Curious question about weightloss and dating

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DameVenus
DameVenus Posts: 70
in Chit-Chat
If you had interest in someone and told them but they rejected you because you were overweight but after you loss the weight they began showing interest in you would you turn them down or would you be understanding that they just have a preference and you now fit into their criteria?

Personally, I am not at my goal weight yet so I haven't really ran into situation.
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  • SeanIsMyHomeboy
    SeanIsMyHomeboy Posts: 107 Member
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    I would personally revenge smash and then never call them again.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    I would definitely consider dating them. I have a body type that I find attractive and am not interested in dating an overweight man. Hypocritical? I guess so. But I wouldn't expect anyone to be interested in dating me when I was obese, either.
  • vanishingirl77
    vanishingirl77 Posts: 37
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    But I wouldn't expect anyone to be interested in dating me when I was obese, either.

    That's so sad that people think that being obese, overweight, or something disqualifies them from finding love.

    Actually, it pisses me off. I know so many guys who are less interested in a girl's weight than they are about other things about a woman. Unfortunately, people are often so concerned about what everyone else would think of them being in a relationship with a fat person that they ostrasize the fat girl and make her feel worthless.

    edited to add; there's nothing wrong with not being attracted to someone based on their body type. but i feel like no woman should just expect to be alone and that no guy will be interested in her because of her weight. that's sad and it pisses me off that we live in a society that teaches women no one can want them if they are bigger.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    How would you know that they rejected you because you were overweight? Unless they came out and said it, of course, but most people probably don't say, "No, you're fat," when asked for a date.
  • DAM_Fine
    DAM_Fine Posts: 1,292 Member
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    I don't quite think that's what she meant. You might be the most wonderful person in the world, but if the person you're interested in is initially attracted to a different body type, you aren't going to get very far. I was lucky in that I like tall, dark, broody looks and he liked pocket-sized and cute (well, I was 17 when we met, lol), but what if he had preferred statuesque blondes? Even though we are as happy now as we were, would we even have dated if he preferred tall blondes? I doubt it.
  • erin_zuk
    erin_zuk Posts: 226 Member
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    they say revenge is a dish best served cold.

    personally, I'm looking forward to eventually seeing an ex of mine (he didn't break up with me because I was overweight, was unrelated) but I can't wait to see his jaw drop when he sees just what he gave up and can't have back!
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
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    I wouldn't give them the time of day. Not because I would blame them for not being attracted to me...more because the rejection part would hurt my feelings enough to be completely over them. Some people have a dire need to win other's affections, but if someone doesn't like me I tend to get over them quickly.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    It wouldn't make me that mad. I have kind of had a couple of situations like that, and I understand where the person is coming from. If they rejected me rudely, that is one thing. But if they just didn't like me because of me being fat, then I get it.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    I don't quite think that's what she meant. You might be the most wonderful person in the world, but if the person you're interested in is initially attracted to a different body type, you aren't going to get very far. I was lucky in that I like tall, dark, broody looks and he liked pocket-sized and cute (well, I was 17 when we met, lol), but what if he had preferred statuesque blondes? Even though we are as happy now as we were, would we even have dated if he preferred tall blondes? I doubt it.

    That's basically what I meant.

    But I think it's different when you are in a relationship and your SO accepts you when you gain weight as opposed to meeting someone for the first time. Maybe I am shallow, but I like an attractive, athletic man. When I was obese, I didn't have an attractive, athletic body. I used to a long time ago and I do now.

    I don't notice men that don't meet what I find attractive. I don't ignore them, I seriously don't notice them. I am sure that it's the same way when it comes to me, especially when I was obese. I wasn't noticed by men because I wasn't what they were looking for in a woman.
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
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    i wouldnt even friggen talk to them after giving such a shallow reason in the first place
    my boyfriend fell in love with me when i was around 100 lbs
    i am now 180. he still deeply loves me.
    find someone who likes you, not appearences.
  • Dawn200321
    Dawn200321 Posts: 64 Member
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    If I wasnt good enough for them when I was overweight...why should I be good enough for them when I am not???
  • mamalade1
    mamalade1 Posts: 42
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    I have seen this in a friend, and it set up a rather unfortunate dynamic. She liked him, they were friends, he didn't date her until she'd lost a lot of weight.. She came into the relationship feeling like a slightly inferior partner, like she had had to "fix herself" to be up to his standards, and that she was always on a slippery slope with him. It may have caused her to be slightly more clingy and caused him to push her away a bit. Ultimately, they had a (for her) very unsatisfying dating relationship, wherein she always wanted more from him and he wouldn't give it to her. I know this happens without weight issues as well, but I think you have to be very careful about the dynamics.
  • Dogwalker1989
    Dogwalker1989 Posts: 15
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    Depending what the circumstance were.

    Initially some relationships are based on physical attraction.

    If we didn't know eachother that well when I'd shown an interest in them then my weight may have made them rule me out without them staying around long enough to find out if there was more to me that just that.

    But if I'd known them a while and we were close, then they'd be no excuse for dismissing me based on my weight because they would have already known enough about me not to let my weight effect the decision.
  • DameVenus
    DameVenus Posts: 70
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    How would you know that they rejected you because you were overweight? Unless they came out and said it, of course, but most people probably don't say, "No, you're fat," when asked for a date.

    Well that's what I was implying. It doesn't have to be as blunt as that but I have had guys politely come out and say "I'm sorry but I usually date smaller girls."
  • DAM_Fine
    DAM_Fine Posts: 1,292 Member
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    In that case, f**k them - you're too good for them anyway.
  • gangstagirl625
    gangstagirl625 Posts: 187 Member
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    personally i'd get all the free **** i could without giving them the golden ticket...... they suck
  • Sunscreenandsweat
    Sunscreenandsweat Posts: 190 Member
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    I was talking to someone about this today, if a guy doesn't want me when I am at my worst then I don't want them around when I am at my best. I want a relationship where it's more about my personality than my appearance. If I'm not their type before then I just think they're a little shallow and all about appearances.
  • Randomness74
    Randomness74 Posts: 12 Member
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    i would turn the down...if i was not good enough for you then....why would they be good enough for you now???
  • armyangel88
    armyangel88 Posts: 19
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    If I wasnt good enough for them when I was overweight...why should I be good enough for them when I am not???
    I'd agree with this 100%. Why should they have you at your best when they don't want you at your worst? I gained weight like crazy because I put my body into starvation mode (trying like hell to undo this now...not easy at all) but yet my bf still loves me for me.
  • elcieloesazul
    elcieloesazul Posts: 448 Member
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    The time of day has passed. You are the same person; your outsides have just changed. If they can't see your worth the way you are/were, then they don't deserve you either way. You have to love yourself enough to realize you deserve MORE.

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