Help!!! Diet vs Social life????

elfo

ok can I confess??? It's getting really hard to have a (social) life and be good. The options are not always great and I don't want to be the "downer" that's always saying "no, I can't have

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" The options for me are getting slimmer and slimmer, but I don't want to get bigger and bigger as a consequence. I always try to make the healthiest choice even when the options aren't the best. Friday, I was invited to lunch with coworkers and I wasn't going to pass up the opportunity- I ended up having a boring salad. Everyone took their side dish and drenched it with Olive oil and parmesan cheese to soak up with their bread - and I think mentally my mouth just dropped to the floor!!! After work, they popped open a couple bottles of wine, and 1) I didn't want to be anti-social and 2) I wanted some. So, I stayed and had a glass- which means they made me have 2. But the whole night I felt guilty about it- even though I had a great time. I am just soooooo scared to fall off the wagon. I have too much to loose by not following through in this, and to be honest I feel great when I'm good. This weekend I was invited to go out on saturday night and brunch on sunday, and already I'm thinking "why, oh why, did I accept." How do I deal with a healthy diet AND a social life????????

antihillmoby

This is something I am concerned about as well. I seem to do really well for say 2-3 weeks then get invited out for a meal or a drink and with my metabolism and age I can put on 2 pounds easily over a weekend!!! Thus I have to start my good work all over again. Help someone!!!!

hanky1

I think the only thing that can help is willpower! I too find my social life often 'ruins' my diet, but I know that it is up to me how I play things. I can go out and have healthy options, I just need to put my mind to it! And put a bit more time in at the gym! Basically I know that no one forces me to put food in my mouth, and if I'm focused in myself it's ok. Does that make sense? I would definitely not stop going out and seeing friends because of being on a diet. I can go out, have fun, and make sensible choices that are right for me. People would rather you are there and eating healthily than not be there at all!

antihillmoby

I think the only thing that can help is willpower! I too find my social life often 'ruins' my diet, but I know that it is up to me how I play things. I can go out and have healthy options, I just need to put my mind to it! And put a bit more time in at the gym! Basically I know that no one forces me to put food in my mouth, and if I'm focused in myself it's ok. Does that make sense? I would definitely not stop going out and seeing friends because of being on a diet. I can go out, have fun, and make sensible choices that are right for me. People would rather you are there and eating healthily than not be there at all!

You are quite right - but I like a few glasses of wine when I go out and the calories are mega LOL!

hanky1

This is true. Wine is a killer but so yum I don't know, I think you either have a night where you don't worry about the diet (i think one of these every now and again is ok and shouldn't harm weight loss too much..unless it is followed by hangover food all the next day, if you're anything like me!), or you have a night and have one or two glasses, make them last and drink them slowly and then switch to soft drinks or something..? When I'm in a 'focused' phase of weight loss I ask myself how much I want something and whether it will really be worth the calories. I'm not soo bad with wine, but chocolate is my nemesis... :-/

gellolicious

I have a low calorie limit since I'm short and it used to be hard for me, sometimes it still is. It's about making good choices (I rarely eat salads for my entree, but I do avoid carbs for side items-ask for a second helping of steamed veggies instead of fries or potatoes), portioning, and allowing yourself a cheat day every now and then. I may not be losing at the same rate as other people, but I am steadily losing around a pound a week. About every 2-3 weeks I allow myself a "fat girl" day where I eat what I want and don't count calories and don't feel guilty about it; I enjoy everything that I eat and relish it. Cheat days can also be good for putting a jolt in your metabolism. Remember, if this is really a lifestyle change, you need to learn to fit those days in your life and just balance with extra exercise, lower calories spread out throughout the week, and not guilting yourself! HTH and good luck!

sc1572

bump

Pizzagirl50

Everything in moderation and you should be fine. This has to be a lifestyle you can live with and we know that friends and social times are part of life. I go out once a week with my friends and "indulge" (which means make good choices but don't let the fact that it's not as healthy as homemade food bother me) and I'm content. My friends are very supportive so that helps as well, when I say no thanks they leave it alone Best of luck to you!

douglasmobbs

judging by what you have said can people of standard BMI have a social life?

I think they can and they do, I certainly remember quite a few thin to normal sized people out when I used to go out on the town at the weekend.

If you have been overdoing it and overweight you have to cut back to reduce weight, don't worry it wont have to be forever. I am sure what people of standard BMI do is have days with more calories and then days with fewer calories and things balance out.

vljensen6

I have a low calorie limit since I'm short and it used to be hard for me, sometimes it still is. It's about making good choices (I rarely eat salads for my entree, but I do avoid carbs for side items-ask for a second helping of steamed veggies instead of fries or potatoes), portioning, and allowing yourself a cheat day every now and then. I may not be losing at the same rate as other people, but I am steadily losing around a pound a week. About every 2-3 weeks I allow myself a "fat girl" day where I eat what I want and don't count calories and don't feel guilty about it; I enjoy everything that I eat and relish it. Cheat days can also be good for putting a jolt in your metabolism. Remember, if this is really a lifestyle change, you need to learn to fit those days in your life and just balance with extra exercise, lower calories spread out throughout the week, and not guilting yourself! HTH and good luck!

So true! A diet is supposed to help you lose weight, not your social life. There are definitely healthy options, but if you don't allow yourself those little cheats every once in a while, you're a lot more likely to 'fall off the wagon.' a Tip one of my professors told me in college that worked well for me then was: "If you want to eat something, wait 30 minutes. If you still want it then, eat a small portion of it. There's no sense in denying what you really want, but you don't have to eat an entire bag of cheetos either."

2Bgoddess

It helps that many of my friends are also trying to be mindful of their choices. Often now, some of them wait to see what i order cuz they know i have searched their menu online beforehand and will order what I do!

That said, sometimes I order wings.i have a cheat now andthen so Idon'tfeel deprived, and try to throw in a bigger workout to offset the damage. Today will be pizza andoreo birthday cake for my 11 year old's b day, so i will swim for an hour or two.

Come to think of it, try introducing an activity as the social thing rather than just sitting and eating. My friends and I meet for casual walks or bikerides, or we go dancing.

shmatichka

Was just thinking the same thing. Going out for dinner tonight and I'm not sure how many things I can say no to before sounding rude.

sionnain

I don't find it to be incredibly difficult, just keep making smart choices. When I go out I'll have vodka/diet drinks, hummus/pita or some other kind of veggies. If you get a salad get a sensible dressing. Just don't forget about your diet when you're out with your friends!

LorinaLynn

Would eating a little bit less just once or twice a week make you lose weight? No. So eating a little extra just once or twice a week isn't going to make you gain or fall off the wagon... UNLESS you let yourself believe that you somehow screwed up and continue on a binge.

Go with the 80/20 rule. If you're eating on plan 80% of the time, you can relax a little on the other 20%.

Look at it by weekly totals. If you're aiming to lose one pound a week, you have a weekly calorie deficit of 3500 calories.

Even if you go over your allotted calories by 250 calories, twice a week, you'll still have a weekly deficit of 3000 calories. So instead of losing one pound a week, you'll lose .85 pounds a week. Or in three months time, you'll lose 10 pounds instead of 12 pounds. Is that two pounds difference really worth giving up a social life? Not to me.

Plus, you can always earn some extra calories from exercise and/or budget your calories for planned splurges.

kristarablue

Please forgive how evil I am going to sound, I can assure you it is not meant to sound that way....however...girl you need to make a choice...period. Choose to lose weight or be social (eating)...I am not fully comprehending why you can't be social and make good choices. Why look at the salad as boring? (note many salads in restaurants have a higher calorie content than other foods). Why is it bad to have a glass of wine and please forgive me, but no one MAKES you have a second glass, this is of your choosing which is fine, there is no problem in that, but own it. It is ok to go over calories once in a while, but log it and own it. This is a lifestyle truly; we know diets don't work long-term, it is best not to think of it as a diet. Who knows by you making good choices while out with your coworkers and being happy about it, you may inspire others to lead a healthy lifestyle. If they are not supportive, don't complain about it, this is YOUR life not theirs, only YOU can make the right choices for you. But a little piece of advice..don't complain about it, yes it is hard but it is your state of mind that will make you succeed long term not your "diet". It is not a burden, embrace your good choices and honestly does the thought of all your other coworkers getting heart disease or becoming more obese while eating things laden in too many bad fats or cholesterol really that appealing...just a thought…only you can choose good things for yourself…would you want your mother/sister/daughter/friend/loved one to choose healthy, if you answer yes, why not treat yourself as good as you would treat them.

LaurenMichelle004

This is definitely something that is hard. But, you can do it... like everyone said, there will be times that you go over, just don't be too hard on yourself. But, it is an opportunity for you to test yourself. Last night, I went out for a friend's birthday... but I was able to put in a little more exercise during the day and then I drank firefly and water (actually pretty good) instead of my normal beer. Each time, just try to make smarter choices that you can live with, it does get easier once you start to do it! Good luck though - that is something I definitely struggle with as well.

jennifer52484

You have to change the way you look at it. If you continue to think its ruining your social life, you will probably fail. It's a lifestyle change. You modify it to fit what you need to do. It might be drastic at first because you need to get a handle on what you are doing. For me it was not going out to restaurants for the first few months of my "diet" because i was afraid i wouldn't be able to eat anything. Then once i became comfortable with what i was doing, i knew what i could and could not eat. So what if everyone at your table is chowing down on nachos, why should you feel pressure to eat those. You should be thinking about how amazing you will look after all your hard work has paid off.

lynngallo11

I deal with this same battle, but you can have the best of both. Just be good for the majority of the week and then have that cheat day. You should have at least one cheat day in your week and don't beat yourself up over it. Also bump up the cardio the morning before you go out. This is why it is a lifestyle change, not a diet. You can't be on a diet forever? Can you? Have fun tonight...I know I will be, LOL! :drinker:

sjv1966

Yes -- this is really one of the toughest things. Sometimes honestly I will lie and say "I had a big lunch" or "I ate lunch late" so they don't wonder why I am only eating half my meal.

Another strategy is budgeting. For example though a blue cheese burger and fries would totally bust my calorie goal a burger with a salad on the side is do-able as long as I keep things modest the rest of the day. So if I know I am going out that night and a blue cheese burger is what I want I will make sure I save enough calories for it, skip the appetizers and desserts and get the salad.

Drinking is the toughest because you are right it adds up -- plus it can lower your resolve to stick with your other limits AND make you want to eat more the next day. That being said -- two glasses of wine is do-able as long as you plan ahead and make sure you save enough calories.

Another great strategy -- try to suggest social activities with your friends that don't revolve around food and drinking. The other night I was going out with the girls -- one person suggested we go to an all you can eat buffet, another person suggested we meet for a quick dinner and then go to a movie. Which one do you think I voted for?

Or better yet -- try to plan active things to do with your friends, like meeting to go for a walk in the park or taking a belly dancing class together or go swimming or whatever. Then if there is still food involved before or after you will be working it off!

The best yet is if possible share your goals with your friends. In my experience you will have some friends who are extremely supportive and might even be relieved because they too struggle with weight and getting active and would be THRILLED to spend time with you walking in the park instead of gorging at restaurants. And you will have some friends who will become defensive and try to talk you out of it or sabotage you. If you are like me you will still stay friends with them but probably just won't hang out as often.

And yes of course there will be those "cheat days" or whatever. But one of my big problems with weight loss before was that there was constantly some "special occasion" where I felt it was okay to eat whatever I wanted. "Special occasions" need to be once a month max not every other day!

The honest truth is that though you can have a social life and a healthy lifestyle it will never be quite the same as it was before. But it can actually be BETTER because it will be a social life that supports and promotes your other goals and with luck makes your friends happier and healthier too.

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One final note -- yeah the olive oil thing drives me nuts too! I used to love it but now that I know the calories it kind of grosses me out.

ChristineS_51

I don't have a social life :sad: but there are times where I need to make choices, sometimes I choose to eat something that would be considered "bad" (eg caramel mud cake on Friday - morning tea at work from a co-oworker) but I looked at the calories panel on the box and then DECIDED I would eat it, and work around to fit in my day. I must say I didn't really enjoy it all that much anyway, it wasn't really worth the calories! WIne, now that would be another thing altogether, love wine. Maybe drink 1 wine / 1 tonic water or water with ice / then 1 wine, makes it spread out.
Slim people have social lives too, so watch what the skinny people eat? Just make wise choices / small serves / dressings etc on the side / eat half what is given to you / say "Oh I am full" (your brain will believe you too!)
As others have said, this is not something you "go" on; this is a lifestyle change so you need to get some strategies in place so you can still enjoy your life.
Have fun at your next outing let us know how you go

ElizabethRoad

I go out all the time and I always manage to fit it into my calories. I don't understand why you can't? Have a light breakfast and lunch and then eat half of a regular entree - which is usually plenty.

wurgin

This is what I do. Track it honestly as possible, and excersize and be extra mindful for the follwoing days to compensate. Pounds are added or lost as a gradual process... you have time to burn the cals off.

I also do not snack prior to going out for dinner to give myself the max wiggle room.

It is possible. Going over can slow things down but will not stop your porcess unless you let it.

jaks97

This is a lifestyle change, not a diet. A shame you can't make healthy choices, and so what if you drink one or 2 glasses of wine, move on to the next day. No reason to deprive yourself of life and regret the chance to be with friends and family. Life is Short make the best of it. IMHO

Athijade

I go out all the time and I always manage to fit it into my calories. I don't understand why you can't? Have a light breakfast and lunch and then eat half of a regular entree - which is usually plenty.

I eat out 1-2 times a week and do just fine. I have lost 17 lbs so far (and many inches) and am losing just about 1lb a week.

To me, this is not a diet. This is a lifestyle... and that lifestyle is going to including eating out, enjoying myself, and splurging every so often. This change has to fit IN my lifestyle or it will not work. Period. Usually my splurge comes on a Saturday because I am often out and about and get lunch with someone.

So my suggestion is this... go out and have fun. Take a few hours and don't worry about a glass of wine or a dessert. Relax and enjoy your time out. No single day is going to make you gain weight or destroy all your work.

pinkminy

a bit of planning and a bit of will power and discipline .
enjoy yourself ,a couple of drinks and a bit of nice food whithout going overboard
choose low cal / small servings.and diet drinks
if you do go a bit over then you just need to have a couple of really low cal days to follow up.so your weekly average works out good
Enjoy the people and the event that's why your socialising its about the people not the food / drinks,
you don't need tons of booze to have a gr8 time, ....and no hangovers the next day;

RachelsReboot

It is hard but you just have to be prepared. When I know I am going out and going to be eating I pack a bag. Usually it's like this

Mio-for water
Small container of salad dressing(this is what usually kills me)
Josephs low carb pita in a ziplock bag.
If I am going to a bbq place I take my own sauce
Protein bar
Bag of peanuts
Beef jerky

Please believe I am not above pulling any of these things out in a restaurant or at a party. My friends think I am a little eccentric but who cares. This is my body and my job to take care of it. I don't tell them what to eat or what to do and they can't tell me. I have only once had someone say anything to me at a restaurant and I just politely informed them that while I loved their establishment, I don't feel as if they have adequate healthy food choices but I was making it work just fine so that I could enjoy a meal with my friends. He seemed a little shocked that I wasn't ashamed or didn't move to put my pita away and he went about his business.

shellyt1

You can do both and just plan for the occasions. Plan on goal weight to let yourself enjoy a treat. I'm doing that with pizza and if this week goes the way I want next Sat. I will be enjoying! You can do both just stay strong!

Jazziemay

I find I have this problem too. I try really hard to eat low carb, and stay under my carbs for the day. But lately, I have been eating all the wrong things. because it's easier. on weekends, friends are having a few beer. So I drink one or two, but I do go for the Micolob ultra, or skinny girl margarita whick are both low carb, but the food is what always gets me. I do real good all week long then on weekend I think I gain two pounds. I guess we just have to continue to eat healthy, but salad to me gets boring after a while, I try to spice it up with ham, cheese, and cucumbers, but I so want more. But I think we can stick to our goals we just have to set our mind frame to it.

Lift_This_

I wouldn't give up having fun. Yes we are all here to lose weight and get healthy, but we can't be a stick in the mud all the time. You are allowed to have days when you go over calories or eat "unhealthy."- if we didn't we would be boring and hermits. If get invited out and know so in advance I try to get a quick workout in that day or I say screw it, have fun and go right back to healthy eating the next day.

missigus

Like everyone said, it's balance and lifestyle change. If you go out a lot, Exercise more on the days your going out. If I know i am going out that night, I skip breakfast (which I do a lot- not hungry anyway) eat a small salad and piece of tilapia or some turkey slices for lunch, and then when out, order my glass of wine, more fish or chicken type dish with steamed veggies for dinner and then eat half that, take the rest home for lunch the next day. Adjust for the situations, plan ahead. If you only go out once a week or less, then I'd just enjoy it and get back on track the next day and add in a longer workout.

Also, I don't hesitate to tell people that I'd love to have some of the appetizer, bread whatever...but that i am trying to knock off a few pounds- so i gotta be good. Most people get it and don't pressure. If some one puts something on my plate dispite it, or refills my glass it sits there. I don't feel bad about it, I don't feel boring, It is just me empowering myself to say no.

It boils down to how bad you want it. The weight loss, the health. We all love going out having fun, but i try to look at it as a social experience, not so much a food and drink experience.

EmmieSu

Restricting myself to the I-can't-have-that-it's-not-on-my-diet, NEVER works! A change in lifestyle is what works for me. So, saying that...have your social life and know that you have to make up the difference else where. Plan your meal ahead of time, so your prepared, Know the menu to make the best choices, and allow yourself to enjoy what want but know your limits. Eating a banana, apple, salad or a 16 oz glass of water can also fill you up before hand, and if you listen to your body, you won't over indulge.