What if your husband doesn't want you to lose weight?

13

Replies

  • KittieLea
    KittieLea Posts: 1,156 Member
    Your desire should be to make him happy. If he loves you the way you are, own that. Be healthy, but be how he likes it.

    Do you know how many women cry at night who are heavy because their husbands put them down or cheat on them or mistreat them? Be grateful it's the other way around.

    Or, see if you can meet in the middle. Instead of trying to lose 50, lose 20. He may just want something to hold onto.

    If he is happy with what you got going on, and you lose and he is not, you could be asking for trouble...

    This is the WORST advice I've ever read! If losing weight makes you happy DO IT! And lose as much as you want/need to be considered healthy. We do need to make our spouses happy but when it comes to health, that's our own responsibility and we need to do it for ourselves. He needs to get over his insecurities.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    Your desire should be to make him happy. If he loves you the way you are, own that. Be healthy, but be how he likes it.

    Do you know how many women cry at night who are heavy because their husbands put them down or cheat on them or mistreat them? Be grateful it's the other way around.

    Or, see if you can meet in the middle. Instead of trying to lose 50, lose 20. He may just want something to hold onto.

    If he is happy with what you got going on, and you lose and he is not, you could be asking for trouble...
    What the...
  • JBennis1013
    JBennis1013 Posts: 377 Member
    You have to do what makes you happy. If losing weight and becoming healthier makes you happy then he'll have to deal with it. I can't imagine that he would want you to continue to be unhappy and unhealthy at that. If he doesn't like you losing weight then that is on him. He should be supporting you for wanting to live a healthy lifestyle
  • DietingMommy08
    DietingMommy08 Posts: 1,345 Member
    I dont wanna be skinny and neither does he want me to be.

    I do however wanna be skinny
    Huh?

    Lmfao. I really just edited this before I seen your quote.

    Sorry!!

    I meant to say healthy.

    Its been a long day.... :grumble:
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    Lmfao. I really just edited this before I seen your quote.

    Sorry!!

    I meant to say healthy.

    Its been a long day.... :grumble:
    Oh ok! That makes sense!
  • aaaaaamy
    aaaaaamy Posts: 24
    I'm struggling with a sort of similar issue. My partner was supportive of my weight loss at first, said he liked me just fine how I was but if it would make me happy to lose a bit, go for it. However, a few kgs later, he has changed his mind (it seems his favourite bits were the first to go) and has asked me to stop 2kg short of my goal weight. I'm torn - I like my body okay now, but I was so set on seeing my goal weight numbers on the scale.. but are numbers more important than his preferences? I'm still tossing up.
  • CarriLu123
    CarriLu123 Posts: 82 Member
    I have a similar problem. No husband but my bf says I am becoming to small and am right on his "boundary" before he starts finding me unattractive. I am no where near where I want to be but at the same time I don't want to become something he doesn't appreciate. He hates muscular girls and any hit of muscle will turn him off so he says. I was so excited about getting into shape but now I am so torn over what to do :( Oh life.

    Ugg I'm sorry. It seems we can't win.
  • jboccio90
    jboccio90 Posts: 644 Member
    What if your husband wanted you to lose weight but you were happy with where you are?
    Would you lose weight because HE wanted you to? Or would you remain at your happy weight?

    Its your body and your health, so its your choice! --
  • CarriLu123
    CarriLu123 Posts: 82 Member
    What if your husband wanted you to lose weight but you were happy with where you are?
    Would you lose weight because HE wanted you to? Or would you remain at your happy weight?

    Its your body and your health, so its your choice! --

    Actually yes I would. I feel you have a responsibility to atleast try to maintain where you were when you met. I would never tell him but if he gained massive weight I wouldn't be anywhere near as attracted to him as I am now.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    I have a similar problem. No husband but my bf says I am becoming to small and am right on his "boundary" before he starts finding me unattractive. I am no where near where I want to be but at the same time I don't want to become something he doesn't appreciate. He hates muscular girls and any hit of muscle will turn him off so he says. I was so excited about getting into shape but now I am so torn over what to do :( Oh life.

    Find a man that respects your wishes and personal goals.

    Seriously, seems like a lot of women are settling. Not all of us guys are complete *kitten* that believe we have the right to dictate to you what you can do.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    I feel you have a responsibility to atleast try to maintain where you were when you met.
    Excuse me what? I don't remember that being part of the marriage vows.
  • CarriLu123
    CarriLu123 Posts: 82 Member
    I feel you have a responsibility to atleast try to maintain where you were when you met.
    Excuse me what? I don't remember that being part of the marriage vows.

    I'm not sure my personal feelings have to be part of my marriage vows to be valid.
  • wildboar1
    wildboar1 Posts: 88
    Your husband is insecure with himself and has low self-esteem and thinks you'll leave him.
  • littlelily613
    littlelily613 Posts: 769 Member
    Hopefully this is a repeat, but I'll say it anyway: what comes first is YOUR health, and your husband should be supported YOU and YOUR HEALTH rather than worrying about his sex life. How selfish can you get? He would rather shave some years off your life just for his own sex life? Arrrrrrrrgh! It angers me when a spouse tries to keep their husband or wife unhealthy, particularly for selfish purposes rather than ignorance.
  • BarbWhite09
    BarbWhite09 Posts: 1,128 Member
    How does your weight make the sex better, exactly? O.o
  • mixedfeelings
    mixedfeelings Posts: 904 Member
    Is the sex better for you?

    If you would feel more comfortable and enjoy it more if you lost weight explain this to your husband. If he is still upset with the notion of you becoming healthier and feeling better about yourself withhold sex until he understands.

    Good Luck.
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,861 Member
    There is no way for a casual observer to know if your husband is one of those guys who feel more attracted to heavy women or if he is insecure. It could be either or it could be both. Regardless, you have to sit him down and point out to him that your health trumps his sexual fantasies. If he was attracted to women who smoke, would you start smoking?
  • HodderAL
    HodderAL Posts: 358 Member
    My husband has said something similar to yours. He doesn't want me to lose too much weight because he doesn't want bruised hips! LOL He likes a little cushion. So I've told him that I'm tired of carrying the cushion, so he'll have to wear some padding lol.(just for reference: My husband is fit, trim and has a rock hard body :blushing: I was about 185lbs when I met him... I think... I avoided the scale like the plague!)

    However! He is very supportive of my goals. He knows I am losing weight to be healthier. He is happy that I am happy and has noticed a big change in my confidence, my personality, and my health already! (I'm asthmatic).

    If your husband loves you, he will support you. He may grumble a little at first as not many people readily accept change. BUT when he sees how happy you are, and your health improving, he will come around.
  • DAMNCHARLIE
    DAMNCHARLIE Posts: 569
    its not up to him
  • CarriLu123
    CarriLu123 Posts: 82 Member
    How does your weight make the sex better, exactly? O.o


    I was actually trying to avoid posting this on MFP but I do believe its a fair question. My hubby is actually VERY well indoud (sp). He says when I am smaller he has to be careful not to hurt me or himself. I can't really explain it but I do understand what he is saying.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    I feel you have a responsibility to atleast try to maintain where you were when you met.
    Excuse me what? I don't remember that being part of the marriage vows.

    I'm not sure my personal feelings have to be part of my marriage vows to be valid.
    Your personal feelings need to stay the **** out of MY life. You just said "I feel YOU have a responsibility..." and what I do is not YOUR call.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    How does your weight make the sex better, exactly? O.o


    I was actually trying to avoid posting this on MFP but I do believe its a fair question. My hubby is actually VERY well indoud (sp). He says when I am smaller he has to be careful not to hurt me or himself. I can't really explain it but I do understand what he is saying.
    You and your husband need a better understanding of female anatomy.
  • enchantedbunny
    enchantedbunny Posts: 88
    Question -- is he genuinely "protesting" (for lack of better words) the weight loss or is he perhaps doing it to be nice? My boyfriend tells me I don't need to lose weight, but it doesn't keep him from being supportive of my wanting to be healthier and more confident in how my body looks. Just a thought.
  • CarriLu123
    CarriLu123 Posts: 82 Member
    I feel you have a responsibility to atleast try to maintain where you were when you met.
    Excuse me what? I don't remember that being part of the marriage vows.

    I'm not sure my personal feelings have to be part of my marriage vows to be valid.
    Your personal feelings need to stay the **** out of MY life. You just said "I feel YOU have a responsibility..." and what I do is not YOUR call.

    Your so friendly... Thanks for the input :huh:
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    I feel you have a responsibility to atleast try to maintain where you were when you met.
    Excuse me what? I don't remember that being part of the marriage vows.

    I'm not sure my personal feelings have to be part of my marriage vows to be valid.
    Your personal feelings need to stay the **** out of MY life. You just said "I feel YOU have a responsibility..." and what I do is not YOUR call.

    Your so friendly... Thanks for the input :huh:
    Thanks for telling me what my responsibilities to my husband are.
  • CarriLu123
    CarriLu123 Posts: 82 Member
    Question -- is he genuinely "protesting" (for lack of better words) the weight loss or is he perhaps doing it to be nice? My boyfriend tells me I don't need to lose weight, but it doesn't keep him from being supportive of my wanting to be healthier and more confident in how my body looks. Just a thought.

    He is supportive to an extent but mentions often it is not his preferance.
  • CarriLu123
    CarriLu123 Posts: 82 Member
    I feel you have a responsibility to atleast try to maintain where you were when you met.
    Excuse me what? I don't remember that being part of the marriage vows.

    I'm not sure my personal feelings have to be part of my marriage vows to be valid.
    Your personal feelings need to stay the **** out of MY life. You just said "I feel YOU have a responsibility..." and what I do is not YOUR call.

    Your so friendly... Thanks for the input :huh:
    Thanks for telling me what my responsibilities to my husband are.

    Thanks for thinking the everything is directed at you instead of in general.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
    It seems to me he's insecure and is afraid he will lose you. My hubby always calls me hot while I am 5'7 and 181 lbs but he never stops me with my weightloss. He has also stopped buying junk food which he LOVES!!!!
  • Ruger2506
    Ruger2506 Posts: 309 Member
    You have to do it for yourself. Not for someone else.

    My fiancé wants me to stay bigger as well. I won't do it.
  • MsGunnShow
    MsGunnShow Posts: 2
    Maybe she doesn't like a skinny stick man, she obviously liked you for who you were to begin with. a lot of women feel safer with a bigger man, not necessarily "FAT" but bigger.

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