Ignorant colleagues who have never had to lose weight

Limajuliet

Good Morning,

I need somewhere to vent this. Sorry in advance if it’s a bit of a rant. And please be nice with your responses, I’m feeling rather delicate!

I have not eaten wheat in about 6 week with an aim to cut out some of the unhealthier aspects of my diet… pizza, pasta, bread (although all eaten in moderation, I think I had some sort of wheat addiction). I have always been sceptical of people with wheat ‘allergies’ but thought I would give it a go just to see what happened. So within a couple of days I felt less bloated, had more energy and generally felt great. I should say that at this point I was already doing regular exercise, but cutting out wheat gave me a great boost.

Fast forwarding a bit, 2 weeks ago I started properly tracking my calories using MFP and so far, so good. I had identified that I had been eating just a little too much to lose any weight, despite all the exercise (which I have been doing regularly now for 3 months).

So yesterday, I had my first wheat in 6 weeks… 2 chocolate biscuits (all with my calorie allowance and as part of a very healthy, balance diet, I hasten to add!). Today, I feel a bit bloated and not so great, so I decided to donate the rest of the packet of (very nice) biscuits to 2 of my male colleagues who don’t know anything about my diet, how much exercise I’m doing etc. So the response for these free biscuits? Colleague: ‘Why do you not want them?’
Me: ‘I’ve stopped eating wheat for 6 weeks and they made me feel grim’
Colleague: ‘Why have you stopped eating wheat?’
Me: ‘To lose weight’
Then I got a torrent of comments, like ‘you shouldn’t eat biscuits, not because they have wheat in them, but because they contain sugar and fat’, ‘just do lots of exercise and eat a balanced diet’, ‘don’t drink fizzy drinks, even diet ones’ Ok, maybe not bad advise, but I felt really attacked because I’ve been tracking EVERYTHING, exercising every day, working really hard and have lost weight and inches but nobody in my office (mostly men) has noticed. I got so much abuse for eating 2 biscuits from people who don’t know or understand what I’m doing. They think that because I’m trying to lose weight, I can never eat a biscuit ever again. Never mind that I’m burning between 200 and 600 cals in the gym/pool/walking every night!

Sorry for the rant folks, but I need some help on dealing with ignorant colleagues who have never had to lose weight, aren’t healthy themselves (i.e. fat skinnies some of whom smoke!)

Thanks for reading (if you haven’t got bored by now and reached for the biscuits yourselves!)
L

Crystalchaos72

Some people just don't "get it".....it isn't about the "diet" it is about the lifestyle change......I would suggest you get tested for "wheat or gluten allergies" because I am NOT a medical proffessional I do not know for sure but it sounds to me that you may have intollerance or allergy to aforementioned items. Get it checked out and as far as the "other people" unfortunately no one can control what they are going to say so I reccommend no justification for your actions. It is quite frankly none of their business. Be strong, be positive to yourself and you will persevere keep up the good work!

Rayman79

I know what you mean, and there is so much ignorance and misinformation out there... I think once you have been part of a community like MFP for a while that, for the most part at least, 'gets it', you forget that others are actually pretty clueless!

Funnily enough, I had three full conversations with different groups of people today who have commented on my progress. I routinely heard comments like 'have you had enough of starving yourself yet' or 'so what plan are you on, wjhat are you allowed to eat'... people seem generally surprised when I say things like this week alone I have had cheesecake, bacon & eggs, been out to restaurants etc.

At first it felt like a bit of a chore explaining that this is not a typical diet, but just a change of lyfestyle... blah blah... Now I tend to feel sorry for their lack of knowledge more than anything else, and use the chance to spruik MFP

chelso0o

to be devil's advocate... they probably thought (wrongfully so) that you were going on a fad diet, or a completely restricitve one....

People like to only get snippets of a story and then draw their own conclusions hastily. It's really frustrating. Just tell them what you told us next time! Or, next time you take cookies into your office to give to people, just say that you didn't like them.... no one will say "oh, you should TRY to like them" they'll just be thankful for the cookies.

Ditchit

Hi L,

I feel for you chick!

Men are generally worse than women at these kinds of things, although many are not, but those who have never had to lose any significant weight will not understand the strength of character it has taken for you to get to the stage you are at.
It sounds like they were just trying to give advice (as my slim boyfriend does) but it either caught you at the wrong time and you took it personally. I did the very same thing until I sat down with him and eventually over a period of time he understood the sacrifices I was making and the daily battle it takes to keep ourselves on track.

If you dont feel supported it can make or break your will power. Sometimes I would feel like 'screw you, I'll show you' and other times I would just feel so depressed. But colleagues arent quite the same as partners.

If you want a biscuit (wheat or otherwise) you have it, in front of them, at home wherever; remember this journey is yours, no-one else's - in a short period of time when you feel more confident because you feel more in control of everything, your emotions may not be so sensitive. I am saying this out of experience, not by judging you I hope you understand?

I have been using MFP for 9 weeks and have lost just under 1 stone. Then last night, I weighed and put on one pound! I was like, how can this have happened. I think I am beginning to build muscle up etc which they say weighs more than fat. So, I had a moment where I felt like poop and then decided that I could do what I would have done before, comfort eat because if i had made all these changes and it wasnt working then why bother, or I could put it down to a blip week and my exercise (which only started walking to work and back 2 weeks ago) is beginning to take effect. My measurements have definitely changed and I feel so much better.

To be honest, I have realised that this process is mine and mine alone. I cannot rely on anyone else to make the changes in my life that I need to. Keep- your head held high, keep going and keep smiling!
You can do it, even with ignorant colleagues. I had a colleague who admitted she was jealous of my progress!!

Good luck, feel free to add me as a friend.
Have a great day

R )

ChristineS_51

Just tell them about the Twinkie diet - :laugh: Some guy went on a diet of cakes / buscuits / doughnuts etc, but kept within his calorie limit - and he lost weight.

I reckon people think if you are losing weight then all you can eat is lettuce & tuna - I must admit I have been there myself. Thank heavens with MFP we can track a wide variety of food, and as long as we come in around our target, then the deficit will lead us to losing weight, especially if we add in a bit of exercise to the mix.

You do what you know works for you, and your reward will be getting healthy, losing weight, and knowing you have control of your own body and choices.

Chairless

you say "thanks for the advice but im on top of what i should and shouldnt be eating and why, enjoy the biscuits"

swthrtsmrf

As mean as this sounds; I say to h--l with them and anyone else who gives you a hard time for this. You are taking charge of your life and making yourself feel good. If they have not noticed your change in appearance or are not supportive of you, then you do not need their attention. Good for you on the lifestyle change. You are lucky that you have figured out what is causing you to feel bloated, etc. Many people have no idea to things like this.

Meant to also say that if you want anyone to notice, go shopping for some new that will reveal a difference. But the plus side of buying something new will make you feel good about yourself as it will probably be smaller than what you were wearing.

fteale

The moral of the story is.....never EVER tell anyone, ever, not even your closest friends and family, that you are trying to lose weight. Just do it, quietly.

fionarama

to be honest they are right. You should listen to them more. Overweight people have quite the idea that "skinny" people get or stay that way by accident, but as you are finding out first hand its a continual balancing act. Foods such as biscuits, crisps, all that junk you basically can't eat at all, or very sparingly, (like one of these once a month) otherwise you won't remain slim.
P:eople get tired of overweight people making excuses such as slow metabolisms (baloney) wheat allergies etc being the cause of the overweight.

sorry if this offends but I struggle to see why you had any of the biscuits if you need to lose weight.

Limajuliet

Thanks folks, I knew I could count on you lot for support and great advice! It’s true, they’ve only got a snippet of info on my new lifestyle, so I either have to tell them everything or nothing (probably the latter) and keep strong knowing that I’m doing the right thing. And once I’m at goal and they ask me how, I’ll tell them I did the butterfield diet:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWgwJfbeCeU

hehehe

mhetzel1983

My father can be like that. He runs marathons. You just have to take it as they are trying to help not hurt. I know it's annoying but you are right when you say they don't understand your take on your diet and you don't owe them an explanation. Just thank them for their advice and move on. :-)

Pinkmaddycat

The moral of the story is.....never EVER tell anyone, ever, not even your closest friends and family, that you are trying to lose weight. Just do it, quietly.

I sometimes actually think is is the way to do it!! If in doubt of people reactions and how supportive people will be. My bf is on and off with how supportive he is depending on his mood although id never be able to hide my effort to lose weight whilst living with him, other people, my step mum for example, it was good because it led to a true NSV the other day.

Ignore and if they say anything else in future just say that thanks but you really dont need any of their advice!!

Keep it up

fteale

to be honest they are right. You should listen to them more. Overweight people have quite the idea that "skinny" people get or stay that way by accident, but as you are finding out first hand its a continual balancing act. Foods such as biscuits, crisps, all that junk you basically can't eat at all, or very sparingly, (like one of these once a month) otherwise you won't remain slim.
P:eople get tired of overweight people making excuses such as slow metabolisms (baloney) wheat allergies etc being the cause of the overweight.

sorry if this offends but I struggle to see why you had any of the biscuits if you need to lose weight.

While I think this is worded a little harshly, there is an element of truth. No one can eat anything and stay thin, those who don't have to actively work at it are those who are lucky enough not to have any interest in things like biscuits/cake etc. People make narky comments about how little I eat and how I don't have to worry about my weight, and while it's true, I don't "worry" I do have to keep an eye on what I eat, and I am one of those lucky ones who has no interest in empty calories at all. I hate biscuits!

Amy911Gray

Right...new boss talks about gaining weight so he can buy suits off the rack...I'm wearing a suit today that I bought 20 lbs ago. Thank God for Safety Pins!

Limajuliet

to be honest they are right. You should listen to them more. Overweight people have quite the idea that "skinny" people get or stay that way by accident, but as you are finding out first hand its a continual balancing act. Foods such as biscuits, crisps, all that junk you basically can't eat at all, or very sparingly, (like one of these once a month) otherwise you won't remain slim.
P:eople get tired of overweight people making excuses such as slow metabolisms (baloney) wheat allergies etc being the cause of the overweight.

sorry if this offends but I struggle to see why you had any of the biscuits if you need to lose weight.

So you've never seen a skinny person eat a biscuit? I'm not making excuses about my metabolism and I didn't say that wheat allergies made you fat (in fact I didn't even say that I have a wheat allergy). I do lots of exercise and eat a very healthy diet (I cook fresh food.) but I was coming in UNDER my calories and I thought a couple of biccies would be ok, as per the calories in/out equation... i.e. I burnt 400 cals yesterday, so 2 x biscuits at 65 cals each isn't exactly a crime.

It seems you're the type of person that I was having a rant about! Just like my colleagues, you know nothing about my diet and exercise (although you would if you had read the info I put in my original post). So thanks for making me feel like s%$t again!

Brighter10

Try to ignore the comments of your work colleagues. It is understandable that their comments were not well received given that you are well informed about good nutrition and exercise. It must have been all the more difficult for you given that the two biscuits that you did allow yourself were eaten as part of a healthy eating plan. In my book actions speak louder than words, so keep up the good work and let your slimmer body 'do the talking'.

xASHYxSMASHYx

to be honest they are right. You should listen to them more. Overweight people have quite the idea that "skinny" people get or stay that way by accident, but as you are finding out first hand its a continual balancing act. Foods such as biscuits, crisps, all that junk you basically can't eat at all, or very sparingly, (like one of these once a month) otherwise you won't remain slim.
P:eople get tired of overweight people making excuses such as slow metabolisms (baloney) wheat allergies etc being the cause of the overweight.

sorry if this offends but I struggle to see why you had any of the biscuits if you need to lose weight.

This comment is really ignorant. You can have biscuits in moderation and still lose weight. As someone else said, you can have anything in moderation and still lose weight. It may not be your preferred method of weight loss, but who are you to judge someone for having a couple of biscuits?
With that being said, yeah there are actually people out there who have naturally fast metabolisms and overactive thyroids and can eat whatever they want and never gain weight. Just because they are skinny, doesn't mean they are healthy. They are called "skinny fat" as the poster said. Meaning that you can be skinny with a high body fat percentage and high cholesterol, etc etc. So you should really do some educating yourself on the subject before you start judging people.

nickmckenna2

I would love to work here! Sounds awesome!!!

xASHYxSMASHYx

to be honest they are right. You should listen to them more. Overweight people have quite the idea that "skinny" people get or stay that way by accident, but as you are finding out first hand its a continual balancing act. Foods such as biscuits, crisps, all that junk you basically can't eat at all, or very sparingly, (like one of these once a month) otherwise you won't remain slim.
P:eople get tired of overweight people making excuses such as slow metabolisms (baloney) wheat allergies etc being the cause of the overweight.

sorry if this offends but I struggle to see why you had any of the biscuits if you need to lose weight.

Oh yea and food allergies are not "baloney." I'd like to see you say that to someone who has had a family member die from a food allergy. Honey, they are very real. And yes so are slow metabolisms. Some people have diseases called metabolic disorders. Do some research because these comments are pathetic. I have no tolerance for people like you.

BruteSquad

I think, as with most posts, people start to lose focus as to what is really going on.

You said they didn't know about your diet. And why should they? If you are losing weight for them, or anyone else, to approve of you there is a bigger issue.

From their perspective, the were probably trying to help. Men, and I am one, have a tendency to try and fix everything. Some men try to fix things they don't know how to fix, (That is why I have a job) that they weren't asked to fix, or are not wished to fix.

Part of the journey of claiming ourselves and having control of our life is to grow a bit thicker skin. The words coming out of other people's mouths can only hurt us if we give them the power to hurt us. If we hold them in higher esteem than ourselves or seek their approval.

You are the only one that matters, and forget what anyone else says; yes even what I say if it doesn't help.

Grammar edit

tuneses

to be honest they are right. You should listen to them more. Overweight people have quite the idea that "skinny" people get or stay that way by accident, but as you are finding out first hand its a continual balancing act. Foods such as biscuits, crisps, all that junk you basically can't eat at all, or very sparingly, (like one of these once a month) otherwise you won't remain slim.
P:eople get tired of overweight people making excuses such as slow metabolisms (baloney) wheat allergies etc being the cause of the overweight.

sorry if this offends but I struggle to see why you had any of the biscuits if you need to lose weight.

Oh yea and food allergies are not "baloney." I'd like to see you say that to someone who has had a family member die from a food allergy. Honey, they are very real. And yes so are slow metabolisms. Some people have diseases called metabolic disorders. Do some research because these comments are pathetic. I have no tolerance for people like you.

A bit harsh but I also read this judgemental comment and didn't want to read your rant about people judging you. I worked in a medical lab and allergies are very real. Wheat allergy is called Celiacs and it's no joke.

MommaKit79

OK, I didnt get a chance to read all of the comments but...I get that a lot too. BUT, SHOCKINGLY, from my Mother-In-Law who, mind you, smokes, is diabetic and still eats/drinks what she shouldnt, is about 100 lbs overweight, if not more, etc. AND, when we go there for dinner while we are watching our calorie intake, she is CONSTANTLY trying to get us to eat more.

Understandably, most of the time, they THINK they are trying to be helpful but, instead, the arent. Instead of saying, "If you dont mind, what are you doing?" or, saying, "I have heard that if you do this..." Or something! But, instead, they think what you are doing isnt right, eventhough you have made progress and they wont see it.

Take their comments with a grain of salt and just move on to prove them WRONG or whatever. NOT saying that what they are saying is wrong or right, BUT, you know what YOU are doing for YOU and what YOu have to do to feel good about YOURSELF.

As for eating the biscuits and another person on here saying you shouldnt have them, It is YOUR decisions to have them and, HELLO, there ARE certain Biscuits that are low calorie or low fat or whatever that you could still eat. Dont let those people make you feel bad either!! Again, only YOU can decide how YOU feel and only YOU can make the decisions as to what you want to eat!!!

HUGS and keep up the good work!! It is a constant battle, mentally and physically for us all!!!!

Limajuliet

I think, as with most posts, people start to lose focus as to what is really going on.

You said they didn't know about your diet. And why should they? If you are losing weight for them, or anyone else, to approve of you there is a bigger issue.

From their perspective, the were probably trying to help. Men, and I am one, have a tendency to try and fix everything. Some men try to fix things they don't know how to fix, (That is why I have a job) that they weren't asked to fix, or are not wished to fix.

Part of the journey of claiming ourselves and having control of our life is to grow a bit thicker skin. The words coming out of other people's mouths can only hurt us if we give them the power to hurt us. If we hold them in higher esteem than ourselves or seek their approval.

You are the only one that matters, and forget what anyone else says; yes even what I say if it doesn't help.

Grammar edit

Thank you, that’s true actually. I work in a team of engineers, so they were probably just trying to fix things. Mixed with an element of wanting to tease me (as the only woman!). Thanks for the advice, I usually do have quite a thick skin, I guess I was just feeling a bit delicate this morning. I need to man up!!

Cindym82

Reminds me of my boyfriend, I love him to death....but death is about what I want to do to him with this diet. My doctor told me to cut out gluetin/wheat for about two weeks to see how I feel because my blood tests came back with a sensitivity and I was having some other health issues....so I've been doing great so far. Never knew what it was like to have feel bloated or have your stomach in knots all the time. So I've been craving non fat frozen yogurt.....ummmm what in that statement is bad?? Well he keeps saying no you're on a diet, like WTF its non fat.....frozen......yogurt!!!! Its like no calories...not like i'm asking for a hot fudge sunday!!!! Some people just don't understand if they have never been in your shoes. And most diets, or life changes, fail if you don't have just something you crave once inwhile. Needless to say I will be getting my non fat frozen yogurt tomorrow and I don't care what anyone has to say about it!!! Good job for all the hard work you have put in, I know it's hard to give up wheat when it's in everything we eat.

YvetteRoy

I know exactly where you are comming from. Unfortunely for me my abuse comes from my very own family...... My grandmother had and undiagnosed overactive thyroid until after giving birth to her 8th child. So naturally she has never been overweight a day of her life (including while she was pregnant with all 10 of her children!!) She is constantly making comments about my flucuating weight and size thru out my life and I try to be understanding of the fact that she doesn't know what it feels like to have to worry about your wieght but it still hurts sometimes. My husband on the other hand, is quite over weight and doesn't try very hard to remedy it -- and is constantly on my back about how much I worry about what kind of shape I am in. I have learned to just keep to myself and do what I need to do for me and not worry about what others are saying about it. If I see that someone isn't supportive of what I am doing then I just don't share the details with them. That is why I am here -- to have people that share my goals to get in shape and won't judge for it. My advice to you would be to not worry about those people in your life that aren't supporting you and try to lean on the people that are.

1953Judith

The Wall Street Journal had an article (yesterday, I think) "Colleagues Who Can Make You Fat". Sorry I'm not computer saavey enough to post the link. The article and comments about it do highlight some of the differing thoughts on workplace and obesity.

My work has a fitness coordinator which has really changed the tone of food in the office for me personally. I have become much stronger, but tactiful in how I handle my food preferences/team building moments in the office. As everybody's workplace is different and each person approaches food and fitness differently, I'm not sure it is worth giving my specific approach. I do feel comfortable recommending that it worth examining how you want to handle the food issues that come up in the normal course of your work world.

Anyway the article's interesting.

RonnieBigGunz

I rarely talk about diet or training to anyone other than my wife or a close friend, because so many people think they are experts, yet they have nothing to show for it. But don't assume that since others are thin that they've always been that way. Others have made comments about me that I don't have to worry about my weight, not knowing that I used to be fat. As far as people noticing, I lost 45lbs a couple of years ago, and no one in my office even noticed, and they've forgotten that the fat me ever existed. That's okay with me.

persian_star

To generalise completely (and yes, I know these aren't always, or even mostly, the truth, but they're generalisations for a reason, they're at least based in truth ;o) men do tend to see a problem and try and fix it. Women like to talk about things (see, total generalisation, but bear with me).

These guys, not having a clue about how hard you've worked, your research and your understanding, heard you were trying to lose weight and immediately started reeling off 'fixes'. Whether out of a genuine desire to help or a need to show off their 'knowledge', they parroted everything they think they know, some of which sounds quite sensible. However, without knowing the context of your not eating wheat and without giving credence to the idea that your knowledge might surpass theirs, they probably didn't realise that what they were saying was going to insult or upset you.

That's my theory, anyway )

I would agree - only tell those who your trust completely for their support that you're trying to lose. Other's reactions are impossible to predict or control, and you never know whether they might say something that would derail or upset you.

Keep up the good work :flowerforyou:

MommaKit79

Yes, while I agree that some people, once they know, can use these situations and conditions as excuses, they are not BALONEY!! Again, like others have said, they are REAL and some people can go YEARS with problems and not know they have real issues! This can cause other problems or cause permanant damage to certain organs and such! I had a friend who tried for YEARS to lose weight and couldnt and, was not financially able to go to the doctors to comp[letely get tested for everything under the sun. She got a sore on her foot that wouldnt heal and finally got put in the hospital and, come to find out, she was diabetic, ended up losing most of her leg, and now she really has a problem with keeping her diabetes under control and exercising is harder because, HELLO, she has a prosthetic and it is harder to work out. She doesnt by FAR use it as an excuse but, HELLO, THINK before you speak. I, myself, have jsut realized that the reason I have been having problems losing weight is because of a thyroid issue! So, while I understand there are some people that DO use their problems as a crutch, not everyone does! They are REAL ISSUES and there are some people that seriously CANT lose some weight because of these issues or whatever.

markpmc

I have a few friends who live the gluten free lifestyle. It's not for me, but they have dropped some serious weight. As for the unsolicited advice from coworkers, just ignore it. Fact is that we're all different in terms of maintenance levels, diet preferences, etc.

Just think XX+lbs in the future when your support from friends will evaporate. You'll look around and realize that you're in better shape than your coworkers. Then then the 'you look skinny' comments will start coming. It's amazing how much pressure hard non-dieting, out of shape people can bring to bear on someone who's being successful with weight loss.

Hang in there and just ignore the fools.