Do you ever do the fart and blow?

AmberJslimsAWAY

I work, I do the hallway crop dust with strategic coughing if things get a little audible.

I farted in the elevator yesterday, because I COULD NOT hold it anymore. And sure enough, there was someone waiting for the elevator when I got to my floor.

Hahaha you are one awesome gal!

well thank you

yvonnej1

Nah I just blame it on the dog :sick:

mandasimba

I offer high fives to people. Be proud of your accomplishments!

AmberJslimsAWAY

Nah I just blame it on the dog :sick:

Dog farts are gross.

SoDamnHungry

No, because when you take a deep breath to blow, you can taste it. Ugh.

kappy_hollowell

My chair at work is cushiony, but it's vinyl too, so sometimes I try to slip em out silently, and they end up sounding like pop pop pop pop pop... I act like I didn't do anything most of the time.

AmberJslimsAWAY

My chair at work is cushiony, but it's vinyl too, so sometimes I try to slip em out silently, and they end up sounding like pop pop pop pop pop... I act like I didn't do anything most of the time.

That's the WORST!!!!

CandeesLand

At work, I do the hallway crop dust with strategic coughing if things get a little audible.

then I log the exercise.

Awesome!

LauraMacNCheese

nah, I am a big fan of the crop dusting

ScottyNoHotty

My husband lets out stink bombs at night and pulls the covers over my head, but when he falls asleep in his recliner, I fart on his head.

That is called a Dutch Oven...

jcriscuolo

If I fart at work and it's a bad one, I do the 'fart and blow the joint" - I get up and leave the area.
Although lately with my new-found revised diet, I don't fart much anymore.

lorac321

My husband lets out stink bombs at night and pulls the covers over my head, but when he falls asleep in his recliner, I fart on his head.

I about spit water on my monitor!:laugh:

BigDaddyBRC

Definitely...and sometimes, you do it on purpose to exact revenge...

SofaKingRad

Do you fart while you blow? That's another question to be answered.

Pollywog39

At work, I do the hallway crop dust with strategic coughing if things get a little audible.

then I log the exercise.

Duhaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmn.

1,000 calories, right there!

LauraMacNCheese

Definitely...and sometimes, you do it on purpose to exact revenge...

I KNEW it was you!!!!!!!!!! And your back is to me in the office...WTF?!?!?! :sick:

GasMasterFlash

Buttercup.

MelissaT81

omg i am crying! Best post ever!!!

Heaven71

I rarely fart outside of a bathroom due to a tendency to shart.

Never trust a fart over 40

NU2U

Seriously though....one time I swear a ghost farted in my face.....I am being serious too :noway:

HiKaren

No. Not the fart-n-blow but I do this one... Its kinda close.

The Cough-Fart Combo
The Cough-Fart Combo is a premeditated activity undertaken by one trying to mask his activities. This technique is often used in the presence of women; especially those who don’t understand that farts are funny.
Warning: The Cough-Fart Combo can be a double edged sword, especially when your timing is a bit off, or the fart lasts longer than expected!

Quite often its the Soprano...



The Soprano
This fart is difficult to describe. It is quite high pitched in nature, and often times is associated with a tingling vibratory feeling in the crotch area. It can be used to significantly lengthen a ripper or standard fart if you are going for duration.

Anthonydaman

I blame the dog,cat, or the person next to me.

kappy_hollowell

My chair at work is cushiony, but it's vinyl too, so sometimes I try to slip em out silently, and they end up sounding like pop pop pop pop pop... I act like I didn't do anything most of the time.

That's the WORST!!!!

Sometimes they're more like squueeeeeaaaakkkkk...... The only reason I know, is cause I just let one go. (I'm a poet and didn't know it)

LauraMacNCheese

I feel that this has bearing on this topic...therefore:

HOW TO POOP AT WORK

As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is
inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the
survival guide for taking a dump at the office.

CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk really fast around the office so
the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't
know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until
the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 3 feet to make sure the
smell has left your pants.

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and
check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, Leave and
come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may
become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave
of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the
urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is
uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun
pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this
should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left
the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits
the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up
the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF
SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after
you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable
moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to
pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be minimized with the use of
the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn
proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the
bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look
around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the
bathroom.

SAFE HAVENS: A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you
can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the
opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a same-sex pooper entering
your bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and
tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and
vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this
occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you
will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom
that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or
to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in
conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars
that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the
stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom
immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON: A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon
coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud Splashes
in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a
Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could
spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the
pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as
you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits
you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

ColCul

I don't blow it, I fan it - at my man.

You have to give him a bowl of it... that's what I do

"Cup of Cheese"!!!!!! Look it up on YouTube. Pee in your pants funny.

coopersmom2006

Hubby calls me the terrorist farter. I do it and wait to see if he notices THEN laugh hysterically at his horror. I've cleared the room lately with my gastrointestinal issues. Not sure what's up but it ain't pretty.

kappy_hollowell

Greatest. Thread. EVER.

CallMeCupcakeDammit

I farted in the elevator yesterday, because I COULD NOT hold it anymore. And sure enough, there was someone waiting for the elevator when I got to my floor.

Never fails! Whenever I think it's safe to bust one out at my desk, someone always walks up to my desk soon after. The fan and blow don't always work, I've found. :ohwell:

I asked my bff's 6 yr old if she wanted to hear something funny. She said yes, so I farted, and it was a good one! She was not amused. :huh:

daphnemoon

lauramac - very funny! There's also the technique of 'padding' - if you are alone in the bathroom with maybe one other person, put a sufficient amount of paper down BEFORE you commence mission and it will go some way to reduce the embarrassment. Not exactly the eco-friendly option but hey who cares.

I don't know if all dogs do this, I guess I will be a bit disappointed if they do, but when my aunt comes over with her 8 year old black lab, he is laying in front of the television chilling out, maybe dozing off. He suddenly lets one go, and it stinks. All you hear is this massive sigh, like oh darn it I did it again, and then he gets up and swooshes it around violently with his tail. Just so we all get to smell it. He's a very thoughtful pooch.

CallMeCupcakeDammit

I don't know if all dogs do this, I guess I will be a bit disappointed if they do, but when my aunt comes over with her 8 year old black lab, he is laying in front of the television chilling out, maybe dozing off. He suddenly lets one go, and it stinks. All you hear is this massive sigh, like oh darn it I did it again, and then he gets up and swooshes it around violently with his tail. Just so we all get to smell it. He's a very thoughtful pooch.

Mine aren't that thoughtful. They either pretend they don't know why I'm covering my nose and mouth, or act like they're just as surprised at the sound as I am.