Deleted MFP Friend who ate to little...wrong?

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mollyjackson82
mollyjackson82 Posts: 128
in Motivation and Support
I just deleted a MFP friend that I feel is doing this all wrong and eating less than 500 calories a day. All I ever saw was salads and veggies in general with little dressing. I tried saying something but didn't know how hard to push. I just mentioned that your body needs more nurishment than that. I also said that your body will go into starvation mode. Even after saying something with no response, the diary still looks the same. Was it wrong of me to delete this person and should I have kept pushing???? I want positive healthy support through this journey and I guess if someone isn't going to listen and they are a complete stranger...I didn't want to waste my energy on them. Is that wrong of me??? I just don't know how much I should put into a person I don't know and doesnt want to listen. I want to be supportive but with people that want to do it the right way and listen to help.
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Replies

  • Sl1ghtly
    Sl1ghtly Posts: 855 Member
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    " I want positive healthy support through this journey... "

    That's nice. What do you have to trade?
  • vjrose
    vjrose Posts: 809 Member
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    I think you have to present the arguments, give them some links and if they don't respond or their diet doesn't improve then sadly yes I would delete them. I only have so much time to devote to my friends and I will spend a considerable amount trying to educate them but if after a couple of weeks there is not change then I delete them. I'll put up with crazy days but not a consistent issue.
  • JenAiMarres
    JenAiMarres Posts: 767 Member
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    It's their own battle to fight, you mentioned what u thought...and I think that's the right thing to do (privately is best)...that being said, u have the right to delete anyone u wish...and I have done the same thing.
  • kealey1318
    kealey1318 Posts: 290 Member
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    I wouldn't say it's wrong... Unfortunately, the only person you have control over is yourself, so while you can give advice, you can't make them take it... I know some folks are on doctor-supervised 500 calorie diets, but if they haven't said so to you, then I can see where you would be extremely concerned.

    I quit looking and/or commenting on people's food diaries. I congratulate folks on their exercise and their days of activity with MFP. I just found too many people don't want or appreciate the advice.
  • coconutty420
    coconutty420 Posts: 47 Member
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    this is a very personal journey for all of us....but ultimately its all about YOU! you were not nasty, you did not hurt this person but you need to do what is right and helpful to you. many of us are in the position of needing to lose weight because we have put too many other people and things in front of our own personal happiness and health....so do not feel bad. and you cannot help those who dont want your help.
    P.S. if it helps i deleted a freind because she added her new weight loss every day...SOANDSO just lost 0.2 pounds....i got sick of reading it because i am pushing myself NOT to use my scale more then once a month...and my loss has been a bit slower then hers....i didnt want to be discouraged by her loss everyday.
  • NU2U
    NU2U Posts: 659 Member
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    Yes. It's like telling a friend to get lost because she ate a candy bar. We're all in this together. Weightloss and fitness doesn't HAVE to be "This Way or the Highway!!".

    Different things work for different people....but SUPPORT is good for EVERYONE.

    I wouldn't delete someone for eating too little......I would however, delete someone for belittling another member or openly minimalizing someone's efforts.

    That probably hurt your friend's feelings.....imagine how they might feel.
  • tracyface399
    tracyface399 Posts: 83 Member
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    I would have done the exact same thing you did. You gave them your input, they didn't respond or take into account you advice- you did all you could.
    Personally, I came to this community for some positive feedback and motivation. Putting energy into someone that you hardly know and who is not acting like they are looking for any help is just not for me. So, as much as I may sound like a little bit of a biotch here.... I have enough drama in my real life to have someone in my internet life tire me out!
  • NU2U
    NU2U Posts: 659 Member
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    this is a very personal journey for all of us....but ultimately its all about YOU! you were not nasty, you did not hurt this person but you need to do what is right and helpful to you. many of us are in the position of needing to lose weight because we have put too many other people and things in front of our own personal happiness and health....so do not feel bad. and you cannot help those who dont want your help.
    P.S. if it helps i deleted a freind because she added her new weight loss every day...SOANDSO just lost 0.2 pounds....i got sick of reading it because i am pushing myself NOT to use my scale more then once a month...and my loss has been a bit slower then hers....i didnt want to be discouraged by her loss everyday.

    Wow....you deleted someone for being proud of every bit of weight that she lost? Is this NOT a FITNESS website?

    Geez, I stumbled onto the WRONG thread this morning.

    Weightloss is a byproduct of effort, dedication, sacrifice and will power.........it should be congratulated..NOT condemned :-(
  • coliema
    coliema Posts: 7,646 Member
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    I love when this topic comes up. That person is eating what THEY want, it's not YOUR mouth to worry about. Just help them along the way no matter what they decide, it's their body and they will deal with it how they'd like to. That's how I see it.
  • coconutty420
    coconutty420 Posts: 47 Member
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    her weight loss was making me feel discouraged and since this is my personal journey i did not think it was benefitting me. we are all on such different diet plans...exercise differently....and none of us are right or wrong but i am the only one responsible for my well being. i am very happy for everyone to lose weight...but her daily weigh in conflicted with my once a month weigh in...it was a temptation that i didnt need. besides if someone "unfriended" me im not even sure i would notice...i mean do you check your friends list everyday?
  • sarahbear1981
    sarahbear1981 Posts: 610 Member
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    I can't sit by and watch someone starve themselves and I can't bring myself to congratulate them for it either. IMHO you did the right thing. Next time, send a PM asking if they are on a doctor supervised diet first, if not try and help them and if you get no response then give up and move on. Find people with similar goals and lifestyle commitments and you will be fine. Do not feel bad. I deleted a person who was eating somewhere around 500 cals a day and when I asked they told me they were "challenging themselves" :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Needless to say, they were gone...
  • mollyjackson82
    mollyjackson82 Posts: 128
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    in all fairness I said MFP friend. sorry to say this but i never talked to this person, becuase they never talked back. I was only a friend for a short period. I dont' think that just becuase I accepted a friend request or requested one on a online weight loss site...we are bound by blood. I get 100% annoyed with people that think they can get a quick fix, this should be a lifetime journey and something you can keep up with your whole life so you don't gain back. because we apparently do not agree on our lifetime goals, i deleted the person.
  • katB_83
    katB_83 Posts: 41 Member
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    Personally I think it was your choice to make and if you was spending time worrying over someone then you were in your right to delete them. Spend your time concentrating on yourself and let other people make their own mistakes.
  • mollyjackson82
    mollyjackson82 Posts: 128
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    in all fairness I said MFP friend. sorry to say this but i never talked to this person, becuase they never talked back. I was only a friend for a short period. I dont' think that just becuase I accepted a friend request or requested one on a online weight loss site...we are bound by blood. I get 100% annoyed with people that think they can get a quick fix, this should be a lifetime journey and something you can keep up with your whole life so you don't gain back. because we apparently do not agree on our lifetime goals, i deleted the person.

    I meant this as a response to NU2U...apparently hit the wrong hyperlink...lol
  • NU2U
    NU2U Posts: 659 Member
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    her weight loss was making me feel discouraged and since this is my personal journey i did not think it was benefitting me. we are all on such different diet plans...exercise differently....and none of us are right or wrong but i am the only one responsible for my well being. i am very happy for everyone to lose weight...but her daily weigh in conflicted with my once a month weigh in...it was a temptation that i didnt need. besides if someone "unfriended" me im not even sure i would notice...i mean do you check your friends list everyday?

    No, I don't...
    And although I told myself not to reply to this thread again......OMFNG...I COULDN'T RESIST!!
    One question....

    What in the hell does HER constant weigh-ins have to do with YOU?

    she has every friggin right to step on that scale as often as she pleases...it's HER body...HER scale...and HER business.

    If her WEIGHTLOSS bothers you that much....YOU have a serious problem.

    Hmmmmm..I think I will go and weigh myself..she inspired me to weigh early this week.
  • sweettthings
    sweettthings Posts: 157 Member
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    Definitely your choice to make, and it's not like they ever interacted, so who is to say they ever noticed the unfriending.

    I would be torn. I'd probably not unfriend them, because I'd hope that someday they might look at my diary and see that I'm getting better results at 1590 than I ever got at <1200.
  • bhalter
    bhalter Posts: 582 Member
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    While yes, we are all on this site to get support, I also want to keep my friends list manageable. Maybe some can, but I cannot adequately (sp?) support and encourage everyone if I have too many friends or I have friends that are not responding or equally supporting me. If I had a friend like that, I couldn't support their eating or actions and I would be lying commenting on their finished diaries that are under calories by saying "good job!" I've never known someone with an eating disorder, and I don't know how to properly help that person. I can suggest counseling or make suggestions on their eating, but after that, they're better off to have another friend that could help them.

    It sucks, but I love the friends on my list that comment on my diary and say "watch that sodium" or "more water today!" or "yikes, you went a little crazy on those hot wings, huh?" I NEED accountability for my actions, and that's why I'm here. To have more than just me critiquing my choices and helping me along and making suggestions. I'm a needy friend, lol. So if have someone not communicating, or not engaging with me, then I delete them. It's nothing personal, I just try to keep my friends list small. I'm the same with Facebook.
  • coconutty420
    coconutty420 Posts: 47 Member
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    WOW! i had no idea that my words could compel such a strong responce. i am sorry that you seem so upset by my reaction. but when it comes down to it i am honest with myself about my feelings...right or wrong....they are still feelings that i experienced and they were effecting my own personal journey. i am not here for anyone but myself. its ME time. call me a $hitty friend if you would like but i dont really care....esp since this term "friend" for you means a totally different thing to me. have a beautiful and blessed day and try not to carry your annoyance with much further. xoxo
  • 0lightasair
    0lightasair Posts: 42 Member
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    I don't think anyone can tell you whether it's right or wrong to manage your friends list. Removing someone from your MFP FL is not as drastic as terminating a personal IRL friendship in most cases.

    However, I do think you were wrong to scrutinize her so much. My mother went about 4 months working out like mad and eating nothing but raw veggies as she is vegetarian and not a fan of "veg protien substitutes" like soy meat and tofu. She improved her health drastically over those 4 months because she cut out all junk food and required minimal protien from a lack of strength training and a high cardio regime. You need to eat a lot of veggies to hit that 500 calorie mark so my mother probably had a similar diet to your friend's. She never went into starvation mode and lost 30 lbs over 3 months. and has managed to keep it off after changing her diet and exercise post transformation.

    Because someone has a different weightloss strategy compared to you, does not make it wrong, or indicate an ED. At the end of the day, each knows their bodies best.
  • Shayztar
    Shayztar Posts: 415 Member
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    Delete who you want. It's MFP. You probably don't know this person in real life. If they suck at dieting, don't make it your problem. Stick with the people who make you feel good and who have similar goals to you - even if that goal is to lose weight in a healthy manner.

    I have deleted people for less. And sent friend requests for more! :)


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