Is it ok to be with someone who....

farmers_daughter

Says that they are not attracted to your body.

They don't ridicule you, they don't mention it, they never mention that you need to lose weight, none of that.

You don't find this out until you dig, and dig into a different subject and this comes out.

"I don't think it's rite for you to be attracted to me, but me not attracted to you"

Emotionally, we are great.

I say physical can change, and if he isn't going to ridicule me about it then it's not that big of a deal, in time, I'll be the person I want to be. He says "its hot when" and " your so beautiful/hot when you...." during sex, but...

My "other hand" says, I need him to say I'm pretty, I need him to think I'm hot. But that's the hand I'm trying to chop off...the one that "needs" someone else to say that to me.

odusgolp

There's a lesson here... Do not ask questions you don't want the answer to.

"Does my butt look big in this?"

dansls1

Only you can answer the question...

MrEmoticon

People say that looks don't matter, but in any relationship, if there's no physical attraction one party will be upset, then it'll lead to other problems.

Talk it out, since you dug to get this, you need to figure out how to fix it if the relationship is going to work.

TheRoadDog

You're 29. Cut him loose and move on. Life is too short to be in a passionless relationship. Been with my wife for almost 25 years now. I still get tongue-tied around her. I still get excited by her gaze, her touch, her smell. And she feels the same way. I always catch her looking at me when she thinks I am distracted by something else and I am always sneaking a peek at her too.

If you don't have that going both ways, you have a room mate.

morganhccstudent724

No. I want to be with someone who can't wait to grab me...after 5...10...20...30 years....

Not someone who can just tolerate my physical...


Good luck pretty girl :flowerforyou:

MrEmoticon

You're 29. Cut him loose and move on. Life is too short to be in a passionless relationship. Been with my wife for almost 25 years now. I still get tongue-tied around her. I still get excited by her gaze, her touch, her smell. And she feels the same way. I always catch her looking at me when she thinks I am distracted by something else and I am always sneaking a peek at her too.

If you don't have that going both ways, you have a room mate.

I think that's the kind of attraction everyone wants to have some day. You're a lucky man.

ItsCasey

Do not ever settle for a man who merely accepts you. If he doesn't want you desperately, you are wasting your time.

hbrittingham

Why would you want to be with someone who isn't attracted to your body?

Il_DaniD_lI

I had a boyfriend that never told me I was pretty or gave me any type of compliments and I always took it as he doesn't think I'm attractive. It really bothered me. If he had come right out and said he wasn't attracted to me that would be the end.

Turned out he did find me attractive (I found this out years later when i finally confronted him through a drunken conversation at the bar). Not my finest moment. :blushing:

Ocarina

Hell to the no.

Being with someone that is not attracted to you is basically self-inflicting punishment. This person and you need to have a real hard look and find out what went wrong and why. Is it really just plain old attraction? It could be other things.... men are simple but sometimes aren't able to just spill everything like us girls are.

If it's really just simple straight up non-attraction you need to weigh those pros and cons. I would have to be really stretching it to stay with someone I am NOT attracted to and visa versa. And it only gets worse as you get older. People won't magically change or become attracted to you. And we get older and we get wrinkly and our hair thins out and we loose our youth... It's inevitable.

I'm not saying leave someone because they got old and let go of themselves... no not at all. But if you are young, beautiful and improving yourself there is NO reason beyond vanity reasons to be with someone you aren't actually attracted to.

shannoninBC

There has to be some physical attraction. Don't settle.

ChristineMarie89

first off no u shouldnt can we say a&$%&#&!! second no matter who says what here u will go back anyways cuz if u even have to ask this question he has already made u feel inferior enough to consider staying o.O however good luck and dont let anyone put u down u r beautiful

_snw_

wait - did you physically change since you started the relationship?

CoryIda

My ex told me before that, "I don't find you attractive, but I am attracted to you anyway" and, "you're not a BAD looking girl..." and he made comments about my size and, after I shed the weight, the loose skin on my tummy; however, he was a very nice man in a lot of other ways.

If you can communicate with him that this hurts you and he can turn it around, then that's great (because relationships work best when you GROW together); otherwise, it is not healthy.

farmers_daughter

You're 29. Cut him loose and move on. Life is too short to be in a passionless relationship. Been with my wife for almost 25 years now. I still get tongue-tied around her. I still get excited by her gaze, her touch, her smell. And she feels the same way. I always catch her looking at me when she thinks I am distracted by something else and I am always sneaking a peek at her too.

If you don't have that going both ways, you have a room mate.

I think that's the kind of attraction everyone wants to have some day. You're a lucky man.

I think everyone dreams of this....and at one point in time I dated a guy that ooohed and awed over me, but it was almost too much, that and he didn't care to take care of him self, somewhat meaning he was ok with letting him self go alot. (See that makes me sound shallow now)

farmers_daughter

wait - did you physically change since you started the relationship?

nope, I'm the same as I was when we started 3 years ago.
My hair is longer but other than that..... lol

MaraDiaz

You're 29. Cut him loose and move on. Life is too short to be in a passionless relationship. Been with my wife for almost 25 years now. I still get tongue-tied around her. I still get excited by her gaze, her touch, her smell. And she feels the same way. I always catch her looking at me when she thinks I am distracted by something else and I am always sneaking a peek at her too.

If you don't have that going both ways, you have a room mate.

I think that's the kind of attraction everyone wants to have some day. You're a lucky man.

I agree.

farmers_daughter

My ex told me before that, "I don't find you attractive, but I am attracted to you anyway" and, "you're not a BAD looking girl..." and he made comments about my size and, after I shed the weight, the loose skin on my tummy; however, he was a very nice man in a lot of other ways.

If you can communicate with him that this hurts you and he can turn it around, then that's great (because relationships work best when you GROW together); otherwise, it is not healthy.

I have said this from day 1, you grow together, you learn together, and as long as there isn't any hatefulness, it an all be worked out, don't sweat the small stuff.

10KEyes

You're 29. Cut him loose and move on. Life is too short to be in a passionless relationship. Been with my wife for almost 25 years now. I still get tongue-tied around her. I still get excited by her gaze, her touch, her smell. And she feels the same way. I always catch her looking at me when she thinks I am distracted by something else and I am always sneaking a peek at her too.

If you don't have that going both ways, you have a room mate.

I just had to say, that is awesome! I haven't been married as long, but I can certainly relate to that.

farmers_daughter

He's my best friend, and I think that's what makes this so hard. We are VERY open, and honest, so some of what I'm about to say will possibly start some fires, but then again I'm reaching out for real live people, either exprience or suggestions.....

He did mention that he knows of someone else that he might have a chance with, but he doubts, she's obviously skinnier.

When I first knew him I was recently divorced to the one and only person I had ever dated or had sex with, so I did the running aroudn that I should have done when I was 20. This guy stuck it out and remained my best friend, the whole while he was dying inside feeling like he was being cheated on, but we had never called "us" offical or dating until a year ago.

So in a way I feel like he watched me do that and now in order to get this skinny chick out of his head I need to let him go and do his thing only to hve her break his heart and come back to me realizing what we had.

That in it's self, is self torture. I know.

He's got such a good heart but has no support system and no positive role models in his life except for me (I believe) Friend say that he's got to fall HARD on his face before he will really see what he had with me.


Do I deserve this. FFFFFFFFF no. But who am I to give up? The only person I've ever given up on is me. I put my kids before me, I put everyone before me. I'm learning how to deal with that VERY slowly.
I don't want to give up on him, I love that d@mn boy! ( I hate what love does to us, it makes us stupid )

About a month ago (which is when I figure he started really thinking about this other girl) we were ok. We were best friends. That's why I say ride out the storm....treat those how you want to be treated, love with love and live the 100/0 principle (Love with everything you have even if you aren't getting anything back)

But then again somedays I think, wth am I thinking? Oh well.

I appreciate all the feed back.