Un supportive husband anyone??
nataliefamily3
Posts: 189 Member
It's so much tougher for me to keep motivated because my husband just does not want me to loose weight!! He thinks I care to much about it look great all that but i am just not happy. He says that he can't see the 35 pounds I have held onto, even after showing him pictures depicting a huge difference pre to post baby... Does any one else have a husband who wants them to stay the same weight they are and makes it hard for them to loose anything? He always offers me junk food wants me to hang out with him instead of exercise etc... Any ideas on how to get him behind me?!?!
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My husband loves me the way I am. I HATE me the way I am. He tends to bring home chips, chocolate, and other yummy's while I am trying to lose weight. He thinks he is being nice by buying me treats and I don't want to hurt his feelings. It's frustrating to say the least, since I really have no will power. Finally, I had to tell him to please stop. He has for the most part, but occasionally will still bring me home chocolate treats. I just have to learn to say no.0
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My dh (who really is a great guy) was a serious jerk about any attempt I made at weight loss for YEARS. Finally, about 14 months ago, I just stopped letting his attitude get to me. He tried everything...my favorite junk food, picking fights...and somehow I was able to stick to my guns. About 50 pounds later people started really noticing what I was doing and talking to him about it and he's been supportive ever since. Not perfect, but no longer actively standing in my way at every turn.
I know it's hard, but you really can do this even without his support. Hang in there!0 -
I have some of that. You may want to consider building a network - to get support from and to give it back. I believe that is important. If possible, find some that are in person as well as online.
You can do this. Don't let him stop you. This is a way to gain some independence from the hubs and family... do it for yourself and with those that want it as bad as you do.0 -
sounds like he is afraid that if you look good he will loose you. Does he have insecurity problems? Some men just don't like change at all.0
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My boyfriend is not unsupportive, but sometimes he tells me I'm fine the way I am, He will love me no matter what I weigh. But I realized it is HOW I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF. I have to love myself, in order to love other people and to love life. He is getting better, and he is realizing how important health is. It is hard, and when he is drinking soda, beer, and eating pizza I HAVE TO DIG DEEP and find MY will power to drink my water and eat my grilled chicken breast. It is a challenge, but it will make you feel great when you reach your goal. Be happy he loves you, for you! Thats how I see it. I believe when Brandon (my boyfriend) see's my results, he will see how hard I have worked he will start easing up, and start putting some effort in to! ONE STEP AT A TIME, YOU CAN DO IT!!! DO IT FOR YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE! YOUR HEALTH MATTERS!0
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My husband loves me the way I am. Its not that he is unsupportive, but he is afraid I am going to lose too much weight and dump him. I have explained that I am doing this for me. So I look and more importantly, feel better. But I think deep down he is worried.0
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sounds like he is afraid that if you look good he will loose you. Does he have insecurity problems? Some men just don't like change at all.
I know in my case that was true...i called him on it recently and he admitted it.0 -
Whether or not your husband needs to lose weight, he needs to be healthy so he can be a father to your child. So maybe try to include him in exercise when you can (but not when it's your alone time) and the cooking for the family. Also, he might just be missing you on some level...afraid that you're growing away from him. That doesn't mean you need to stop what you're doing, but remind yourself, you're doing it for you, and your baby and husband. If you're happy and healthy, so will everyone else be healthy and happy, even if it doesn't seem that way at times.0
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I think part of it is that even though ultimately, they want us to be healthier and thinner, they don’t want to have to sacrifice as we do it. Especially when you do the shopping and cooking plus now disappear to exercise…that puts less attention on them and maybe more responsibility. Never met a man who took that well. Just ignore him.0
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My husband is JUST starting to turn around.....and I think that it is totally because I refuse to back down or give up. For him it was totally an insecurity thing, he could not accept me wanting something for me - felt that if it was not good enough that HE thought I looked good that I must be doing it for the attention of other men. I had to fight being really pissed at his chauvanistic attitude and just keep talking in positive terms....how great I was feeling, each milestone I hit.
In the last 2-3 weeks he has even started taking an interest in his own physical health. He has started watching what he eats, hitting the weights a bit and even went for a run with me last week! He has stopped insulting my reasons and started praising my accomplishments.
STICK WITH IT! Talk about your goals and reasons openly and someone who loves you will come around and want to be part of your success! In the meantime, lots of us here to help!
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Im in a similar position but its my wife.
She's all for me losing weight but brings bad food into the house and unintentionally sabotages me. She needs to lose weight and talks about losing it but its more talk than walk.
What you need to remember is you are doing it for you , not him , he is the one with the problem.
Stay strong and you will succeed , hubby will eventually appreciate the result.0 -
@Addman - "What you need to remember is you are doing it for you , not him , he is the one with the problem." Hear Hear!!!
& there must be cloning or something going; I have the exact same issue with my lady - "needs to lose weight and talks about losing it but its more talk than walk." And unfortunately my eldest son too - who is in most need of dropping kilos
They talk & sort of try but no conviction & carry through. I don't cop so much sabotage anymore - they have finally got the gist - but it still does happen... 0 -
My husband tells me I'm beautiful and loves me no matter my appearance, but because I hate the way I look, he understands that I want to change. That's not to say he is totally supportive, as he will give in really quick when I mention ice cream or going out to eat! That's my own fault though...I have to be stronger and cannot expect him to do that for me.
My only advice is to either try talking to him so he can understand where you are coming from and why you want to lose the weight. It isn't just about you feeling you need to lose the pounds to look better, it's also about feeling better and being healthier. If he can't understand that, hopefully you can push past his offers for junk food and lose weight on your own! 0 -
My husband was the same with the junk food . He wasn't intentionally sabotaging me but he wasn't much help either. He was fine with me losing weight as long it it didn't interfere with how he wanted to eat... UNTIL we realized I have Celiac disease and half the children are having food issues as well.Eating healthy has became about keeping us safe first and foremost,.. He is very supportive NOW and mosty eats like the family does.. he is much more thoughtful about his food choices as well.. it just took him a while to get on board. Keep at it.. hopefully your hubby will come around when he sees how important it is to you.0
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My boyfriend used to be that way, until I lost the weight. Now, he actually pushes me to go to the gym.
I think it's just a guy thing - they're trying to be supportive by being loving instead of honest.0 -
I've been with my partner for 2 and a half years, and was much heavier when we first met. He always looks healthy and fit and doesn't have to watch what he eats, he doesn't pig out but he eats whatever he fancies on the day. He also walks a lot.
With me, it is SO hard to lose weight, let alone maintain the weightloss! He constantly offers me things he knows that I'm trying to avoid, and he wont eat the same dinners as me as they are too healthy/low calorie for his liking :noway:
He also constantly tells me he doesn't want me to lose any more weight & doesn't think I need to, but I'm also not happy. I want to be fit and toned.
I'm getting really into fitness and running, be he isn't, and I sometimes I wish he had this newfound hobby too as it would bring us even closer together!0 -
My husband loves me the way I am. Its not that he is unsupportive, but he is afraid I am going to lose too much weight and dump him. I have explained that I am doing this for me. So I look and more importantly, feel better. But I think deep down he is worried.
I think this is the root of the problem for most non-supportive spouses, male and female - insecurity. But, it is a health issue, and anyone who attempts to obstruct progress, even by saying "I'll love you at any weight" is wrong.0 -
I agree with StacieL. Get a support system that has a good give and take. Inperson friends will help keep you motivated by going for that walk or job with you, while online they can help with words and additional emotional support needed on our journies for healthier selves.
My husband in the begining was supportive of me, but didn't realize by bringing home the 2 L bottles of reg soda, chips, cookies, ect, that it was a temptation. A temptation that in many years previously I had given into. Somehow since I really started this time on my treck in Sept 2010 I have been focused. I can say no to the goodies, I can let him sit/sleep on the couch and do my wii zumba/EA Sports/ JM ultimatum/ Jenny McCarthy workouts. I just don't care if he is having a lazy day.
I am doing this for us, and the family I hope for us to have- but ULTIMATELY for the FIRST TIME..... I am doing this for ME.
and it is a great feeling!!!!
Today marked 6 months and I hit my 60 pound mark! Good luck, if you need that online support- feel free to add me!0 -
If he can't see the weight you've gained, then he won't notice when you've lost it back, right?
He's bull****ting you. It's a kind and loving bull****, and maybe he really thinks he's doing what's right, but that's what it is. Call him on it.
As someone else on this thread pointed out, he's acting as though his version of reality should be good enough for you-- like his opinion is more important than yours. You might not be able to change HIS mind about that, but you have to change your mind. If you wanna do it, and he's gonna block you, then PLAN FOR THAT. He might never support you and it'll be easier if you accept that possibility.
And if he's bringing you junk food like it's a gift, look him strait in the eye while you put it in the trash. I dare you!
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I'm struggling with having a new partner in my life and having that fit with my health goals. He has bought me stuff that didn't fit in with the plan, and discouraged me from getting up early in the morning for my workouts.
However, recently I was sad because I had put on weight, and he started to feel guilty that it had only happened since we've been together. So, it has helped him understand where I am coming from and he is now more on board, but it is a work in progress.
Sometimes we actually give out mixed messages, and they think we don't really mean it. I suggest if we stick to our guns they'll eventually get the hint.
GG0 -
to cloud2011. there is always room to the improve. every person has the right to be the best they can be for themselves and there loved ones. love your comment it could be the biggest reason I am doing this....read this hubby! But each to there ow, right? You can lead a horse to water but cant make him drink it ....keep up the efforts it will pay dividends in many ways and not just oneself :flowerforyou:0
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My husband does not bring home snacks or anything. He does not try and stop my weight loss. He does tell me he will love me no matter what I look like. The problem is I do not like how I look and I find he takes it personally. He thinks I do not think what he thinks matters and it can be frustrating.0
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Hey
partners sometimes feel threatened by change in their partners or the desire too. This is a situation were you have to get behind yourself and 100% support yourself. Also this forum seems a great oasis of suport.
good luck xxxx0 -
No but I have an unsupportive wife !!! ~ I have lost 44 pounds, went from a 46 chest to 38, went from a 36 to 32 waist - and all I get is hassle because she can't loose any (despite trying). Putting pressure on me to change back.0
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Well guys my hubby is unsupportive and negative He tell's me that I do need to lose the weight straight out and I do agree I am such a long way from that 115 that I was in high school and pre baby! However in that same sentence he will be like let's order pizza or go eat Mexican...sigh. It's so hard to so this weight loss with out him backing me and he eats really crappy too always has to have junk food, soda, cakes, candy, cookies , ect. Ohh yeah when it comes to going to the gym he want's me to go as long as he don't have to watch our 3 year old Adam and the house is still clean and everything in it's place and his food of his choice is hot on the table. He is about 6 foot even and 150 lbs soaking wet he has never ever struggled with weight loss he can have whatever he wants and never gains an ounce and then ask me why can't you lose weight or why has it taken you forever to lose x amount of weight. I get so frustrated sometimes I just wanna give up. But I can't because I want to lose this weight not for him but for me and for my child and I don't want him growing up eating nothing but crap even if I have to fix him and I a sepret dinner for the rest of my life I will. But yeah so this is my rant lol! Hope it helps! 0
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It's so much tougher for me to keep motivated because my husband just does not want me to loose weight!! He thinks I care to much about it look great all that but i am just not happy. He says that he can't see the 35 pounds I have held onto, even after showing him pictures depicting a huge difference pre to post baby... Does any one else have a husband who wants them to stay the same weight they are and makes it hard for them to loose anything? He always offers me junk food wants me to hang out with him instead of exercise etc... Any ideas on how to get him behind me?!?!
Its not about your appearance, its about being there for every significant time of your childs life as they grow into adulthood and beyond. Its about reaching retirement and still being healthy and vibrate enough to enjoy it. Its about being fit enough to be the rock your family needs in an emergency. Don't stagnate, live joyfully and powerfully, fuel yourself with great food that helps you do that.
Remember that and it wont matter if he puts a burger in your hand you will achieve what you set out to do.0 -
sounds like he is afraid that if you look good he will loose you. Does he have insecurity problems? Some men just don't like change at all.
I know in my case that was true...i called him on it recently and he admitted it.
He's smart!
It's not at all uncommon for a couple to split up when one partner loses a lot of weight. Looking at your avatar photo, it's obvious that you have moved well up the looks scale. This destabilizes the power balance that he was used to.
He's probably figuring out that since he couldn't stop you from becoming hotter, he'd better start being nice in order to keep you.0 -
i have one of those one min he tells me i need to lose weight the next here have (insert junk food) when i would do exercise games on the wii or xbox he would laugh and tell my do u know how stupid u look? He would also say "I don't care how long u play as long as the house is clean" . Now that is unrealistic in my house because we have a 14x70 mobile home and 6 people and 5 pets in said home and HE is the biggest slob! i finally got fed up with him and my weight and told him to shut up i was doing this weather he liked it or not to keep his darn comments to himself i did not want to hear them if they were neg. and as far as the house if he didn't like the way it looked get up and pitch in . he has become good for my new habits i am forming (somewhat) at least in the exercise department still working on the food side! if i do not feel like working out he now tells me that i will not get anywhere with out it so at least he is trying . Maybe you will just have to let him know hey i am not happy the way i am and am serious about changing im sorry if u dont like it but if u cant say anything nice than please keep ur comments to youre self this doesnt mean i dont respect ur feelings i just want to be a healthier wife and mother . good luck it may take a bit for him to figure out u r serious but just hang in there!0
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Thanks Good post!0
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I swear I read your post and it was like reading about my relationship. He says I am big and I need to lose weight but then turns around and wants to eat crap all the time. I will be sticking with my diet and workout plan from now on. He can eat what I cook or go hungry. If he wants junk food he can go get it but I don't want my daughter thinking the way he eats is ok. I guess the only difference with us is that my husband is very big, like over 300lbs. I try to get him to lose weight with me but then he gets mad. It is really frustrating.0
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