What if your husband doesn't want you to lose weight?

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  • ElizaRoche
    ElizaRoche Posts: 2,005 Member
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    Happened to me in 2007 when I almost reached 140 lbs.. My bf prefers chubby girls ( I know his ex is also one), he didnt beg me to stop, all he said was ´hey, If you lose more weight I wont have enough money to buy you new clothes!´ LOL
    Now, this time, the other day he really noticed the difference and he liked it..
    So , my opinion would be,dont listen to him!, he might say a lot of stuff, but at the end if he really loves you, he will like you no matter what! :)
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
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    Perhaps the sex being better is due more to you getting to know each others likes and dislikes than it is to the fact that you are physically bigger.

    However some men do find larger women more sexy. The important thing is how do you feel about yourself and your health.He may even find that your sex life gets even better if you lose weight because you will feel sexier and more energetic perhaps.
  • jessiepaul
    jessiepaul Posts: 3
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    If anyone prefers for you to be unhealthy for their enjoyment then they do not love you. He should be encouraging you to do something for yourself. Losing weight and being active will prolong your life and therefore your lives together. That's a very selfish thing for him to say to you. It could be insecurity on his part, but no matter the reason he should encourage not discourage.

    The healthier you are the more enjoyment you will get out of all kinds of things in life. Not just one thing. Do this for yourself. This is for you! Not anyone else! If you don't take care of you then you can't take care of anyone else. This does not make you selfish or ugly it make you wise and caring.

    Next time he says he prefers you to be big tell him not everything wished to be big in the bedroom comes true and if you can work with what hes got then he can work with what you are doing. Just sayin!
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    He should be supporting you wanting to be healthier, no matter what BS slides out of his mouth.
  • Wenzday7777
    Wenzday7777 Posts: 44
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    When i got approval for surgery my hubby was not thrilled even though hes been riding me for the past serveral years to do this. When i finally decided to do it for ME and not for HIM i did what was best for me. He's not been very supportive but i don't care! I am doing this for me and my health and life. If he doesnt like it then sorry he can go I am sure I will find someone that will love me anyway i am, reguardless of size, what ever size or shape i end up at !
  • 967_1111
    967_1111 Posts: 221 Member
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    My wife lost 35 pounds, and I lost 30. Sex is even better now....

    He doesn't know what he's missing out on. Lose the weight, and prove him wrong.
  • Temple_Fit
    Temple_Fit Posts: 299 Member
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    Lose it anyway! You will be healthy and happy. Tell him a happy wife equals a happy life :smile:
  • Squidgeypaws007
    Squidgeypaws007 Posts: 1,012 Member
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    That's all fine and dandy but it's not about just him it's about you too. Be the weight you want to be so YOU can feel sexy and he just needs to accept it. He vowed to love you during sickness and health etc... I think that covers fat or skinny, all that matters is that you are still you right?

    Sorry I'm not a bloke, but I'll give you some thoughts! :)

    He may well be scared, as people have said above me, that you'll leave him if you get skinny. The underlying fear: you'll stop loving him, you'll change as a person, you'll expect him to be more perfect.....etc. My man is currently obsessed with the idea that I'll get "stronger" than him (who knows what goes on inside their heads).

    Maybe just sit and have a chat with him. Tell him what it means to you to be HEALTHY. That you want to do this so you have longer to be together, more fun, less sicknesses and pains, you'll be more comfortable, more mobile. Maybe reassure him that it doesn't NEED to change anything between you but only improve these things.

    I agree, if you want to lose weight and you don't, you'll only live to regret it and possibly go on to resent him for it.
  • Ttopeka
    Ttopeka Posts: 160
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    I would not stay at a weight where I was unhappy and/or unhealthy simply to make someone else happy. Your own happiness is important, too, as well as your health - perhaps instead of "weight loss" you could focus on getting in shape instead (likely losing some weight in the process).

    Remind him that the sex will also be better, too, once you are more comfortable and confident in your own skin. Not to mention exercising can help you improve your agility and flexibility...
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
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    Your desire should be to make him happy. If he loves you the way you are, own that. Be healthy, but be how he likes it.

    Do you know how many women cry at night who are heavy because their husbands put them down or cheat on them or mistreat them? Be grateful it's the other way around.

    Or, see if you can meet in the middle. Instead of trying to lose 50, lose 20. He may just want something to hold onto.

    If he is happy with what you got going on, and you lose and he is not, you could be asking for trouble...

    Sorry, if I'm overweight and unhappy with my body and health, I'm not going to stay fat because my husband likes me that way. What about the husband's duty to make his wife happy? It goes both ways. Losing weight isn't something I feel needs to be a compromise.
  • CarriLu123
    CarriLu123 Posts: 82 Member
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    I have heard that a lot of men are afraid if their wife loses weight that she will leave him. Maybe he is just a little insecure.

    Sometimes you need to compromise, but not with your health.


    I feel like I need to tell my husband to be excited for me about losing weight - he is of course happy with a smaller me but I think he is kinda jealous that he doesn't have the time to focus on his weight as much as I do. Your journey may be making him think twice about his own body...So that may be another issue too...

    My Husband is in the Navy and something like 6% body fat. He looks amazing. He says together we are a 10. Bad joke but still cute!
  • dansls1
    dansls1 Posts: 309 Member
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    If he really doesn't want you to be healthier, I think it's a sign of a bigger problem. I love my wife however she chooses to be, and will support her even if I do not agree with what she does.
  • Amberetta82
    Amberetta82 Posts: 153 Member
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    I don't have a husband but my boyfriend loves me the way I am. He does like the bigger girls. I don't mind being thick BUT I must lose weight for my HEALTH. He completely understands.

    When I first started he told me that I don't need to lose weight and I look beautiful the way I am. After starting to have some issues with my liver he just wants me to be healthy. Between that, it was so frustrating feeling so conflicted. I want to get into better shape but I want to keep him happy. I was letting myself slack because he loves me the way I am. I did not want that. It made me feel worse to just let the days pass without eating better or working out. I'm much happier now that I am doing what I want with MY body and trying to be healthier.

    You know the saying "If mama isn't happy then no one is happy"? If you are miserable, he will be miserable and I'm sure both of you do not want that. Am I right?
  • CarriLu123
    CarriLu123 Posts: 82 Member
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    If you want to lose weight and don't do it, you'll regret it later.

    He won't stop having sex with you, I promise.

    Almost all of your post make me laugh!!!
  • ashnm88
    ashnm88 Posts: 748
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    Its your body not his, I wouldn't give a rats a**. It better on you whole body to be in a healthy weight range.
  • TundraTed
    TundraTed Posts: 254 Member
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    You need to do what is right for you. My wife is not thrilled with my weight loss either, but she has not stopped me. She has also not been supportive. Just something you have to accept. You can't expect your Husband to always be eye-to-eye with you on everything forever.
  • CarriLu123
    CarriLu123 Posts: 82 Member
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    Lose it anyway! You will be healthy and happy. Tell him a happy wife equals a happy life :smile:


    I like this TY!
  • lizulla
    lizulla Posts: 7 Member
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    Well, there's always the possibility that with losing weight and increasing your flexibility that sex could be better at a lower weight. Could you try and do some new things to make it the best of both worlds. I gather that some men prefer bigger bodies for better sex but as a woman I don't feel like I have the energy and enthusiasm for sex at a bigger size. Maybe by enticing him with some new frontiers he could be your biggest advocate instead of your biggest enabler.
  • trinitylyons01
    trinitylyons01 Posts: 126 Member
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    Your desire should be to make him happy. If he loves you the way you are, own that. Be healthy, but be how he likes it.

    Do you know how many women cry at night who are heavy because their husbands put them down or cheat on them or mistreat them? Be grateful it's the other way around.

    Or, see if you can meet in the middle. Instead of trying to lose 50, lose 20. He may just want something to hold onto.

    If he is happy with what you got going on, and you lose and he is not, you could be asking for trouble...

    I agree that our desire should be to make our spouse happy but they also should have a desire to make us happy. It's not just about pleasing your spouse at the expense of your own happiness. He should also love you enough to still love you whether you are fat, skinny, tall, short, etc. No person should HAVE to compromise their health and/or happiness in order to keep a mate. My husband LOVES big women. I told him I was going to get REALLY skinny. (I was actually kidding because I like being a little thick). Anyway, his response, 'I'll always love you... but I may start looking at plus sized woman sometimes". I was able to laugh at that because I know his love and desire for me won't change when I lose weight. I also know he doesn't expect me to be anything other than who I want to be because it makes me happy... and that makes him happy.

    It should be the same with you and your husband.

    Besides, if people start changing just to please their spouse where does it end? "Well honey, thanks for keeping the weight on. Now, can you dye your hair, get colored contacts, wear higher heels, tighter clothes, sexier undies" etc. I'm being a little extreme but marriage is about compromise from both parties - not just one.

    Talk to your husband and find out if it is insecurity or something else. Then talk over the weight issue. I'm sure, in the end, he wants you around and that means being as healthy as you can be.

    Finally, like other people said, he is a MAN. He will still want you! :-)
  • CarriLu123
    CarriLu123 Posts: 82 Member
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    Well, there's always the possibility that with losing weight and increasing your flexibility that sex could be better at a lower weight. Could you try and do some new things to make it the best of both worlds. I gather that some men prefer bigger bodies for better sex but as a woman I don't feel like I have the energy and enthusiasm for sex at a bigger size. Maybe by enticing him with some new frontiers he could be your biggest advocate instead of your biggest enabler.


    Humm... Sugestions???

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