Why is this not enough?

Sakre · March 2012

What a jerk! My husband has always told me that he loves me no matter what my size is (Although he admits that he is a lot happier when I am thinner). Unless he is perfect, he has no right to say something like that. Your spouse should make you feel beautiful and loved.

catfish9 · March 2012

I think that that's a terrible thing to say to someone you love. Ultimately, it's YOUR body and you shouldn't feel pressured to take drastic measures to conform to someone else's standards, even if it IS someone you love.

It sounds like you need to let him know how much his comments have bothered you and sit down for a long talk.

Bikini_Bound150 · March 2012

You created LIFE within your body! You are amazing and strong and beautiful!

I'm sorry, he does NOT love you... And if this kind of ordeal continues, he will (if he hasn't already) cheat on you.
I've seen this happen to so many people I love and it is so, so painful.

Please be strong for yourself and your children. That is who matters. That is who you need to be healthy for.

BrettPGH · March 2012

Wow. You go find a nice, appreciative, younger man and have an affair with him. Pronto.

murielm88 · March 2012

Omg lol you had me Rollin !

TiffanyDawn79 · March 2012

I am so sorry he is treating you this way. That is so sad. I would pull out old photos of him and start telling him where he has gained weight and how NOT perfect he is. Just to give him a dose of his own BS. Just know that you look wonderful! Strut your stuff and be proud!

k011185 · March 2012

Am I being unrealistic for wanting my husband to think I'm beautiful if I'm really not? Am I just being a crybaby for being upset about this? Is it a normal thing for guys to not think women's breasts are attractive anymore after they've had babies? Do I just need to suck it up? Should I go ahead and start putting back the money for the surgery?

A big huge resounding NO to all those things!
Be proud of yourself! You have earned it, and honestly, shame on him for saying things like that. That is awful and insenstitive. He should be nothing but proud of you, how you've taken care of your body and how you look!

kjerstenkipp · March 2012

Seriously??? Your husband is being an *kitten* hat! I am sure he is just as fabulous as he was before you guys got together (yeah, right). He made those kids so...well you get the picture.

As for surgery... that is a decision that is up to you 100%. If you were to say that you wanted to do it then I would say go for it....but clearly you don't want to and this is about you. You got fit and now he is insecure about it...trying to tear you down so you won't listen to other people (mainly men) who find you attractive...Girl, he is nothing but scared. Tell him to pull it together and if he can't there are a hundred others waiting to take his place...

CoryIda · March 2012

I would like to smack your husband - preferably across the face... with my own loose tummy skin.

jenifer7teen · March 2012

For whatever reason I can't see your pictures but not matter WHAT you look like, i would never tolerate a man who said such a thing to me. To honestly admit that your partner's body may not be perfect in the eyes of the "world", is different than saying that you find your partner unattractive. There are imperfections in everyone... and as you age there will only be more. Love is what sustains attraction... And if you try to live up to those fantasy expectations of perfection for your man, you are going to grow more miserable day by day. There is some deep-seeded s**t here (both in your desperation to PLEASE your man, and your man's shallow and cruel "love")...

I recommend couples therapy, and if that doesnt work, save yourself (and your children) from this toxic relationship.

SparklesPlenty · March 2012

Umm you look amazing.

Tell him his d!ck is tiny.

And then get a divorce.

This!

murielm88 · March 2012

I understand what you're going through but taking are of yourself
Is enough ! I'm sorry and I don't mean to be offensive but what a douche ! I felt upset when my husband asked I I'd consider a boob job after having my son! And he didn't her the end of it! Keep doing what you're doing and point out everything wrong with him and see how he takes it ! You're awesome and don't you forget it !

CosmicBella · March 2012

I can't even see your picture, so I can't comment on the way you look... BUT I will say that his remarks are insensitive and downright cruel. You should strive to make yourself happy, not someone else. His opinion does not determine your worth.

Tajdancer · March 2012

Yeesh. Yeah, your husband's got a serious problemo.

Here's what you do: sign up for a class (maybe Argentine Tango!) and spend a lot of time talking about how Jorge, your teacher or class partner, is soooo attentive, and how you feel so beautiful in his arms. Watch the hubster have a li'l change of heart.

Hee. Or, as someone else suggested, leave his sorry *kitten*.

akjmart2002 · March 2012

Your pictures are no longer visible, so I can't judge as others have. However, I can say that I'm very sorry that your feelings were hurt and your husband doesn't have much tact.

That said, in a healthy relationship there must be a way for couples to discuss these things with each other. Physical attractiveness comes and goes, and certainly should not be linked to emotional attraction (although it is for many people). An open and understanding relationship would give people the safety to discuss these things without causing hurt or offense.

In other words, it's important for you to realize that his physical attraction to you may change, but it's equally important for him to get his head out of his *kitten* and recognize that he hurts your feelings by telling you this.

Masterdo · March 2012

I have a weird opinion on that one... I also can't see the picture in the first post somehow, but I think anyway in this case what you actually look like really is not important.

First I think it should not change anything regarding your efforts and results. Being fit has a lot to do with heart health and tons of other health issues, and losing those 40 pounds was a very big victory for you, congrats for that.

Appearance though is really the tricky part... Beauty evaluation is wildly different from one person to another, and it is unlikely to change for one particular person I think. At your starting weight, some people would find you attractive, some not, same right now, and same even if you become "Olympic athlete fit", there will always be people to find you attractive and unattractive.

I have obviously not been in a relation long enough to have several kids yet, so I don't know exactly what else to tell you... But it takes nothing away from your accomplishments. You got all the health gains from that in it's probably permanent. You also seem to have a whole bunch of kids that should be proud of you (your husband probably is too, it has nothing to do with the attractive part).

Don't be sad, be proud of what you have done and go from there

Of course it's also really nice when you get someone you love to find you attractive, but that is always out of our control (the "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" thing...)

Good luck!

lorac321 · March 2012

I would like to smack your husband - preferably across the face... with my own loose tummy skin.

And I'll use my saggy boobs.

If my husband EVER said anything like to me he wouldn't have to worry about sex, he'd need to be worried about what is in his dinner...

brittanidigby · March 2012

**** that! I would be looking for a new hubby. hahah

NU2U · March 2012

Omg...will you please..please..PUHLEEEEZE give me permission to slap the rat *kitten* outta him?

He's looking to make you feel bad about yourself..because he'll NEVER be able to do a damn thing about his stubby, thumb sized turtle penis!!

TrailRunner61 · March 2012

I'm sorry but no matter what your size is, if he says that crap to you, he's a jerk. Don't listen to him and do this for YOU not him or anyone else. Good luck to you. <hugs>

suziblues2000 · March 2012

Your husband is a narcissist jerk. I'm sorry, but you need to not care what he says because YOU are amazing.

Mina133842 · March 2012

sorry, but you should not be made to feel unattractive. My best friend since High School (1995) and her husband went through a bout of something like this- he told her she wasn't beautiful to him, and probably never would be. She felt VERY unattractive, even started signing herself up for that show the SWAN, and offered to save up and have surgery to nip, tuck, and have a face lift, and he told her it wouldn't matter......now, he has a thing for pin up pics- you know, Betty Paige, (sp) and the 50's pin ups- he even had framed pics of them in their entertainment room/den whatever you want to call it (an unrealistic view of women for the most part)........ at some point she had a one night stand, felt incredibly guilty over it (the guy made her feel beautiful, and after months of doubting herself and feeling like crap she said it just "happened" - which I don't condone, by the way - as I believe marriage is sacred) she then told her husband about the affair, a few months later and even though she offered to go to counseling, he said no, and that was the end of the marriage. they've been married over 5 years, but have been a couple for about 15 years. I never saw this coming until it was too late, and she wasn't confiding to me that he told her she wasn't attractive, and they always put on this "show" of the loving couple in front of everyone. So, he should be making you feel beautiful, because someday he may lose you to someone that does.

sofaking6 · March 2012

Umm you look amazing.

Tell him his d!ck is tiny.

And then get a divorce.

^

kiminikimkim · March 2012

Ask your husband if he is willing to pay for surgery. Then you'll see if he loves money more than your body.

Maybe he will see the beauty in your natural body after knowing the price of the surgery.

ltlhmom · March 2012

If anything you should be more beautiful to him as he a seen you carry his children, give birth to them, feed them and still take care of your motherly and wifely duties! Shame on him for saying that to you and making you feel this way!

G30Grrl · March 2012

I would like to smack your husband - preferably across the face... with my own loose tummy skin.

And I'll use my saggy boobs.

If my husband EVER said anything like to me he wouldn't have to worry about sex, he'd need to be worried about what is in his dinner...

And these are just two more of the reasons I LOVE the awesome strong women on MFP! I agree with them both, by the way!

samf36 · March 2012

I can't see any pictures but the man is a jerk. He should not be talking to his wife and the mother of his children that way. Tell him to take his saggy b@ll$ and hit the road.