Are people shallow if they hit on you after you’ve lost we
Someone was asking if anyone else is being hit on after losing weight. She mentioned that she felt it was sad and a little shallow. I get why she thinks that way, and I might have even agreed with her a few months ago but I have to differ on this one. Why? Well, I started this year at 321 lbs. and I am now at 294. It is incredible how a few pounds can make such a big difference. I feel great, I have more energy and I am getting along a lot better with the girl in the mirror “The Impostor” as I call her (but that’s another topic). I find it very interesting that the guy that I’ve had a crush on for the longest time has been flirting with me A LOT in the past few days. One of my friends noticed it and she said “how convenient, why did he wait till you started losing weight, don’t flirt back, he should have liked you just the way you were before, he is so shallow”. My first reaction was to say “YOU’RE RIGTH” but as I said it I felt like a complete hypocrite because I realized … I’ve had a REALLY hard time liking myself all these years, I’m just starting to. How can I expect other people to like me and accept me when I have not been able to do it myself? So does that mean that you and I are shallow because we like ourselves a little more now that we’re slimmer? I thought about it and came to the realization that it is not that he likes me now because I’m losing weight, he flirts with me because he feels that I am more approachable. If you think about it how many good looking shallow guys flirt with a 294 lbs. girl? Why not wait till I’m a size 4? Maybe people treat us different now because we treat ourselves differently, maybe we’re just more pleasant to be around, maybe we smile more often and a smile is attractive and contagious, maybe you’ve started to evolve into the real you and that shows… Just saying.
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Replies
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ughhh wall of text hurts my eyes
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that totally make sense!0
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Could be that improved self-confidence is attracting them. That as you feel better, your expression is more inviting.0
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that's a great attitude to have.
but your friend's reaction mystifies the fu@k out of me. Why do girls get so offended when a boy doesn't hit on them when they are overweight, yet hits on them when they are skinny? because people hit on what they find attractive! simply as that.
obviously this boy finds you attractive now - be it that you look great or that you are showing such awesome kick *kitten* work on doing what you want to do for yourself.
i just don't think it's shallow to NOT hit on someone you don't find attractive though. I date fit guys. am i shallow because i don't date fat guys?0 -
Confidence in oneself is attractive at any weight. The more weight you loose the more confidence you feel and then you become even more desirable. Don't let your friend steel your sunshine. :happy:0
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that's a great attitude to have.
but your friend's reaction mystifies the fu@k out of me. Why do girls get so offended when a boy doesn't hit on them when they are overweight, yet hits on them when they are skinny? because people hit on what they find attractive! simply as that.
obviously this boy finds you attractive now - be it that you look great or that you are showing such awesome kick *kitten* work on doing what you want to do for yourself.
i just don't think it's shallow to NOT hit on someone you don't find attractive though. I date fit guys. am i shallow because i don't date fat guys?
Couldn't have said it better. Seriously, it's not rocket science.0 -
Not shallow.0
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I haven't lost that much weight, I have lost inches so I look like i have lost weight. But my confidence has shot up through the roof compaired to 6 months ago. 6 months ago I was a pretty sullen fat girl, that was unapproacable and quite b!tchy, I didn't want people to notice me because I didn't like me, so how could anyone else?
Now I feel better about myself, I am happier and more confident and I notice I get more attention from the opposite sex.
I really think its the added confidence or extra bounce in your step that is attracting people, not so much that you have lost weight.
It really annoys me that girls (and some guys) just jump on the "he/she didn't like me before when I was fat, why now?" bandwagon... It may not even be that he didn't like you as a fat person, maybe he/she figured you were unapproachable because of how you carried yourself.0 -
I only get hit on when I've showered in the last 24 hours.
Women are picky, I tells ya.0 -
I don't consider it shallow... unless the guy makes a comment about how ugly you were before or something.... but it could be the new found confidence that is attracting the person, or maybe just that fact that you care about yourself enough to take care of your physical being that is attracting them.0
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Yeah, it's pretty shallow to prefer someone who looks like they give enough of a rat's *kitten* about themselves enough to take care of their body. Amen.0
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I think if a person is happy and outgoing, others will interact more willingly. If you are grumpy and self-conscious, people shy away from you. I think the guy noticed your happier demeanor and moved right in! :flowerforyou:0
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Confidence and positive attitude is one of the most magnetic attributes in a person, and it's something you don't notice but naturally exude...0
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that's a great attitude to have.
but your friend's reaction mystifies the fu@k out of me. Why do girls get so offended when a boy doesn't hit on them when they are overweight, yet hits on them when they are skinny? because people hit on what they find attractive! simply as that.
obviously this boy finds you attractive now - be it that you look great or that you are showing such awesome kick *kitten* work on doing what you want to do for yourself.
i just don't think it's shallow to NOT hit on someone you don't find attractive though. I date fit guys. am i shallow because i don't date fat guys?
Pretty much this.
At first sight we are attracted to what we see. Yes, personalities can be very attractive, but that first impression has nothing to do with personality, it's all about physicality. I don't understand how people don't get that and then get all offended when someone finds them attractive once they become a body type they do find attractive. Not to mention, as a person goes through transformation more than just your body changes, maybe he's attracted to confidence and with weightloss this has increased, maybe the girl is more outgoing and this is what the person finds attractive, maybe they are active and perfer a person who shares in their active lifestyle so they can do things together.0 -
that's a great attitude to have.
but your friend's reaction mystifies the fu@k out of me. Why do girls get so offended when a boy doesn't hit on them when they are overweight, yet hits on them when they are skinny? because people hit on what they find attractive! simply as that.
obviously this boy finds you attractive now - be it that you look great or that you are showing such awesome kick *kitten* work on doing what you want to do for yourself.
i just don't think it's shallow to NOT hit on someone you don't find attractive though. I date fit guys. am i shallow because i don't date fat guys?
I agree. Physical attraction is what it is. It doesn't make anyone a bad person if they simply aren't attracted to a certain type of person.0 -
Everyone is entitled to their own physical tastes, so I don't think it makes someone shallow to ask a thinner person out, but not a heavier person.
I think shallow would come in, if they ignored you or judged you without knowing you.0 -
If a guy hits on you after you've gained weight was he shallow for not hitting on you when you weighed less?0
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The world is a nicer place when you are a normal weight. I experienced this a few times in my life when I lost weight. People treat you better, as a rule--not only guys who hit on you--but almost everyone. The other shocking thing about being a normal weight is that people share all sorts of fat-stigma comments with you. It used to make me angry because I was the same person inside.
Yesterday, I came across this blog, which addresses the whole ugly truth about attractiveness: http://thefrugalvegan.net/?p=46450 -
I haven't lost that much weight, I have lost inches so I look like i have lost weight. But my confidence has shot up through the roof compaired to 6 months ago. 6 months ago I was a pretty sullen fat girl, that was unapproacable and quite b!tchy, I didn't want people to notice me because I didn't like me, so how could anyone else?
Now I feel better about myself, I am happier and more confident and I notice I get more attention from the opposite sex.
I really think its the added confidence or extra bounce in your step that is attracting people, not so much that you have lost weight.
It really annoys me that girls (and some guys) just jump on the "he/she didn't like me before when I was fat, why now?" bandwagon... It may not even be that he didn't like you as a fat person, maybe he/she figured you were unapproachable because of how you carried yourself.
Pretty much this... I am extremely flattered when someone starts flirting or complimenting me. This is why I am working hard to lose weight and get fit. I want to look better and feel better and be confident in myself. I want to feel comfortable in this skin and show people who I really am. Not a fat, miserable girl but a healthy, outgoing, happy girl.0 -
Totally agree. It's an attitude thing. I remember one week when I lost almost 3 pounds, not that big of a deal right? But I was so happy, I was prancing around, dressed cute and wanted to show myself off. My boyfriend even said how little I looked and we flirted like crazy. Over three pounds! Then when I gained one pound back, I was grumpy and a generally unpleasant person. Our attitude is contagious. Take pride in yourself and people will notice that glow of happiness. Personally, I think your friend may be a bit jealous. If you have a crush on that guy and he's giving you attention, go get him!0
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If a guy hits on you after you've gained weight was he shallow for not hitting on you when you weighed less?
No. He's a feeder:bigsmile:0 -
that makes a lot of sense :flowerforyou:
but :grumble:
doesn't apply to me, lol
I would say I am equally nice person and approachable as I was 70pounds ago. I was generally a happy (not jolly) but happy fat person. I spoke to everyone, I engaged in conversation, I dress like I care about my appearance, and I haven't really changed the niceness factor, just shedding some pounds. I'd say for the guys who know me now, if they start flirting, I would not date them, they know me and have had their chance(if they wanted one) to try and do so(date me that is)0 -
No, it just means you are now part of their preference group and you weren't before.
Doesnt mean they think you are a better person now, just that you are physically attractive now. We have to have separate tastes for friends and lovers, otherwise we'd all just be friends. Probably.0 -
It is all about the confidence.
Before I lost weight I wanted to disappear into the woodwork. I wanted to be invisible and have no one notice me.
As I got more confident, I developed more of a spark.
Now I have quite a bit of confidence and get noticed. Prime example...last year I used to walk down the hallway and NO one at work would speak to me. I go into my main building and many people say hi to me. The one network guy says hi to me all the time. Before..I could be laying dead on the floor and I would get stepped over.
My body isn't perfect but I know how to dress it.0 -
No. I agree with you're thinking. Approachability, positivity, loving and embracing life is often considered attractive by most. I've been thin and hated myself. I was completely unapproachable (except by those who were just as crazy as I was) in my prime "hot" years, so it isn't all about being attractive. I can tell a difference, because my feelings of confidence and contentment have been a minority in my life and people (not just in the romantic sense) are more likely to interact with me when I am feeling confident and happy.0
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that's a great attitude to have.
but your friend's reaction mystifies the fu@k out of me. Why do girls get so offended when a boy doesn't hit on them when they are overweight, yet hits on them when they are skinny? because people hit on what they find attractive! simply as that.
obviously this boy finds you attractive now - be it that you look great or that you are showing such awesome kick *kitten* work on doing what you want to do for yourself.
i just don't think it's shallow to NOT hit on someone you don't find attractive though. I date fit guys. am i shallow because i don't date fat guys?
Exactly. Just like I'm not attracted to guys that are shorter than me. Does that make me shallow? No, it's just my preference. Some guys prefer blondes, some guys like brunettes, it's all about personal preference and it doesn't make a person shallow, just makes em honest.0 -
that makes a lot of sense :flowerforyou:
but :grumble:
doesn't apply to me, lol
I would say I am equally nice person and approachable as I was 70pounds ago. I was generally a happy (not jolly) but happy fat person. I spoke to everyone, I engaged in conversation, I dress like I care about my appearance, and I haven't really changed the niceness factor, just shedding some pounds. I'd say for the guys who know me now, if they start flirting, I would not date them, they know me and have had their chance(if they wanted one) to try and do so(date me that is)
You wouldn't date them because you put them in the friend zone, or they put themselves there. What if they wanted to date you, but had their own reasons or issues (outside of your being more overweight) that they had to work through? You're saying you'd automatically assume it was because of your weight and discredit any sincerity that might be there. If you ask me, *that* is shallow!0 -
I only get hit on when I've showered in the last 24 hours.
Women are picky, I tells ya.
Personally i hate showers, who needs em:smokin:0 -
Firstly, paragraphs are your friend.
Secondly, no it is not shallow.
Thirdly, there is no thirdly.
So long and thanks for the fish.0 -
that makes a lot of sense :flowerforyou:
but :grumble:
doesn't apply to me, lol
I would say I am equally nice person and approachable as I was 70pounds ago. I was generally a happy (not jolly) but happy fat person. I spoke to everyone, I engaged in conversation, I dress like I care about my appearance, and I haven't really changed the niceness factor, just shedding some pounds. I'd say for the guys who know me now, if they start flirting, I would not date them, they know me and have had their chance(if they wanted one) to try and do so(date me that is)
You wouldn't date them because you put them in the friend zone, or they put themselves there. What if they wanted to date you, but had their own reasons or issues (outside of your being more overweight) that they had to work through? You're saying you'd automatically assume it was because of your weight and discredit any sincerity that might be there. If you ask me, *that* is shallow!
good point. I know who my male friends like and pursue. they have no problem doing so(I am not their type) they friend zone themselves lol . . .I assume they like my personality, great but I would still think of them as shallow if they couldn't look pass my overweight (ness), so not a word, haha and like me then, or now. . .whichever . just my opinion on the matter.
we are all shallow to a degree we like who we like, nothing wrong with being physically attracted to someone as a criteria for dating them0
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