Relationship advice please :( - we're fighting about marriag
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Marriage is not the be all and end all of a relationship. I know plenty of couples who've never married, but have been together for years, or who didn't marry until well into their relationship (my boyfriend's parents, for example, got married when he was 14 on a whim whilst on holiday in Las Vegas). However, they are all very committed to each other. If your boyfriend doesn't see a future with you in it, in any way, shape or form, is he worth it?
My boyfriend and I were in a relatively long distance relationship, when I moved away to study. It's hard, but I believe it can be done, if both parties know for sure that they're serious about it. We're living in the same city now I've graduated, are still together and are planning to move in together in less than six months. It was occasionally really hard for both of us not being able to see each other whenever we wanted, but we knew, come hell or high water, that we wanted to make it work and eventually be together forever. The difference is that this guy doesn't seem to want to do that. It might sound a little harsh, but why are you wasting your time in something that clearly isn't going anywhere?0 -
Get a cat!
They dont talk back!
Mine does -.-
Mine, too! And he argues with the dog.0 -
I look forward to the constant bickering.... I will add my two cents. No one can make you feel inferior, unless you allow them.0
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Here's my advice as a complete outside who doesn't know the ins and out nor has any emotional attachment to the situation.
You need to take control of this situation and ask yourself, what do I want ideally here? Do not, I repeat, DO NOT mould your wants around his. You have to be selfish here and if he doesn't want the same things as you then you have two choices. You find someone who does and be happy, OR you tolerate a situation just to keep him happy and become miserable in the process. Put your own happiness first. There's no need for you guys to fall out if you do decide this isn't right for you (being in a relationship with him) but at the same time, I think you need to be doing yourself a life plan say for the next 5-10 years and figuring out what it is that you want out of your life. You get one bite at the apple, do the things and spend time with people who are going to make you happy, and give you what you need flower.
I really hope things work out well for you
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The special girl in my life, would be the first part of my plans.... Not playing second fiddle.
And ^THIS^, OP, is the kind of mature sweetheart of a real man that you should wait for. I have a man just like this & my husband was completely worth the wait. My hubby makes me swoon because I come first.
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Ur young u have to do u...if he's planning on working in another state planet galaxy whatevers n your OBVIOUSLY not included than why include him in the thought of marriage .....I would say duces ...ur not number one in his life so why settle0
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The special girl in my life, would be the first part of my plans.... Not playing second fiddle.
Oh and this. Completely this.0 -
Notice that it's the guys who responded to you that are telling you to rethink this and possibly move on. Don't "settle" for anything. Be strong, independent and realize you are worthy of the BEST.0
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I would say that he is not putting you number 1 in his life. If you have been together for awhile, like you said, his future should want to include you. It would be a HUGE red flag to me if I wasn't included. I would say if he's not "doing his own thing" already, he's probably already started thinking about it. The fact that he made absolutely no mention of you what-so-ever in his future would make me want to get the hell out, and fast. Don't let him string you along. The farther you let it go on, the harder it will be to let go. There are 1000000 other guys out there for you that will make you their number one priority and want to focus their future around you. Go out and find him and don't give this current guy another minute of your precious time. You are too good for that!0
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Hes clearly (not in a very nice way) stated he doesn't want to get married and he certainly doesn't want to commit himself to me just yet...which is FINE. I never pushed it but I did say that It would be best if I did my own thing a bit more when I come to see him this year, I don't want to get too attached...he went APE.
That is your answer right there. If he said he doesn't want to get married and he doesn't want to be committed to you... he is saying he is "Just not that into you" - move on! Find someone who loves you and adores you and WANTS to be with you!!! Have you ever read the book, "He's Just Not that into You"? You should.
If a guy wants to be with you, he will go to the ends of the Earth to be with you. It doesn't seem like he takes you into consideration. He wants you when it's convenient for him. Consider having a relationship where you come first.0 -
What he's really telling you is that he doesn't want to marry YOU. But he doesn't want to be single, so he's going to keep you on a string until someone better comes along.
Sorry. :-(
Sorry but this is exactly the right answer.0 -
What he's really telling you is that he doesn't want to marry YOU. But he doesn't want to be single, so he's going to keep you on a string until someone better comes along.
Sorry. :-(
Sorry but this is exactly the right answer.
Sorry I agree to. U deserve better. Get out! X0 -
The special girl in my life, would be the first part of my plans.... Not playing second fiddle.
Oh and this. Completely this.
Ever thought of visiting Australia? ;p
Seriously though, as teripendleton said , it's the guys that are telling you to resist hanging around in your current situation. It's because we have been in situations that generate those same feelings. I can tell the difference between the convenience of being with someone for the sake of it or actually dying to want to be with them. Don't settle for someone that won't make you a priority in their life.0 -
what are your ages? i think that will clarify a lot.0
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Not wanting to get married in general, and not wanting to get married to you are two different things to think about. If he really is apposed to marriage, don't push him on the topic. A relationship doesn't 'need' a piece of paper. However, if he wants to get married some day, but says you aren't the one, then I would just say, "Thanks, but no thanks" and call it over.
As for the whole moving to another state thing, have you ever straight up asked him, "Hey, do I fit into these plans?" Maybe he thinks you wouldn't want to move? There could just be a whole mess of misunderstandings.0 -
The special girl in my life, would be the first part of my plans.... Not playing second fiddle.
Oh and this. Completely this.
Ever thought of visiting Australia? ;p
Seriously though, as teripendleton said , it's the guys that are telling you to resist hanging around in your current situation. It's because we have been in situations that generate those same feelings. I can tell the difference between the convenience of being with someone for the sake of it or actually dying to want to be with them. Don't settle for someone that won't make you a priority in their life.
Haha, if you meant me, sorry. I have a lovely boyfriend!
Wasn't it Maya Angelou that said 'Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option'? OP, take this wise lady's advice!0 -
Whatever stage your relationship is in the feelings need to be mutual or it won't work.
I was in a long distance relationship, It lasted about 5 months. That's when we both decided we couldn't spend one more day without each other and moved in together. That was 2 1/2 years ago. And we couldn't be happier. The relationship works because we want the same things. We have talked about marriage, but there is no need to rush. We are already enjoying growing old together 0 -
The special girl in my life, would be the first part of my plans.... Not playing second fiddle.
Oh and this. Completely this.
Ever thought of visiting Australia? ;p
Seriously though, as teripendleton said , it's the guys that are telling you to resist hanging around in your current situation. It's because we have been in situations that generate those same feelings. I can tell the difference between the convenience of being with someone for the sake of it or actually dying to want to be with them. Don't settle for someone that won't make you a priority in their life.
Haha, if you meant me, sorry. I have a lovely boyfriend!
Wasn't it Maya Angelou that said 'Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option'? OP, take this wise lady's advice!
Oh well, you never know hey haha. Got to try lol.0 -
Is this really what MFP has come too!?!?!? I think this is a FB issue!0
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This sounds to me like he's trying to let you down slowly.
If I was saying this to my girlfriend (I'm married, BTW), it would mean that I was no longer interested in our relationship and was already considering something else.
The best advice? Talk to him about it. Ask him straight up.0
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