I want to have another baby but.....

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  • IvoryParchment
    IvoryParchment Posts: 651 Member
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    The world is overpopulated because too many people live in countries where women don't have the right to decide on family size, or because they have such high preventable mortality that even with a large family, parents can't be sure any of their children will live to adulthood. If you want to reduce the world birthrate, work on improving the lives of the intact families in those countries, not just removing the orphaned children. A nation's birthrate is inversely proportional to its standard of living.

    Adoption is not an easy option to pursue. There aren't a lot of healthy infants available for adoption in the US, and many of the countries that have worked with US parents in the past have closed down their adoption channels due to scandals. Or those countries just feel it makes them appear backward, so they'd rather have children languish in orphanages than allow US parents to adopt them.

    Adopting a healthy child takes several years and thousands of dollars for the application process. Many will refuse to place a child in the home of a woman with a medical problem, so she might have to have the hysterectomy before knowing if she will be able to adopt a child. Adopting a child with medical problems or a history of abuse is often not a possibility if one has other young children in the house.

    Have the family size you want. Don't worry about other people having families the size they want, especially when the child is planned for and wanted. Growing up in a large family provides a child a different experience than growing up in a family of one or two children, and this world needs the viewpoints of all those children.
  • JenMarie8781
    JenMarie8781 Posts: 377 Member
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    I'm so sorry you're faced with this situation. All the best of luck & health to you. :) I'm not nearly in the same boat but I lost 25 lbs before getting pregnant & gained it all back during pregnancy. 7 months later I'm 6 lbs shy of my pre pregnancy weight. What it taught me is that if I could do it once, I can do it again. I know the steps to take to being healthy. I know the road to travel & the determination it takes. I think you're actually in a better place to have a child now because you know you can do this weight loss journey. Do you think you could eat somewhat healthy during your pregnancy or maintain some kind of fitness routine? I realize that's easier said than done but it's something you might be able to do. I know my son sure didn't like the broccoli I had been used to eating weekly prior to being pregnant. Lol. For me, I think I would go on & have another child now. If it's your heart's desire to do so, I wouldn't let anything hold me back. You can & will be determined enough to do this again. And don't let anyone here or IRL make you feel selfish for asking yourself this question. You deserve to have all your wonders & thoughts put to rest before you decide to be pregnant again.

    :heart: Good luck!

    Thanks for your reply! I'm 100% sure that if I get pregnant right now, I will maintain my new HEALTHIER eating habits... but I'm still afraid I would gain weight. In my mind, pregnancy equals weight gain.... even though I know it's possible to have a baby and not gain a ton of weight, it still makes me nervous.
  • itsmecarla
    itsmecarla Posts: 1
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    If you did it once, you can do it again! I would think the weight loss would be the easy part of five kids! Good luck. By the way, I am a mother of two and I gained 70 pounds during my first and 60 during my second pregnancy and lost it both times. You can do it.
  • sunrise611
    sunrise611 Posts: 1,850 Member
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    Wow, you already have a lot of kids ... good luck with your decision!

    The little girl in your profile pic is adorable!
  • JenMarie8781
    JenMarie8781 Posts: 377 Member
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    What does your dr say? I see you also have type 2 Diabetes. You will need to be very closely watched during a pregnancy. Then along with your dh and dr weigh the risks and rewards.

    My doctor has already told me that my condition will not reduce the chances of me being able to get pregnant again. That's as much as she has said on the subject. I go for my yearly "check up" on the 21st and I'm gonna talk to her about it.
  • JenMarie8781
    JenMarie8781 Posts: 377 Member
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    Being pregnant doesn't mean you have to blow up like a balloon! You can continue to exercise and eat properly and really gain very little. I only gained 20 lbs with my last pregnancy because I had gestational diabetes and followed a diabetic diet and continues to exercise. If another baby is what you want, that baby should take priority over being 'at your goal weight' since you're so close. Go for it - get making a baby. You won't regret it!

    Thanks for the reply. I know I don't HAVE to gain a bunch of weight but it still makes me nervous. When I was pregnant with my first and second, I barely gained any but when I was pregnant with the twins I gained about 50-60 pounds. But that was my own fault... I gave in to my cravings. lol. So I know what to do to avoid the weight gain but still.... it just makes me nervous!
  • jess_blonde
    jess_blonde Posts: 229 Member
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    Have you discussed less invasive/drastic treatment options with your doctor?

    I don't know anything about adneomyosis except what I read on the Mayo Clinic site a few minutes ago but it looks like progestin only (or to a lesser extent combined hormonal) contraceptives may be somewhat effective in the treatment of symptoms.

    The Mirena IUS is frequently used to treat endo, so I can imagine it might be useful in adenomyosis as well (by preventing the thickening of the endometrium). A progestin only pill would have the same effect just with more maintenance on your part (remembering to take a pill every day versus no maintenance whatsoever with a Mirena).
  • JenMarie8781
    JenMarie8781 Posts: 377 Member
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    How about just enjoying the FOUR kids you have now...

    I am very happy that I have my kids and I couldn't imagine living without them. Wanting to have another baby doesn't mean I don't love or "enjoy" the kids I already have. I didn't realize there was a limit on how many kids someone should have.
  • JenMarie8781
    JenMarie8781 Posts: 377 Member
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    How about just enjoying the FOUR kids you have now...
    Or adding one more, and enjoying the FIVE :smile:

    = )
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    Can you breastfeed? Breastfeeding during the first 6 months burns around 170 calories a day, which equates to about a 10 pound loss. If you're overweight, you only need to gain 15-25 pounds anyway, and a lot of that is water weight, so that's a great way to get back to prepregnancy weight.
  • deadstarsunburn
    deadstarsunburn Posts: 1,337 Member
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    Have you ever thought of adoption? You wouldn't gain weight, would be able to have the surgery and still be able to shower a child with love.

    ^ should definitely be in consideration.

    I also agree =] all the children that may grow up without a loving family like you're kids are so lucky to have <3

    *Here's what I would consider lol....Can I put 5 children through college?
  • bfbooty
    bfbooty Posts: 189 Member
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    How about just enjoying the FOUR kids you have now...

    I am very happy that I have my kids and I couldn't imagine living without them. Wanting to have another baby doesn't mean I don't love or "enjoy" the kids I already have. I didn't realize there was a limit on how many kids someone should have.

    there isn't a limit so ignore negative comments like this, no one has the right to comment on how many kids you have so long as you love them and support them that's all that matters.
  • bfbooty
    bfbooty Posts: 189 Member
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    Can you breastfeed? Breastfeeding during the first 6 months burns around 170 calories a day, which equates to about a 10 pound loss. If you're overweight, you only need to gain 15-25 pounds anyway, and a lot of that is water weight, so that's a great way to get back to prepregnancy weight.

    sorry wrong ebf burns 500 a day :happy:
  • JenMarie8781
    JenMarie8781 Posts: 377 Member
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    How about just enjoying the FOUR kids you have now...

    I agree with this in that if there was a reason you wanted to wait in the first place, are you really ready for that last child to come now? I don't think you should torture yourself by waiting for the sake of waiting, but you're discussing this kid like you're not sure if you want to buy a smaller dress now while it's on sale, or later when you fit in it.

    All I'm saying is don't impulsively do something that might not be a good choice later. That's never a good plan in my opinion.

    I just don't understand why she wants another kid if she already has 4.

    That's her choice if her family can give it what it needs, but rushing into it because of current circumstances might not be worth it if she's not completely ready. That's all I'm saying.

    I understand it's her choice, and she does have free will. I am just wondering what the motivation behind having kids is for her, she's young, already has 4. Some people are grateful to have 1.

    I was an only child and I have always wanted to have a big family... and I want to do it while I'm young! I don't want to still be having babies when I'm in my 30s! But I only want one more..... 5 will be plenty for us!
  • JenMarie8781
    JenMarie8781 Posts: 377 Member
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    Hey, i'm not a doctor, but i'm doing a master's in health science.

    I actually did a project about adenomyosis for grad school. There's a very small amount of research into the use of an IUD such as mirena to treat adenomyosis, you could ask your doctor about this as another option.

    So what else do you know about it? Do you know anything about it's effects on fertility? My doctor says it won't stop me from getting pregnant but I still wonder. And also... do you know of any treatments that do help? Besides hysterectomy?
  • ThePhoenixRose
    ThePhoenixRose Posts: 1,985 Member
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    I have (had) the same thing. Because of previous medical issues, I had no choices for treatment other than removal of the uterus or live with the pain, headaches, diarrhea, and HEAVY bleeding for 3 weeks of every month. (TMI - sorry!) I had 2 happy, healthy children, so I decided to have the uterus removed. You don't have to have a full hysterectomy, a partial will be enough. You should be able to keep your ovaries so as not to put you into menopause.

    I had the partial hysterectomy, removal of the uterus (which sometimes can include the cervix). My cervix is still intact. That was a choice I made, your doctor will fill you in on benefits of taking the cervix too, or keeping it. I have not regretted this decision for one minute since i had it done. Recovery was fairly easy. I was back to myself fully in a month, but feeling good after only a few days post-op. it's a quick easy out-patient surgery.

    As far as if you should have another baby right now, that's a decision only you and your husband can make. I would recommend not, only because I know the pain you're going through. Good luck to you, no matter what you decide!
  • JenMarie8781
    JenMarie8781 Posts: 377 Member
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    Personally I think your last consideration should be weightloss here. Is having another baby in this condition even safe? How painful will that 9 months be with the condition + pregnancy? I really think this is far more a question to discuss with your doctor for health and your husband for lifestyle than on the boards where we all have different experiences that may have nothing whatsoever to do with what's best for you. If you really do feel you want/need *one* more child, I personally would consider discussing with your husband why you feel that way and if it's worth risking your health over.

    Well, when you're pregnant you don't have periods... so that would not even be an issue. Being pregnant would make the symptoms go away..... until the baby is born anyway. And like I said before... my doctor has already told me that this condition will not interfere with having another baby.
  • chelsearae85
    chelsearae85 Posts: 40
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    First off I'm sorry so many people are being rude about how many kids you have, **** if I could afford it I would be the old woman that lived in a shoe, if you have the funds to have a big happy family good for you your very lucky! now in my experience having a baby is a great way to make yourself get in shape. To start the first 5 months, if your anything like me, you can eat anything and everything you want and not worry about it cuz it comes right back up anyways lol. But joking aside when I hear people say "your eating for two" I didn't take it as most people do, I thought of it as take care of yourself cuz what you eat baby eats. I couldn't workout or be too active while pregnant but I still went home with my healthy newborn baby wearing my pre-prego jeans buttoned and all even after a c-section. I don't know how you feel about bottle vs breast but I nursed and at about 6 months I was a healthy but gross looking 108lbs with my baby topping the charts at every doc visit.
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
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    All things considered, perhaps it would be better to have the surgery and be content with four children. In a few years, you're going to have four preteens/teens in the house. Oh my. With the diabetes, the uterine condition and the fact that you already have four young children, it just doesn't seem worth it.
  • JenMarie8781
    JenMarie8781 Posts: 377 Member
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    I understand it's her choice, and she does have free will. I am just wondering what the motivation behind having kids is for her, she's young, already has 4. Some people are grateful to have 1.

    Everybody has different motivations. Some people never want kids. Others feel their life isn't complete before they've a certain number. Either way, her motives to have another child shouldn't concern us. And you may never understand them even if she did explain why.

    you're right even if I know her motivation, I may not understand it. Some people want kids for financial gain, some just like to be pregnant, some just like to have little babies all the time.

    Well, my reasons for wanting to have another baby have nothing to do with any of the things you just mentioned. And please tell me about this "having a baby for financial gain." Last I checked, babies COST money. lol

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