Is he cheating?

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13

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  • Ripken818836701
    Ripken818836701 Posts: 607 Member
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    Does he guard his phone with his life? Pick his phone up by accident and see how he reacts. If he snatches his phone at the speed of light out of your hands he is cheating, If not, its only because their relationship hasnt reached that point yet. If it isnt a big deal when you pick up his phone then he probably doesnt have anything to hide and they are just friends. Hope I dont have to turn in my man card now!
  • Wellsangel
    Wellsangel Posts: 18 Member
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    Does he guard his phone with his life? Pick his phone up by accident and see how he reacts. If he snatches his phone at the speed of light out of your hands he is cheating, If not, its only because their relationship hasnt reached that point yet. If it isnt a big deal when you pick up his phone then he probably doesnt have anything to hide and they are just friends. Hope I dont have to turn in my man card now!


    Oooh very good!...here speaks a man who knows his stuff!
  • Wellsangel
    Wellsangel Posts: 18 Member
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    I ignored it, didn't think he had it in him! thought no one would want him! Then I stumbled across a rather damning letter.....I divorced him, he married her and started a new family!!!!
  • wittlelacey
    wittlelacey Posts: 412 Member
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    From all that you've gathered, it definitely doesn't look good. However, you don't want to be a snoop. I'd say confront him, politely, and if he has nothing to hide then he'll act as he should.

    ^I also like the suggestion about the phone! I strongly suggest you try that.

    Best of luck sweetheart <3
  • grizzlymaze
    grizzlymaze Posts: 185 Member
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    As a man that was once in his shoes, I can say this:

    You should bring this to his attention, but not in an angry way. You both have a child together, and he needs to realize that his actions (even though aren't being seen by the child) affect that child in very way possible. If he has done this in the past, it could be an addiction, and if so, you can't not be mad at him for this but supportive for rehab. When I mention rehab, I am not talking about AA or of the sorts (but those do work) but to find god and ask for his mercy and grace.

    I am a recovering sex addict, and my wife and I have struggled for a very very long time with this, but through forgivness, we have remained together. I have a strong support group that keeps me accountable at www.pornaddiction.com, and it has helped tons. Do I still slip to porn, yes. But that is part of the recovery process! We just need to fight through it.

    Also, I am currently reading the book, "The Resolution for Men." I would highly recommend it to anyone that is a father. It is about how to be the best father possible for your child. A great read!!!

    I hope this helps, don't be afraid to add me as a friend.

    God Bless
  • mgsamuel
    mgsamuel Posts: 9
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    Hi there. I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. But, quite honestly, I think before you begin asking him any questions and seeking for the truth, ask yourself what you will do with the information once you have it. You have been with him for quite a long time, and through all of the "indiscretions" you have stayed in the relationship. If he is cheating, will you stay and continue to be hurt? If he's not, how will you handle his "friendships" with other women? It's really about you and not about him; what you want from the relationship and whether or not he is giving it to you with his whole heart. Yes, there are problems in every relationship but, it's up to you to determine when your boundries have been crossed, to show him what you will and will not tolerate, and how you want to be treated.
  • Purple_Orchid_87
    Purple_Orchid_87 Posts: 517 Member
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    This isn't the first incident, he's been known to talk with females when he shouldn't be, there have been multiple discrepancies throughout the course of our relationship, although it's been a very long time since the last one and has never been anything as serious as me walking in on him or anything that extreme.
    as a woman who has LOADS of male friends, my boyfriend HAS to accept that they ring, and text me all the time, but the conversations are that of friends - sometimes they will ask me girly questions, because they need help with birthday presents, meals out etc. I talk about my male friends to my boyfriend all the time, and yeah, im sure he wonders if anything is happening when he isnt here, but i am a firm believer that if he doesnt trust that I wouldnt do that to him, then we shouldnt be together.

    If i wanted to go off and cheat, trust me, I am the type of person who would tell the other person all the details - there are times that I play in their insecurities and if I want to hurt someone mentally, I will.

    Fact is, if you dont trust him, don't stay with him.

    My mum stayed with my dad through years of physical abuse, for the sake of the kids, and in the end, we both got hurt by our father, and I personally blame my mum for choosing to keep us there - this is different to your situation, but my motto is life is:

    YOU GET WHAT YOU SETTLE FOR

    If i didnt trust someone, I wouldnt settle for that - if that means I never get married, or never have kids, then so be it
  • Tebbspcad
    Tebbspcad Posts: 233
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    If you think he's cheating, he is probably cheating.

    Sorry but I have to agree, your instincts/intuition is rarely wrong and you know when your being played we just try & hide it behind something else. Been through it & realising I didn't need/want him made me so powerful & he confessed & begged me to take him back....I sooooo didn't & it was the best thing I EVER did :)
  • Chrissieneave
    Chrissieneave Posts: 99 Member
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    My Ex boyfriend had a LOT of female friends, I was always a little jealous when i first met him, but he was a very friendly, down to earth person who everyone got along with great, so i eventually just let it be and there was no cheating going on, and why would he have asked me out on a date if he was interested in all these girls, lol.

    It did turn out later (about 3 years into relationship), that he was seeing someone behind my back, i started to notice he would hide my picture in the draw, in his house etc. When i asked about it he just kept shut, strange things like that happened etc. Then he went on holiday to Canada, with his Brother................ his brother turned out to be this girl he was seeing behind my back, i didn't find out till a couple of years later!!! You cant' hide on Facebook, that is for sure, lol.

    I soon got rid of him then, and i always had that gut instinct that he was cheating on me, but suppose always held back because of all the female friends he had!! Remebering back now though, i did find some text messages on his mobile, he came in one night trollied from booze and fell asleep clutching his phone, This woman had sent a text saying i want you now etc etc, he had never replied to her but could have deleted the sent messages before he came home.....

    I don't know what to think of your relationship, as you say that he is supportive, tentative etc. Mine went off having sex with me etc, but i don't think this is always the case with some cheating...

    I would def approach the situation with care, as you have a child involved too. I would maybe sit down one night and have an adult conversation about your concerns etc, and just ask who she is! You never know, it could be a friend who is going through a difficult time in life, who just needs a shoulder to cry on! Good luck with this one, I hope it works out for the best :) x
  • Chrissieneave
    Chrissieneave Posts: 99 Member
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    Also, why would someone suggest buying a house together or having another baby, if he was cheating on you?! That could turn out to be rather messy if you bought a house together, and he ended up cheating!!! Its not really sensible to be wanting to do something like that, IF he is cheating on you x
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
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    Until recently when I split with the other half (due to the fact we just no longer had anything in common) I have been like the OP other half.

    I have a female friend who I chat and call all the time. We get on really well and I tell her all about how i'm feeling etc.

    I've never considered cheating with her, she's a good friend and someone I trust. Just because a man is speaking to a woman, does not mean he's slipping her his pork sword.
  • anima_gemella
    anima_gemella Posts: 243 Member
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    Until recently when I split with the other half (due to the fact we just no longer had anything in common) I have been like the OP other half.

    I have a female friend who I chat and call all the time. We get on really well and I tell her all about how i'm feeling etc.

    I've never considered cheating with her, she's a good friend and someone I trust. Just because a man is speaking to a woman, does not mean he's slipping her his pork sword.

    like
  • Tiff587
    Tiff587 Posts: 264 Member
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    Maybe try and calmly talk to your other half about it, you might be worrying yourself over nothing.

    I have a lot of males friends I talk to a lot, there has never been anything between us. Just because people of different sexes talk does not mean it goes further than that. I have never cheated on a partner and have always been close to my male friends, I talk to them regularly.
    The only thing that would concern me is that you have never heard of her, but it maybe a simple explanation and I would think having been with him for so long it would be worth talking to him before collecting evidence.

    x
  • babigurl86
    babigurl86 Posts: 138
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    I'm gonna set aside the question of the actual cheating for a minute. In talking to this other woman, and seemingly keeping it a secret, he's treating you like you don't matter. He's intentionally doing something he knows he shouldn't be doing, and something that he knows hurts you. He's doing it on purpose, even if she is the one calling him half the time, he's still allowing it. He may not have gone through with the actual cheating part yet, but given the chance to cheat, I bet his willpower won't stand the test.

    Now, Let's say he has went over the line already. You have a right to know. He has no right to keep you in a relationship where he treats you like you don't deserve a faithful partner. If he has cheated, I'm sure he will say it was an accident. People don't cheat on accident, they have to look for the opportunity. It's not like he fell, and his p*nis landed in her v*gina. It's an intentional act, one in which he disregards your feelings and your trust. I'm assuming you don't know who this woman is, so you definitely need to know if he's messing around. He could end up bringing home a disease that you can never get rid of.

    I think that by the fact that you don't quite trust him is telling. There's a reason you don't trust him. Don't disregard your instincts, they're right most of the time. If he's cheating, by staying, you're just proving that it's okay for this to continue. And him saying that he wants another child is could be a ploy used to throw your focus off the other issues, and make you think he's invested in the relationship. Heck he may be sincere, and not straying, but he's acting awefully suspicious. Also, would you want your child learning this behavior from him? Would you want a son to treat women this way? Would you want a daughter to think that this is the norm?

    It's time to make a judgement call. I would flat out ask him if he's cheating. If he is, he'll get all huffy, and won't look you in the eye. And if he does look you in the eye, he won't be able to say a simple: "No." A liar will tack another statement onto it.

    You deserve the best. Never settle for anything else.

    absolutely this^^ i think you have cause for concern,i understand men and women can be friends BUT he has form and is being deceptive just the late night and all day calling alone would p me off,dont invest any more till you know the truth.

    also,see what he does when you touch his phone before asking him.
  • RoboLikes
    RoboLikes Posts: 519 Member
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    Until recently when I split with the other half (due to the fact we just no longer had anything in common) I have been like the OP other half.

    I have a female friend who I chat and call all the time. We get on really well and I tell her all about how i'm feeling etc.

    I've never considered cheating with her, she's a good friend and someone I trust. Just because a man is speaking to a woman, does not mean he's slipping her his pork sword.

    Completely agree.
  • Smuterella
    Smuterella Posts: 1,623 Member
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    The way to find out - mention, very casually, that you know about his new friend and, as they are so close, you'd just love to get to know her yourself. Suggest a drink somewhere, or suggest having her round for dinner . his reaction to this should make things a bit clearer.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
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    Today is my boyfriend and I's 7 year anniversary. We have a 5 year old child together and have been living together for nearly 6 years. Ironically, last night I discovered that he's been talking to another woman on a daily basis, several times a day, usually during every single work break he has. Also, late at night on the weekends. As far as I know it's been going on for at least a week, but I wasn't able to find out any more than that. This isn't the first incident, he's been known to talk with females when he shouldn't be, there have been multiple discrepancies throughout the course of our relationship, although it's been a very long time since the last one and has never been anything as serious as me walking in on him or anything that extreme. He's naturally very outgoing and friendly, and does know a lot of people. I don't know anything else other than they talk on the phone very often and text as well. He hasn't told me anything about her, and she's definitely not a family member.

    We've recently been talking about getting married, buying a home together, and having another baby. I'm torn and don't know what to do. Things have seemed really great and I don't want to jump to conclusions but I also don't want to fool myself. He's very loving, kind, patient, attentive, playful and supportive. He's my best friend. And today we're supposed to be celebrating our relationship and I can't help but act awkward and sad. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Should I confront him, and how? Should I gather more info first? Any advice is much appreciated, thank you.

    This situation doesn't sound good. You need to find out the facts pronto. Also, what do you mean by multiple discrepancies? What was "the last one"?

    Also, it would not be wise given where things are at to consider marriage, home purchase or another baby at this time.

    At the very least, I sense a lack of open communication.
  • DieVixen
    DieVixen Posts: 790 Member
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    If you think he's cheating, he is probably cheating.

    Sorry but I have to agree, your instincts/intuition is rarely wrong and you know when your being played we just try & hide it behind something else. Been through it & realising I didn't need/want him made me so powerful & he confessed & begged me to take him back....I sooooo didn't & it was the best thing I EVER did :)

    Not true at all,some people are just so insecure they ALWAYS think someone is cheating. I had a friend very very devoted to his wife,she always though he was cheating had dreams about it even.He never cheated.
  • Sh1tsRainbows
    Sh1tsRainbows Posts: 1,227 Member
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    if you dont trust him..do not marry him, buy a house with him or have another kid with him!!!!!
  • DarkAngel525
    DarkAngel525 Posts: 135
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    I've had exes with female friends that they talked to, spent time with and it didn't bother me. I also had my last ex who had a few as well, but I found suspicious things on his phone, the condom in the nightstand, etc. Point is, every experience and person is different but YOU remain the same.

    FOLLOW.YOUR.INSTINCTS!!!!!!!!! I know, with my last one, I wish I had

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