Falling off the wagon ... hard

lindsayforlife

It has been almost exactly a year since my highest weight of 346 pounds. In my adult life, through a myriad of diets and "healthy lifestyle" plans, I have been as low as 250. I would lose some, gain more, lose some, gain more and so on.

In April to October of last year, I made some changes to my eating habits. I was in school getting my masters and was subsisting on mainly junk food and fast food daily for 2 years. I felt terrible and knew it was time for a change, so when I graduated, I got to work.

I started walking a bit, and completely took fast food out of my diet. I also really limited my intake of junk, but this didn't seem too hard for me. I hate being fat, having reduced mobility and just generally feeling like crap.

By October I was around 325 pounds. Then I met my boyfriend...at the time he was in the midst of his own healthy eating plan. In the year before he met me, he had lost nearly 100 pounds through diet and exercise. He tried to get me on the bandwagon as well, and that seemed to go pretty well. By March 1, 2012 I was 288 pounds. Then we both fell off the wagon. And hard.

I hate eating healthy, I hate vegetables, I don't like exercising...blah blah blah. These are the excuses I have been using over the last few weeks, and have steadily seen my will to lose weight decrease severely, my will to cook and eat healthy meals disappear and my desire to exercise to cease to exist. I have gained 6 pounds back since the beginning of the month. My partner has gained 20! We both feel dejected and have no motivation at all.

Obviously we have both had successes. I'm down 53 pounds and he is down 80...but our drive just isn't there. We both know HOW to lose weight, but we just don't want to. it's HARD!!! And it makes me wonder and fear that if we do continue to lose weight, is it just a matter of time before we fall off the wagon again? We are both compulsive/emotional eaters and that makes it more difficult for sure, but there has to be some sort of mentality trick that those with huge losses and long term success implement. What's your secret?

One of the hardest things for both of us is the all-or-nothing mentality. This is one of the hardest things to overcome with emotional eating or BED. Many have told us that you just have to re-work your entire way of eating and thinking. if you can't have once small piece of chocolate once in a while but eat 4 or 5 bars in a weekend once you get that first taste...no more chocolate for you. Same thing with other types of foods. If there are potential triggers, they are not to be a part of your lifestyle any more.

I'm just looking for some tips on how to navigate through this difficult time and get back on track. I would love to hear from other overeaters or people with BED or just those with great long term successes who may have some tips for how they have lost weight and kept it off. Fear of gaining the weight back is crippling and totally defeatist. It seems like I'm taking one step forward and three steps back.

Thanks!

drosario1204

Honestly..I have the same problem. I wish I had some advice but I'm looking for some myself. I did have a good weight loss run about 2 years ago. I started at 209 and I got all the way down to 160! I did good for a really long time and I was so motivated. After about the first 3 months it was really easy for me to avoid triggers and get into the habit of working out. Unfortunately when I got down to my 160's I was less interested in working out and watching my diet and more interested in socializing (drinking, going out, etc). I spent way less time exercising and eventually it caught up to me. I gained all of my weight back plus about 20lbs. At my heaviest now I was 232. I'm starting my weight loss journey again but I'm finding it much MUCH harder this time around. I've lost about 10lbs in the past 5 months and I just cant seem to find that motivation that I used to have. I wake up every morning telling myself "today's gonna be the day!" but by the end of the night I'm eating crap again. I wish there was some trick to losing weight and keeping it off but I honestly don't think there is. I think the only way is to just push yourself every single day and not get too discouraged if you slip up once in a while. I'm still working on this...I'm already past my calories for the day and it's only 1:30pm. But I know that I'm not gonna give up. It's a battle that I struggle with everyday but I think it will get easier once I get my body and mind used to making better choices.
Gook luck!

acschnabel

I have few priorities in life. The are my wife, my kids and my health. They are all intertwined. In order for me to carry on a healthy and active lifestyle with my family, I need to be healthy myself. It's what motivates me to change my lifestyle.

Also, the first few weeks of any regimine are always the hardest. I started my journey by juicing a few weeks back. Day 4 was HORRIBLE with headaches and all around irritability. But day 5 was a new awakening and everything just started to "feel better". I run a lot now. The first few weeks of running are HARD and you just don't want to do it, ever. Now, it's like an addiction and if I don't run for a few days, I feel "fat and lazy" and that's just not OK with me any more.

Moral is, something is hard if you don't do it as part of your lifestyle. I engrain this into my kids as much as I engrain it into myself. Do the hard things FIRST, because they will only get easier. Eating healthy, working out, tracking your diet... It's all hard at first.

RLeighP

I lost my motivation after I got pregnant with my daughter last February. I had lost 115 lbs over a year's time leading up to that, and then I got pregnant. With no energy to exercise, I figured "hey, I'll use this as a cheat time! I'll lose it all again in no time!" Ha, yeah. She was born November 2011 and I had gained 60 lbs back. She's almost 5 months old and I just recently found my motivation to get back on the wagon. My biggest reason to lose the weight now, besides the fact that I can't afford to buy "fat" clothes again (I was down to a size 12! I'm back to a 16/18!) is that I need to set the right example for my daughter from the beginning. I never want her to have the weight and self esteem issues that I did and do. Also, I never want to be on tons of medications for high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, etc.

You know how to do it, it's just a matter of finding a darn good reason to do it again! If you both set your minds on it, you can and will be able to do it!

XOchocolate

One of my pals posted this and I just read this when I am about to give up. Hope it helps.


Losing weight is HARD.
Maintaining weight is HARD.
Being fat is HARD.

CHOOSE your HARD.

PlainJade13

I think you should take acschnable's advice. My mother was around the same weight as you and then she got sick of it. She pushed herself every day, even if she didn't want to, and exercised & ate healthy. The trick is to MAKE yourself do it whether or not your brain is screaming at you not to.

I'm 18 and overweight for my height but I plan on changing that. I've learned that if I don't give it a second thought and get up and go, I succeed. I've also found that if you keep a small notepad on hand and list all of the foods you've eaten in it for the day, it helps you realize how much you eat and how many calories you've consumed. I also have a list of aspirations and "rewards" for my weight loss inside of my little notebook. For example: "155lbs = New clothes! Keep at it, don't stop!"

melsy21

Its a hard thing, but first I would get rid of the "all or nothing" thing you have in your head. I can say I struggle with that daily. Then I remember this journey of weight loss is going to take me a very.... long...... time. When it takes a long time, you start to lose your drive. I know I do. But do know that you are not alone, there a lot of us emotional/stress/bored/happy/celebratory eaters. As long as you keep doing what you've done in the past, the right things, you will continue to have results. If you fall of the wagon, just get back on. Thats all you can do. Sorry if this is no help, but I'm going off my own experience. Cheers Melsy

LongLiveJen

My goals tend to be activity related, i fell off the wagon over the winter, just wanting to curl up and snuggle with my dogs and loved ones on the couch in those cold winter nights watching TV. But now...I'm going kayaking for the first time this summer, and I don't know how strenuous this activity is going to be, but I want to make sure I'm more focused on the scenery around me rather than how tired I am.

Are there any things on your bucket list that could help motivate you?

ZazzyAmber

One thing that really helps me is to not think of it as you are restricting yourself from certain foods, but instead look at new and fun recipes that you get to try. Focus on what you CAN have. Finding new foods and combinations is always fun. Also, I have taken some things I love, like chocolate cake, and made healthy versions of them (using...black beans. Sounds weird, but it is good, I swear!). Trying new, healthy food choices helps you build a new lifestyle.

One problem I do have is just plain chocolate. I'm addicted, I crave it, I love it. When people say "oh, if you crave something sweet, just eat some fruit!"....I laugh. Maybe a chocolate covered apple might do the trick. In no way, will fruit ever substitute sweets for me. I find that I crave it less on days I work out, probably because the endorphins are satisfying me in the same way that the rush from eating chocolate does. Also, the less I eat it, the less I crave it.

ohthatbambi

I have been off the wagon for almost 3 years. We had to move for my husband's job and I got depressed. I have used it as an excuse too long. I am happy (mentally) now and actually really love where we live. I am done with my excuses. Time to move more and eat less!! You can do it!!!

augiedad

Weight loss is hard. I lost 110lbs over the course of a year and when I started I had no plans on doing such; but when I weigh myself the first time I had lost 4 lbs and something clicked in my mind that I was not going to give those pounds back. Get over the fact that you are on a diet and aim your efforts to create a new lifestyle. Of course you have bad days, but question yourself on what your doing. Don't use the excuse of being an emotional eater. It's too easy.

Find ways to improve your lifestyle. Fight for what you achieved. If you felt better 50lbs heavier than go for it.

Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself for the past. Try to make good decisions and remember the only correct decision you can make is the NEXT ONE!

I wish you the best of luck, I know you can do it.

RandomMiranda

I am also an all or nothing person. I can't for the life of me take just one cookie or get a small instead of a large. For the most part this means I do not have unhealthy food in my house. I never buy a pie or a box of cookies or a bag of chips because I will eat the whole thing. I do crave sweets and crunchy foods, and I do have a little something every now and then, but in that case I buy only 1 item or a single serving size bag, even if it is not a good value. I crave Twix bars, and I will get one bar when I do my grocery shopping ever 2-3 weeks, or a tiny tub of ice cream instead of the pint or quart. I know that I cannot trust myself to eat just one serving, so I don't tempt myself with more.
Knowing the calories in common temptations also helps me. I know there is not a single pastry item at Starbucks that I should eat, so when I look at that scone while I get my coffee I see those 400 calories or whatever.
The other thing is, and I know I'm not the only one, I watch Biggest Loser and other shows about obese people getting healthy. That's actually what got me motivated in the first place. It reminds me that I can do it. If they can do it, I can do it. You CAN do it.

RobinvdM

My highest weight was 355lbs about 10 weeks ago.

I have since dropped about 40lbs due to drastically changing my lifestyle: food and exercise.

I drink loads of water. I -hate- water. Nothing about water makes me happy, I'd rather drink juice or soda, or coffee. But I choose not to, and drink water instead.

I eat salad at least 2 meals a day. I am sure I will get burned out on it, and need to find a new way to sneak in those almonds and walnuts I really don't like into my diet. I love salad, but I hate making my own. Heh!

I don't enjoy committing an hour of my day to walking, though I will admit I do enjoy step aerobics (I use the Wii Fit Plus step workout, as well as a Step Aerobic DvD w/step platform) enormously. But I told myself at the start of this I would invest 60 minutes per day, 5 days a week to walking. I choose to continue doing so, even though I probably could get away with doing it 4 times a week instead.

I don't enjoy being overweight. Obese. Morbidly obese. However, I chose to let myself get in this predicament, and now I am making the choice to ignore what I - want- in order to gain what I REALLY want. Satisfying my long term goals instead of the short term gratification. Of course it is hard, how could it not be hard, lifestyle and food consumption are habitual, thus hard to correct and it takes a lot of discipline to do it.

How do I manage? I walk the grocery store every time I go shopping. I don't just go and get what's on my list. I take time to ogle the donuts, pastries, fried chicken, instant brownie mixes.. And I never tell myself "Forbidden!" 'cause truthfully it isn't. If I really wanted to I could have a brownie, or an oreo, and I will definitely be having a brownie ice cream sundae this summer. Nothing is off limits. I just say "how badly do I want it?" If I eat something that is definitely empty calories like a brownie, I need to balance it out with exercise and different food choice for the preceding and proceeding meals. It's a choice I make.

So you can choose to not exercise and eat poorly, or you can choose to make better choices in food and exercise. Keeping your eyes on the long term goals are what's important. And even more so, remember that 'falling off the wagon' makes you human, and doesn't mean you are forbidden from getting back up on it.

There -are- healthy choices out there that make eating well fun/interesting/etc and exercise (imo) isn't ever going to be fun if you approach it like a chore. I started off walking my dog. My dad started off seeing how many steps he could take in 40 minutes, and trying to increase from there. We all have different motivations. Find out what drives you.

You can do it if it's something you want. Good luck to you!

crodrigu73

Bump---I am trying to reach up to the wagon again myself.

SCUBAMomofTwo

I love that XOchocolate!

stormyous

I fell of it last Oct of 2011 and my highest was 175 and when I started again with mfp I was 166.8 and now im 159.8.

flutestmelody

Hey I had an over 40 lb fall of the wagon. Emotional eating was one of my biggest down falls and still is today. After losing over 70 lbs I added on 40 and boy did I have excuses. Well last summer, after moving across country I decided I needed to stop the gaining. I managed to lose a few lbs but found it hard to be committed and then the holidays hit and I gave in to the constant bombardment of food.

January 1st that all changed. Not a resolution but a decision I was done!!! No more. I sat down and completely revamped my food, exercise, and daily habits. I looked for things that I knew were triggers and sent them packing. I started planning everything from the meals I would prepare at home to how I would work around being invited to parties where there would be so much junk. I plan my meals out so I know exactly what to prepare at home and am not doing the whole "what is there to cook" debate. That debate usually ended up in us ordering in. I have recipe books that have healthy dishes that are also easy to cook and I use them to plan out my meals two weeks at a time. Taste of Home has a couple of great recipe books that are very similar to meals I would pig out on but just healthier versions. "Taste of Home Comfort Food Diet Cookbook: Lose Weight with 433 Foods You Crave!" is an excellent book. The recipes are very good, even my kids love most of the recipes. I mean love, my 11 year old often asks for 3rds.

I exercise 5 to 6 days a week even if it is just a walk or a bike ride. I have a set time of the day that I do that exercise and yes sometimes that means dragging my butt out of bed extra early on some mornings. I have also taken a close look at my own habits that lead to binge eating or mindless snacking. I am working hard to change some of those habits such as dinner at the dinning room table as a family instead of in front of the TV. We also eat our biggest meal at lunch (I know not everyone can do this, it's the firsts time in years my husband schedule has worked for this). Our evening meal is usually left overs or something light that doesn't make us feel over stuffed when we go to bed. All in all I found ways that works for me and my family and made it happen.

The most important thing I had to do was change my mind set!!! I had to stop feeling sorry for myself, stop beating myself up for falling in the first place, stop predicting failure for myself before I even got started, and start doing for me and my family what needed to be done. I had to decide that i wanted to lose the weight more than I wanted to be miserable. Other people can offer encouragement or suggestions but I had to be the one who would decide what I wanted my body to look like and then take action to put it in place. I also had to decide that "WHEN" I slip up or fall a down that I won't let it destroy all of my progress that I will just pick myself up by the boot straps, put the past behind me, and start over no mater how many times I start over. It also meant committing to stop saying I don't have time to plan meals, I'm to tired to get up early, I don't have time to exercise, it is to hard to eat something else at parties, and I don't like healthy foods. I had to decide I would make time, and do it any way! I have been working on losing weight for a few years. In that time I have met many others doing the same thing. The ones I find the most successful are the ones that turn excuses not to eat right or exercise into excuses to get healthy. They are determined even when it's hard and they don't quit when life sends them a hick-up. For me, I am going to be positive thinker. I am 30.8 lbs away from my goal weight, I will get there and I am making life time choices to make it happen.

Carolyn_79

One of my pals posted this and I just read this when I am about to give up. Hope it helps.


Losing weight is HARD.
Maintaining weight is HARD.
Being fat is HARD.

CHOOSE your HARD.

So true.

nutandbutter

I completely cut out "junk food" for a few months, then I was able to do single servings for a while and now I'm ok just taking the portion I've tracked (since I do that before I eat it). I'm also not focused solely on appearance goals; I now have fitness goals. I want to be able to do more pullups, bench my bodyweight, squat 1.5x my bodyweight, and deadlift 2x my bodyweight. I have to stay focused to achieve those goals. I also have to make sure my diet is in check so I can hit my macros.

I know you hear it a lot, but find what you love to do. That's what makes it sustainable. I love lifting but hate cardio. Others love cardio and hate lifting. Focus on your love.

I do still binge but it's maybe once/month and nowhere near the number of calories I was putting away before.

kilime50

I don't have any answers, just starting on this journey myself, but don't give up. Your life is important and so are you!!

graysmom2005

Hey there. First of all I would highly encourage you to both go to therapy. There are even therapists that deal with eating disorders...which INCLUDES overeating/binging etc. Figuring out WHY you go to food emotionally will be the only thing to truly help change it...and to find an alternative.

Secondly, find an exercise that you LIKE. There are many, many out there. You just have to shop around. I found spinning. It literally changed my life. I hate ellipticals and treadmills. They bore me to tears. But spinning, or a dance class or Body Pump I look forward to...and now teach!

It isn't all or nothing. It's EVERYTHING. In moderation. If you totally cut things out you are bound to fail...BUT set yourself up for success. I don't have brownies in my house..because I'll eat them if they are there! If it ain't there I can't eat it.

Last....only you can be in that mental space where YOU want to change. Until you're ready, you're not ready. And BOTH of you will have to be ready.

Don't give up. You can't live the rest of your life like this. There is a better life, and a better you just WAITING for you. It's not easy. If it was, then everyone would do it. In the words of President Obama, "Yes we can."

susannamarie

For me, I can't make a change I can't sustain. When I cut soda out of my life completely, I lasted about 3 weeks and was back to several 2-liter bottles or a dozen cans per day. It's the biggest vice I have.

Now I allow myself some, but I keep it in my car, which is warm. So I have to get it and chill it before I can drink it, and I get it one can at a time. This has kept the consumption much much lower and allowed for better health and weight loss.

graelwyn

Although I am not overweight and never have been, I have had lifelong issues with a tendency to binge eat, and there are now so many foods I cannot have around as I cannot simply stop after a few pieces of chocolate or one or two biscuits... Once I start, I tend to keep going until I feel full, even though I should not have felt hungry to start with. Cakes, biscuits, sugary cereal, chocolate, bread, chocolate spread, ice cream...all had to go. I now just buy in dried prunes as although I sometimes get through a whole 500g bag, they don't seem to put weight on me much, compared to if I binge on biscuits or chocolate, or bread. I also have a dessert with my bf after dinner most evenings which helps, and snack on apple rice cakes, which again, although not especially nutritious, don't seem to gain me weight unless I eat bags of the things. It is so depressing to not be able to have things as a treat in my own home, makes me feel very weak willed at times.

Olive32214

Bump

ninerbuff

Eating is a behavior. Behaviors can be changed, but there has to be TOTAL WILLINGNESS to do it. If not it's doomed to failure. You have to change your thinking. People who are fit and lean go through emotional problems as well, but take them on differently so get an idea from someone you know who is fit on how they deal with it. Personally myself, if I feel emotionally stressed, I do something physical like mow the lawn, wash the car, hit the gym, or even just go for a walk.


A.C.E. Certified Personal & Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

SoDamnHungry

I know eating healthy is good for you, but why do you have to eat healthy? If that's preventing you from losing weight, you need to realize that not eating veggies isn't the end of the world. At 288 pounds, you can still probably eat at least 2000 calories a day just to maintain. So don't go over that to avoid gaining weight. Eat 1700 to slowly lose weight. You can still eat things you like.

Dieting and exercising are difficult, but if you have no drive, you won't get anywhere.

LizKurz

One of my pals posted this and I just read this when I am about to give up. Hope it helps.


Losing weight is HARD.
Maintaining weight is HARD.
Being fat is HARD.

CHOOSE your HARD.

Omg, this is awesome. I need this on a shirt.

littlecrystal

I don't have a sound advice as I have just started myself, but what helped me to stop the useless cycle of losing-gaining-losing-gaining, was upping the calories to a long-term maintainable level. I used to be on 1400kcal and it was really hard to stick to it. Now I am on 1620 and it is so much better. I allow some treat every day. I usually don't finish my calories by midday.

Just try having little deficit of calories, something like 1800kcal, it is easier to stick to, it doesn't require a particular motivation, and you will still lose weight slowly.

honestlysweet

For me, exercising at the gym is what keeps me motivated. I go to the classes they have at six am, like lifting and combat and cardio classes. It is an awesome feeling to walk out after my shower, full of energy from the exercise. It makes me feel great, and it is addictive.

I didn't see anything in your post about exercise. I can tell you from experience that simply changing your eating habits won't work, or at least it doesn't for me. In the past, eating well with no exercise never lasted. I always fell off the wagon after only a few month. But this time, with the exercise, I love the feeling I am getting and the results show in my measurements and photos, even though the scale isn't moving much, probably because I am building muscle.

I suggest joining a gym and going to the classes. That's what worked for me. Good luck, and congrats on the Master's. That's quite an accomplishment!

GdeVries

Many years ago I ran into a guy that went to Overeaters Anonymous, and I remember thinking to myself how hard that must be. I mean, you can stop taking heroin and you won't die. But you can never stop eating. You have to eat. And all day we are bombarded with messages to eat, eat, eat. And they aren't pushing apples and oranges and carrot sticks. Nah, they want you to order a 900 calorie burger. Oh, perhaps you'd like to supersize that.?

Well, here I am, because I've gained to much weight. At my highest I was 238 pounds. I want to get down to 183. So that's a 55 pound loss. The first thing I did was get myself an elliptical trainer (used). So now I have no excuse if the weather is bad. I also bought a second hand weight machine to start building some muscle. First it was 10 minutes on the elliptical. Then I found I could do 12 minutes. Same thing with the weight lifting. 5 reps x 3 of the lowest weight. Slowly I'm building that up, as well. I bicycle and walk with my dogs. Yesterday we took a 4 hour bike ride! Wow, I did that? It was awesome. I so enjoyed it!

Ok, so food is my problem, too. I love love love to eat. I love to cook. I have more cookbooks than any other type of book and I adore the internet because of all the recipe websites! The food industry has spent a lot of money to get us addicted. First off, stay on the outside aisle of the supermarket. If you must go into the inner aisles, pay attention to stuff on the lower shelves. The manufacturers pay for the prime real estate at eye level. And not because their product is so good for you. Try to buy unprocessed foods. Prepare your own meats and vegetables. Eat fruits. Be sure to by whole grain breads. Trader Joe's has some great breads. Better yet is to bake your own bread. Know what you are eating. I can't believe how many ingredients are in foods that I can't even pronounce!

For me, I had to find a way to lose weight without having to go without. I'm not very good at being 'mean' to myself. So I found ways to keep eating the things I like, but also keeping it healthy. I try to watch my intake of carbs/sugar, sodium etc. And I've found that it get easier. Eat well, and exercise, are for me the most important things.

Good luck on your journey!

dls06

I think most of us have this problem. I have been maintaining for a while and will never stop logging. When you fall off the wagon don't stop, you'll get back to it faster if you keep logging.:flowerforyou: