Being Shallow...

L00py_T0ucan

I need some help understanding why when people begin to lose weight and begin a new life. They become shallow..your the same person you were when you had a couple of pounds, however now when you lose some weight and get back into shape you brain changes..you realize....WOW I look good and can be the stuck up person that everyone hated in High School. The one that walked around knowing they could have anyone in school, if they flexed their muscles or batted their eye lashes just right in your direction..

Why cant people just be who they were before losing weight..Why do they have to change what is on the inside too? I dont get it.


So I ask if anyone else has had a experience like this recently...

Nope, as much as I fight it, I am always the same person inside. :laugh: I know I will never be the female equivalent of the Fonz...I can't snap.

Seriously though...I'm not naive about what you are asking. When I was a teenager one of my good friends had a devastating eating disorder and somehow something like that quickly teaches you lessons about 'appearances' and 'control' and 'acceptance' whether you like it or are ready for it or not.
So no, I"m not shallow in the way that I think you are asking. I might be shallow by judging you based on what newspaper you read though...:huh: :noway:


ETA: That last bit was a joke :flowerforyou: :laugh:

mello

I can only speak for myself - but when I was a higher weight, I let people walk all over me, i had low self-esteem and would not be looking out for my best interests.

40 lbs later (not all on MFP...) I'm more confident and not willing to let people dominate me and control me...so I don't think it's shallowness, but maybe confidence in themselves and their ability to speak up.

This!!!!

JoolieW68

I hope to heck nobody thinks I'm shallow since I've lost weight. I try to be friendly to everyone, and am probably more social now than I was 102 pounds ago.

I have found, however, that certain people at work will actually speak to me now, when they completely ignored me in the past. I find THEM to be shallow as they appear to treat me different now that I've lose weight.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

I've never been overweight, but I am healthier than I've ever been and being shallow has never appealed to me.

LindaCWy

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I dont think my personality has changed to this extent but no longer do I allow people to take advantage of me and I find the people that say I have changed for the worse personality wise were the ones who took advantage of me in the first place...
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also THIS Wow...well said.

DieVixen

I spent more of my life being 125/130 than I did at 230 being very overweight was just a bump in the road for me. Now I am getting back to what I consider normal I dont see why my personality should change. I will always be the little ray of sunshine I have always been

hope516

I don't think it will neccessarily make EVERYONE shallow. However it will make you more confident and if you go overboard than that is when you can be considered shallow.

PERSONALLY speaking...to answer your question...When I was "fatter" than I am (still have a LONG way to go to get a really big head :laugh:) I NEVER....I mean ~NEVER~ looked in the mirror, save to brush my hair or teeth. I hated mirrors and not looking at myself is what helped me be SO overweight. I didn't realize how bad things had gotten. And I also didn't care. Now that I care, and now that I look in the mirror (and some days I kind of like what I see) I don't think that makes me shallow. But to a certain extent you have to care what you look like in order to make the change!

MaraDiaz

I am a sarcastic caustic dismissive moo-cow now and when I lose *mumble mumble* lbs, I shall just be a leaner meaner more sarcastic version of myself....... with a great bottom.

I shall never be shallow though. That is just a vice too far

:laugh: Good for you! :drinker:

allthegoodusernamesaregone

I notice that some people that lose weight develop an aversion to other overweight people. One of my friends is very outspoken about it. When seeing someone particularly large, she makes comments like "How lazy can you get? It's not hard to not be obese." She lost a ton of weight, somewhere around 50lbs. At the beginning she was still very sympathetic to other overweight people but now she's kind of a b.

If I'm gonna diet, I still wanna be me.

umachanxo

I'm the same woman that I was when I started. Just more confident. I'm not judgmental or full of myself. However, I find that women glare at me more nowadays...

ahealthy4u

I need some help understanding why when people begin to lose weight and begin a new life. They become shallow..your the same person you were when you had a couple of pounds, however now when you lose some weight and get back into shape you brain changes..you realize....WOW I look good and can be the stuck up person that everyone hated in High School. The one that walked around knowing they could have anyone in school, if they flexed their muscles or batted their eye lashes just right in your direction..

Why cant people just be who they were before losing weight..Why do they have to change what is on the inside too? I dont get it.


So I ask if anyone else has had a experience like this recently...

All time some people are just ignorant like that. I myself love the fact that I have lost the weight and am still me LOL I bat my eyelash just like the rest of them and smile pretty plus I tell it like it is nothing has ever changed with me. If anything I have become more aware of myself and try to control the urge to be to blunt or too much of a WITCH.

Ha I have actually enjoyed myself with the people I went to school with, who thought they were all that I sit back and look at them now some still act as though they are all that and they are the ones who are heavy and overweight, balding and don’t do nothing with themselves and still think they are King/queen of the pooh! “LOL” Others are working on who they are and are doing something about it. Comes right down to it though people are just plain ignorant and some will never change.

I just want to be and stay true to me and I try to be; nice and I even sometimes just grin and bear it.

auticus

They didn't "become shallow". They were always shallow. It's just that they were fat and shallow, which meant they probably hated themselves because they were that which they sneered at.

Now that they are not fat, they are just shallow again.

We reward people on their physical appearance. We punish those that don't fit into what our society says is beautiful. The power to be shallow is given by us.

There tend to be three stages a person can exist in:

The stage where one is sneered at and japed at.

The stage where one is invisible to the world.

The stage where people are nice to you.

Have you noticed if you were fat moving towards not fat that the stages are changing for you?

Ruger2506

In my case I do notice an elitism tone in my voice when I talk with people who haven't jumped on the fitness bandwagon. Especially when offered food I don't want o eat anymore. I really have to pay attention and check myself when I catch that tone in my voice.

bluefox9er

my weight loss has never effected me in this way. I still 'behave' as if I was 240 lbs even though I am 50 lbs lighter than my friends and resisted the urge to give them a dose of 'fat' jokes as revenge for the jokes they poured on me when I was 240 lbs..

JohnnysJune

I don't think it's people being shallow. I think it's people finally being confident in themselves.

Completely agree!

In general when your heavy, your self-esteem is low which reflects on every part of your life. When you start to lose the weight or lost the weight, your self-esteem goes up. This is why people say a "new life". Its not about thinking they're better then anyone (OK maybe some are like that but not most) or becoming more shallow. Its about reclaiming the life that God gave them and becoming a better version of themselves.

Its truly amazing how losing those add pounds can effect your life. I know it has for me in great ways and Im not even half way to my final goal weight. My husband and kids notice a big difference in how I approach everyday with a new outlook and love it.

Becca_007

Why do people have to change everything about themselves..I can understand getting confidence and accomplishment...but you to go from being kind and considerate to God's gift to whatever....

OMG...I so notice that happening on here, it's like stuck up skinny girls that used to be fat are acting like they ARE back in high school to make up for lost time.

NO not all, definitely not saying all members have done this but I sure have seen a large % of the population shift over to the 'I think I'm IT' and no one else matters.

Sad to see it on here but it's weight loss site and for whatever reason it does happen to some. Then with others I see them get healthy, and the inside is as beautiful as their new outside they've worked so hard for. Those are the type I have as friends, and wouldn't change it for the world.:flowerforyou:

They didn't "become shallow". They were always shallow. It's just that they were fat and shallow, which meant they probably hated themselves because they were that which they sneered at.

Now that they are not fat, they are just shallow again.

This is SO IT!! I think you hit the nail on the head with your response. That's the ugliness we see, the shallow personality that's always been there.

mamnboston

low self esteem is the reason

frustrating to meet people like that

surround yourself with geniune people

michelle

castadiva

I suspect many people who have been overweight all their lives have always secretly envied the 'golden' kids - the beautiful ones for whom life seemed a dream, and whose looks got them a long way in life. I'll put my hand up and say that I have looked at girls with beautiful figures and thought how much easier, and more fun, life must be for them, even knowing logically that they probably have just as many problems as I do.

I'm not there yet, but if I ever reach a point where I feel that my figure is as beautiful as those I've envied and coveted, I can see how easy it would be to slip into the trap of living as I've imagined those people do. I've always taken care of my appearance, but I can imagine that I might get a bit caught up in it if I too could buy any clothes I liked and know that they would not only fit but also look good. I've already spent too much this month on clothes - partly because I do need to replace some summer things, but partly because I can - I now fit into a UK16 dress, so my options are wider than they have been for years (no pun intended!).

Certain aspects of my personality might change too - I've always been on my guard around men because I expect to be rejected for my physique. Being confident about my body might well change that, and other aspects of my outlook as well. I don't think it's really about becoming shallow, it's about exploring things that may have been buried or seemed unattainable as you gain more confidence. If you're talking about a specific person - give it time. Once they've figured out who they are as a slim person, I would guess things will settle into a more balanced outlook.

TxAlpha

Auticus:
They didn't "become shallow". They were always shallow. It's just that they were fat and shallow, which meant they probably hated themselves because they were that which they sneered at.

Now that they are not fat, they are just shallow again.

We reward people on their physical appearance. We punish those that don't fit into what our society says is beautiful. The power to be shallow is given by us.

There tend to be three stages a person can exist in:

The stage where one is sneered at and japed at.

The stage where one is invisible to the world.

The stage where people are nice to you.

Have you noticed if you were fat moving towards not fat that the stages are changing for you?

and there you have it...

Ruger2506

Hell, as an adult I still envy the "golden eaters" who can eat and drink whatever they want and are thin. I love food and it just kills me that they can dive in without a care in the world and I need MFP to help manage my caloric intake.