Bitter friend.

dragonsheart84

My mother lives with my husband and I. I have been trying not to buy crap and bring it into the house. I have told her this on numerous occasions and she still brings it in and claims it is for the girls. So the girls have something to eat. yeah right, you want me to stay as big as you are so you can feel better about your own weight issue. When she sees me doing any form of exercise she rolls her eyes. She told me once, I wont change for anyone. I am not about to stop eating what I want to eat to please someone else. Although I do want to look good for my husband, I am doing this for me. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. The lowest adult weight I have been was 207 lbs back in 2007-8 after my daughter was born. I had to have a hysterectomy after that and I was at 215 for a while. My mom moved in and the stress started and I ballooned up to 248 lbs. I don't blame her. I blame myself but I wish she would just support it instead of doing the off handed comments or bringing temptations into the house.

annafonte

People just tend to laugh at what I'm doing. A lot of people roll their eyes. One colleague of mine, behind my back started saying to my friend, why is she calorie counting? If she's on a diet, shouldn't she do this or that?

I'm just leaving people to their own things because they've obviously got nothing else better too do with their lives and concentrate on mine.

Anyways, I'm 8 pounds lighter and better off!

Don't worry, you'll have the last laugh. Unfortunately it is the way life goes and the way people are.!!!

fionarama

That is most likely one of the biggest problems. We wouldn't really go out to eat that much, but we would drink almost every weekend. This weekend we are supposed to go out for St. Pattys day and I know she really wants me to have a drink or two, and I understand if I don't she will most likely be upset about it. Like one of you said I know she's had to make compromises, and I should try and do that for her.

thats it then, it really is alcohol. People who like to drink find drinking buddies. Is called enabling or something isn't it?
You can go out withher and factor in your calories/drinks portion butyou need to tell her you no longer drink like you used to, and you may find you have to see less of her if you want to be successful in your goals.

Tannedtiffers

Yes, and to be honest, for me it is so hard to be around them. When i was first dropping weight they were supportive all the time. Now, since dropping over 120 lbs., hardly ever do I hear anything positive. I'm the one that will send out motivation stuff, wtg texts and just trying to keep positivity going with friends and family and i am the one that feels left out. This has definitely been an emotional rollercoaster for me.

I'm sorry you are having to go through it, but keep your chin up and do what's right for you.

bushidowoman

I'm going to play devil's advocate - think about it from her side. She is used to going out for pizza or ice cream with you and now she can't. The things that you use to do together you no longer want to do. It might feel like you are participating by showing up but it might not feel the same to her. She is most likley feeling neglected. So try a compromise - she wants ice cream so why not suggest a park with an ice cream parlor near by? You get in your exercise in and then order a small treat afterwards. Or if there are nights that you know you are going to go out save up some calories or do an extra work out so you can eat/drink a little more. I'm sure that she won't notice that you aren't eating as much but she will definetly notice if your not ordering anything! And if you are feeling couragous - ask her about it. A simple way to start - "Hey, Since I've been losing weight I've noticed a change in our friendship. I really cherish our friendship and noticed that you seem angry at me. What can I do to make sure that we have fun together but still stick to my goals?"

I personally try to look at things from both perspectives before making rash judgments about jealousy and or she is not your friend...

If you think about it, your changing your life. I am sure somewhere deep down inside of your friend she is happy for you. However, think about it from her side of things. All those things that you two did together, eating out, sharing icecream, being couch potatoes if thats what you did, I dont know....thats all changed. Its a life changer for her too, A change she didnt ask for or anticipate happening. So yes she is bitter and no she is not giving the support you need, but its not because she doesnt love you its just because she was not ready for this change. Try a bit more patience and push her to open up and get it all out, how she feels about all this if you are really that close, if not then just distance yourself and see how that goes.

Just my two cents...who knows I could be wrong but I know change is hard for all people. Not just the person who is changing but for all who are involved in your life.

Ditto these two. I'm doing this lifestyle change as are a few of my friends, but if we say we are having a pizza party, I would be VERY offended if they showed up and didn't order anything. This was a party and not a last minute type deal (the ice cream invite sounds like it was). You should have planned into your allowance a slice or two of pizza. Likewise, if you really want to keep her as a friend (which is for you to decide), maybe pre-plan an ice cream outing that way you know friday night I am having ice cream, I am going to save a few extra calories to make sure I can have a treat.

What you did by going to a pizza party you knew about well in advance and not eating anything, was say "Hey, Jenny. The food you eat just makes you a big fat cow and I don't want any part of it. You can be a big fat cow all by yourself." Sure, you didn't actually say that, but I'm sure she felt very judged.

I personally would budget the pizza into my day and enjoy it with my friend. I've figured out that 2-3 slices of thin crust veggie or cheese pizza with a salad won't ruin my day (the sodium content may make me retain water and appear as though I've gained a pound the next day...it goes away, though.) If my friend wanted to go for ice cream, I might suggest a place that offers frozen yogurt or sorbet.
(This is easier when you have an iphone...there are apps out there, like Dottie's Food Score, that have nutritional information listed for tons of eating establishments. If I'm gonna be traveling or eating with friends, I pull it up and figure out what I'm going to order before I get there. But if you don't have an iphone, you could still Google.)
Not only will you still be enjoying time with your friend, she will see by your example that people don't have to give up everything fun to be healthy.

sam363

That is most likely one of the biggest problems. We wouldn't really go out to eat that much, but we would drink almost every weekend. This weekend we are supposed to go out for St. Pattys day and I know she really wants me to have a drink or two, and I understand if I don't she will most likely be upset about it. Like one of you said I know she's had to make compromises, and I should try and do that for her.

thats it then, it really is alcohol. People who like to drink find drinking buddies. Is called enabling or something isn't it?
You can go out withher and factor in your calories/drinks portion butyou need to tell her you no longer drink like you used to, and you may find you have to see less of her if you want to be successful in your goals.

She does want a drinking buddy! I would want my friend to have a few with me. I wouldn't call it enabling if it's a once in awhile thing. You can compromise and set a limit for yourself and let her know that next weekend you will not be going out. Find a balance for yourself and your friend will respect that. She will love the fact that you are willing to go out and have fun with her this one time. Personally, I would be really disappointed if my friend bailed on me a couple days before.

gertudejekyl

Don't go to food events and not eat anything. Don't make others uncomfortable about their eating by sitting there not eating anything! Just try to eat some and be part of the group or don't go.

Shaz_74

Don't go to food events and not eat anything. Don't make others uncomfortable about their eating by sitting there not eating anything! Just try to eat some and be part of the group or don't go.

^^This.

While losing weight I have to walk a tightrope when it comes to socializing and "social eating."
I eat before going out (like the OP did) but always leave room to have something with the friend(s) and do things like fill up my plate with salad, have thin crust veggie pizza, water instead of soda, etc... I don't even think anyone notices!

I'd feel (and probably look) like a real tool just sitting there while everyone's eating.
It's a balancing act for sure but absolutely necessary for long term health, fitness and keeping friends.