Should your lover expect you to lose weight?

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  • runnercheryl
    runnercheryl Posts: 1,314 Member
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    My fiancé is morbidly obese. He was before I met him, over half a decade ago. As I got close to him, became his best friend and moved in, I started living his lifestyle. I put on weight myself until I was at a BMI of 32.88. In time, we fell in love and began our relationship.

    Not long later, I decided I had to change how things were going. I realised I wanted to work on my health, and so I changed my entire lifestyle. Now, I have to face that he's very unhealthy and won't be around for all that long, in relative terms. That's difficult, but do I expect him to lose weight? Not a chance.

    I love HIM. Everything about him. I'd love him if he were much bigger, and if he were much smaller. Yes, I WANT him to lose weight. I don't want to be a widow early on in life, and from being an incredibly independent person I now can't stand the idea of growing old without him, but ultimately I want him to be happy - if happy means he remains at a BMI of 45ish, that's fine. If it means he gets healthy, even better for me - a bonus, but not a necessity.
  • Heartpath
    Heartpath Posts: 33
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    I think it depends on whether you're talking about your loved one or just the person you're having sex with.

    If you really love someone, you want that person to be their best possible person and support all that is good and healthy within them, respecting that your significant other is an individual with the right to direct his or her life. That includes mind, spirit, hobbies, work, habits, and practices, including weight. When you love someone, you want that person to be happy, understanding that eating to stuff emotions does not equal happiness and trying to live someone else's expectations instead of being true to yourself also does not equal happiness. In terms of expectations, there's a difference between loving someone and having it be a healthy thing to have that person in your life or to be in that person's life.

    If it's just a lover, you can decide to continue to have sex or not have sex with someone based on how that person looks and performs, and you can let them know what your expectations are, and they can decide whether or not it suits them to make adjustments to accommodate you and continue the interaction.

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