Rude comments and relapsing

DaisyHamilton

We all know those kind of people who put you down and put you down for eating something unhealthy, losing too much weight, etc.

Example, I stayed at my aunt's house the last few days. Now I know I shouldn't have, but at 11 o' clock at night, I had an ice cream. She looked at me and said "Really? Junk this late at night? Ha, and you say you've been eating healthier and don't eat junk!"

Now this really ticked me off. I never said I don't snack on unhealthy things once in a while, and I don't even eat that late normally. I know we could all just blow off comments like these, and it's probably the easiest thing to do, but sometimes it's hard. Comments like this really get to me. I've had history with eating disorders, and comments like these push me back into my old ways.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for--maybe a way to help boost my confidence after things like this? Maybe a way to forget about these comments? I'm not really sure what I want...

littlestarling

First, I want to say that you're absolutely stunning!

Second, I've had to deal with those types of comments as well but I think the important things to always remember is that healthy eating is all about moderation. There is too much of a stigma on eating "junk" food when you're on a diet or a path to healthy eating. It's all about moderation. As long as you know you aren't snarfing down a bucket of Ben and Jerrys every other night I think you're alright You know what I mean.

I think it's important to be comfortable and know in yourself that you are making good choices for you. You know that eating some ice cream late at night is not going to throw away all your progress (Amazing progress!!!). It's a lifestyle to be lived in moderation and as long as you know you are doing your best towards that you can say to yourself, or to them... that your life, health and diet is your business and only your business and they have no grounds to pass judgement.

I know it isn't easy to say but just keep those things in mind. Good luck in the future

DaisyHamilton

First, I want to say that you're absolutely stunning!

Second, I've had to deal with those types of comments as well but I think the important things to always remember is that healthy eating is all about moderation. There is too much of a stigma on eating "junk" food when you're on a diet or a path to healthy eating. It's all about moderation. As long as you know you aren't snarfing down a bucket of Ben and Jerrys every other night I think you're alright You know what I mean.

I think it's important to be comfortable and know in yourself that you are making good choices for you. You know that eating some ice cream late at night is not going to throw away all your progress (Amazing progress!!!). It's a lifestyle to be lived in moderation and as long as you know you are doing your best towards that you can say to yourself, or to them... that your life, health and diet is your business and only your business and they have no grounds to pass judgement.

I know it isn't easy to say but just keep those things in mind. Good luck in the future

Thank you. It's definitely hard to keep in mind to eat (even if healthy) when people are constantly prodding at you for what you're eating. My mother was stopping at the store the day before easter, and I asked her to pick up a cadbury egg for me. My step-dad made a comment like "Why do you want chocolate? Are you serious? I didn't think you would want anything like that." Those little comments kill my confidence and make me want to go back into my not-eating phases. :frown:

littlestarling

I guess it's just a confidence we have to work up in ourselves to know that they don't understand our lifestyle and they definitely don't understand health, nutrition, fitness or our personal journey to each of those. To be confident in ourselves that we are making good choices for ourselves and anyone on the outside looking in couldn't possibly understand or make valid assumptions about our lives.

BrionyTallis

While littlestarlin has a point I always find that it's hard to forget the comments that my loved ones make of the kind you mentioned so very hard to deal with. If a stranger makes that kind of comment then I take the advice of littlestarlin and move on ... no big deal. But unfortunately, our loved ones can hurt us most because they are our loved ones.

Have you spoken with your aunt to let her know how this you feel when she makes these comments. It's not an easy conversation to have and you must take responsibility for your own feelings. But let her know that you want to work together with her. First, to let her know that she is not responsible for your feelings but that you want to let her know that if she could refrain from making those kinds of comments it sure would help you from wanting to sabotage your own weight loss plan, etc.

Hope this helps!

wildboar1

My step-dad made a comment like "Why do you want chocolate? Are you serious? I didn't think you would want anything like that." Those little comments kill my confidence and make me want to go back into my not-eating phases. :frown:

You should've replied, "You're right, pick me up two of them."

BrionyTallis

One final thought, let you family know you are looking for their support. You can also make an analogy. Let's say that you like reading classics, that doesn't mean you might not read a trashy novel now and then. You will just read classics most of the time, but every now and then you just can't resist, nor should you, reading that trashy novel. Substitute your own subject matter.

taso42

Just laugh and say, "if you want, I can coach you on how to lose weight too, while enjoying a little ice cream here and there".

neverstray

Not being mean, but those comments have a good point.

If you are eating healthy and exercising, why are you eating ice cream at 11pm? I'd probably say something too.

I wish I had someone around like that to keep me from giving in. It's easier when you have other people who will dig at you when your eating bad.

DaisyHamilton

While littlestarlin has a point I always find that it's hard to forget the comments that my loved ones make of the kind you mentioned so very hard to deal with. If a stranger makes that kind of comment then I take the advice of littlestarlin and move on ... no big deal. But unfortunately, our loved ones can hurt us most because they are our loved ones.

Have you spoken with your aunt to let her know how this you feel when she makes these comments. It's not an easy conversation to have and you must take responsibility for your own feelings. But let her know that you want to work together with her. First, to let her know that she is not responsible for your feelings but that you want to let her know that if she could refrain from making those kinds of comments it sure would help you from wanting to sabotage your own weight loss plan, etc.

Hope this helps!

It does somewhat, thank you. However, my aunt has been told about these comments. This is the first time she's said anything like this to me personally, but to my sister is a whole different story. My sister is 14 and very unhealthy, weighing in around 200 lbs and 5'2. My aunt is always prodding at my sister, asking similar questions and making similar comments. "Of course you're eating candy. You're the sugar queen." "Of course you're havng thirds." "Do I even need to ask if you want a cookie?" We tell my aunt that she needs to stop, but she doesn't. Whenever we go to visit her, she says the same things to my sister. This is the first time she's said anything like this to me though

DaisyHamilton

My step-dad made a comment like "Why do you want chocolate? Are you serious? I didn't think you would want anything like that." Those little comments kill my confidence and make me want to go back into my not-eating phases. :frown:

You should've replied, "You're right, pick me up two of them."

That would have been a shocker!

Robin_Bin

I like the saying that your parent can push all your buttons because they're the ones who put them there.

Like another poster said, the hardest comments to ignore are the ones that come from the people we care about or whose opinion matters to us.

It is important to learn ways to deal with things like this. Recognizing an emotional trigger is a critical part of learning that.

Good luck!

wildboar1

Not being mean, but those comments have a good point.

If you are eating healthy and exercising, why are you eating ice cream at 11pm? I'd probably say something too.

What? Firstly, what is wrong with eating ice cream? Secondly, what is wrong with eating it at 11pm? Or 2AM or whenever?

DaisyHamilton

Just laugh and say, "if you want, I can coach you on how to lose weight too, while enjoying a little ice cream here and there".

I wish I would have thought of that!

Robin_Bin

My step-dad made a comment like "Why do you want chocolate? Are you serious? I didn't think you would want anything like that." Those little comments kill my confidence and make me want to go back into my not-eating phases. :frown:

You should've replied, "You're right, pick me up two of them."

That would have been a shocker!

Yes, but not a very constructive way of dealing with it.

neverstray

Not being mean, but those comments have a good point.

If you are eating healthy and exercising, why are you eating ice cream at 11pm? I'd probably say something too.

What? Firstly, what is wrong with eating ice cream? Secondly, what is wrong with eating it at 11pm? Or 2AM or whenever?

Um, I guess I'm assuming that ice cream is not healthful food or nutrition.

Iamjulez

I hope you start sticking up for yourself more... comments like that wouldn't be accepted very nicely from me. Even if ignoring them is the more "adult" thing to do, I feel I deserve to stand up for myself. Defend yourself! It doesn't matter if you eat a chocolate here or an ice cream there, it's none of their business.

Maybe YOU should inform them that their comments are hurtful and make you feel guilty for living a balanced lifestyle... balance includes junk food sometimes. NO one should live a life of complete sacrifice, it's unhealthy! To be healthy you have to have balance and learn to allow yourself to have "good" things like chocolate lol It's healthy for you mentally.

Human does not mean perfect. Stand up for yourself! You are beautiful!

DFWTT

I get the little snippy remarks just about every time I mention something healthy, exercise or eating "X" times a day, etc. They come from everywhere, family, friends and coworkers. Needless to say, I handle them much better than before but sometimes the smallest one gets under my skin. After a while, I just write it off to envy or jealousy and move on but it isn't always easy. I don't talk about fitness much anymore outside of my support group and it's sad really. You never know when you are starting to reach someone.

DaisyHamilton

Not being mean, but those comments have a good point.

If you are eating healthy and exercising, why are you eating ice cream at 11pm? I'd probably say something too.

I wish I had someone around like that to keep me from giving in. It's easier when you have other people who will dig at you when your eating bad.

Because I can and I want to. It's really none of your business why I did. I can have some if I want, and I wanted so I did. If I want something, I'm going to eat it. Everything in moderation, even late at night. It's not like it was soon before bed, either. I was up late after that.

It was just the way she had said it. If she didn't have such a trashy attitude, it wouldn't have bothered me. Instead of a "Ha, I thought you said you don't eat junk anymore" (which I never even said), she could have said something without an attitude, like "You should wait to eat that tomorrow instead of so late at night."

DaisyHamilton

I hope you start sticking up for yourself more... comments like that wouldn't be accepted very nicely from me. Even if ignoring them is the more "adult" thing to do, I feel I deserve to stand up for myself. Defend yourself! It doesn't matter if you eat a chocolate here or an ice cream there, it's none of their business.

Maybe YOU should inform them that their comments are hurtful and make you feel guilty for living a balanced lifestyle... balance includes junk food sometimes. NO one should live a life of complete sacrifice, it's unhealthy! To be healthy you have to have balance and learn to allow yourself to have "good" things like chocolate lol It's healthy for you mentally.

Human does not mean perfect. Stand up for yourself! You are beautiful!

Thank you, this helps!

cjpg

It can get frustrating. I lived my whole life growing up in a household where every single meal was criticised by my older brother. Statements like "this is why you're fat", "ANOTHER biscuit? you could do without it" and my personal favourite "i went to get mcdonalds for dinner but i thought i'd do you a favour and not ask you" *whilst eating a big mac*.

It's terrible I know but I guess it comes down to power - or the 'illusion' of power anyway. If you give someone else power to change your perspective on your actions then that's the only reason it's working. To make them powerless is easy - just know that the only one that can change your mind is you. If you know you need to change, do it. If you know you do not need to change, don't.

More importantly, I think it's crucial that you trust yourself to make your own decisions. If you listen to these negative comments it really only helps confusing very simple things. Let your own mind clear things up for you - we all speak the easiest languages in our own minds.