How do you handle hurtful comments????

minnesota_deere

This is why we get to pick our friends.

Seriously, I cut off most of my "family" year ago due to abuse. I will not tolerate it any longer. I don't care who dishes it out, I am worth more than that, and I've let them know it. I'm not their doormat.

absolutely agree , my brother and i have not spoke in 7 years, he is a true SOB, I will not visit my mother ever, she can come here and visit the grandkids, however if she starts to get negative, I simply state its time to go we have things to do and i grab there coats and shove them out the door. my sister well her husband is very jealous of my family and he finds little things to pick on me about, when he starts in, i take one look at him and say, you have great family, you did great as a dad, i am really impressed. i hope my kids are half of what yours turned out to be. good job. ( my 3 nephews really are great guys).

Nadineshirleydelange

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Nadineshirleydelange

I am really sorry to hear that you have family members who are so negative towards you. I find that the best defense is an offence so when you see them just say something before they do like " lost more this week but of course I know that this isnt good enough for your standards, just thought I'd mention it, before you get nasty" you will say it only once I promise. Hope it gets better soon, stay well.

avafrisbee

I rant to my husband about toxic family members. Makes me feel better.

Also, I moved to a different continent. Not an option for everyone, but I had a lucky opportunity :happy:

Dunkirk

How about a humorous approach, e.g. yelling out loud "Auntie Jo, Uncle Bob's being rude again!"
or a big wink with "Right back at ya" comment, with a smile.

avafrisbee

Smile, nod, say "You're right" and "ok" and "yup" and go about doing your own thing. This kind of treatment is reserved for family only.

When somebody who's not family, go with "Go F*** yourself".

^^^^ This and a gift of large pants you just say "thanks, I'll try them on right now!" Then go do it and come out and show her that they don't fit. Make a joke out if it "Oh my gosh I can get both my kids in here with me! I'll save them for the next time I'm pregnant" She may offer to take them back and get something more appropriate.

valenief

My hubby is rude to me sometimes too not the noises but he will say "You'll sure lose weight eating that!" or "Yeah that's really a part of your diet!" I just tell him flat out "I'm the one losing weight if you don't have anything nice to say to me don't talk to me!"

HBBrown78

Ahh, family the other "F" word.

Honestly? I'd limit my time with them, they sound toxic. I'd maybe say something like "I'm really proud that I've taken control of my health and had so much success with it. Is there something bothering you? I just ask because you really do like to put me down, and that's concerning to me."

You have to put your foot down with people like that. You can't please all the people all of the time, nor should you. There is always going to be someone to tell you what not to do. You do for you, no one else.

Congratulations! :flowerforyou:

I like this approach

margeauxhunt

Smile, nod, say "You're right" and "ok" and "yup" and go about doing your own thing. This kind of treatment is reserved for family only.

When somebody who's not family, go with "Go F*** yourself".

Just because you're related to someone, it does not give them the ok to be verbally abusive.

MB_Positif

Family are the worst. Ignore them. Though I haven't had anyone say the same kind of things, most of what I've dealt with is the skinny people in my family talking about how fat they are in front of me. When I would confront them and say that it upsets me because I was actually overweight they would say things like, "Oh you look fine." or "You carry the weight well." Thanks guys...how about offering to help instead of lying to my face!

TheRoadDog

Either I am in denial or I am developing memory loss, because I can't remember any hurtful comments.

My family and friends all treat me well. Strangers are always polite. Everybody must be ragging on me behind my back.

ShaSimone

I've gone from a size 15 to a size 11. I am still working on it. I was 180lbs and am now 157lbs. I have 2 family members who say very hurtful things. One makes pig noises if I touch something not super healthy. I strive to eat great but there are OCCASIONS where I may have a can of soda or a SMALL piece of cake. He says it will make me fat or if I miss a day at the gym makes me feel like a failure. He makes me feel gross and like I'm a huge cow. My Gma just said to me yesterday "I don't understand how you're still so big after chasing your kids all day". Also she brought me a pair of pants several sizes larger then what I wear since she can see that I've put on weight. This all is like a huge stab at me and my hard work. How do you handle things like this? How do you not let it affect you?

This makes me sad and I am so sorry that your family is treating you this way. My response is very low on this thread and OP might not even get back to reading it. Just wanted to say that.

Flippiefloppies

You would be surprised at how honestly actually can get the best results. The next time either of them say anything, stop, look at them dead in the eye and say " Listen, I have worked really hard to get to where I am. Your negative comments are not helping me in the least. If you want to support me, find a better way to do it. If you don't like the way I look, then don't look at me. I am trying my best here. Please find another hobby, your verbal ridicule of me is only amusing one person, and it is not me."


That should shut them up. If not, then they are not worth your time to bother with.

felice03

I find that slipping laxatives in their coffee usually give me the most satisfaction.

:drinker:

Flippiefloppies

I find that slipping laxatives in their coffee usually give me the most satisfaction.

:drinker:

ooooorrrr you could go this route, which is always fun!

jackpotclown

I find that slipping laxatives in their coffee usually give me the most satisfaction.

:drinker:

This^^^

TheReese1206

I'm still reading all of these. Thank you. It's hurtful. Especially coming from the male. My Gma is easier to brush off.

I've gone from a size 15 to a size 11. I am still working on it. I was 180lbs and am now 157lbs. I have 2 family members who say very hurtful things. One makes pig noises if I touch something not super healthy. I strive to eat great but there are OCCASIONS where I may have a can of soda or a SMALL piece of cake. He says it will make me fat or if I miss a day at the gym makes me feel like a failure. He makes me feel gross and like I'm a huge cow. My Gma just said to me yesterday "I don't understand how you're still so big after chasing your kids all day". Also she brought me a pair of pants several sizes larger then what I wear since she can see that I've put on weight. This all is like a huge stab at me and my hard work. How do you handle things like this? How do you not let it affect you?

This makes me sad and I am so sorry that your family is treating you this way. My response is very low on this thread and OP might not even get back to reading it. Just wanted to say that.

spade117

It's hurtful. Especially coming from the male. My Gma is easier to brush off.

Figure out why the comments coming from the male seem to hurt. Why can't you brush those off as well like the ones from grandma?

If that is the case, obviously you are capable of not letting them bother you.

coconutbuNZ

I really REALLY hate that when family members observe and comment on what you're about to eat. Honestly, who wants to even dine with such people?! I understand how it feels, it really does hurt. We can't control what people say but we can control what we think. Don't buy into their rubbish. Don't believe their words for a second. By the way, from looking at your pic I see you are a very beautiful lady.

motherbetty

After kicking a 30 year smoking habit, my father in law said "good for you for quitting smoking - even though it caused you to gain weight"

Nice, huh?

TheReese1206

Because the Males opinion means a lot more.

It's hurtful. Especially coming from the male. My Gma is easier to brush off.

Figure out why the comments coming from the male seem to hurt. Why can't you brush those off as well like the ones from grandma?

If that is the case, obviously you are capable of not letting them bother you.

CannibalisticVegetarian

I go through the exact same thing with some of my family members, so I can definitely relate. Where as I'd love to resort to lashing out violently, I'm a bit too passive for that. Most I'd agree on is maybe you should just turn a blind eye and keep away from them, lest they get under your skin even more. It's quite depressing when people you love dearly at the ones who make you feel the worst. Just the other day as I was brushing my teeth, my father enters the bathroom, points and even slightly touches a little underarm saggage (that I am working on) and goes on to tell me that I should definitely be working on that. If I miss a day or two at the gym, he goes on this big rant about how I'm back sliding and not doing anything with myself. He constantly points out all of my flaws and just.. ugh. My brother's the same, though his comments have come to a end.. I think.

There's not much that can be done really except to ignore them and just not come around. Talking to them COULD work, that is unless the people you speak with feel in their heart of hearts that the hurtful comments are actually their innocently helping you see where you need improvement.. And alas... you cant bludgeon them with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a crime these days. kiddng! I hope you find the answer though. Good luck and God speed!

Monti_e_lmt

I have had to deal with that crap since early childhood. My Grammy was the worst. She even made me eat in front of a mirror once, she was trying to "help" me but all she did was scar me until my mom had enough and went off on her. Now they are opposites. Mom is the one to make hurtful comments and Grammy tells me I look like I have lost weight and my boobs are bigger than my stomach. A few weeks ago Mom called me Dairy Queen not long ago and at first I didn't get it but she called me it the next day and said the fat on my back looks like an ice cream cone. She said she was just joking but I have always been sensitive about my weight bc I was tormented by my own family as well as school mates. I have been called fat @ss many times and lard butt and bull moose. But it hurts most when it comes from family. I didn't get positive comments until I was in high school but the damage was done and every once in a while it happens again. It hurts. But I did let mom know that it really did hurt me and I wanted to cry and she said I need to be less sensitive BUT she quit making comments and started encouraging me So in my experience, confronting them with your true feelings helps, they may try to put it off that it is your problem that it bothers you so much but deep down they listen. Tell them you are trying hard to better yourself and their hurtful comments are hindering that and if they love you to not make those comments. Tell them that you are allowed a spike day once a week to give your body a shock so you don't hit a plateau and that you have already lost so much so you know what you are doing. If you keep your mouth shut they will keep doing it and it will end in one of two ways; either you stress eat and your stay in that hurtful cycle of comments about your weight; OR you lose all your weight and they think that they did you good by making those comments and take credit for it. So I think you should tell them. They may get mad but they will get over it quick. Please don't let those comments scar you. I am so scarred that I feel like crying when I eat because the intense feeling of guilt that overwhelmed me even if I hadn't ate all day and my stomach is turning inside out and eating a whole in my abdomen because it's so empty, I still feel like a pig. I hear pig noises in my head and I picture a morbidly obese child stuffing their face with their hands even if I am eating a salad with a fork. I can't eat in front of other people. I have a lot of hate trapped in me and it is pointed at myself, and until I found mfp, I thought I would never feel confident again. Mfp has changed my life and the people I met are so amazing and kind. I only wish that people in my area acted like them. I hope things turn around for you dear.

TheReese1206

Thank you all for your advice and kind words.

bbriscoe13

I'd always make fun of them back....I'm not gonna tell you to take the high road and ignore them, fight them back with your own words...and be hurtful back....an exception for the grammy though, I wouldn't do that

This!! I always fight back. They have feelings too and they have insecurities, just find out what it is and hit them hard with it. They will either stop or pick harder. Just be ready if they decide to pick harder. Then if it were me, I would probably stop talking to them all together. Family isn't supposed to intentionally hurt you.