How do you handle hurtful comments????

SwannySez

Being the 2nd to the last in a family of 7 kids, the 4 ahead of me being boys, the first and last girls, I developed a talent: If I know someone pretty well - and that covers family to a T - I can hone in with a single sentence to the one thing that will hurt them worse the anything else in the world. It's my blessing. It's my curse. It's also one of the reasons I quit drinkin'. See I might not have any idea what I was doing, saying or even be real coherent because I was blind drunk, but that li'l talent never lost its edge.

So, my family tends to tread lightly so as to avoid the knock-down drag out fist-fights that will happen.

'Cept my brother. So, every once in while we have it out and break **** and spill the gravy.

My advice? Be prepared going in to say the the things that you think and never say. Al those things that no one wants to ever talk about except in whispers? Those. And when they start in with heir little jabs, you smack 'em right between the eyes with a 2x4.

pat6250

You look them right in the eye and say "Why would you say such a mean thing?" Keep staring. If they say another cruel thing, raise your voice a little and say "No, really, why are you so hateful?" Keep staring. Then, if they finally shut up, walk away. Let them think about it. Refuse to discuss it any further. Do this to Granny, too. Just because she is old, doesn't mean she can be uncivil. Above all, give yourself the love they don't. Give yourself the positive comments you need. Get supportive friends, and compliment each other. Only see these family members if you must, until they learn to keep a civil tongue in their head. If they don't, consider cutting them off. We teach others how to treat us, so start teaching, darling. Good luck. My family of origin never left an insult unsaid, but I had a pretty fresh mouth, and could put them in their place. You seem to be made of sweeter stuff. :flowerforyou:

LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo

Family members are the greatest @s$holes that one can have in this life. They think that just because you share some DNA mean they have all the right to say or do things that make you feel down. Its not right. I rejected some of my Asian relatives on my mom's side of family mainly because they keep commenting on my weight whenever they meet me and well we know how crazily weight obssessed the Asians are & they're getting into my nerves. I just think like "I'm so sorry that I got most of my DNA genes from my dad's Latino side which is why I'm pretty with all the curves while you @s$holes are pretty much jealous because your 10-year-old-boy like body can't shop at classy boutiques aside from the kid's section". :laugh: :devil:

Firefighter_Jay

I just continue to be awesome.

kmozymoz

I agree with everyone here, but also know that you look FAB!! Be proud!!

leomom72

i tell people off, family, friends, strangers, i dont care who they are..piss me off enough one way or another, and you will hear about it..i guess its the Italian-ness in me coming out good luck, if you dont say anything back to them, all i can tell you is avoid them

*edit* nobody has ever said anything mean to my face about my weight..or if they did, it probably wasnt on purpose, and i get the most amazing support from everyone who knows im on this journey

Sp1nGoddess

Family gets a harsher treatment than strangers. If my family treated me like that, I'd tell them they were *kitten* and leave. I have walked out of Christmas day, birthdays, family movie nights.. you name it. You **** with me, you don't see me. It's taken 31 years, but I have finally gotten to a point with my fam that they approach me respectfully when they need to address something, and they don't try to pull me in to their bullsh!t.

♥ this

hermosapilates

I agree with tabulator32 comment!!!

Silver_Star

I have similar problems with my family, but thankfully they are a long ways away in India.

I never did have the courage to stand up to them because in Asia anything you say back to older folks is considered rude and disrespectful....so this is what i do.

If some says something 'advice-like" then i nod my head and say thank you and give them a smile and appreciate them ( and then go about my bizness with the full intention to do WHAT WORKS FOR ME.

If someone says something funny/sarcastic/hurtful like that pig noise you mentioned then i would LAUGH right there with them...it really sets them back. I learned to laugh ABOUT the joke and not let them have their poke at me. MAke some pig noises right there... see if you can snort louder.

If someone really lays on a hurtful remark then i get real quiet, take a piece of whatever i was reaching for, take a bite and look at them and then go my way. That way you havent said anything back to them.

And if you can...just keep thinking and focusing on good thoughts. it WILL reflect on your face the entire time youre with them....dont let them see that they have gotten to you.. thats a killer because they really use that stuff.

XOXOX

IamRoJ

At this point in my life I've learned there is no room in my home/life/heart for toxicity. Be you friend, family, whatever. Support me or find the door. Life is too short, time is too precious and there are plenty of people who will cherish me. Might be cold but I've wasted far too much of myself on people who don't deserve me.

Pinoy_Pal

I laugh out loud, scratch my *kitten*, then walk away...

beabelieve

Id simply say " hop the effin off my ****! and ignore

know that ur better than they are and you will be even better. I personally shocked a family member with my weightloss (80lbs n still counting), she was so angry, i couldnt believe how someone could be so crazy (1 exception, sex) so i told her.. i wish you gain a **** load of weight... would u believe she now is obese. true story karmas a *****... whose the one laughing now *****hhh

soymilkcoffee

1. Girl, you're beautiful!
2. Are you sure they're not just joking? I only say this because you look fantastic and I can't see anything that they could make fun of.
3. They're probably jealous that you've worked your butt off to make yourself healthier and fit- and they can't commit to the kind of things you're doing!

But, you don't want this kind of stuff to hurt your relationship with your family. Try talking to a mutual family member and get them to talk to your male family member and your grandma to get them to ease up a bit with the hurtful comments.

nickyrobinson

Personally, I like the direct approach. "Gramma, thank you for the pants, but they are 3 sizes too big. I know I used to be even smaller, but I will get back there."

And "Please don't make pig noises at me when I am eating. It's rude and hurts my feelings, especially after the good success I have had."

Then I go cry in private. Sigh, family.

femmi1120

That's ridiculous... first of all, because your family is supposed to be a support system, and secondly, because you look fantastic in your pics!! I'd say the first thing you should try is telling them straight up how it makes you feel. If that doesn't work and you don't feel like you can fight fire with fire, I'd distance myself. It sucks, but sometimes that's what it takes to get the point across :-\

catmother

I'm 61 years old now so those comments don't hurt me as much as they used to. I figure if you don't like me, don't look at me. But I really believe that those people who are being hurtful are projecting their own feelings of inadequacy onto you. They can't be very happy with themselves if they find it necessary to hurt you. Just "consider the source" and let it go. No one has the right to make you feel like you don't deserve to be healthy and happy. Donate the pants to charity. Rejoice in each day that you do well on your food plan and forgive yourself if you have a slip now and then. Your children deserve a happy and healthy mommy and that is what should motivate you. Letting foolish people affect you is disruptive to your progress and not worth fretting over.

Lyndi4

First, let me say that you look amazing! You have worked really hard & you should be proud of yourself. Luckily I haven't gotten a lot of negative comments to my face. That would be difficult to handle. It would depend on what was said and how it was said, but I would probably let the person know that I did not appreciate their comments. I don't know what your relationship with these relatives is like, but I would sit down and tell them how you feel. You don't need to put up with that.

I did have a friend Facebook me, after I posted that I lost some weight (I've since stopped posting about this on FB, just b/c I don't like the discussions that those posts seem to prompt) to give me weight loss advice. She listed off like 10 things to me that she has learned from Weight Watchers over the years. This friend has struggled a lot with her weight, and she still has quite a bit to lose. I am happy that she is working on it, and I am always super supportive of anyone who is trying to make positive lifestyle changes. The thing that bothered me about her message was not that she gave me advice. I'm open to that. It was that she said that she thought that I would want all of these suggestions because she knew that I had struggled with my weight since High School. That hurt because I was really trim/athletic in High School. I was 127 lbs., and my goal weight now is 145-ish. Anyway, her message was unsolicited, and it just bugged me that she had that opinion of me back then. It made me question how I really looked then (slightly). I messaged her back and told her that I appreciated her suggestions, and I let her know that I was actually a very healthy, slender weight in High School. I've always had a large bust, but my waist was small. I started struggling with my weight after having my fourth child. Up til that point, I bounced back pretty well. Still, I thanked her, and we are still friends because I know her pretty well. I've known her for a loooong time, and I figure that even if her comment was a bit uncalled for she was trying to be supportive. Just made me feel a little crummy.

WildWitch73

Wow you've done great! Pat yourself on the back, because your opinion of yourself is the only one that matters.

wilkin777

Are they perfect ? Doubtful, so don't let it get to you. They can only be great big green eyed monsters who want to bring you down because they can't lift themselves up to your level.
I got called "fatty' the other day by a girl who pushed past me. Was about to be upset and then I looked at her and saw an unhealthy looking, unhappy person. All I know is, I'm working on making myself a better me. Anyone is flawless can comment, otherwise, they can keep their silly little remarks to themselves.
Good luck and know that the people saying hurtful things to you are either ignorant or terrified that someone will notice a flaw in them.
: )

Enigmatica

I've learned to see their comments as a reflection of their ugliness - NOT MINE.