I absolutely hate myself for becoming fat again :I

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mischa_12
mischa_12 Posts: 137 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
It's really quite sad but I have such hate for myself, I go shopping with friends and family and every time I catch a glimpse in the mirror I cringe. I also find myself crying when I'm watching TV shows with girls my age who look happy and they're so thin they can wear anything they want.

I have gained over 10 lbs since the middle of last year, I got down to about 110 lbs and was so skinny, everyone would comment about how fantastic I looked, I could wear anything I wanted...even a bikini.

I'm feeling particularly stressed right now because my boyfriend who I haven't seen in 10 months (he lives quite far away from me) hasn't seen me yet this fat, I know deep down he wouldnt care but I just don't want him to see me this way. I'll be coming to stay with him in 2 weeks and I'm so upset that I've let myself get this overweight.

Does anyone else ever feel disgusted with themself? I just feel like this all the time now :/
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Replies

  • Lukazetta
    Lukazetta Posts: 427 Member
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    Can't really say I was in the same situation as you but I have given up exercising before just because I didn't see any results whatsoever. I thought it was pointless to carry on and I got up to 20% body fat.

    Don't stress out, your boyfriend should understand your situation. And you're doing something about it and making progress, that's the main thing. And being fat is only a standard on opinions, your definition will vary from others - but more importantly, there is no reason to hate yourself for being fat, especially since you're doing something about it now with a new lifestyle. It's really only a matter of time until you start getting compliments again, and it will be sooner than you think.

    Just keep at it, you got this.
  • mazecraze30
    mazecraze30 Posts: 30
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    Don't feel bad. 120 isnt really fat either :P
  • Lindz2323
    Lindz2323 Posts: 261 Member
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    I'd LOVE to be 120 lbs. I started here at 229lbs and worked my way down to 156 as of right now. My goal by June is 135 and maybe less after that. I'm sure 10 lbs doesn't show much on you so try not to worry too much, 120 lbs is a great weight.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    Honey, you aren't actually fat. You may not be where you want to be, but you're being awfully hard on yourself. Stop it.
  • JoolieW68
    JoolieW68 Posts: 1,879 Member
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    Sorry you feel that way, but with healthy eating and exercise you should be able to lose what you want just fine.

    Be glad you don't have to lose more......it could always be worse.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    You're not fat.
  • OngaFish
    OngaFish Posts: 5
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    Don't hate yourself it serves no purpose other then to keep you heavy.

    Remember you can not do any about the past but learn from it.

    Today is a new day make the most of it.
  • Serah87
    Serah87 Posts: 5,481 Member
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    Honey, you aren't actually fat. You may not be where you want to be, but you're being awfully hard on yourself. Stop it.

    Yes I agree. 90% percent of us on MFP wished we were 120 pounds!! :huh:
  • SierraElegance
    SierraElegance Posts: 86 Member
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    Guys aren't as critical of us as we think-- he probably won't even notice or care! He'll just be happy to see you!

    Just keep up on your food diary, and if you really need to drop that weight you can. I see you have a sweet tooth, maybe take a break from sugar and eat more of the healthy foods that you are choosing. Stay full on protein and you won't need the candy bars. It doesn't get easier as you get older, so the more you focus on healthy eating for life, the less yo-yo dieting you'll have to do.
  • MarCarCas
    MarCarCas Posts: 96 Member
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    120 is a great weight! It's good that you've realized that you were gaining, now you can stop gaining and get back to the weight you want to be. I think that your boyfriend will just be so happy to see you, I doubt he will notice a ten pound gain.
  • Tourney3p0
    Tourney3p0 Posts: 290 Member
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    Speaking as a guy, he's not going to even notice you now weigh 120 instead of 110, let alone care.

    Honestly, I'm just hoping this is a joke post. Crying at how good everyone on TV looks because you're fat at 120 pounds? Come on.
  • kbmnurse
    kbmnurse Posts: 2,484 Member
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    Don't be so hard on yourself. Now that reality has hit get off your butt and do something about it. By the time you see your BF in 2 weeks you could have a couple lbs off. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get going.
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
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    In what alternative universe is 119 Ibs fat, unless you are like, much less than 5 feet tall? Maybe you need to look at your thinking and alter it a little as what you are saying is not logical. I would also say that compliments mean really very little in the grand scheme of things... people often say pleasant things without really meaning them, simply to be socially correct. I also think it is more important that you have the self esteem that you are able to feel happy with yourself, and able to compliment yourself. It should not need to come from other people and if it does, then you really need to do some work on your thinking, as it sounds quite self judgemental, unforgiving, harsh and slightly skewed.

    There are people here who have gained 30, 50, 70, 130 Ibs, and you are dissing youself over 10 Ibs? I might word my response better, but I am tired and in the midst of PMT and too tired to tiptoe. I suggest a reality check.
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
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    Speaking as a guy, he's not going to even notice you now weigh 120 instead of 110, let alone care.

    Honestly, I'm just hoping this is a joke post. Crying at how good everyone on TV looks because you're fat at 120 pounds? Come on.

    Sadly, that is the extent to which the media has come to control peoples perceptions of themselves and of how everyone should look, it seems. I, personally, can see right through the fake facade that the media likes to spoonfeed society each and every day. Many of these people on tv are airbrushed or made up to death anyway, or on unhealthy, faddy diets. Who on earth would want to be so artificial, rather than be themselves?
  • FrenchMob
    FrenchMob Posts: 1,167 Member
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    Is this for real? :huh: 10 lbs? You weigh 120? If that's a big stressor in your life, then you haven't really lived.
  • PapaverSomniferum
    PapaverSomniferum Posts: 2,677 Member
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    It's really quite sad but I have such hate for myself, I go shopping with friends and family and every time I catch a glimpse in the mirror I cringe. I also find myself crying when I'm watching TV shows with girls my age who look happy and they're so thin they can wear anything they want.

    I have gained over 10 lbs since the middle of last year, I got down to about 110 lbs and was so skinny, everyone would comment about how fantastic I looked, I could wear anything I wanted...even a bikini.

    I'm feeling particularly stressed right now because my boyfriend who I haven't seen in 10 months (he lives quite far away from me) hasn't seen me yet this fat, I know deep down he wouldnt care but I just don't want him to see me this way. I'll be coming to stay with him in 2 weeks and I'm so upset that I've let myself get this overweight.

    Does anyone else ever feel disgusted with themself? I just feel like this all the time now :/

    Self-hatred is a battle of it's own. It's a battle twice as difficult as the battle of the bulge.

    I've heard rumors that if you can beat self hatred, physical goals will follow. NOT the other way around.

    If i master it, I'll let you know how it goes.
  • Nopedotjpeg
    Nopedotjpeg Posts: 1,806 Member
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    Middle of last year? So let's say about July. So you gained 10 pounds in 9 months? 1.111111 pound per month! C'mon now! If this is legit, then you need to just deal with it. Lose the weight if you want to, but if you consider 120 pounds fat, I'd hate to know what you'd think of a 300+ mother****er like me.
  • Goosiesnougs
    Goosiesnougs Posts: 420
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    So you weigh 120 soaking wet? No need to cry over that!
  • Fatbuster205
    Fatbuster205 Posts: 333 Member
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    Sweetheart! You are panicking! Can I suggest that you check your BMI - that is the healthy way to look at your weight. I am 5'6" and therefore the weight range for me is 154-114lbs! That is huge! I know I am best at about 150lbs because of my frame! I have 24lbs to go and people are already saying, "Are you sure you need to lose more?" I have discussed it with my Doctor and she agrees I am realistic in my goal. I think there are other issues that perhaps are underlying your fears! It is all to easy to focus on weight, food - either comfort eating or ultra control of a low cal diet! I would suggest you need to ask yourself why you are so stressed and why your weight is the issue. I don't know how tall you are but to me your weight is not high so unless you are tiny...? Take care but give it some serious thought! Good luck!
  • lorro
    lorro Posts: 917 Member
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    micha, I'm so sorry you hate yourself so much. You are a beautiful girl. Please talk to your doctor about these feelings, The strength of your self hatred, the effect it is having on your life and the fact that you are not at all fat means that it is very likely you may have an illness which affects your perception of your body image. There is good treatment available for this, so I advise you to ask for an assessment. I hope you have a great time with your boyfriend and that his love for you makes you feel a little better about yourself :flowerforyou:

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