Are people shallow if they hit on you after you’ve lost we

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Replies

  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
    In my opinion, 90% of them are shallow. I have been skinny before and it doesn't take long to figure out what exactly your suitors are interested in. Lucky for me, I found someone who loves me for better or worse in sickness and in health.

    If you like the guy, just ask him point blank why he waited to ask you out.

    I can tell you that confidence and weight are not always correlated. I was a frightened little bunny when I was thin and guys were all over it. I wasn't taking good care of myself until after my health declined and I was already fat. Not everyone appreciates a lady who takes care of herself, because she might be intimidating. Although if this guy has been a good friend he might actually be after you and admire your strength. The only way to know is to ask.
  • downsizinghoss
    downsizinghoss Posts: 1,035 Member
    Dating someone has to do with personality, hitting on someone is all about attraction.

    When I was dating I remember hitting on a girl once after she totally changed her hairstyle.
    I thought she looked hot with the new do.

    Unfortunately she turned out to be a *****, and the new look couldn't fix that. :smile:
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    how-you-doin.jpg?w=538
  • Trail_Addict
    Trail_Addict Posts: 1,340 Member
    Physical looks get their attention.... a personality KEEPS their attention.

    People are allowed to have preferences, and it doesn't make them shallow. Anyone that says they don't have standards is a liar. It may not be "looks" they find important, but it'll be something else. And that 'something else' could be considered "shallow" by someone else's standards.

    Just don't worry about it.
  • jennifer52484
    jennifer52484 Posts: 888 Member
    Confidence is very attractive. Congratulations on the weight loss!!:smile:
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    No, it's not shallow, it's normal. As hiker said on the first page, people who obviously take care of themselves are more attractive to people in general.

    That being said, I wish there were more normal/shallow people in Tucson. I've shed an entire person and have only been hit on once - by a jailbait barista boy at a local coffee shop. :tongue:
  • DavetheHYNIC
    DavetheHYNIC Posts: 318 Member
    They May be superficial but not shallow. Sometimes they seem synonymous but there is a difference
  • wildcata77
    wildcata77 Posts: 660
    ughhh wall of text hurts my eyes :cry:

    This...I basically gave up on reading the post, but to answer the topic question...I would be offended if someone who knew me when I was fat only hit on me after losing weight. I want someone to be interested in me more for how I look.

    However, I don't think it's offensive that if you never got hit on as a heavy person, you suddenly notice more looks and catcalls directed at you after losing weight.
  • _binary_jester_
    _binary_jester_ Posts: 2,132 Member
    ughhh wall of text hurts my eyes :cry:
    I couldn't ever bring myself to start.
  • wildcata77
    wildcata77 Posts: 660
    Exactly. Just like I'm not attracted to guys that are shorter than me. Does that make me shallow? No, it's just my preference. Some guys prefer blondes, some guys like brunettes, it's all about personal preference and it doesn't make a person shallow, just makes em honest.

    But if you are excludng dating someone b/c of their weight even if you have feelings for them, you are being superficial.

    I have never been attracted to men shorter than me, I'm still not, but I am 5'9" and my husband is 5'7" with shoes on...at first I tried to talk myself out of dating him b/c his physical attributes didn't match up with what I envisioned I wanted. Thank god I changed my mind 11 years ago and gave him a chance.
  • stubbysticks
    stubbysticks Posts: 1,275 Member
    how-you-doin.jpg?w=538
    Well hellurrrrrrr. :love:

    To answer the question, not shallow at all. If I were single, I wouldn't limit men I approached to a certain size. Personal taste is a factor of course as far as height, hair, hygiene - whatever. Apart from that, I wouldn't avoid approaching an overweight man strictly based on weight. Confidence is far more attractive.

    That said, if I was attracted to a man who was overweight, I'd want to make sure physical health was pretty high on the priority list. I wouldn't assume he doesn't work out just because he's big, because I work out & I'm pretty big too. So if this was a guy I had seen at the gym regularly, I'd absolutely approach him.

    And I wouldn't approach any guy unless I'd seen him around a few times & had at least some idea of what type of person he was.

    ETA: I'd want a guy who works out regularly simply because I do. No point in trying to pursue a relationship with someone who doesn't have similar goals.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    ughhh wall of text hurts my eyes :cry:
    I couldn't ever bring myself to start.

    I just answered the title. It summed it up.
  • b0mbxchelle
    b0mbxchelle Posts: 40
    I've had this conversation with my Husband and we both agree that it isn't shallow. Some people just prefer different body types and just are NOT physically attracted to bigger people. NO harm in that.
  • terrazasmoni
    terrazasmoni Posts: 2
    YES!!! HAPPEND TO ME ALOT!!! 150 LB LOSS!!!
  • UrbanRunner81
    UrbanRunner81 Posts: 1,207 Member
    Definitely don't just think it is all about looks either. When I was heavier I hated how I felt and how I looked. You could see it on my face I was unhappy and sad.

    Since reaching my goal, I feel better about myself. I hold my head up high, smile more and just generally more upbeat. I do notice more flirting or people checking me out but I feel so much better about myself I am just oozing confidence now. ;)
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    I know that I am a happier person. I smile more. And I am definitely more confident than I was at 203lbs. So, it may not really have anything to do with the weight you've lost (to the other person) but rather how you present yourself to them. If you're confident, happy, smiling, and approachable - you'll be more attractive. Plain and simple. Ever walk past a person with their head down, eyes down and not smiling? They aren't very approachable, are they? NO.

    It could be that as your weight drops, people find you more attractive OR it could be that they are simply noticing you now. In my experience, people are drawn to happy people.
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,339 Member
    Quit complaining!!!!!!!!! You're getting hit on! lol
  • Firefighter_Jay
    Firefighter_Jay Posts: 426 Member
    Quit complaining!!!!!!!!! You're getting hit on! lol

    Omfg agreed. And no they are not shallow. We all like what we like. And anyone who says looks do not play a factor in who they choose to date is lying.
  • IronmanPanda
    IronmanPanda Posts: 2,083 Member
    Short answer: No, they're human.
  • DietingMommy08
    DietingMommy08 Posts: 1,345 Member
    that makes a lot of sense :flowerforyou:

    but :grumble:

    doesn't apply to me, lol :tongue:

    I would say I am equally nice person and approachable as I was 70pounds ago. I was generally a happy (not jolly) but happy fat person. I spoke to everyone, I engaged in conversation, I dress like I care about my appearance, and I haven't really changed the niceness factor, just shedding some pounds. I'd say for the guys who know me now, if they start flirting, I would not date them, they know me and have had their chance(if they wanted one) to try and do so(date me that is)

    I agree. My attitiude has not changed since my weight losss.... Ive always been this happy confident person... its the guys around me who have changed. Lol.
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,339 Member
    Quit complaining!!!!!!!!! You're getting hit on! lol

    Omfg agreed. And no they are not shallow. We all like what we like. And anyone who says looks do not play a factor in who they choose to date is lying.

    Exactly! You're getting skinny to feel better about yourself, be healthier, and be MORE ATTRACTIVE!
  • enlightening
    enlightening Posts: 20 Member
    I agree with VFit. She is now feeling good about herself and really IS more approachable. I know I carry myself like a whole different person when I'm thinner, even just a little thinner. Or when I fit into a smaller size and just look good in my clothes. I find myself taking more time with makeup and hair, and just feel flirty. So, you might encounter a shallow creep, or not. Take it case by case.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    i dont get this. people dont see "great sense of humor" or "has a good heart" walking down the street. they see a body with a face.

    just take the extra hollas with a smile and a thanks. say yes to any that seem interesting and stop trying to sabotage your happiness with some "do they like me for me" mess, because the answer to that is no they dont like you for you, they dont even know you, they are trying to get to know you :laugh:
  • Sumo813
    Sumo813 Posts: 566 Member
    I think as everyone else has said, and as you have realized, it's a) not shallow at all. We are all superficial to some extent, whether we choose to admit to it or not, and b) the level of confidence that you are gaining plays a great role in how attractive you are to others, whether you are overweight or not.

    I've had friends who are BIG... but they've also had BIG confidence as well. In fact, one friend even likes to refer to it as "Fat-Guy Mack", or "FGM". I've seen guys who make me look like Prince Charming that has baffled me as to why they have some of the attractive women they have. But in the end, it comes down to a) their self-confidence, and b) the other persons' personal preference in a companion.

    We are attracted to what we are attracted to. For me, Whether you're "fat", "skinny", "short", "tall", "black, brown, or white", it does not matter... as long as there is something I find attractive about you. (And I do find many of the ladies here to be attractive both BEFORE as well as AFTER). And no matter how hard we try to force otherwise, it just won't happen the way we hope it will.

    I say enjoy the compliments (as I know you do... just like any of us would) and the flirtation. Just go with the flow and if things take you somewhere great, then *high fives* all around!
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
    Someone was asking if anyone else is being hit on after losing weight. She mentioned that she felt it was sad and a little shallow. I get why she thinks that way, and I might have even agreed with her a few months ago but I have to differ on this one. Why? Well, I started this year at 321 lbs. and I am now at 294. It is incredible how a few pounds can make such a big difference. I feel great, I have more energy and I am getting along a lot better with the girl in the mirror “The Impostor” as I call her (but that’s another topic). I find it very interesting that the guy that I’ve had a crush on for the longest time has been flirting with me A LOT in the past few days. One of my friends noticed it and she said “how convenient, why did he wait till you started losing weight, don’t flirt back, he should have liked you just the way you were before, he is so shallow”. My first reaction was to say “YOU’RE RIGTH” but as I said it I felt like a complete hypocrite because I realized … I’ve had a REALLY hard time liking myself all these years, I’m just starting to. How can I expect other people to like me and accept me when I have not been able to do it myself? So does that mean that you and I are shallow because we like ourselves a little more now that we’re slimmer? I thought about it and came to the realization that it is not that he likes me now because I’m losing weight, he flirts with me because he feels that I am more approachable. If you think about it how many good looking shallow guys flirt with a 294 lbs. girl? Why not wait till I’m a size 4? Maybe people treat us different now because we treat ourselves differently, maybe we’re just more pleasant to be around, maybe we smile more often and a smile is attractive and contagious, maybe you’ve started to evolve into the real you and that shows… Just saying.

    Maybe he sees a difference in your attitude towards yourself (confidence) and thats why he is flirting.
  • bmw4deb
    bmw4deb Posts: 1,324 Member
    Could be that improved self-confidence is attracting them. That as you feel better, your expression is more inviting.


    ^^^^^^^ EXACTLY...OP great post
  • liljgrafix
    liljgrafix Posts: 177
    i dont think its shallow.. i take it as a compliment.. I am the one that got myself to the biggest weight and i am the one that decided to take it off... if someone doesnt think your pretty or hot or hit on you at your biggest weight.. then maybe you should look in the mirror.. you are beautifull and you are sexy.. you dont need anyone else to tell you that... but in other peoples eyes.. maybe they want you to look more fit.. and you have to understand how unhealthy it is to be that big... when i look at guys.. usually i dont go for the bigger one.. i want the one with the muscles and the 6pack... lol.. but that is my preference.. i dont think its shallow.. i want someone to be able to keep up with me in my life and what im doing.. and if there not willing to take the time to help theirselves out then im sorry.. on that matter. all my life i have always been the "fat" one or the your pretty if you would lose the weight.. well its my time to show all of them that i am dedicated.. dont let others make you feel down.. you are beautiful sometimes losing weight will help show others..
  • ErinBeth7
    ErinBeth7 Posts: 1,625 Member
    Quit complaining!!!!!!!!! You're getting hit on! lol

    Omfg agreed. And no they are not shallow. We all like what we like. And anyone who says looks do not play a factor in who they choose to date is lying.

    I have to agree with this, for the most part. I'll admit it. I'm superficial to an extent. You don't have to have a perfect body, but I have to be attracted to you for any interest on my part. Sorry. That is how it is.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    I'm betting I read the same post the OP did because I'd been thinking about this. The woman really seemed angry that she was getting hit on now that she was thin.

    Here's the truth. She was just man-hating. It's a favorite pasttime of women. Especially around here.

    Truth is SHE didn't even like herself when she was heavier. And that infected her brain and every part of her daily life. It's true for all of us (most of us). It's why we came here, to make a change.

    But that's not easy to admit. It's easier just to blame men and call them shallow. The truth is she has her own issues to deal with.
  • liljgrafix
    liljgrafix Posts: 177
    hell yaa.a... thats how i feel. if i got hit on .. **** that makes my day lol
    Quit complaining!!!!!!!!! You're getting hit on! lol

    Omfg agreed. And no they are not shallow. We all like what we like. And anyone who says looks do not play a factor in who they choose to date is lying.

    I have to agree with this, for the most part. I'll admit it. I'm superficial to an extent. You don't have to have a perfect body, but I have to be attracted to you for any interest on my part. Sorry. That is how it is.

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