VENT: Food Pushers & Passive Aggressive "Friends"

NinjaMonkey201

I worked at a place that liked to have "parties" for everything. Any excuse to bring in food. One time, one of the tables was set up by my desk, I had no problem with that. But there was a box of cookies right in my line of view that were really bugging me, so I moved them to the other side so I couldn't see them.
One of the girls I worked with saw what I did and thought she'd be "funny". She took the box of cookies and laid them right on my keyboard, right in front of my face.
And I don't know how it happened, a gust of wind in the office??? But all of a sudden, my chair backed up and slammed her into the wall of my cubicle. It was a strong gust of wind.
Our boss just laughed and told her she deserved it. And surprise, surprise, it never happened again. :-D

CollisionofNova

This just happened to me!!!! I got called into work to cover someone who called in sick. I'm not feeling my best either and I made the mistake of commenting to my manager that today is a sit-at-home-on-the-couch-with-a-bag-of-chips day. She brightened and said "I was thinking the same thing! I'll get us each one!"

I got this horrified look on my face and said several times, quite firmly, that I didn't need one, want one, etc. I convinced her to get me a tea instead. She got me a tea...and a bag of mixed nuts. The entire package is 700 calories and I've eaten half of them (lack of self control). She knows I'm trying to count calories and she doesn't understand why. She's my mother's age and feels like my mother, so it's even harder to say no.

Of course, because I ate half the package of nuts, I cannot eat my packed lunch unless I want to go over by 600 calories. I won't have time to burn that off when I get home. :grumble:

I feel you, OP. I feel you.

tldust

I love to bake. Have a weakness for cookies. So yes, every once in a while I bake naughty, totally not healthy cookies and bring them into work to share. That way I get one, get the craving out of my system and the calories get shared. But I'm not a pusher. When we have potlucks on our unit and have a lot of food left over, we call other departments to come share our feast. . I have found that Nurse's will eat anything and everything. When other people bring in goodies that I can't stay away from, I move it to somebody else's work station. I know. I'm such a hypocrite.

I have the hardest time saying no to my mother. Sometimes I think it's lack of understanding about what is healthy. I passed on Easter ham this year. Opted for the left-over chicken in the fridge. As she sees a difference in me, I think she is more understanding.

cfriend71

There will always be "saboteurs" (those who want to sabotage your diet) - it's hard I have been there. Just figure out how to defeat them and you'll be fine.

cfriend71

Great idea! LOL

Di3012

I have only been on this weight loss journey a few weeks, but I have chosen to be very quiet about it around everyone but my husband (outside of MFP, that is). Why? Because I find when you tell folks you are trying to lose weight, it's just, well, they irritate the crap out of you.

Either they have to tell you all their struggles with losing weight, or they say stupid things like "why? you don't need to lose any weight!" or they become passive aggressive. For example, there is someone in my office who likes to bake and frequently brings in cookies, etc. The last couple of times, I have just avoided the treat, "forgot" to take one. Today, they came in my office with the tray of cookies and asked if I wanted one. I said "no, not right now." Then, they said "well, here, keep one for later." I (stupidly) said, "they look great, but I am really trying to watch what I eat." Then, you get "one cookie won't hurt!" or, later, when you choose to eat something "bad", I can just hear them saying, "I thought you were watching what you eat."

Sometimes it just seems that people WANT you to fail at losing weight; however, I have come to look at my obesity as an illness, and I am working to overcome an illness and get better. If I had cancer, people (I would like to think) would help me/be supportive. Obesity kills you too, so why can't people be supportive when you are losing weight/trying to be healthy??

Bottom line...it's my life, my choices, my journey. I don't care who I piss off because my goal isn't to make anyone happy but me. But I still have to vent occasionally! :grumble:

Just take the cookie and give it to the birds outside or something.

I know what you mean when people say "you don't need to lose weight" or as you said, when you eat something they consider not "diet" they have to comment though.

I remember eating a sandwich in work, somebody took a long look as I unwrapped it and said "I thought you were on a diet?" to which I replied "I am, but I still have to f****** well eat you know!!"

People just don't have a clue half the time, just shake your shoes and continue xxx

BBoros

Bottom line...it's my life, my choices, my journey. I don't care who I piss off because my goal isn't to make anyone happy but me. But I still have to vent occasionally! :grumble:

AMEN!!! {{{Applause}}}

dianacom

These people don't sound passive-aggressive-they just sound aggressive. You would think they would be supportive during a challenging time, but stick with it. Sometimes people can't see past their own experiences and understand how difficult it is when you struggle with your weight. Parents are a whole different story...

saragato

The simple "no thank you" sounds good in theory (and I don't disagree) but some people are SO sensitive and get their feelings all hurt if you choose you over them. Imagine that!

So? If their feelings get hurt over a "no" regarding their offering, that's their business and I'm not responsible in making them feel better by doing something that's going to make ME feel worse. In those cases you have to be more concerned about yourself than them. If they want to pout or get angry, let them. You can't please everyone, you always have a chance of ticking someone off no matter how sugar-coated (metaphorically) you make your response, so why bend over backwards?

JBsCrazyGirl

You got what you need and you know what you need and want! Everything else doesn't even matter :flowerforyou:

When my mom was trying to lose weight her supportive friends would be supportive, instead of bringing her a burger like everyone else, they brought her a veggie burger.

One morning my manager came in and said "I was going to bring in doughnuts for us to share, but you are trying really hard and trying to be good, so I brought strawberries we can share instead "

You want the type of people who are going to support you like this. Who want to respect what you are doing, but not let you be left out.

Anyone else, making comments, wasting energy being negative to you and you trying to better yourself... really a waste of your time... Especially when there are people out there who would never.

Keep the horns of the bulls in you hands and before you know it it wil be all good

GasMasterFlash

Bottom line...it's my life, my choices, my journey. I don't care who I piss off because my goal isn't to make anyone happy but me. But I still have to vent occasionally! :grumble:

My relationships with friends and loved ones are more important that my fitness goals. It doesn't mean that I have to sacrifice one for the other. The key is balance, give-and-take.

Bencribb

Pick your battles. A cookie is 80-200 calories (depending how big it is), if it's impolite to refuse one, just take it and have a smaller dinner, or work out 20 minutes longer. You can generally politely refuse though, if it's just a tray left out or something (that's how most people do it)

Keep in mind how annoying vegetarian friends can be, or anyone who has to precede everything they eat with a small life story about what kind of diet they're on. Personally I don't like to be the person who makes everyone else feel bad about what they eat, unless they really need a wakeup call anyways. I try not to make a big deal out of my dietary choices unless someone asks.

At the end of the day you have to take care of yourself, but it's easy forget that it's not everyone else's job to take care of you, or see things the same way you do.

Janet55555555555

Just be kind but firm in your answer. If they say you don't to lose weight, say thank you but my scale says otherwise.

blondejillie

One of my nearest and dearest said "you don't see recovering alcoholics pushing drinks on their friends. maybe you should find a new hobby"

Yes, this!!!

kathiekathie

OMG I was that office girl. I love to bake and had a very successful baking blog. I would bring in baked goods at least 3 days a week. The guys would line up for them but the ones who didn't I would hunt down because I wanted the feedback. I'm sure I was the world's worst sugar pusher.

At my job now I don't bake and don't even tell people I can. When someone brings in a treat I make a big deal about it grab a piece and say how I can't wait to try it later. I then head to my office and hide it in the trash. A few hours later I will hunt down the person and thank them. I know it's deceptive- but all they really want is the pat on the back.

lmelangley

Vent away. We've all been there. When people tell me I can't have something or shouldn't have something, I tell them I'm not on a diet and I can eat anything I want when I want to. I'm just modifying what I eat to be healthier. So, if I don't choose to take a cookie, it's because I just don't want it - the bang of the taste isn't worth the buck of the weight.

CinJay

Well said!! It isn't easy when no one else is "on board" with what you're trying to achieve, which is health and inner happiness. I agree with the "just say no" aspect. I've had to deal with it so often myself and I don't make excuses. I smile and say something like "wow, that looks delicious, but no... Thanks for asking!" or something along those lines. And don't worry about hurting someone's over-sensitive feelings, after you say "no" a few times they'll get used to it and eventually stop asking. Who knows, they might even learn by your example and do something about their own health situations! Good luck, love!

GasMasterFlash

One of my nearest and dearest said "you don't see recovering alcoholics pushing drinks on their friends. maybe you should find a new hobby"

Yes, because someone minding what they eat is just like a person with a disease like alcoholism. :huh:

People aren't offering crack, for Pete's sake.

HollywoodDJ

Isn't saying "One cookie won't hurt!" like saying to an alcoholic "One Drink Won't Hurt!" ??? In my opinion it is...andthere are
tons of people like that all over the world. Be careful who you share your weightloss journey with and remember to
Consider The Source when you do get a comment from a sick enabler~

Hang in there ~



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moepwr

My boss is very good at avoiding unhealthy food. And she is very healthy! We are not allowed to eat anywhere besides the kitchen at work and even when we have staff events she joins in but never eats the cake. I guess where she is the boss it is easy for her! I think it is easier on all of us since she says no. My direct supervisor, a guy who is not very big, is always on a diet too. My food pusher is my mom! She is constantly telling me I don't eat enough and has at least three deserts. My dad is 5'11" and 110 so she is constantly trying to put weight on him! Unfortunatly dad remains small while the rest of us grow bigger!