Is he cheating?

Momkat65

It seems like your guy is hiding this relationship from you, platonic or otherwise. Not good that he is spending so much time talking/texting with someone you are not aware of.
Go with your gut feeling. Keep your pride intact. Be a responsible role model for your child.


In your heart you know the answer. Just having to ask the question speaks volumes.
Best of luck to you.

confuzzledwife

Thank you, I am trying to be careful in handling this considering we have a life together. On one occasion, for example I found a condom in his pocket. Another example is that he was going to a woman's house on the weekends until 3 and 4 in the morning, all the while lying about where he was. Multiple people have seen him with different woman at places like the club, or eating lunch together somewhere. I've read sexually explicit text messages. These all being different women. It's been at least 3 years since anything like that's happened, and I thought we'd moved past it. His call log was only showing a week's worth of calls which I why that's all I know about. I agree that not all woman/man relationships are sexual. He has female friends that I know about and have no problem with. It's the fact that this seems to be a secret. When I used to be the one he called during breaks, now he's calling someone else. And it's throughout the day, sometimes several times a day. I'm absolutely hoping that it's something like you mentioned. I don't want to be naive, and I don't want to throw a relationship away unless I absolutely have to. Thank you for the time you took in responding.

After reading your first post I thought it was probably platonic. But after reading THIS ^ post I feel he's being deceptive. As you said it's being done secretly, and he used to call you during breaks and now he's calling another woman. I have my own marital issues I'm dealing with (as previously posted), so I may not be the right person to even give an opinion, but from what you wrote it seems very shady and I would definitely confront this issue head on and if he's not ready to commit and be monogamous he HAS to let you know it's not fair to you or your child. I'd hate to think of your future, with a second child, and/or being stuck in a situation where you feel trapped.... I feel bad for the situation you're in. :flowerforyou:

sunkisses

I can't say whether or not he's cheating, but at this point - does it matter? As someone who let a whole lot of "discrepancies" slide with the same man - I urge you to stop investing yourself in a relationship that is not yielding positive return. He will finally do the one thing that will be too much. You will have wasted your life with him, and you will have no self-esteem left at that point. You'll stay and get cheated on left and right. He's just building your tolerance up for it now.

lulu9663

I'm gonna set aside the question of the actual cheating for a minute. In talking to this other woman, and seemingly keeping it a secret, he's treating you like you don't matter. He's intentionally doing something he knows he shouldn't be doing, and something that he knows hurts you. He's doing it on purpose, even if she is the one calling him half the time, he's still allowing it. He may not have gone through with the actual cheating part yet, but given the chance to cheat, I bet his willpower won't stand the test.

Now, Let's say he has went over the line already. You have a right to know. He has no right to keep you in a relationship where he treats you like you don't deserve a faithful partner. If he has cheated, I'm sure he will say it was an accident. People don't cheat on accident, they have to look for the opportunity. It's not like he fell, and his p*nis landed in her v*gina. It's an intentional act, one in which he disregards your feelings and your trust. I'm assuming you don't know who this woman is, so you definitely need to know if he's messing around. He could end up bringing home a disease that you can never get rid of.

I think that by the fact that you don't quite trust him is telling. There's a reason you don't trust him. Don't disregard your instincts, they're right most of the time. If he's cheating, by staying, you're just proving that it's okay for this to continue. And him saying that he wants another child is could be a ploy used to throw your focus off the other issues, and make you think he's invested in the relationship. Heck he may be sincere, and not straying, but he's acting awefully suspicious. Also, would you want your child learning this behavior from him? Would you want a son to treat women this way? Would you want a daughter to think that this is the norm?

It's time to make a judgement call. I would flat out ask him if he's cheating. If he is, he'll get all huffy, and won't look you in the eye. And if he does look you in the eye, he won't be able to say a simple: "No." A liar will tack another statement onto it.

You deserve the best. Never settle for anything else.

SweetJoanne

hi at least it sounds like he is only talking, if he was going out all the time then I think you would have case to worry, maybe he is afraid to tell you about her thinking that you will get mad. I would just keep an eye on things and when the time is right ask him about her

tammietifanie

sounds like he's cheating ! or if he hasn't it sure is on his mind...

saragato

Here's how you find out if he's cheating: Ask him. If you don't believe him, ask his friends or any guy you know he hangs around with the majority of the time.

I didn't even read your post, but here's why: I was a member at a large long distance advice/support forum for roughly a year and many of the women when they thought there was infidelity would consult other members. 9 times out of 10 everyone was ready to crucify the man simply because of the thought. A lot of relationships ended from bad advice or from the members consulting other members instead of doing what was constantly being preached--communication.

Basically, if it's enough to bother you and you are finding evidence, concrete or not, that there might be another then you talk to them. It's a hell of a lot better than biding your time and having it drive you nuts because by then you will have lost all trust for him regardless and if you can't trust him, you don't need to be with him.

RockaholicMama

IMO, I don't think he's cheating yet. But, it seems like he's dipping his toes in and toying around with the idea of cheating. Perhaps he's talking more and more with her to see what he can get away with. If it goes on for long I'm sure he'll be emotionally invested. I would just talk to him, lay it all out on the table and tell him you expect honest and straight forward answers.

Chubbyhulagirl

I agree with lulu9663. Especially after all the "discrepancies" youve listed. He most likely cheats on you with random ladies but wants to be with you at the end of the day. I know alot of guys like this and it sucks but according to them, thats life.
You need to take the time to think about yourself and your child. Can you stay with him knowing that he at the bare minimum talks to other women and completely disregards your feelings or opinion in the matter. Some women can look the other way as long as it is discreet but you dont sound like them. If it hurts you now, think of how you will feel if you buy a home, have more children, invest more time/years and you find him fooling around again. Youd have wasted so much of your life. You both need to lay it all out, what you expect from eachother and what you will not tolerate. If you realize he cant be that person, its time to take a break. You have a child together so you will always have a part of eachothers lives and someday things could change and you may end up perfect for eachother. Dont settle if youre sad and unhappy. Dont wait for him to commit the "last straw." That makes things irreparable. Look inward. Not being able to trust him and seeing that he is talking to someone else is no way to live and/or be treated. Im so sorry you are going through this. It is one of the worst feelings in the world, like the ground fell out from under you. No matter what you decide, you will get through this. Good luck!

Articeluvsmemphis

i say if you can't talk with him without him getting upset, there are problems deeper than the texts messages. not saying you can't, but at anytime, you all should be able to confront each other, and if there's nothing to hide, all should be well.

Phoenix1401

I'm sorry to hear about this hun...
I'm going to be real honest...yes he is cheating I know this by experience because Ive been the (other woman) before. Confront him now and talk it out.

jwalker30

Hope everything works out for the best with you

BlueInkDot

I wouldn't dance around it. Just tell him how you feel and ask him to tell you what's up with him and this girl. A straight forward question deserves a straight forward answer.

If I've learned anything from being with my SO, it's that if both people are willing to put their hearts on the table and discuss how they feel in an open, non-aggressive manner, then you can't go wrong. Once one person decides they don't want to make it work, then it won't work anymore.

slkehl

Even if he's not cheating, he should respect that this makes you uncomfortable and stop calling this chick so much. Tell him how it makes you feel.

hesn92

I would just look more into it. If you bring it up and confront him he's just going deny it if there is anything going on...

EBFNP

Usually if it sounds fishy then it is especially if you never met the person.

Fit_and_Healthy

Talking to strangers on the internet instead of the person it involves is the best way to solve an issue.

firesoforion

You totally convinced me that you should be concerned about this. Even if he's not cheating, he should have more respect for your feelings, and I would ask what was up.

bikinibeliever

I wouldn't say a word to him. He'll probably just deny it if he is. Pay close attention and find out for yourself. I wouldn't ask friends

either, they lie for each other all the time. If you feel he is cheating, and you already suspect you have every right to find out, your

health is #1 and his actions could jeopardize it. Good luck to you and I hope for all involved that you find out you are wrong.

Nette_54

If he is talking on the phone to women you don't know several times a day and doesn't tell you about them and you don't know them it doesn't look good, if he hasn't cheated yet then it is going to happen at some time. Having doubts and no trust is no way to start a marriage.