I want to have another baby but.....

Schnuddelbuddel

I understand it's her choice, and she does have free will. I am just wondering what the motivation behind having kids is for her, she's young, already has 4. Some people are grateful to have 1.

Everybody has different motivations. Some people never want kids. Others feel their life isn't complete before they've a certain number. Either way, her motives to have another child shouldn't concern us. And you may never understand them even if she did explain why.

you're right even if I know her motivation, I may not understand it. Some people want kids for financial gain, some just like to be pregnant, some just like to have little babies all the time.

Well, my reasons for wanting to have another baby have nothing to do with any of the things you just mentioned. And please tell me about this "having a baby for financial gain." Last I checked, babies COST money. lol

here in Europe most countries pay you a monthly amount of 'child benefit' - it's supposed to help you care for your child. The amount varies depending on how many children you have. There are still people out there who think that families have more kids to get more of this 'child benefit'.
I have 4 children, we get child benefit and let me tell you something: it is NOT enough to pay for childcare, let alone all the rest the children need. It is a misconception that it is possible to have children for financial gain. Unless you sell yours? lol... and that's just insane!

XXXMinnieXXX

Makes me mad when people say about having kids for financial gain. Like to know what gain they get! Mine cost me far more than I get. I say have your next one now... U can do it again. If u want 5kids go for it. X

JenMarie8781

All things considered, perhaps it would be better to have the surgery and be content with four children. In a few years, you're going to have four preteens/teens in the house. Oh my. With the diabetes, the uterine condition and the fact that you already have four young children, it just doesn't seem worth it.

Wellll.... my diabetes is completely under control. I have excellent blood sugar readings. And once I have my uterus removed, I won't have uterine issues! So.....

bfbooty

All things considered, perhaps it would be better to have the surgery and be content with four children. In a few years, you're going to have four preteens/teens in the house. Oh my. With the diabetes, the uterine condition and the fact that you already have four young children, it just doesn't seem worth it.

Wellll.... my diabetes is completely under control. I have excellent blood sugar readings. And once I have my uterus removed, I won't have uterine issues! So.....

so...... i think you've answered your own question so go for it, it's clear this is what you want xx

JenMarie8781

All things considered, perhaps it would be better to have the surgery and be content with four children. In a few years, you're going to have four preteens/teens in the house. Oh my. With the diabetes, the uterine condition and the fact that you already have four young children, it just doesn't seem worth it.

Wellll.... my diabetes is completely under control. I have excellent blood sugar readings. And once I have my uterus removed, I won't have uterine issues! So.....

so...... i think you've answered your own question so go for it, it's clear this is what you want xx

= )

MamaEdmund

But joking aside when I hear people say "your eating for two" I didn't take it as most people do, I thought of it as take care of yourself cuz what you eat baby eats.

Man, I wish someone would have told me this with my first! (Hello, 52 more pounds! You can't possibly be a result of three helpings of dessert every day, could you? Didn't think so.) But hey, with breastfeeding and taking my baby for a walk every day, I dropped that weight like a hot potato by the time he was 6 months old.......and having been through three pregnancies already you're smarter than I was then.

And for the record, I'm sure your kids will be world-changers. Fie on anyone who says otherwise! :P

slkehl

Can you breastfeed? Breastfeeding during the first 6 months burns around 170 calories a day, which equates to about a 10 pound loss. If you're overweight, you only need to gain 15-25 pounds anyway, and a lot of that is water weight, so that's a great way to get back to prepregnancy weight.

sorry wrong ebf burns 500 a day :happy:

It's recommended that women meet their added energy requirements for breastfeeding. The milk energy output is 500 calories. 170 calories can be drawn from the mom's fat stores, leading to weight loss, but the remaining 330 should come from food for a milk supply that's high in volume and nutrients. This is especially important during the first two months; definitely not the time for rapid weight loss! You'll lose weight, but it will be gradual-best for you and your baby!

Skeemer118

How about just enjoying the FOUR kids you have now...

She does & that's why she wants another one. But yeah...thanks for that.... :noway:

Skeemer118

How about just enjoying the FOUR kids you have now...

I agree with this in that if there was a reason you wanted to wait in the first place, are you really ready for that last child to come now? I don't think you should torture yourself by waiting for the sake of waiting, but you're discussing this kid like you're not sure if you want to buy a smaller dress now while it's on sale, or later when you fit in it.

All I'm saying is don't impulsively do something that might not be a good choice later. That's never a good plan in my opinion.

I just don't understand why she wants another kid if she already has 4.

That's her choice if her family can give it what it needs, but rushing into it because of current circumstances might not be worth it if she's not completely ready. That's all I'm saying.

I understand it's her choice, and she does have free will. I am just wondering what the motivation behind having kids is for her, she's young, already has 4. Some people are grateful to have 1.

I was an only child and I have always wanted to have a big family... and I want to do it while I'm young! I don't want to still be having babies when I'm in my 30s! But I only want one more..... 5 will be plenty for us!

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone's ridiculous questions.

vettle

what about adoption?

Miss♥Ivi

Talk to your doctor first. If all systems go, have that fifth baby, enjoy the hell out of your children and then go through surgery.

Coming from someone that cannot have kids, I'd love to have the option! So if you can, and you want to, go for it!

IvoryParchment

what about adoption?

What about leave the adoptable children for the childless couples on the waiting lists?

JenMarie8781

what about adoption?

What about leave the adoptable children for the childless couples on the waiting lists?

I have never really considered adoption and I don't think that would be the right choice for me and my family, personally... but why does it have to be "childless couples" who adopt children? Who cares as long as the kids get homes?

UsedToBeHusky

what about adoption?

What about leave the adoptable children for the childless couples on the waiting lists?

Trust me. There are a lot more adoptable children than childless couples. If there really was a long list of childless couples looking to adopt, then there would be no foster homes. You would not have young adults being dumped on the streets by the foster care system.

BiggmamaC

Have you ever thought of adoption? You wouldn't gain weight, would be able to have the surgery and still be able to shower a child with love.

BEST ANSWER!!!! Ding Ding Ding... And no time constraint!:)

ELee0517

I say if you want to have another baby and your doctor says it's safe to do so now, I say DO IT. You are young!!! You'll still have time after having another baby to lose weight & get on track, plus you'll probably feel so much better after having the surgery! And you'll have that one last baby to love & enjoy!

AmiAlcocer

Do it.

Depending on your weight, you won't even need to gain much in pregnancy. It takes around 300 cal/day over maintenance for pregnancy~less in first trimester, more in third trimester, it's an average.

I don't know what your weight loss pattern is post-partum, but for me, I seem to lose 20ish pounds within the first few weeks, counting the baby (and my babies are small 5-6lbers). I tend to gain 30lbs with each pregnancy, so it would leave me 10lbs above my pre-pregnancy weight. For me, 10 extra pounds to lose would make it worth it.

That said, I would talk to your doctor about stuff like the mirena. I'm guessing from your post that the time before having your fifth was due to wanting to be at goal weight? If so, I understand how important that is. If there are no short term methods for avoiding a hysterectomy, I would talk to your doctor about how to manage weight gain during pregnancy. Starting the diabetes diet while pregnant seems to slow down/stop weight gain in a lot of women. Make a plan with your gynecologist, find out your options, and then make a decision.

IvoryParchment

Trust me. There are a lot more adoptable children than childless couples. If there really was a long list of childless couples looking to adopt, then there would be no foster homes. You would not have young adults being dumped on the streets by the foster care system.

It's not that easy. I have several friends who have gone through it. They ended up adopting from Asia, because there were no healthy newborns in the US.

Adopting an older child from foster care requires a special family. If you read those descriptions in the paper about the kids who want to be adopted, they often have little phrases like "struggling to overcome feelings of rejection," or, "recommend a home where she will be the youngest or only child." Reactive attachment disorder or fetal alcohol syndrome can be more than parents can handle, let alone younger children.

UsedToBeHusky

Trust me. There are a lot more adoptable children than childless couples. If there really was a long list of childless couples looking to adopt, then there would be no foster homes. You would not have young adults being dumped on the streets by the foster care system.

It's not that easy. I have several friends who have gone through it. They ended up adopting from Asia, because there were no healthy newborns in the US.

Adopting an older child from foster care requires a special family. If you read those descriptions in the paper about the kids who want to be adopted, they often have little phrases like "struggling to overcome feelings of rejection," or, "recommend a home where she will be the youngest or only child." Reactive attachment disorder or fetal alcohol syndrome can be more than parents can handle, let alone younger children.

All parents face challenges like that even with their own natural born children. If an individual can't accept a child for who they are, then maybe they aren't that desperate to be a parent.

JMarigold

Trust me. There are a lot more adoptable children than childless couples. If there really was a long list of childless couples looking to adopt, then there would be no foster homes. You would not have young adults being dumped on the streets by the foster care system.

It's not that easy. I have several friends who have gone through it. They ended up adopting from Asia, because there were no healthy newborns in the US.

Adopting an older child from foster care requires a special family. If you read those descriptions in the paper about the kids who want to be adopted, they often have little phrases like "struggling to overcome feelings of rejection," or, "recommend a home where she will be the youngest or only child." Reactive attachment disorder or fetal alcohol syndrome can be more than parents can handle, let alone younger children.

You are exactly right. Those children over 1 year of age waiting to be adopted need more love and attention than most kids and it does take a strong person to do this--but maybe if you are a person who really loves kids then it makes it all the more worthwhile?

JMarigold

As to the original OP. I'd say if you really want another one. Go ahead now.

That said, four kids is still a big family. My mother did her best but paying attention to even 4 kids was a huge job and yeah SOME kids from large families may end up feeling neglected and/or unloved at times. I know this from personal experience. Just something to consider.

brian1229

How about just enjoying the FOUR kids you have now...

Thank you! You have enough kids. Four by 24?! Focus on keeping them and yourself happy and healthy

JenMarie8781

How about just enjoying the FOUR kids you have now...

Thank you! You have enough kids. Four by 24?! Focus on keeping them and yourself happy and healthy

We are all happy and healthy and my kids would love to have another sibling added to the family. But thanks for your input.... I guess.

ttaylor68913

I've never heard it but I think if you want another child, you should do it now! You can keep up healthy habits during pregnancy, and then the weight will be easier to lose after you deliver.

i wish this thing had a like button.... i agree with this!

ttaylor68913

How about just enjoying the FOUR kids you have now...

Thank you! You have enough kids. Four by 24?! Focus on keeping them and yourself happy and healthy

rude much?! who are you to say she has to many kids

ttaylor68913

random though. this is the 2nd "journal" type site i've used.... on the last one it said that 30 min of sexual activity burns about 130 cal use the baby making to aid weight loss?

JenMarie8781

random though. this is the 2nd "journal" type site i've used.... on the last one it said that 30 min of sexual activity burns about 130 cal use the baby making to aid weight loss?

Thanks but I don't think that would apply in my situation b/c my DH does most of the work in the bedroom!!! LOL

wish21

(BUZZKILL) This world is over populated....you have 4 healthy children. You should feel blessed. There are people out there who cannot have children. There are children starving in orphanages everywhere...I am sorry but I do not support over active procreation just for the sake of doing so...

ha you said it, not me. :drinker:

^ lol - ya your welcome....I'm sure I'l get a *kitten* storm of "you're mean & blah blah...) but I don't care.

Then before that happens, let me just say I could not agree more.

Why'd you even comment on here if you "don't care".?

beccacoug

I totally understand you wanting to wait to add baby #5. I have 4 also (5, 3 yr old twins, almost 2). When you have them back to back like that, it can be crazy. BUT not as crazy as strangers critisizing your want for another child! People are so strange. Anyway, I tend to agree with some of the other folks. If you want your own baby (and you're not a bad person if you don't choose to adopt or pay crazy amounts of money for someone else to carry), then go for it now. I know my limitations and although I do want one more, one more would put me over the edge! But if you and your husband agree on a baby now, have one! You can work out while you're pregnant. My problem while pregnant was always the food - I'm a marketer's wet dream. It's the only time I have an unbearable craving for junk food! You will eventually lose the weight but may be your only shot for that last little soul! Whatever you decide will be the right choice. Good luck!

JenMarie8781

I totally understand you wanting to wait to add baby #5. I have 4 also (5, 3 yr old twins, almost 2). When you have them back to back like that, it can be crazy. BUT not as crazy as strangers critisizing your want for another child! People are so strange. Anyway, I tend to agree with some of the other folks. If you want your own baby (and you're not a bad person if you don't choose to adopt or pay crazy amounts of money for someone else to carry), then go for it now. I know my limitations and although I do want one more, one more would put me over the edge! But if you and your husband agree on a baby now, have one! You can work out while you're pregnant. My problem while pregnant was always the food - I'm a marketer's wet dream. It's the only time I have an unbearable craving for junk food! You will eventually lose the weight but may be your only shot for that last little soul! Whatever you decide will be the right choice. Good luck!

Thanks : )