, dye it), his skin was SO LOOSE, and he started criticizing me for my weight problem.

    When I mean loose skin, I mean ew omg he looked like a very old woman when he took his clothes off. All of the shape that on him that I thought was manly, broad shoulders, stoutness, was all weight, no muscle.

    His face looked gaunt. His color was bad. I mean, I didn't break up with him for that, but my attraction level dropped quite a bit. I was never in love with him.

    I'm in love with my husband. If he were to get cancer and drop another 200 lbs, I'd still find him beautiful. I'd still want him. If he lost an eye, he'd still have the most beautiful eye in the world. For me, really loving someone transcends the physical form. But that's just me.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    I'm happy to say that my SO was attracted to me at my heaviest and lightest. I am a lucky person!

    If your SO becomes less attracted to you as you approach a healthier weight, my guess is that his/her ego probably took a beating.

    OR they just have a personal sexual preference for larger girls... not necessarily a flaw in their ego :(
  • jenluvsushi
    jenluvsushi Posts: 933 Member
    Mine doesn't care as long as I am happy and still have boobies.....he is simple like that.
  • lacewitch
    lacewitch Posts: 766 Member
    My ex thinks I'm getting too skinny. It's a good thing he's my ex.

    he's just jealous :)

    or insecure
  • eena56
    eena56 Posts: 1,456 Member
    In a healthy marriage part of what you do and who you are is for the other person, so why shouldn't they share be able to share what attracts them? My husband makes no secret of the fact that he is delighted that I am losing weight. I'm glad he can be honest with me, and I take it as a motivator, not an insult.
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