Overweight kids...abuse???

JanetLM73

My son is considered underweight, I mean really underweight. He has had so many tests and he is healthy. He has sensory issues which makes him really picky. He eats the same foods everyday. Should I be put in jail for him being extremely underweight? Is it abuse?

sullyboo

I think a lot of people have no idea about good nutrition. Neglect?? maybe particularly if fast food is a daily feature in their diet. But of course we are all so scared of letting our kids out to play for fear of what may happen to them, so kids are possibly less active nowadays. Which is a poor reflection on society as a whole.

thinmintme

to go as far as to call it child abuse is ridiculous.
That being said....
I don't encourage the parents that thrust junk food in their kids faces 24/7. But, take into consideration, that mother or father may not have exemplary eating habits, either. (Heck, we know they don't)
But I wouldn't DARE to get into someone else's business about THEIR lifestyle, THEIR children and THEIR purchases at a local grocery store.
Why not try leading by example?

My sisters are all overweight. But we don't let them eat junk food. We encourage healthy habits, exercise, water at every meal, during the day, limited amounts of milk (2% is our go to dairy beverage but three glasses a day will add up FAST). We don't allow them to pig out on sweets and such and when we go out to eat, we rarely ever let appetizers and desserts come to the table.
If we eat fast food (heaven forbid, I hate that stuff) we do so in moderation. No doubles, no triples, not x large, etc. We don't allow them to have soda unless we're at a sit down restaurant which isn't often. At home, no soda. Just water, fruit juice, milk. They've become avid water drinkers over the years, though
And I dare someone to have the nerve to say a darn thing about my family, about the way we eat, the way we live. I dare someone to assume things about us when they really don't know.
It's time everyone just started minding their own friggin business.

/rant

Libby81

I really believe kids should be taught in primery school what healthy eating is and how to look after yourself

I agree, If we can work on educating the children now and families as a whole, maybe a change can be made in the next generation of children.

k8blujay2

Look at the price of food, some faimilies simply can't afford to eat the best. Plus with all the fake information out there, it's not always the easiest for anyone to know nutrition. I think we should worry about the starving kids before the ones that are plump.

You don't have to eat the "best" to eat healthy... and eating healthy is not as expensive as people think.... I personally (and I admit this has a lot to do with my regional area) can buy WAY more fresh produce and meats (sometime organic even) for much cheaper than what processed foods cost. And the fresh stuff lasts longer in our house because we don't need to eat the whole thing before we become full.

thinmintme

Ummm. ok, I guess I should be in jail then for abuse? Thats a pretty generalized and sweeping accusation to all parents with an overweight child without taking any other factors into consideration. I have a very thin- rail thin duaghter who eats like crazy and cannot gain weight she's 13 and weighs 75 lbs, and is perfect for her tiny bone frame. On the opposite side I have a very BIG 15 yr old son who is large boned 5'11 and 245 lbs. Hmmm? Do I treat them any different? Do I feed him crap food and not my daughter? Nope. The difference is that he has metabolic issues. He has hashimotos thyroid disease. Hence slow metabolism- I know, I struggle with it as well. He has been to endocrinologists, dieticians, since the age of 11. I am very conscious of what he puts in his body. We eat healthy. We go on walks together. His cholestoerol is low, his blood pressure is low, he is healthy even though his weight is not. He is under a Dr.s care. That's abusive right? I don't care about my kid? Really?

To make unkind generalizations make me soooo angry! That is unfair. You have no idea what it is like- obviously to have children on opposite spectrums. It would be abusive on my part to say, no son you can't have that birthday cake but your sister can cuz she's skinny! Here eat a birthday orange instead. That's cruel. Moderation is key, not denial and obession. So don't go around assuming all of the heavy kids in the world are sat in front of TV's with a bag of chips and some candy bars.

THIS! Thank you. Agreed.

Need2bfit918

It's usually more to do with what kids are permitted to snack on all day and not if they eat out at McDonald's from time to time

Tashry

I'm not going to get too into this argument with my own opinions...but there have been cases recently in which the courts have had children removed from their parents and placed into foster care for the simple fact that these children were extremely obese due to poor meal planning and education from the parents. So I would say that in terms of abuse and neglect...the courts certainly are leaning in that direction in SOME cases.

Clearly there are children who have medical issues or other conditions leading to their obesity. This post is certainly not targetted at them or their parents, as far as I can tell.

I have two sons and if anything they make me healthier because I want what is best for them. And teaching lessons about healthy eating and being responsible is so important. If my 5 year old can choose Subway over McDonalds, or an apple over a chocolate bar then there is no reason why other children can't learn to make the same decisions. And yes, he still enjoys treats and junk like every child should.

So, I lied, apparently I am going to voice my opinion lol. But that's where I stand.

DrthFlanders

It is the parent's right and responsibility to raise and nurture their children to the best of their ability according to the dictates of their own conscience. However unfortunate that may be, at times. It will be a sad day when we demand government intervention into the raising of "other peoples" children. While we on this thread can make reasonable judgements about how someone's parental fitness is directly related to their child's physical fitness, I have NO confidence that beaurocrats will make a system that protects a parent's basic rights.

That being said, I know children have rights and that some children need to have those rights defended for them, but leave this one alone. I'm fine with incorporating nutrition classes into kindergarten curiculum or provide nutritional classes through community health departments.

Whether parents are punished by a judicial system, their medical bills, or the guilt imposed by their dying children asking, "Why?" - they will be punished for any neglect or abuse. On the other hand, if they, like my parents, did everything they could to raise healthy children, yet their son still amassed the title 'Obese' by the age of 12. They can still hold their heads high that they did their best; instead of living in fear that some government agent will steal their child away from them.

missigus

I'm not going to get too into this argument with my own opinions...but there have been cases recently in which the courts have had children removed from their parents and placed into foster care for the simple fact that these children were extremely obese due to poor meal planning and education from the parents. So I would say that in terms of abuse and neglect...the courts certainly are leaning in that direction in SOME cases.

Ok, Yes and this is what does scare the tar out of me. Where then is the line drawn? Who decides is abuse and neglect? Who feels qualified to report what they think is going on? How many might be wrongly accused? Also, Why take these kids from their parents and cause a whole other level of pain and suffering? Kids still love their parents dispite their faults. Is the foster care system gonna help? Why don't the courts order them to visit with a nutritionist and help these families instead of punishing? And yes some people are inherently lazy dispite education-is that criminal? I think there is a lot to be learned yet about the disease of obesity, and the brain, and what drives that compulsion to begin with. It's not always the obvious.

Isolt

On the upside....at least these poor, neglected, abused kids have a huge swathe of people just waiting to rush down off their moral highground to dispense the near-fathomless depths of their wisdom on the poor unfortunates they see.

mmstgr

I'm on the fence.

I let my kids have takeout all the time. They are skinny kids. i suppose if I saw them gaining weight in a bad way that I may have to stop them, but as for now they are perfectly happy and healthy.

I think if your kid is fat that you are probably doing something wrong. And if your doctor has concerns about their health, then maybe it would be classified as some form of neglect. But not abuse. I don't think these parents are trying to hurt their kids intentionally.

modernmom70

I don't think it is abuse, or neglect but it is definatley bad parenting! I find it has alot to do with laziness by eating fast food all time, and pre packaged crap in children's lunches. You will rarely see an obese child who's parents are not obese as well. It kills me when I see what people put in kids lunches....they don't need a treat in their lunch where the heck did that come from? They need a balanced meal for lunch period...and no sugar and definately no juice! My 6 year old gets a sandwich, an apple, a cheese string, cucumbers and WATER. His lunch is always gone.

I also have some experience with this as well.....my ahaha moment was 3 years ago with me at 200lbs....my then 11 year old daughter at 5'2" weighed 175lbs. I educated myself, took all of the processed food out of our house and fed my family whole real food. She lost 40lbs just from that not counting calories or anything! And in my mind that was bad parenting allowing her to get that heavy!
Oh yes and really you don't have time? Well I work full time, have 2 children in many activities and still manage to find time to work out and feed my family home cooked meals and lunches. Too poor to buy real food bull crap...processed food is more expensive!

Tashry

I'm not going to get too into this argument with my own opinions...but there have been cases recently in which the courts have had children removed from their parents and placed into foster care for the simple fact that these children were extremely obese due to poor meal planning and education from the parents. So I would say that in terms of abuse and neglect...the courts certainly are leaning in that direction in SOME cases.

Ok, Yes and this is what does scare the tar out of me. Where then is the line drawn? Who decides is abuse and neglect? Who feels qualified to report what they think is going on? How many might be wrongly accused? Also, Why take these kids from their parents and cause a whole other level of pain and suffering? Kids still love their parents dispite their faults. Is the foster care system gonna help? Why don't the courts order them to visit with a nutritionist and help these families instead of punishing? And yes some people are inherently lazy dispite education-is that criminal? I think there is a lot to be learned yet about the disease of obesity, and the brain, and what drives that compulsion to begin with. It's not always the obvious.

If I remember correctly, the cases I read involved extremely large children. One in particular was an 8 year old boy who weighed over 200 lbs. Despite repeated attempts at working with the mother to change his lifestyle, his weight continued to go up to the point where he developed severe sleep apnea and his life was at risk. The courts called this "medical neglect" and his doctors refered to him at a "ticking time bomb". Being placed in short term foster care probably saved his life.

I am not saying whether I agree or disagree with what happened, frankly because I cannot decide how I feel. On one hand, as a mother, I would hate to think I could lose custody of my children and be seen as unfit. However, allowing your child to continue along such a destructive path can be just as dangerous as allowing your child to play with a loaded gun. As a parent it is our duty, our sole purpose, to raise our children in the most healthy way possible. We are meant to protect them. I just seriously hope that a lot of time and thought went into the decision to remove this child from his home, and that every possible alternative had been explored first.

LenaMena87

Abuse? That sounds extreme. There are many reasons why some children are obese/overweight. I was overweight as a kid since age 9-10. My mom was a single parent, and we barely had money. Plus, I was not very active since it was difficult for me to play or do sports since my mom couldn't pick me up from school activities since she worked a lot during my youth. In addition, I suffered from a mild depression as a teenager and isolated myself in the house that further caused me to gain weight. That doesn't even include the factors such as school lunches and puberty that complicated things. I think we need to be cognizant of the different factors that causes childhood obesity. Its a multi-factoral problem.

So true...not everyone can afford fresh produce bujee people....go to a grocery store right now and see what's the cheapest thing. I guarantee you al the processed foods and junk. When you are going through hard times you take what you can get...JUDGEMENTAL PEOPLE...just saying....know the story before you talk trash about people.

lejess

. BUT when a kid is unhealthy due to parents stuffing more and more food down their throat and not getting their kid out there to play and be active then I stand my my NEGLECT AND ABUSE statement. It makes me sick and I feel so bad for that child that doesnt know any better and when that is the parents way to "show love". There is no excuse and YES those people should be locked up for harming their kid in anyway. Poison: A substance that, when introduced into or obsorbed by the living organism, causes death or injury.

How do you know, by looking at an overweight child, that they are that way because, as you state "parents stuffing more and more food down their throat"? There are so many factors at play, that many other posters have already listed.

Assuming a child is fat because of your reasons, is the same as assuming you know why an adult is fat. Thats not fair and frankly quite an ignorant perspective.
Why are you overweight? (which Im assuming you are since you're on this site). Would you like it if the public made assumptions about you and what goes on in your personal life based on the fact that you've got some extra meat on your bones? No probably not.

Its just not as simple as you are suggesting.

LenaMena87

. BUT when a kid is unhealthy due to parents stuffing more and more food down their throat and not getting their kid out there to play and be active then I stand my my NEGLECT AND ABUSE statement. It makes me sick and I feel so bad for that child that doesnt know any better and when that is the parents way to "show love". There is no excuse and YES those people should be locked up for harming their kid in anyway. Poison: A substance that, when introduced into or obsorbed by the living organism, causes death or injury.

How do you know, by looking at an overweight child, that they are that way because, as you state "parents stuffing more and more food down their throat"? There are so many factors at play, that many other posters have already listed.

Assuming a child is fat because of your reasons, is the same as assuming you know why an adult is fat. Thats not fair and frankly quite an ignorant perspective.
Why are you overweight? (which Im assuming you are since you're on this site). Would you like it if the public made assumptions about you and what goes on in your personal life based on the fact that you've got some extra meat on your bones? No probably not.

Its just not as simple as you are suggesting.

Couldn't have said it any better!

coraliethomas

To be fair, the opposite can also be true, the othe day my daughter turned down a candy bar because it had too many "calimari's"... We as parents really need to be careful of the lifestyle we live in front of our children. I had to sit my daughter down (Shes 4) and explain to her that Im on a diet because I made a big mistake and now I need to fix it, and that she is still growing and can have more calories than I can, else she wont grow tall.

I got this way because my father was one of those "if you arent a size 0 then you are fat" kind of men... and if I even had one little extra lump on my body he would tell me I was "getting porky there piggy"... when I left home I went nuts with food and ended up 65lbs overweight.

The end solution is just responsible level headed parenting..

melonsss

I find this post offensive !!!!!!!!. Do not comment unless you really know what you are talking about. My daughter has a weight problem, I do everything I can to encourage her to eat healthy and I pay a lot of money for her to receive tennis coaching and other sporting activities. BTW I am a very well educated and financially well off mother and it breaks my heart to watch her put on weight despite the activities and healthy food. Sadly she has a low metabolism and genetics can be a contributing factor. Also, a lot of overweight children do eat healthy and are not fed on a diet of chips and greasy food. I am rarely angry but this post has made me sooo angry!!!!!

modernmom70

To be fair, the opposite can also be true, the othe day my daughter turned down a candy bar because it had too many "calimari's"... We as parents really need to be careful of the lifestyle we live in front of our children. I had to sit my daughter down (Shes 4) and explain to her that Im on a diet because I made a big mistake and now I need to fix it, and that she is still growing and can have more calories than I can, else she wont grow tall.

I think don't think there is anything wrong with that. I think that the younger kids are that know how to read a food label....the closer we are to getting rid of childhood obesity. Educating our kids about a healthy lifestyle is responsible parenting.

modernmom70

And I am sorry but unless you have some sort of genetic disease...the only role genetics plays in obesity is the fact that the whole family eats the same and has the same level of activity. Which is why until 2 years ago my family was obese!

Fred77

Overweight kids, abuse?? I really dont think so, unless your interpretation of the word abuse is different to mine. lots of kids are overweight, for a great vaariety of reasons. poor diet, yes, lack of exercise, yes, but a lot of the time its really just the way their body processes food. Children are growing all the time, they will hit growth spurts, their growth will slow down, lots of overweight kids hit puberty and shoot up a few inches and all of a sudden their weight issues disappear. To call it parental abuse is absolutely ridiculous. These kids may be overweight, but as long as they come from a loving home, where their parents care for them, support them, show them right from wrong and bring them up to be decent good people, then thats really all that matters

Childhood is there to be enjoyed, its there for children not to have to worry about their weight, or fashion, or whether they have the latest branded clothing, theres plenty of time for worrying about all that sort of nonsense when they get older. let the kids be kids, let them laugh and have fun, because childhood is far too short as it is without someone pontificating from an ivory tower about their weight, which will likly do them more harm than good mentally.

calliope_music

I think it can be a sign of neglect, more often than active abuse.

Neglect is a better word perhaps. Possibly lack of education, socio-economics factors, etc. If you drive into the city where I live there isn't even a grocery store within walking distance and if you don't have a car or have to take public transportation it is somewhat of a challenge (not saying this is an excuse, but it's easy when we "I" can look at others and think they should be more like me and adopt my lifestyle without knowing what their circumstances are.

took the words right out of my mouth!

DrthFlanders

TOTALLY Agree. One of the saddest things I've ever seen is a cute average build little girl shopping with her mommy. The mom asked if she liked a dress. The girl replied, "No - it makes me look fat."

I wonder where she learned that from.

Point: Don't obsess over it. Get educated. Make yourself responsible for your choices. Teach your kids to do the same. Don't obsess over it.

Amber82479

Personally, I think that nutrition education should start at a fairly young age so that people will start growing up with the knowledge that they need to make the choices that will help them maintain their health and weight. Though I'm sure some parents truly are neglectful and don't feed their children properly out of laziness, I believe that the true issue is that the vast majority of American's haven't a clue what constitutes a healthy meal, much less how to cook healthy meals and if we, as adults do not have this knowledge, how can we be expected to raise our children healthfully? If I wasn't diabetic, I probably wouldn't know a fraction of what I do about food and how it affects our bodies. The lack of education and the encouragement to eat quick, easy, processed foods because we're all busy is the downfall of healthy weight in America.

rcc1988

I normally don't care because it's not my kid, not my business. Plus, how do I know from a glance what their situation is? For all I know, the child could have some sort of health issue that causes easy weight gain.

I did, once, however, see a child at a place I used to work who was so ALARMINGLY large for his age that he was breathing heavily just walking around the store with his parents. It was sad to see - a kid that age should be running around having a blast, not getting winded from walking around the toy section. Poor dear. Again, for all I know he had some sort of health issue, but I did see his parents filling their shopping cart with mostly chips, soda, and frozen appetizers. I try not to judge but boy did it make me raise my eyebrows...

mrsfoose

It's all about examples that are set. If the parent does nothing but stuff their face with junk and sit around all day can you really expect the kids to do any different? Also in impoverished areas there are "food deserts" where people have no option for healthy food at a reasonable distance. Don't say they can drive, since most impoverished people, particularly those in inner cities don't own a car, and can't grow a garden. The entire food system in our country needs to be overhauled, to at least give our kids a fighting chance.

melonsss

Overweight kids, abuse?? I really dont think so, unless your interpretation of the word abuse is different to mine. lots of kids are overweight, for a great vaariety of reasons. poor diet, yes, lack of exercise, yes, but a lot of the time its really just the way their body processes food. Children are growing all the time, they will hit growth spurts, their growth will slow down, lots of overweight kids hit puberty and shoot up a few inches and all of a sudden their weight issues disappear. To call it parental abuse is absolutely ridiculous. These kids may be overweight, but as long as they come from a loving home, where their parents care for them, support them, show them right from wrong and bring them up to be decent good people, then thats really all that matters

Childhood is there to be enjoyed, its their for children not to have to worry about their weight, or fashion, or whether they have the latest branded clothing, theres plenty of time for worrying about all that sort of nonsense when they get older. let the kids be kids, let them laugh and have fun, because childhood is far too short as it is without someone pontificating from an ivory tower about their weight, which will likly do them more harm than good mentally.

Your response is perfect. I sought advice from school nurses etc regarding my daugher's weight issue and the advise I was given was very similar to what you have written.

Bentley2718

I think it can be a sign of neglect, more often than active abuse.

Neglect is a better word perhaps. Possibly lack of education, socio-economics factors, etc. If you drive into the city where I live there isn't even a grocery store within walking distance and if you don't have a car or have to take public transportation it is somewhat of a challenge (not saying this is an excuse, but it's easy when we "I" can look at others and think they should be more like me and adopt my lifestyle without knowing what their circumstances are.

These are both excellent points. Parents aren't perfect, and a lot of parents make a lot of mistakes, including not feeding their children well. As someone who grew up overweight, in large part due to a lack of proper care/observation by my parents, I can see where the OP is coming from, but you don't know what else is going on. Also, the word abuse is too easy to throw around, and doesn't accomplish much if anything. Even if we call it abuse, what good does that do? It just makes parents who are already having issues defensive--exactly what we don't need.

Evelyn_22

I don't see it as abuse. Neglect yes. I was a over weight kid, my parents bought moments of silence and happiness with fudge rounds, Oreo's, and soda. No to mention when we went to Burger king They would get us double whoppers, with large fried, and a large drink EACH. Sometimes a milk shake too. What ever "shut us up". I was 130 pounds by 6th grade and 150 pounds by 7th. My highest was 180 at 15yrs old. Then I decided to change things. No more soda and candy and dropped 40 pounds in a year.

One of my brothers friends had a little brother who was around 150 pounds at age 3-4 . NOT MAKING THIS UP. He was just as wide as tall. I could not pick him up, he was like a boulder.