Has your spouse ever given you THE TALK?

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  • iKristine
    iKristine Posts: 288 Member
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    After being married 8 yrs and going through all the ups and downs of life and going through what having 2 kids can do to your body (I know this isn't the case for everyone, some people stay in fantastic shape during their child bearing years), my husband for the first time has told me he wants me to change. He told me last night that he wants me to be healthy and this is what got to me...he works out very hard and trys to look good for me and he wants me to do the same thing. I've been feeling a wide range of emotions from agreeing with him to feeling resentful.

    So my question is, has anyone else received a talk from their husband/wife about their weight? Did it motivate or discourage you?

    I think you should feel extremely loved.

    I say this because, he obviously cared enough about you that he felt comfortable bringing this up. You have to understand how hard that must have been for him. Is not something that he just thought about one day.

    On the other hand, I can see how this would be an issue. This isn't all about looking good for your other. This is about sharing in something together, having an other that supports and participates in what you value. This is a FUNDAMENTAL part of a healthy relationship. Period.

    People say, oh I support you and such. While they sit at home on the couch. And somewhere along the way the belief is made that in "inaction" to interfere with anothers action. That this somehow equates to support. It does not.

    An example I can think of is when I chose to go to college. My partner at the time, told me that they supported my decision. Accepted all the changes as to be a given. I gambled everything, sold the non essentials and funded the school all while the partner existed there with a smile.

    But not once did the partner pay anything. Sell anything. Move anything. Make a single sacrifice towards the goal. Instead they chose to keep the same way they were as if nothing changed. But still they merely existed.

    What would have constituted support, would have been anything towards the same goal. Maybe they bought a book. Went to school with me, thought to help in any substantial way. Would have saved the relationship.

    In the end, who wants to work so hard towards something with someone who doesn't run the same marathon as you do?

    That's just my inside thoughts. But I think the fact your even here, deserves a congrats.
  • monicamk1975
    monicamk1975 Posts: 298 Member
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    Hahaha no. He once said we were both fat (he put on weight with my pregnancy too) and I let him know that in no uncertain terms was it okay to comment on my weight. lol I was probrably 250+ that day. He never made another comment after that. My husband's a quick study...lol

    That's as close to the talk as we ever got...lol I don't like people telling me what to do. I have to do things for myself.

    I don't think I could ever lose weight for someone else. I had to do it when I was ready and done with being fat and unhealthy.
  • WingMan380
    WingMan380 Posts: 2,139 Member
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    I have loved my wife through "thick and thin". When she decided to lose weight I have been very supportive of her.

    My wife did suggest one time I get in shape and join a gym, so I did. 4 months later I told her this gym membership wasnt working, then she told me that I actually had to GO to the gym for it to work. LOL Who knew!!
  • Run4UrHealth
    Run4UrHealth Posts: 348 Member
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    Wow! I'm impressed at what seems like so many healthy marriages. It's great to have positive communication over the difficult issues. I love marriage!! Glad to see so many here benefiting from support of their spouses.

    AMEN!!! You do not see that a lot these days. I am thankful for a husband that supports me whether I am a size 6 or a size 16! Yes he wants me healthy but he would NEVER talk down to me about my weight but encourage me like he has been doing with my boot camp (even though he knows I am NOT a morning person...especially a 4:30 a.m. morning person).
  • Lexi1313
    Lexi1313 Posts: 3
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    Congratulations on being married for 8 years firstly! I am not yet married but have been with my partner for 8 years and while we haven't had the talk he does try and steer me away from eating rubbish so it's kind of a indirect way of telling me the same thing. Whether or not he likes me slimmer, that's not the point, it's that I am so much happier, confident and fun to be around when I am slimmer and feeling good about myself. When I am feeling heavier, it reflects on our relationship, especially the intimate side of it. So I see it more of as my boyfriend wanting me to be happy, rather than slimmer - but a lot of the time with women they come together!
  • DreamiJeani
    DreamiJeani Posts: 72
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    I dont know if it was definitly "the talk" but the conversation bordered on it. It was definitly less about my appearance and more about my health though. I know that much. I've had major post baby body issues and he finally spoke up about my mopey self loathing. Now almost a dozen races later I feel awesome! But I can also honestly say it was NOT all him that made me get up and go for that first run. Something just snapped that I didnt want to be that way anymore. I wanted to be happy again for MYSELF as much as for him.
  • abbigail_r
    abbigail_r Posts: 283 Member
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    I think he means well. Sure hearing the truth is sometimes gonna hurt but sometimes that also what we need to be pushed. I am not ogod with how things come out but i would like to have "the talk" with my husband. He eats horribly he brings bad foods in my house a lot and he isnt serious about working out, although part of that comes from the fact he works a lot and I think he'd rather relax from work than come home and workout. I waited a very long time for him. I love him very much and one of my biggest fears is him not being here. I want to get as much time as I can with him. He is amazing. Take it as a motivator and get healthier. You can do this. Oh and children did a number to my body as well, youre not alone!
  • sjmgde
    sjmgde Posts: 381 Member
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    Yes and it did nto bother me. He was just rying to be helpful but guys canbe dumb when trying to explain things. He also said that he needs to start losing wieght together and that he wants to do it together. So its nice that i am not doin git alone :smooched:
  • Anomalia
    Anomalia Posts: 506 Member
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    I don't have a spouse but I have received "the talk" from my mother. It hurt my feelings at first but I am so grateful to her. I would much rather my mother tell me in private that I've gained a few than have a bunch of other people in public witnessing that I've gained a few.
  • KellyKAG
    KellyKAG Posts: 418
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    Regardless of the ups and downs in my marriage my husband has NEVER mentioned my weight. He tells me I am beautiful now and i was beautiful before kids (40 lbs less). He knows that is the one thing that would truely hurt my feelings. I have a scale, I can feel how tight my pants are. I dont need someone to remind me and make me feel bad about myself.
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
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    My fiance would probably never say anything like that to me...it is always reverse. I am always nagging him to take better care of himself. Not for appearance sake, but for his own health and well being...

    Sometimes it just needs to be said. And heck, if you can't be open and honest with your significant other than who can you be open with?
  • poedunk65
    poedunk65 Posts: 1,336 Member
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    My wife and I have both let ourselves go. I have been working out for many years and have finally gotten off my diabetes medication, got my BP down to normal, but am still heavy. I told my wife that I want her to get healthy because i want her around for a long time. Also when the other spouse doesn;t try to keep themselves in shape it could make the other feel like hey they don;t care how i feel and don;t want to look good for me.

    My doctor told me one phrase that sticks with me to this day. It's like making the appt to see the doctor; when you make that appt you stick to it correct?
    Well you HAVE to make that appt for yourself to stay in shape. In this busy world we live in today it IS important to take time for yourself and workout.
  • Shriffee
    Shriffee Posts: 250 Member
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    My husband has never had the talk with me because when I gain weight I am pretty proactive about getting it off. On the other hand, my husband is one of those people who is naturally thin, but now that he is in his mid-thirties all of his eating is catching up with him. He GORGES and never exercises. He's not overweight but he's got a big belly and high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and high triglycerides. It really bothers me because I love him and I want BOTH of us to be healthy and raise our son in a healthy environment.

    I tell him all the time what he does is not healthy. I have tried to get him to workout with me, but he's just not motivated. I tease him and call him fat, but he just laughs.
  • gecho
    gecho Posts: 426 Member
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    NO!!!, but i sure as hell want to have the TALK with him!, he has let himself go, and does not care, he says i am obsessed!


    same here
  • sara_j_barnard
    sara_j_barnard Posts: 23
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    Congratulations on being married for 8 years firstly! I am not yet married but have been with my partner for 8 years and while we haven't had the talk he does try and steer me away from eating rubbish so it's kind of a indirect way of telling me the same thing. Whether or not he likes me slimmer, that's not the point, it's that I am so much happier, confident and fun to be around when I am slimmer and feeling good about myself. When I am feeling heavier, it reflects on our relationship, especially the intimate side of it. So I see it more of as my boyfriend wanting me to be happy, rather than slimmer - but a lot of the time with women they come together!

    ^^^AMEN!!^^^

    Wow, the support in this community is pretty awesome!
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
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    Sounds like her actually cares to me.

    Whether it's for health reasons or physical reasons, or more likely a bit of both, if he didn't care he wouldn't have mentioned it.

    It must have taken a lot of courage for him to bring it up and as much as it hurts to hear things like that, it must have hurt him to say it.

    and even if it's a purely physical level, he could have left, or not mentioned it, and if you got worse then left.

    I see this in my own past relationships, where I want to be at my best for the person I'm with, most people just aren't as bothered and irrespective of the way they look - it is indicative of their personality when they seem not to care about how they look.
  • sculley
    sculley Posts: 2,012 Member
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    My husband loves my curves but he supports whatever I want. I think maybe your husband had the best of intention maybe because he wants you healthy so he doesnt loose you early in life. I know that was my concern with my husband because he had blood pressure problems a year ago (he is only 30) after working out I am proud to say his blood pressure is healthy again.

    I know it can hurt to be told stuff like that though, Hugs to you.
  • carolann_22
    carolann_22 Posts: 364 Member
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    No, and I think it would push me in the opposite direction, honestly. DH has always said he loved me regardless of how I looked and that my weight didn't matter to him (and I know some guys say it but don't mean it, but his actions support that he truly feels that way). That being said, now that I have decided to change for ME, he is my number one supporter, but more because he knows I am happier with myself and more confident now that I'm losing weight.
  • blink1021
    blink1021 Posts: 1,118 Member
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    No my husband did not have the talk with me. My mother did she told me that if I did not lose the weight I would end up being a single parent because my husband would find himself someone who takes care of themselves. My husband has no business giving me the talk because he could stand to lose around 50lbs. I have talked to him about his weight because I am worried about heart issues and the fact he smokes. I think as long as it was done in a caring way with no name calling or making you feel bad about yourself I would find it as a motivator. Although I am an extremely stubborn person and would probably have viewed it as discouraging or that he did not find me attractive any longer.
  • csparon
    csparon Posts: 200 Member
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    After being married 8 yrs and going through all the ups and downs of life and going through what having 2 kids can do to your body (I know this isn't the case for everyone, some people stay in fantastic shape during their child bearing years), my husband for the first time has told me he wants me to change. He told me last night that he wants me to be healthy and this is what got to me...he works out very hard and trys to look good for me and he wants me to do the same thing. I've been feeling a wide range of emotions from agreeing with him to feeling resentful.

    So my question is, has anyone else received a talk from their husband/wife about their weight? Did it motivate or discourage you?

    My fiance gave me the "I love you whether or not you look like a Victoria's Secret Supermodel or 600lbs, but I want you to be healthier and make healthier choices because I want you to be with me for a long time and if you're heavier and not eating right, chances are you aren't healthy and that's what I don't want" speech, but it wasn't something he just came out and said, I pried it out of him.

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