VENT: Food Pushers & Passive Aggressive "Friends"

juliee274

I have only been on this weight loss journey a few weeks, but I have chosen to be very quiet about it around everyone but my husband (outside of MFP, that is). Why? Because I find when you tell folks you are trying to lose weight, it's just, well, they irritate the crap out of you.

Either they have to tell you all their struggles with losing weight, or they say stupid things like "why? you don't need to lose any weight!" or they become passive aggressive. For example, there is someone in my office who likes to bake and frequently brings in cookies, etc. The last couple of times, I have just avoided the treat, "forgot" to take one. Today, they came in my office with the tray of cookies and asked if I wanted one. I said "no, not right now." Then, they said "well, here, keep one for later." I (stupidly) said, "they look great, but I am really trying to watch what I eat." Then, you get "one cookie won't hurt!" or, later, when you choose to eat something "bad", I can just hear them saying, "I thought you were watching what you eat."

Sometimes it just seems that people WANT you to fail at losing weight; however, I have come to look at my obesity as an illness, and I am working to overcome an illness and get better. If I had cancer, people (I would like to think) would help me/be supportive. Obesity kills you too, so why can't people be supportive when you are losing weight/trying to be healthy??

Bottom line...it's my life, my choices, my journey. I don't care who I piss off because my goal isn't to make anyone happy but me. But I still have to vent occasionally! :grumble:

susannahcooks

a simple, but firm "No thanks" is all it should take. Don't make excuses. Good luck!

allisonrozsa

I agree about the "no thanks" part. As much as I would like to share with people that I'm trying to get healthy, I also don't want their "input" on how they "lost" weight. I've mentioned it to a couple of my co-workers (I work at a coffee shop) only so they can kindly remind me that I told them I don't want to eat the pastries, so that I can then make an informed and reasonable decision(and even then, those are a select 2 or 3 people). I've not told any of my roommates, and have only told my older sister (who lives in another state). I'm just waiting for when my grandparents find out (which they will when I visit in a few months) because I'm gonna get an earful. ;-) Yes, it's OK to vent, we all need to let off steam. You can do this!

cramernh

I made it clear to family, friends and workers that if I say 'no thank you', thats it: they are to accept my answer and respect my decision not to eat their food offerings. I refuse to let their guilt trips affect me. If they cant respect a simple and polite "no thank you", I simply walk away.

When people wonder why I dont try their foods, I tell them, I refuse to risk getting sick if there is an ingredient in there that will cause a reaction - Im just not comfortable relying on someone's memory that might not be reliable. I have more food allergies and sensitivities that I dont feel like getting sick just to make them happy that I have tried their damn foods.

My mother gets nasty about this whole situation and I just give it right back.

jeanne26p

My Mom is like that and she should know better....she's diabetic! When I took care of her for a month, I made it a point to buy my own food but she would still try to badger me about "just one cookie won't hurt".
I was doing her cooking and she was annoyed that I wouldn't prepare 3 starchy foods in the same meal. Can you understand why I developed a raging case of insomnia? I'm headed back there next month but she is now trying to lose weight, so maybe it will be easier this time.

juliee274

The simple "no thank you" sounds good in theory (and I don't disagree) but some people are SO sensitive and get their feelings all hurt if you choose you over them. Imagine that!

cramernh

The simple "no thank you" sounds good in theory (and I don't disagree) but some people are SO sensitive and get their feelings all hurt if you choose you over them. Imagine that!

Honestly... I know this is going to sound horrible, but, I really dont care what they think. If Im polite in my saying "no thank you"... it should end right there.

We have this one woman who brags in one way how healthy she eats at home.. and her lunch, and her dinner, yadda yadda yadda, but yet five minutes after eating her healthy lunch, she goes to everyone asking if they would like some of the boxes (literally, BOXES) of the Girl Scout Cookies she has while stuffing her face with those same cookies... She comes up to me and says "would you like some cookies?" I simply said "no thank you".. and as I was turning around to get back to work, she puts the bag on my desk and tries pushing the whole "a few of them wont hurt ya know?"

I took the bag - walked to her desk and came back to mine. I said to her as Im holding back my frustration with her "I said 'no thank you' they will make me very sick with my allergies - Id rather you exclude me from all of the food offerings because Im just going to need to say 'no' each and every time - I just dont want to get sick"..

The fact she had her feelings hurt is not my problem... her lacking ability to LISTEN to the part where I indicated 'they will make me sick" didnt mean jack crap. Sorry but I just dont have sympathy for people if they feel its a personal attack against themselves... especially when I had to make it known walking back to my desk, I DONT WANT TO GET SICK.

Right now as I send this message, I know the cafe didnt clean their knives when they sliced up my hard-boiled egg. My lips are getting raw and Ill eventually have bleeding kankar sores, which means they used the same knife to cut bread - and I cant eat bread... UGH!

WickedGarden

I used to work with a lady that would bake stuff and bring it in every other day. She would go around and tell everybody as soon as they got to work, "I made (such and such) last night, go and have some!" I'd be nice and say "oh that's very sweet of you! I'll have some after lunch" then after lunch she'd track me down "did you have some of my (baked treat)? Did you like it?"
So I'd have to come up with, "oh, I'm so stuffed with lunch thanks though!"

Then she started to shove food in my face, "here, I brought you cookies (she'd have a plate of 6), I know you didn't eat breakfast EAT!" "That's very nice of you, but no thanks" Then she'd get all offended and defensive, "you don't like me or something?"

gawd! She did some other humiliating things to me, I'm so glad I don't have to deal with her anymore.

susannahcooks

Just remember alot of people project out their own nutritional/health issues. You're saying no sounds to them like 'no thanks, you fat pig" (or the like). Its not your job to worry about their delicate egos as long as you're polite in your nos. "I'm sure they're incredibly delicious and I know others will enjoy them, but I am good, thanks anyway!"

Bearing in mind that I'm one of those frequent pusher of sweets on others - "I can't have these, but I wanted to try the recipe - go on and have a taste and tell me what you think"). Yah, I'm that b----ch But I do take 'no' for an answer. I guess I should stop doing that altogether. One of my nearest and dearest said "you don't see recovering alcoholics pushing drinks on their friends. maybe you should find a new hobby"

uh yea. that

runningfromzombies

True story. A year later my friends are used to me not always wanting to eat out with them (we're college kids--choices at any restaurant we go to aren't exactly viable, unless I'm having a cheat meal). The biggest issue I ever had with them was alcohol, though. (Again, we're college kids.) It got to the point where I had to start avoiding them after 10PM on Fridays and Saturdays. :laugh: It's just a slippery slope for me--if it were an environment where I could have one cocktail and be done, I would be happy as a clam, but they want to do shots until my liver explodes. Since I can't stand how they tend to guilt-trip me, I just removed myself from the situation entirely. It seems a bit extreme, but it worked.

signgrrrl

Im going on a vacation with a group of my friends in June. We have been planning this for a year. We all vowed that we would lose weight and eat healthier to get ready for the trip. I am the only one who did what they said they would do.. So far I have lost almost 40 lbs. My friends refused to recognize it at all. Thats fine because I'm doing for me and no one else but it kind of hurts my feelings... Oh well... I plan to lose 20 more before we go and another 2o after that... so there nay sayers...lol

amnski

I couldn't agree with you more...obesity is an illness/killer and living a healthy lifestyle should not be frowned upon in our society!! I have learned to arm myself with knowledge for those instances when I need to counter "one cookie won't hurt". Knowledge is power and although that cookie won't hurt, it will take me awhile to burn off and I am happy and fit, something "one cookie" won't do for me.

CMmrsfloyd

Tell her that cookie = about 20 minutes of jumping jacks and you'll be glad to enjoy one if she will join you in doing the exercise first. LOL

Nucky719

Yes I have that lady in my office. I call her my fitness nemesis. She's always dieting and telling others how to lose weight. Ironically enough she never keeps it off because she does all these fad things and diet pills. She buys donuts, pizza, and ice cream for everyone (in which i have to give a firm no thanks36) and if there's any leftover she will implore me to take it home "to my kids."

Just say "Thanks, I would love to but I just can't eat that stuff anymore." They will persist for awhile but they'll get the picture eventually.

BeautifulScarsWECHANGED

To the ones that push crappy food on me....I just take one, wait for them to walk away, and throw it out. They're not all butt-hurt, and I avoided the calories. Win-win! :laugh:

JonathonMars

Yeah, I have this problem at my job. People really don't take me seriously, I think. Especially since I'm a guy--I think it's more acceptable for me not to be concerned about being overweight.

I also hate when people criticize you for eating the "wrong" thing. One thing I love about my plan right now is that I refuse to eat anything disgusting, and refuse to feel deprived. If I eat some candy or something, I just move on. I don't feel guilt. Yesterday, I had an entire cheat DAY. And today I woke up, and got back on the wagon, without guilt.

Anthonydaman

Unfortunately, modern society uses food as its center. It seems like there is always an event or someone trying to push food down your throat. Don't feel one bit bad about saying no, and yes, people do want to see you fail. Then their own shortcomings don't seem as relevant

auntiebabs

I don't tell people "I'm trying to lose weight" I tell them I'm "trying to eat healthier, because I'm tired of feeling like crap"

They look like idiots if they try to push food on you, because that pretty much saying they want you to feel like crap...

If they don't get it and continue to push, find a LIGHTHEARTED JOKING way to say something like "I thought you liked me, but now I see you want me to feel like crap"

TrailRunner61

After doing this for 3 mths, I no longer care what people think and what they put in front of me. I have a choice to eat stuff or not and each time I deny myself something that will harm me, make me fatter, unhealthy, etc., I tell myself that I'm stronger for it! Every time I do it I power up. lol Just tell yourself that you are stronger than them and then be strong! You can do it.
I think that some people fear others being leaner or fitter than them. Let them make their own choices while you make yours. Good luck to you!

DisneySkaGirl

Wear your healthy habits and resolve proudly... eventually you will no longer care what they think, and they'll learn not to offer, or to understand when you say no. My co-workers LOVE potlucks with fried food and rice and biscuits etc, and I politely decline and heat up my soup/quinoa/sweet potatoes and eat my food. They always comment that I eat so healthy, and they respect it now.

GasMasterFlash

Going over my cals a smidge, and maybe having to move a little more that night or the next day, is worth it if I can avoid offending someone and their generosity.

Do you really believe that they are out to get you, and make you fail? Really?