After losing have you noticed relationship changes?

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  • Karstenf
    Karstenf Posts: 85 Member
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    Um... I'm going through a divorce now, so that's a pretty major change.

    Honestly, that wasn't the reason for the split, but I do have to say that when you work so hard to change your body and get fit and healthy, and the other person isn't on the same page as you are, it definitely does cause an issue.

    I am worried this is happening to me. My wife is a rail but is completely out of shape. I have plenty of shape:laugh: (circles, ovals, etc.), and have been on a mission for the past year to get healthy again. Anytime I get excited about progress (lost weight, new personal record in lifting or running) and try to tell her about it she either blows me off or rolls her eyes and calls me a meathead. Definitely not supportive, and now that this is a part of my life, it seems to come between us. Then she thinks it's okay to "jokingly" call me fat. I'm really starting to resent her...but hoping things will change once I reach my goal weight.
  • SinkTheBismarck
    SinkTheBismarck Posts: 133
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    Do any of you ever feel like your significant other doesn't want you to lose weight or is afraid of you losing weight because they think you might leave them for someone else?

    My boyfriend said that with pretty much the same words. He's the tall, fit, muscular type and probably knows the type of attention girls get at the gym. He always asks who I talk to at the gym, he implies that I'm changing, and I haven't even lost that much yet! He also tries to make me feel bad about eating healthy sometimes. It's driving me nuts!
  • WhitneyAnnabelle
    WhitneyAnnabelle Posts: 724 Member
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    I think my boyfriend at the time liked it, but didn't know what to think. Honestly, he started dating the overweight me, not the thin me, so it's entirely possible that he didn't like the change at all. In any event, that didn't work out, and my husband has only seen me at 115, 105, and everything in between. He says I was a lot more "cut" at 115...which always makes me sad. But it's motivation to start back on the weight training
  • WhitneyAnnabelle
    WhitneyAnnabelle Posts: 724 Member
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    Also, someone said something about not getting "stick thin," and that sounds like my husband
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
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    I gained 50 plus pounds when I was in a relationship....So called friends made a big deal when I gained the first five pounds (I went form 135lbs to 140lbs) :grumble: I lost half of the 50 when I finally was out of that relationship. People back home still are wondering how I can so much weight so fast....They made a big deal when I was (according to them "too small/skinny at 135lbs)...And they made a big deal when I was 195lbs (my heaviest weight). Oh well....I am getting back in shape for me, not them :happy:
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    I think it can change your relationship totally. I know for me, I had let myself go, gained weight, didn't wear makeup and dressed like a slob. I mean, I was married so who would want me anyways. I quit smoking 5 years ago and that started me on my wanting to be healthier. Once I lost a decent amount of weight, I wanted to look good and started wearing makeup again and dressing more nicely. Now I dress in nice clothes that look good on me to go to work and wear makeup and jewelry.

    The better I felt about myself, the more I realized that I wasn't happy in the marriage I am in, part of the reason I had let myself go to pot. I was feeling stuck and unhappy, so why bother to take care of myself? I've worked everything out and can do this on my own (I am the breadwinner in the family).

    I am asking him for a separation this weekend. It's not going to go over well because he is very self-absorbed and doesn't even realize how bad things really are. Wish me luck.
  • eig6
    eig6 Posts: 249 Member
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    I've noticed my boyfriend has been a lot more into me lately even though he has always said he loved the way I looked when we met (around15 heavier). I think he likes the way I look more now, and I do to especially since lately I think my muscles are starting to show :)

    I forgot to add:
    My mom has actually been really negative about the whole thing and every time I bring up my fitness milestones like running two miles straight for the first time earlier this month, she had nothing but bitter comments and backhanded insults to say all weekend about it. I think its because she recently gained five pounds and shes self conscious, though that still only brings her up to 105lbs...
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
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    Um... I'm going through a divorce now, so that's a pretty major change.

    Honestly, that wasn't the reason for the split, but I do have to say that when you work so hard to change your body and get fit and healthy, and the other person isn't on the same page as you are, it definitely does cause an issue.

    I am worried this is happening to me. My wife is a rail but is completely out of shape. I have plenty of shape:laugh: (circles, ovals, etc.), and have been on a mission for the past year to get healthy again. Anytime I get excited about progress (lost weight, new personal record in lifting or running) and try to tell her about it she either blows me off or rolls her eyes and calls me a meathead. Definitely not supportive, and now that this is a part of my life, it seems to come between us. Then she thinks it's okay to "jokingly" call me fat. I'm really starting to resent her...but hoping things will change once I reach my goal weight.

    My wife started out sort of like this, she would tell me that I should go to the gym if it would make me happy but then complain if I went. she gotten better but usually rolls her eyes when I share NSVs with her or just good job and then gets back on facebook. it has helped that I've gotten her hooked on the gym and weight training. and today she mentioned that my belly is flattening out, that was nice.

    Do any of you ever feel like your significant other doesn't want you to lose weight or is afraid of you losing weight because they think you might leave them for someone else?

    This is my wifes biggest fear, she's been turning into a jealous person.
  • Scorpioangel
    Scorpioangel Posts: 951 Member
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    Yes I have. I have noticed that now that I am in shape and healthy people criticize how I eat and what I eat like never before. I also get made fun of for my working out and my love for fitness.
  • Sugar_Junkie
    Sugar_Junkie Posts: 366 Member
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    my ex made a point of telling me when i asked for a divorce that i would have never acted like this when i was fat, that i think i'm hot **** now and that no matter what i should know that i'll always be ugly
    nice huh?


    WOW.. IMO good thing he's an ex now. That is a very rude thing to say. Plus it is nonsense :)--- Tell him you have every reason to think your hot **** you have worked hard to get to that point, and he can eat his heart out.
  • Sugar_Junkie
    Sugar_Junkie Posts: 366 Member
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    Sadly I think my boyfriend is less into me since losing my weight --- he claims I am crazy --- Idk after four years maybe he is just comfortable and doesnt want "it" as much..

    after four years of being in my relationship when i started losng weight my ex decided that was no longer interesting. i was giving him what he wanted which was someone thin. Although it was what i wanted more, not to be thin but to be at my ideal weight range instead of being over weight.

    i think after four years the fact he loves you no matter what means you are a very lucky lady and should be proud of him he will be happy though when you are happy when you get what you want.

    i found a new partner and found that he loves me no matter what so i think when we are all at that stage we are very lucky. but when were happier with what we want to be like i deffo noticed myself being happier and my relationship been happier. it just took finding the right man to find that change actually counted.

    Well there is more to it than what i posted but non the less I am sure your right. If he loves me that is all that matters. I am so glad you found someone to support your journey no matter what it may be. You should never change for someone to make thm happy. If they cant accept you they dont deserve you. Congrats on the new guy sounds like your happy :)
  • TiffanyW1014
    TiffanyW1014 Posts: 614 Member
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    My husband of almost 7 years never complained when I weighed 262 pounds (5'8) to his 6'7'' 245 pound body. When we met I was around 190 or so (and also 18). I really thought he loved me for me and he continued as the scale went up. "Relations" were great at 262 and now at 202 "relations" don't exist :( This has been very hard for me and I even found out he was having an emotional relationship (non-sexual) with another woman (and she was skinny). I am doing this for myself and my daughter but I thought he would enjoy the benefits of my weight loss also. Guess I was wrong. I am currently doing everything in my power to save my marrage but the trust is semi-broken and this really takes a tool on me. I even tried to put some weight back on but still he didn't seem happy so I figure why suffer and I started to eat right again and lose again he MAY get to see the finaly results but only time will tell!!
  • sandra80
    sandra80 Posts: 308 Member
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    my ex made a point of telling me when i asked for a divorce that i would have never acted like this when i was fat, that i think i'm hot **** now and that no matter what i should know that i'll always be ugly
    nice huh?


    WOW.. IMO good thing he's an ex now. That is a very rude thing to say. Plus it is nonsense :)--- Tell him you have every reason to think your hot **** you have worked hard to get to that point, and he can eat his heart out.

    yeah he's evil, very glad i'm not with him anymore, still have to deal with him for my kids but atleast it's minimal. his new gf is a big girl and about 12 years older than him.....i think he's controlling her just as much as he did me. not my problem.
  • Jarnard
    Jarnard Posts: 497 Member
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    Goods - People are inspired by you and wants to work out with you. People ask for your opinion and hwo you lost weight. I'm more confident. I fit in smaller clothes.

    Bads - My ex didn' tlike the new eating habits I had. She wanted to go out and eat pizza and large portions but i rather cook and bake food. She said I was obsessed with the gym because I went for an hour 5 days a week.
  • MelsieK
    MelsieK Posts: 72
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    My husband of almost 7 years never complained when I weighed 262 pounds (5'8) to his 6'7'' 245 pound body. When we met I was around 190 or so (and also 18). I really thought he loved me for me and he continued as the scale went up. "Relations" were great at 262 and now at 202 "relations" don't exist :( This has been very hard for me and I even found out he was having an emotional relationship (non-sexual) with another woman (and she was skinny). I am doing this for myself and my daughter but I thought he would enjoy the benefits of my weight loss also. Guess I was wrong. I am currently doing everything in my power to save my marrage but the trust is semi-broken and this really takes a tool on me. I even tried to put some weight back on but still he didn't seem happy so I figure why suffer and I started to eat right again and lose again he MAY get to see the finaly results but only time will tell!!

    This was and is me. About 5 years ago I was down to my goal weight, found hubby 'chatting' to other women, but all history at the same time. Got over that, by putting weight back on. Had major surgery 2.5 years ago and found out he was having an emotional affair, with someone I thought was my best friend. Been really hard as he works for her and her husband. Long history of crap, which I won't go into. I thought we'd gotten over that. But the last few weeks, I've noticed the changes in him again, and his attitude towards me and my new healthy life and personality. I'm waiting for the ' But you've changed' comment.

    It's not a case that I've changed, I've just got the new, old me back again. I'm the same person, just the happier, more confident version. The one who is actually happy with who she is and can the real her.
  • TiffanyW1014
    TiffanyW1014 Posts: 614 Member
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    My husband of almost 7 years never complained when I weighed 262 pounds (5'8) to his 6'7'' 245 pound body. When we met I was around 190 or so (and also 18). I really thought he loved me for me and he continued as the scale went up. "Relations" were great at 262 and now at 202 "relations" don't exist :( This has been very hard for me and I even found out he was having an emotional relationship (non-sexual) with another woman (and she was skinny). I am doing this for myself and my daughter but I thought he would enjoy the benefits of my weight loss also. Guess I was wrong. I am currently doing everything in my power to save my marrage but the trust is semi-broken and this really takes a tool on me. I even tried to put some weight back on but still he didn't seem happy so I figure why suffer and I started to eat right again and lose again he MAY get to see the finaly results but only time will tell!!

    This was and is me. About 5 years ago I was down to my goal weight, found hubby 'chatting' to other women, but all history at the same time. Got over that, by putting weight back on. Had major surgery 2.5 years ago and found out he was having an emotional affair, with someone I thought was my best friend. Been really hard as he works for her and her husband. Long history of crap, which I won't go into. I thought we'd gotten over that. But the last few weeks, I've noticed the changes in him again, and his attitude towards me and my new healthy life and personality. I'm waiting for the ' But you've changed' comment.

    It's not a case that I've changed, I've just got the new, old me back again. I'm the same person, just the happier, more confident version. The one who is actually happy with who she is and can the real her.
    Sorry to hear all that has happened to you also. It is so hard and it is so bad that the 1st thing we do is turn to food. I am doing this for myself and if he can't be happy for/with me then I might have to throw in the towel. i am just not ready to do that yet. I do love him. Good luck with all you have going on and hang in there you are strong and can do this!
  • Sugar_Junkie
    Sugar_Junkie Posts: 366 Member
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    Sadly I think my boyfriend is less into me since losing my weight --- he claims I am crazy --- Idk after four years maybe he is just comfortable and doesnt want "it" as much..


    this has happened to me too. It seems like he looks at me less than before. He also tells me I'm crazy but idk. He makes it known that he hates how much I workout. :grumble:

    Mine doesnt make it so much known b ut he doesnt seem to be as supportive as i wish
  • MassiveDelta
    MassiveDelta Posts: 3,311 Member
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    *Adds to reading list*

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