Bad relationship with parents ):

Spinelli2288

I know how you feel. :frown: I haven't spoken to my father in over a year, and I barely speak to my mother. I stopped trying to find a relationship with them and realized that they will never change. It was one of the hardest things I've had to face and accept, but I'm happy. I have my boyfriend and his wonderful seven year old son...... they are my family now. They are the family I should have had all along. We all love, support, and take care of one another, it's us against the world. It took me twenty three years to have this family feeling. I hate the fact that I'm happy without a relationship with my parents, but.... it is what it is.

SunnyAndrsn

Anyone else have a bad relationship with their parent/s ??
My mom and I have a very complex relationship..
My mom struggles with addiction and it has just ruined our relationship.
I can't trust her and it's interfering with my efforts to lose weight and be this healthy happy
Person I so badly want to be! I live with her and my siblings and it's just so hard on me.
Sometimes I ask myself why I even try to lose weight? Like I don't deserve it.
I don't know what to do? Every time I feel a little better about myself, it goes to crap.

Can any of you relate?

Please no judgemental or rude comments..

No judgments here. Sorry for the crappy relationship stuff. I'd recommend a therapist--in all sincerity and honesty. Someone who can help you establish boundaries with your mom and help you deal with her addiction. It can also help you prioritize yourself, your health, and your self esteem.

Peace

Qarol

Yes. I wish I could say it gets easier.

But you do deserve better. Never forget that.

spelts2012

I just want to say that you deserve to be happy and healthy. Please remember that as selfish as it sound you need to do you....If you cant take of you there will come a time where you'll see that you wont be able to care for anyone else. I hope you see that with all these comments that YOU are special and YOU do deserve everything life has to offer with or without the help or support of your mother. Just try to seperate yourself as much as possible ok. Good luck to you and I will keep you in my thoughts and will look forward to new posts from you.

mdsjmom98

My folks are both deceased, but when my dad was still alive, he emotionally abused me. Told me I was never worth anything, that the "best" I could hope to accomplish is to "lay down and spread my legs" for some rich doctor. As a result of those constant hateful words, my confidence level has never been that great. I can see totally where you are coming from. Our parents actions affect our outlook, and attitude on life. But I really hope you are able to ignore it and make your life what you want it to be. It's YOUR life, YOUR choices. Do what YOU want! You have to live with yourself the rest of your life, make it what you want. Best wishes!!

lorro

I can't trust her and it's interfering with my efforts to lose weight and be this healthy happy
Person I so badly want to be! I live with her and my siblings and it's just so hard on me.
Sometimes I ask myself why I even try to lose weight? Like I don't deserve it.
I don't know what to do? Every time I feel a little better about myself, it goes to crap.

Can any of you relate?

In situations like this, it sometimes helps to realise that the old way of thinking (I don't deserve happiness) actually helped ease your path through childhood. To have thought otherwise and expected more may have increased the level of conflict at home. Children are remarkably adept at reading the emotional tone in a household, automatically lowering their profile and fitting in when it helps keep them safer and more secure - even if the cost is feeling bad about themselves.

This is an old record, your happy future is entirely yours to create. You won't live at home forever. Try seeing weight loss and feeling a little better about yourself (even when it goes to crap) as the first steps in a new. healthier way of life and make active plans for your future away from home, even if they are some way off. It's very common for trust issues of this type to get mapped on to other relationships, if you notice this happening then please get help as these patterns of relating to others can be changed. Working on improving your self esteem is a wise investment too. There are some great online course, please let me know if you'd like me to post a link.

As with your weight loss, it sounds like you are on the right track - the most important step is behind you - deciding to make the change. We all get discouraged from time to time and need encouraging words, as you have sought here. You're doing fine, this is a hard road but you are on the right path Don't give up :flowerforyou:

entropy83

Sorry to hear that, unfortunately you will have to be a parent to yourself. I mean this is the most sincere way. Parents are supposed to give you the ability to see your inherent self-worth. Fortunately, you already know that she will not be supportive so you just have to tap into a source that will give you that support. Don't let your mother stop you from seeking happiness because she is unhappy with herself, You will have to face this core issue whether you live with her or not. At the end of the day and in your life, you will have to be the one to tell yourself you are worth it. Unfortunately, your issue is more common than you think. Good luck and don't feel selfish for putting yourself first, because no one else will.

CoryIda

My father has spent my entire life telling me how worthless I am. I am too ugly/smart/shy/quiet/fat/(insert any and every other insult you can think of) to ever be loveable.

That is a big reason why I struggle so much with my self-image - it is ingrained in me pretty deeply that I am unattractive and unlovable - but I've started learning over the past few years that I have a choice in how I deal with his criticism -
I can believe it and internalize it, and basically live down to his expectations, or
I can acknowledge that, for whatever reason, he has a negative opinion of me that most people, fortunately, don't share.

More often than not, I choose the latter. It is still hard, because parents are SUPPOSED to love you and nurture you, but my father's nasty attitude towards me does not determine my worth as a human being.

Dtho5159

I have a pretty good relationship with my mom.. I had an awesome relationship with my daddy (he died in 2001 when I was 17) However, I have a horrible relationship with my stepfather.. he came into my life when I was 17, 4 months before my daddy died. My parents divorced the year before that. My stepfather was horrible to me when my daddy died because it interfered with their wedding plans. It was a mess and the worst time of my life and 10 years later, I still can't be nice to him

Anyaaaa11

I really appreciate you all taking the time to reply back to me.
I actually got a little teary eyed reading all your responses. It's a shame to
See how many people are affected by addictions and pessimism!
I really don't have many people in my life that I'm close with, but everything
That you've all told me means so much and I don't even know any of you.
I'm just glad I'm not the only one going through this, and to know that those of you who have endured
What I have, have actually made it out alive and happy.

*hugs everyone
Thanks so much

fiberartist219

My mom is an alcoholic, and I only talk to her at Christmas. I might get a letter here or there, but for the most part, we don't talk much. When I do talk to her, it's small talk.

I don't blame my weight gain on her though, other than her genetics. I do second guess myself a lot in life, but I try my best not to let my mom's shenanigans affect me as an adult. Those shenanigans already took enough of my attention when I was a kid, and now that I'm on my own, the buck stops. I always try to write back when she sends me a letter, but if she ever tries to guilt me about something, I'm out.

Anyway, now that I'm done spilling my beans to relate, I think you should get counseling. It helps a lot. It also helps if you have another family member who has your back. My aunt took me in and made sure I went to college. She also checks in on me from time to time just to see how things are going.

Other than that, just do the best you can with your eating and exercise. You deserve to be healthy, and there is no reason for a bad apple to spoil the whole bunch. I'm not saying your mom is a bad apple, but her addictions are, and you don't want her instability to tear you up too.

sunnyday789

If your mother has addiction issues, you may find it helpful to attend AlAnon meetings. The meetings are free and you will find may people who are able maintain a relationship with their loved ones without falling into the insanity of the disease.

Emporor_Augustus

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time. I've also struggled with my relationship with my mother, but definitely nothing so severe. Definitely look into some kind of support group. Even if you can't convince your mother to go, you going yourself could get you some valuable information for coping with her, helping her yourself, or even just feeling a bit better.

Being on here is a good step towards losing weight, and ALWAYS remember you deserve everything you can possibly get out of life. Never lose hope. One person's bad choices does not determine your future. Be the best you can be and maybe your mother will follow your good example.

Show the world that your roots do not affect what blooms on top of the tree.

Artemis726

(((HUGS))) I haven't spoken to my mother in almost 4 years because she was completely toxic to me and my family. It has not been easy at all, but I am 110% healthier for it. That makes me a better person in general and a more stable, happier mom and wife. Sometimes you have to put yourself first, and just have to focus on growing your own garden. I hope you are able to find peace sooner rather than later. :flowerforyou: