Question for the ladies

oldbaptistadam

Lucy, you got some 'splainin' to do....

How do you get your SO to really feel, and believe with certainty, that you find them beautiful...and that they truly are. What is the best way(s) to raise their self esteem. There are times I feel like I'm living in the old 1990's country song, "She Don't Know She's Beautiful."
Got any pointers you are willing to share? Come on now, don't be stingy with the secrets.

AwesomelyAmber

Don't tell her over and over... if you are too repetitive she will not believe you are serious. Stare at her. Seriously (not psycho like ). When I catch my husband looking at me, just looking and smiling, I feel more beautiful than any other time

oldbaptistadam

Don't tell her over and over... if you are too repetitive she will not believe you are serious. Stare at her. Seriously (not psycho like ). When I catch my husband looking at me, just looking and smiling, I feel more beautiful than any other time

Ok....note to self... Close mouth, commence leering.

Carl01

You don`t,just treat her like she is,respect her and love her.

vjrose

I have to admit, the warm fuzzies commence when I see my hubby just looking at me with that little cat that ate the canary grin

giselle9938

Don't tell her over and over... if you are too repetitive she will not believe you are serious. Stare at her. Seriously (not psycho like ). When I catch my husband looking at me, just looking and smiling, I feel more beautiful than any other time

agreed, small details are better than words

Fromtheislands

Sorry to disagree with other poster, but I'd say dont let one day pass without telling her that she is beautiful in one way or another. Pet names are nice too. I never tire of being greeted with "Hi beautiful".

scs143

I think that for her to really believe it, it has to come from inside of her. But, it helps to tell her at times where she feels completely not beautiful. When I get home from running, he thinks I look beautiful. When I first wake up, no makeup, no hair done- he thinks I am beautiful. When I am standing in the kitchen with feeding the kids and looking completely exasperated (I have twins- meal times can be nuts), he thinks I look beautiful. It means a lot more at those times than when I spent an hour attempting to look beautiful.

Pfauxmeh

My husband makes me feel beautiful when he can just hold me and tell me he's so lucky to have me. He makes it about him and how happy he is to be married to his best friend and etc etc. Then again, it's not all about him...don't want to make him out to be a narcissist! XD

I hope I made any sense.

The quiet moments are always best. ^_^

Katiemarie4488

Well, Im a sucker for flowers. Random Tuesday night flowers, with the little card thing, and a note that says something, Smile Beautiful, I Love you!

You can get a bouquet of roses at the grocery store for $25. Heck, you can even get carnations... does not matter... its the thought that counts, and the random suprise.

mandygal13

Grab her and kiss her (really kiss her) for no reason, tell her you love her, and then resume whatever you were doing. It will catch her off guard, and make her feel desirable, sexy and beautiful.

Pinkmaddycat

I agree its about the brief adoring glances, also ever so slight touches of affection that just are not expected or required but done just because he wants to

_snw_

when she does something like, oh, putting clothes in the dryer, grab her forcefully, throw her over the dryer, tear free whatever she's got on and have your way with her. afterwards, when she is looking at you with a bit of surprise on her face, say "sorry - i took one look at you and couldn't help myself."

that usually makes me feel pretty awesome about myself.

skinnywithin

Treat her like a lady. and like the other poster said...A nice inviting smile as she walks by lets her know you think she is beautiful.

Nothing wrong with letting her know when she looks nice or when she smells pretty..we all like to hear it. Oh and sex with the lights on so you can see how amazing she is .

n=make sure she knows that no one could ever hold a candle to her

mandygal13

It means a lot more at those times than when I spent an hour attempting to look beautiful.

But when she does spend an hour attempting to look beautiful, acknowledge that...tell her she looks "exceptionally" beautiful, and you appreciate her.

abnerner

I personally have very very low self-esteem and my boyfriend is always telling me I am beautiful, sexy, hot, etc and I still don't believe him.

I know that HE thinks those things, but I don't believe those things about myself.

I certainly appreciate being told or having little things done to show it, but until I start to feel better about myself, I won't feel these things for myself.

ojell

I agree it's not about what you say...tho that helps. lol I agree with the above comments.

squishycow7

I take it as being the most genuine when it's out of the blue.

during sex? shut up
during a planned, fancy date? whatever.
during a commercial break with my hair a mess, sipping hot cocoa?? I believe him

oldbaptistadam

when she does something like, oh, putting clothes in the dryer, grab her forcefully, throw her over the dryer, tear free whatever she's got on and have your way with her. afterwards, when she is looking at you with a bit of surprise on her face, say "sorry - i took one look at you and couldn't help myself."

that usually makes me feel pretty awesome about myself.

Is there any requirement that the dryer be off, or is it ok if the dryer is still running at the time?

scs143

when she does something like, oh, putting clothes in the dryer, grab her forcefully, throw her over the dryer, tear free whatever she's got on and have your way with her. afterwards, when she is looking at you with a bit of surprise on her face, say "sorry - i took one look at you and couldn't help myself."

that usually makes me feel pretty awesome about myself.

Is there any requirement that the dryer be off, or is it ok if the dryer is still running at the time?

I think the dryer running is an added bonus!

Quel1970

Maybe show her this post? The fact that you went out f your way to figure out how to make her feel beautiful is pretty impressive, IMHO.

I have to agree with the poster that said don't say it over and over, it comes off as insincere. BUT- women are different. When my SO looks at me from across the room with nothing but love and adoration, I MELT!

I know this may seem just absolutely CRAZY.... but how about asking her what makes her feel beautiful?

SeaChele77

I totally agree....Do NOT tell her over and over. She will think you are either trying to hard or feel you *have* to say it. Not that its really true!

Show Her:
Watch her get dressed one morning and just look at her with a slight smile. She'll ask "What?" and you can say with a silly grin and a wink "oh nothing" and walk away- promise she'll get it.
If she is affectionate - give her a hug when she least expects it. Give her a foot massage while watching a movie (of her choice).

Really....its the little things. For me, I dont' want to be told constantly that I'm pretty (while he may think it, its just makes me feel like he's trying to hard) and I do not like flowers or a big occassion. Love the little things!!!

oldbaptistadam

I'm pretty good about telling her - maybe too good. Love to just walk up behind her while she is cooking dinner and wrap my arms around her and whisper what I am thinking. Generally, the reply is a slight smile and a reminder that I am getting in the way of what she is working on. And, I love to walk into the bathroom while she is showering, throw back the curtain, look her up and down, comment inappropriately , ask to be late to work, look appropriately pouty when refused, and then head off to work.
I'm pretty sure she knows what I think about her....but I want her to KNOW that is how she is.
After four kids (one set of twins) and 15 years of marriage, I think she is hotter than when we started dating. Just need her to see herself that way too.

SeaChele77

double post

invisibubble

Don't tell her over and over... if you are too repetitive she will not believe you are serious. Stare at her. Seriously (not psycho like ). When I catch my husband looking at me, just looking and smiling, I feel more beautiful than any other time

Yes, this. Sometimes I'll be looking like hell and doing something like sitting at the computer, and I'll find him just staring at me with a loving smile on his face. I'm kind of paranoid, so sometimes I'll turn to him and go, "what?" and he'll just smile deeper and simply say, "you're beautiful".

Im_NotPerfect

I have to admit, the warm fuzzies commence when I see my hubby just looking at me with that little cat that ate the canary grin

^^This! Plus my husband has at thing for my behind, so he'll just randomly give me little pats and tell me "nice butt!". It's nothing big or extravagant, but I believe him and know he's not just flattering me.

_snw_

when she does something like, oh, putting clothes in the dryer, grab her forcefully, throw her over the dryer, tear free whatever she's got on and have your way with her. afterwards, when she is looking at you with a bit of surprise on her face, say "sorry - i took one look at you and couldn't help myself."

that usually makes me feel pretty awesome about myself.

Is there any requirement that the dryer be off, or is it ok if the dryer is still running at the time?

I think the dryer running is an added bonus!

the spin cycle on the washer is better. just sayin.

Im_NotPerfect

I'm pretty good about telling her - maybe too good. Love to just walk up behind her while she is cooking dinner and wrap my arms around her and whisper what I am thinking. Generally, the reply is a slight smile and a reminder that I am getting in the way of what she is working on. And, I love to walk into the bathroom while she is showering, throw back the curtain, look her up and down, comment inappropriately , ask to be late to work, look appropriately pouty when refused, and then head off to work.
I'm pretty sure she knows what I think about her....but I want her to KNOW that is how she is.
After four kids (one set of twins) and 15 years of marriage, I think she is hotter than when we started dating. Just need her to see herself that way too.

You are a wonderful man! Unfortunately you can't FORCE her to change her view of herself. After having 2 kids myself and 10 years of marriage, I still remember how I looked when my husband and I got married. I know I'll never look like that again and it definately changes how I feel about myself. I know my husband thinks I'm beautiful, but it's my own mindset that has to change. I say keep doing what you're doing...sounds like you're a keeper!

SeaChele77

I'm pretty good about telling her - maybe too good. Love to just walk up behind her while she is cooking dinner and wrap my arms around her and whisper what I am thinking. Generally, the reply is a slight smile and a reminder that I am getting in the way of what she is working on. And, I love to walk into the bathroom while she is showering, throw back the curtain, look her up and down, comment inappropriately , ask to be late to work, look appropriately pouty when refused, and then head off to work.
I'm pretty sure she knows what I think about her....but I want her to KNOW that is how she is.
After four kids (one set of twins) and 15 years of marriage, I think she is hotter than when we started dating. Just need her to see herself that way too.

You're so sweet!!

but....I'd actually lay off the comments and the advancements for a little bit - she'll miss them. And like many have said, sometimes its just the *look* that we need - not a big show of affection/comments/advancements!
Let her have a girl day - let her go to a spa and get her mani/pedi or hair done. Then take her out for dinner.
There is that *one* thing that many women need to feel pretty.....some its getting a pedicure, some its wearing matching bra/panties, some its putting on make up. Let her find that - we mommies tend to lose ourselves in our kids and hubbys. So help her find that *thing* and get it for her and then tell her how pretty she is.

For me its getting a pedi and then wearing open toe high heels. I feel so pretty. My hubby always comments on how pretty my toes are, but I know he could careless about my toes....but he knows its the *thing* that makes me feel pretty!!

does that make sense? :happy:

oldbaptistadam

I'm pretty good about telling her - maybe too good. Love to just walk up behind her while she is cooking dinner and wrap my arms around her and whisper what I am thinking. Generally, the reply is a slight smile and a reminder that I am getting in the way of what she is working on. And, I love to walk into the bathroom while she is showering, throw back the curtain, look her up and down, comment inappropriately , ask to be late to work, look appropriately pouty when refused, and then head off to work.
I'm pretty sure she knows what I think about her....but I want her to KNOW that is how she is.
After four kids (one set of twins) and 15 years of marriage, I think she is hotter than when we started dating. Just need her to see herself that way too.

You're so sweet!!

but....I'd actually lay off the comments and the advancements for a little bit - she'll miss them. And like many have said, sometimes its just the *look* that we need - not a big show of affection/comments/advancements!
Let her have a girl day - let her go to a spa and get her mani/pedi or hair done. Then take her out for dinner.
There is that *one* thing that many women need to feel pretty.....some its getting a pedicure, some its wearing matching bra/panties, some its putting on make up. Let her find that - we mommies tend to lose ourselves in our kids and hubbys. So help her find that *thing* and get it for her and then tell her how pretty she is.

For me its getting a pedi and then wearing open toe high heels. I feel so pretty. My hubby always comments on how pretty my toes are, but I know he could careless about my toes....but he knows its the *thing* that makes me feel pretty!!

does that make sense? :happy:

Makes perfect sense.

janalayn

May all women find a man who loves them this much!!!!