Deleted MFP Friend who ate to little...wrong?
Replies
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I don't see anything wrong with deleting someone like that. It would make me feel awful to see someone going down that path, but if they ignore attempts to point out what could happen eating like that, I wouldn't want to continue watching as someone is en-route to a train wreck.0
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I couldn't be friends with somebody with an ED.
It's nothing personal because I know these men and women have their own demons, but it just breaks my heart and I know there's nothing I can do about it.0 -
I think the point of this site is to find friends with similar goals and plans. If their goals don't match yours, you're free to delete.0
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Since we don't generally know anyone personally on this site I guess we're all virtual friends. Dropping one that does nothing for you and which you can do nothing for isn't a big deal in my opinion. Is it rude? I wouldn't say it's any more rude than someone not replying to something you've said. If they don't have a reason and logic behind their decisions in life why should they require one from you?0
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I would have done the exact same thing you did. You gave them your input, they didn't respond or take into account you advice- you did all you could.
Personally, I came to this community for some positive feedback and motivation. Putting energy into someone that you hardly know and who is not acting like they are looking for any help is just not for me. So, as much as I may sound like a little bit of a biotch here.... I have enough drama in my real life to have someone in my internet life tire me out!
^^^^ This
So if I sound snotty, I am okay with that. I love my group of friends for the reason that we all have similar goals. Most of the are moms, or full-time workign adults in their 30's, or similar stats/ goals. We struggle with a lot of the same things so we support each other. We are all adults and understand we have bad days and good but if one of my friends was really negitive constantly or eating relatively nothing, then I would probably delete them. If I knew them IRL, that would be a very different situation.0 -
Nope nothing wrong with that at all...you had nothing to offer her in the way of friends.
What are you supposed to say to her "great job starving yourself today" or "way to go depriving your body"0 -
I wouldn't say it's wrong... Unfortunately, the only person you have control over is yourself, so while you can give advice, you can't make them take it... I know some folks are on doctor-supervised 500 calorie diets, but if they haven't said so to you, then I can see where you would be extremely concerned.
I quit looking and/or commenting on people's food diaries. I congratulate folks on their exercise and their days of activity with MFP. I just found too many people don't want or appreciate the advice.
This! Its best not to dig into other diaries unless they ask. Maybe in general only dole out advice when asked for it. I try to stick to encouraging comments only like on exercise and progress. & it is your right to remove anyone you want.0 -
I deleted a few people like that because they cluttered up my news feed with things like, "Omg 200 calories in, I am such a fat loser failure!!" like literally every few minutes. It was just too much bs.
I don't blame you for deleting them, I'd of done the same.
On the other hand, I deleted a person for constantly messaging me regarding my calories in. He'd tell me how on (insert date as far back as three months) I finished the day with (insert calorie number) left and that wasn't supporting my weight gain goal. Then I'd get a link to articles about anorexia. I mean it was a constant thing. I had diarrhea one day and barely ate and he went berserk on me. Keep in mind my calorie goal is set to 2100...so the minimum I eat and this is the worst case scenario that I don't eat well, is 1750 calories. Homie was just trippin'.0 -
her weight loss was making me feel discouraged and since this is my personal journey i did not think it was benefitting me. we are all on such different diet plans...exercise differently....and none of us are right or wrong but i am the only one responsible for my well being. i am very happy for everyone to lose weight...but her daily weigh in conflicted with my once a month weigh in...it was a temptation that i didnt need. besides if someone "unfriended" me im not even sure i would notice...i mean do you check your friends list everyday?
No, I don't...
And although I told myself not to reply to this thread again......OMFNG...I COULDN'T RESIST!!
One question....
What in the hell does HER constant weigh-ins have to do with YOU?
she has every friggin right to step on that scale as often as she pleases...it's HER body...HER scale...and HER business.
If her WEIGHTLOSS bothers you that much....YOU have a serious problem.
Hmmmmm..I think I will go and weigh myself..she inspired me to weigh early this week.
I honestly think that you are the one with the serious problem. You are extremely belittling and disrespectful. She was not being mean, she was trying to be supportive. This has nothing to do with the scale, it has to do with being healthy. 500 calories is not enough to support your body, even for the smallest of people. This is exactly how anorexia starts. So yea, it was HER business what she does with her body, but it is other's business to help her realize that she has a problem. We are all on here to give and recieve advice not belittle.0 -
personally I wouldn't delete a friend unless they were abusive in some way ...
I try and encourage my friends in anyway I can ..... most of my friends eat more than I do ... I regularly net under 1000 cals ... this is not because I want to "starve" myself ..... but simply because I couldn't eat any more ... I am full and wont force feed myself for anyone .... however if someone wanted to delete me as a friend because I wasn't eating at much as they think I should then I would wish them luck on their journey.
I think some ppl eat too much, but I certainly wouldn't un-friend them, they are doing what works for them, and at the end of the day if they are getting results that they like then they are doing it right ............0 -
I am a strong believer that if you are on a journey you want supporters who have similar goals as yours... I am guilty of doing this, I am here for support and to support but if we are not sorta kinda almost on the same page as to what is healthy and what isn't (of course those are personal opinions) we really cannot support each other at the highest of capacity.0
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personally I wouldn't delete a friend unless they were abusive in some way ...
I try and encourage my friends in anyway I can ..... most of my friends eat more than I do ... I regularly net under 1000 cals ... this is not because I want to "starve" myself ..... but simply because I couldn't eat any more ... I am full and wont force feed myself for anyone .... however if someone wanted to delete me as a friend because I wasn't eating at much as they think I should then I would wish them luck on their journey.
I think some ppl eat too much, but I certainly wouldn't un-friend them, they are doing what works for them, and at the end of the day if they are getting results that they like then they are doing it right ............
I have people on my friends that I think don't eat enough *cough*, but whenever I mention it, they always reply, and usually take advice on board so I know they are trying their best.
I think the issue with the OP wasn't just the eating too little, it was also the lack of response to any comments. I wouldn't delete anyone for not eating enough, but I certainly would for the lack of interaction.0 -
I agree!!!0
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Nope nothing wrong with that at all...you had nothing to offer her in the way of friends.
What are you supposed to say to her "great job starving yourself today" or "way to go depriving your body"
Agree! I'm not going to try to offer support to self-destructive people... whether they grossly over-eat or under-eat, especially if they ignore me. There are lots of people on this forum that will be happy to pat them on the back for starving themselves, but it won't be me. This site is about healthy living First, support comes after.0 -
I couldn't be friends with somebody with an ED.
It's nothing personal because I know these men and women have their own demons, but it just breaks my heart and I know there's nothing I can do about it.
Odds are most of your friends on here have an eating disorder, whether or not it's diagnosed. I have a diagnosed eating disorder and I'm very open about it, but I am also working with this site to keep me on healthy paths and not just "winging it". I'm only commenting because your blanket statement assumes 1. That you know no one you're friends with on here has an ED and 2. That all ED patients eat way too little. What if someone honestly tracked their binges and whether or not they purged, but their calories were within reason?
I guess my point is, if you couldn't be friends with someone that had an eating disorder, then it's time to delete probably about 1/2-3/4 of your friends because that's how many of us got here, an unhealthy emotional or psychological attachment to food.0 -
Be an example. Do the right things, get results and she will see it. All you can do is extend the olive branch. And stop looking at her diary if it bothers you.0
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I couldn't be friends with somebody with an ED.
It's nothing personal because I know these men and women have their own demons, but it just breaks my heart and I know there's nothing I can do about it.
Odds are most of your friends on here have an eating disorder, whether or not it's diagnosed. I have a diagnosed eating disorder and I'm very open about it, but I am also working with this site to keep me on healthy paths and not just "winging it". I'm only commenting because your blanket statement assumes 1. That you know no one you're friends with on here has an ED and 2. That all ED patients eat way too little. What if someone honestly tracked their binges and whether or not they purged, but their calories were within reason?
I guess my point is, if you couldn't be friends with someone that had an eating disorder, then it's time to delete probably about 1/2-3/4 of your friends because that's how many of us got here, an unhealthy emotional or psychological attachment to food.
I don't agree with the numbers here. But, you have absolutely no obligation to anyone on the internet (unless you have specifically said you do), so add or delete friends as you wish and don't worry about it. This is why I don't add friends, someone always has to carry it a little too far and try to make someone feel like they are WRONG. Wrong about what, I don't know... just wrong. It makes them feel better.. maybe that they are smarter than everyone else.0 -
I couldn't be friends with somebody with an ED.
It's nothing personal because I know these men and women have their own demons, but it just breaks my heart and I know there's nothing I can do about it.
Odds are most of your friends on here have an eating disorder, whether or not it's diagnosed. I have a diagnosed eating disorder and I'm very open about it, but I am also working with this site to keep me on healthy paths and not just "winging it". I'm only commenting because your blanket statement assumes 1. That you know no one you're friends with on here has an ED and 2. That all ED patients eat way too little. What if someone honestly tracked their binges and whether or not they purged, but their calories were within reason?
I guess my point is, if you couldn't be friends with someone that had an eating disorder, then it's time to delete probably about 1/2-3/4 of your friends because that's how many of us got here, an unhealthy emotional or psychological attachment to food.
HA
ahahahahahahaha
Talk about blanket statements. You just assume I ONLY mean people with ED's eat too little. Sorry, sister. I know that people can over eat, as well.
All 10 of my friends on MFP do NOT talk/act like they have an ED. Perhaps they all do, because your numbers suggest they may, but they do not act like it. Nor do they try to put it in my face.
But thank you for your wonderfully insightful post.0 -
her weight loss was making me feel discouraged and since this is my personal journey i did not think it was benefitting me. we are all on such different diet plans...exercise differently....and none of us are right or wrong but i am the only one responsible for my well being. i am very happy for everyone to lose weight...but her daily weigh in conflicted with my once a month weigh in...it was a temptation that i didnt need. besides if someone "unfriended" me im not even sure i would notice...i mean do you
check your friends list everyday?
No, I don't...
And although I told myself not to reply to this thread again......OMFNG...I COULDN'T RESIST!!
One question....
What in the hell does HER constant weigh-ins have to do with YOU?
she has every friggin right to step on that scale as often as she pleases...it's HER body...HER scale...and HER business.
If her WEIGHTLOSS bothers you that much....YOU have a serious problem.
Hmmmmm..I think I will go and weigh myself..she inspired me to weigh early this week.
I honestly think that you are the one with the serious problem. You are extremely belittling and disrespectful. She was not being mean, she was trying to be supportive. This has nothing to do with the scale, it has to do with being healthy. 500 calories is not enough to support your body, even for the smallest of people. This is exactly how
anorexia starts. So yea, it was HER business what she does with her body, but it is other's business to help her realize that she has a problem. We are all on here to give and recieve advice not belittle.
Belittling and Disrespectful??? Really... that's what you got from my response??
WELL WHOOPTY-DAMN-DOO!!! :smokin:0 -
personally I wouldn't delete a friend unless they were abusive in some way ...
I try and encourage my friends in anyway I can ..... most of my friends eat more than I do ... I regularly net under 1000 cals ... this is not because I want to "starve" myself ..... but simply because I couldn't eat any more ... I am full and wont force feed myself for anyone .... however if someone wanted to delete me as a friend because I wasn't eating at much as they think I should then I would wish them luck on their journey.
I think some ppl eat too much, but I certainly wouldn't un-friend them, they are doing what works for them, and at the end of the day if they are getting results that they like then they are doing it right ............
I have people on my friends that I think don't eat enough *cough*, but whenever I mention it, they always reply, and usually take advice on board so I know they are trying their best.
I think the issue with the OP wasn't just the eating too little, it was also the lack of response to any comments. I wouldn't delete anyone for not eating enough, but I certainly would for the lack of interaction.
hehe x ....
yeah being ignored would annoy me also
..... but then again it can be difficult to find all comments as there is no alerts to let you know someone responded ... so maybe they just weren't seeing the comments .... Im sure I miss loads :-/ 0 -
~ I totaly agree with you "I would never delete anyone because they are not eating the way I want them to eat" , it would be better if maybe you can share some idea's with them etc.....
Yes. It's like telling a friend to get lost because she ate a candy bar. We're all in this together. Weightloss and fitness doesn't HAVE to be "This Way or the Highway!!".
Different things work for different people....but SUPPORT is good for EVERYONE.
I wouldn't delete someone for eating too little......I would however, delete someone for belittling another member or openly minimalizing someone's efforts.
That probably hurt your friend's feelings.....imagine how they might feel.0 -
I have deleted mfp friends due to (including way under eating) in the past. I'm here to live my journey and have people along side me for support and give support. You can have on here who ever you want. If you don't want them as a mfp friend, then so be it.0
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I have in the past deleted low netters. Not so much because they net low, but because they net low and then ***** and moan about not losing weight. And you tell them how they could make changes to do it healthier, they even go yeah you're so right I really do need to eat more... Then a few weeks later you see they've dropped their goal even MORE. They obviously don't want my sort of support, so there's no point keeping them.0
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I have in the past deleted low netters. Not so much because they net low, but because they net low and then ***** and moan about not losing weight. And you tell them how they could make changes to do it healthier, they even go yeah you're so right I really do need to eat more... Then a few weeks later you see they've dropped their goal even MORE. They obviously don't want my sort of support, so there's no point keeping them.
mhm0 -
I think you were right to delete them if what they were doing bothered you that much. They are under no obligation to change based on what you suggest, and likewise you are under no obligation to keep trying when obviously they don't want to take the same path you are on.
If it were a dear old friend in real life, it would be different. But, since you say this person is a stranger outside MFP, then clearly you have different goals and/or methods to achieve those goals. Like any relationship, when it's not working sometimes you just gotta move on.0
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