Need support and motivation after miscarriage

mandalu292

Hi friends,
My husband and I just went through our 2nd miscarriage this week. I'm really struggling with this and need to get some motivation back. I'm currently 250 lbs. and 5'6". Although I'm being told that there is nothing I could have done about it, I'm still feeling very guilty. We lost both pregnancies at 8 weeks.

I can honestly say that I was getting my workouts in each week and really watching what I was eating. I logged every day and hadn't gained any weight yet, which was what the doctor had wanted for me. Part of me still feels like it was my weight... and now I am struggling because I want to stay on track and lose weight before we hopefully get pregnant again.

Is anyone else in a similar situation that can help with advice or support? I just feel so numb right now... and like my motivation is gone when it should be stronger than ever.

nemsmom

I have not been there and cannot offer any advice, but I wanted to say I'm so sorry!

I have friends who have been through it but never myself. I know nothing I can say will make this better but I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am.

Eleanorjanethinner

Hi friends,
My husband and I just went through our 2nd miscarriage this week. I'm really struggling with this and need to get some motivation back.

...

Is anyone else in a similar situation that can help with advice or support? I just feel so numb right now... and like my motivation is gone when it should be stronger than ever.

Hi,

I haven't been in a similar situation, but your last sentence caught my attention 'cos I am guilty of trying to 'should' my feelings into submission. Let me tell you, it doesn't work!

I can totally understand you feeling numb, upset, shocked, angry, guilty and whatever else. You've had a sad, unexpected loss. Take time to grieve, look after yourself and your husband, reach out for (and accept) support from family and friends. Cut yourself a break for a just a bit before leaping into the next thing.

God bless you both!

AABru

I don't have a similar situation, but I just wanted to offer my support. I'm so sorry for your loss. :brokenheart:

burtg

We had the same thing. Nothing you could have done would have made a difference. You had nothing to do with what happened and it looks like your doctor agrees. This happened to some friend's of ours as well and they now have a six month old daughter. Don't let this grind you down.

TKHappy

I'm very sorry for your loss!! There's nothing like losing a baby...I know having gone through 2 @ 12 weeks and a stillborn son @ 39 weeks...do not blame yourself and just know that everything happens for a reason...when the time is right you will be hold a beautiful baby in your arms!! The first thing you have to do is relax Hugs to you!!!

LATeagno

I've also had two miscarriages; one at 9 weeks (but the embryo was only 8 weeks when it stopped growing) and one at 13 weeks. The only thing I can say is time will heal it. In the meantime, focus on you. Make your body into a temple of sorts. Nourish it. Love it. Treat it like it's the only one you've got; because it is. Make it the perfect place for a 'lil bean to grow, and when it's time, it will.

Miscarriage is never your fault, although I am empathetic on that "I could have done something different..." feeling. The truth is, though, is that it just wasn't meant to be. It wasn't you. There was nothing you could have done. It was just nature saying it just wasn't time yet.

Hang in there. Take yoga or pilates or something to relax you. Read. Understand how truly awesome a thing your body is. Eat well, excercise moderately, love yourself and the rest will fall into place.

luvsherhubby

I am so sorry for your loss. it is devestating. I had a misscarriage at 12 weeks with my first pregnancy. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!! I know in your mind you will always have the what if', I went through a million, I went on a road trip, I jumped too hard, I did this, the list goes on and on but it wont change anything. DONT LOOSE HOPE! Stick to your plan becaue you and your future baby will be happier with a fit mama! I am sure it was not your weight. You are not extreemly overweight- my mom had me at 300 lbs and I was heavier when I got pregnant the seccond time than I was with my misscarriage. I know, it stinks. Its not fair. Thats what it feels like but there is hope. Pray!!! The creator is the one who gives and takes life. Talk to him, and stay on the path to getting healthier. YOU CAN DO IT! You CAN have a successful pregnancy! You CAN loose weight. You WILL be a great mom! I know it feel like the end, but ITS NOT KEEP GOING!!!

ginnylee74

We had the same thing. Nothing you could have done would have made a difference. You had nothing to do with what happened and it looks like your doctor agrees. Don't let this grind you down.

I am really sorry for the emotional pain you are going through now. I know how hard that part of all losing a baby is. I now have two loving sons. God had a plan for my husband and me and you just half to believe He has one for you and your husband.

God Bless you both.

jat9277

I have been through a similar experience and lost two pregnancies last year at weeks 7 and 6 respectively. I first took some time to allow myself to grieve. I then decided to take the last year to really focus on mental healing and then recovering physically by being active and eating in a healthy, balanced manner. I can attest to the difficulty of going through this- you go through a huge range of emotions and they come back when you least expect them to. My advice would be to: 1. believe that this is NOT your fault- some studies show up to 50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage (often women don't even know they were pregnant) for a huge array of reasons. 2. The time you spend now on allowing yourself to grieve and process these losses will go a long way in helping you recover mentally and physically. Remember to be good to yourself. 3. If and when you're ready to try again, you will hopefully already be in a healthy routine as a result of caring for yourself. This can only help you in a future pregnancy. I wish you all the best-

jreimund

I've had a miscarrage at 12 weeks, after 5 years of infertility issues...I know exactly what you mean. The only advice I can offer you is don't beat yourself up over it, chances are it was a genetic issue and had absoloutely nothing to do with YOU or your body. That being said, I felt the same way after my miscarriage. I buckled down and lost over 40 lbs in 3 months, and then found out I was pregnant again! I had a healthy pregnancy and now a beautiful one year old girl. It WILL happen for you, I know it! Take your time getting pregnant again (of course consult your dr) and focus on you for awhile, talk it out with a close friend or someone who has been through this, or even me or someone on mfp! I know there are plenty of ppl here who are willing to just listen. It's hard, I know. But you will get through this! ((hugs)) I'll add you as a friend if that's ok!

mandalu292

The immediate support on here is overwhelming... some of your posts bring tears to my eyes and let me know that I am not alone. I should mention that I have faith in God's plan and I know that this is all in His timing. It's the only thing getting us through this. This poem is something that I found online last night and I wanted to share it with all of you who have gone through a similar experience. Please feel free to add me so that we can support each other!

O precious, tiny sweet little one,
you will always be to me
so perfect, pure and innocent
just as you were meant to be.
We dreamed of you and of your
life and all that it would be we
waited and longed for you
to come and join our family.
We never had the chance to play
to laugh, to rock, to wiggle
we long to hold you, touch you
and listen to you giggle.
But now your're gone ...
but yet you're here. You are
our sorrow and our joy,
there's love in ever tear.
Just know our love goes deep
and strong. We'll forget you never.
The child we had, but never had,
and yet will have forever.

skinny_buddha

I just watched an episode of Dr. Oz it was the 400th episode and the woman on there had been going through the exact same thing. She turned to a few different foods that helped her drop 200 pounds in like 8 months and she was able to get pregnant and deliver. Anyway, I can't remember all of it but I remember her talking about a protein ice cream called arctic zero.

jreimund

The immediate support on here is overwhelming... some of your posts bring tears to my eyes and let me know that I am not alone. I should mention that I have faith in God's plan and I know that this is all in His timing. It's the only thing getting us through this. This poem is something that I found online last night and I wanted to share it with all of you who have gone through a similar experience. Please feel free to add me so that we can support each other!

O precious, tiny sweet little one,
you will always be to me
so perfect, pure and innocent
just as you were meant to be.
We dreamed of you and of your
life and all that it would be we
waited and longed for you
to come and join our family.
We never had the chance to play
to laugh, to rock, to wiggle
we long to hold you, touch you
and listen to you giggle.
But now your're gone ...
but yet you're here. You are
our sorrow and our joy,
there's love in ever tear.
Just know our love goes deep
and strong. We'll forget you never.
The child we had, but never had,
and yet will have forever.

I'm so happy that you have faith to help you through this! He has a plan for you. And take comfort in knowing you will meet your babies someday, and that they are happy and perfect with our Savior in heaven.

buckeye86

I've been through it too and thought nobody understood how I felt. Since all of those "You're better off this way" or "It was meant to happen" or "It's so common" statements just made me feel worse. The most important thing that helped me through it was to allow myself to grieve and do something to remember the baby by. I bought a necklace that I wore everyday for a long time as a reminder that helped me heal. I still have bad days and it's been over 5 years, but that's totally normal. Whatever you're feeling is ok to feel. Figure out what you want and I'm sure you'll see where you should go from here. Whether that's taking some time out to assess things or trying again when you get the chance. Good luck on building your family in the future!

dragonsheart84

In some people it is weight that is the issue. My friend from high school has this issue. She just had to have surgery to correct the way that her uterus was. It was shaped like a v instead of the normal shape. I lost a baby at 18 weeks. He is my little angel. I had previously had 3 healthy babies so I believe that my weight was my issue and stress. I also had my youngest at 24 weeks and almost lost her. My weight again was pretty high. I am still big but opted for a hysterectomy instead of dealing with anymore pregnancies or losses. I would encourage you to get as healthy as possible before trying again. Lose as much weight as you can and then let nature take its course. I will pray for some peace of mind that it is not your fault. I am sure that your body was not able to handle it right now.

adamswife23

This was nothing you did that caused you to miscarry a 2nd time. It was just God's way even though we do not understand wny now. I have a friend who lost her first 2 pregnancies at 8wks like you, but then went on to have 3 healthy pregnancies. Please don't blame yourself. Just know that there are a lot of us praying for you during this difficult time.

mummytobeslim

sorry to hear about your loss , its not your fault so please dont blame yourself . i had my first son si x years ago and then had a mc at 12 weeks , i then had another son who is now two and then i thenmc at 10 weeks in Jan this year . its so hard and we think off its our fault but its not. things Will get better , time is a great healer even though we never forget. if you need a
chat anytime feel free to message me x
all we can do is look after ourselves and hope nature does the rest x

JanetLM73

I'm so sorry for you loss, all I can say is let yourself go through whatever you need to and don't feel guilty, it's nothing you did or didn't do. Bigs hugs to you.

aaaaaamy

I have had two miscarriages, both times I was smack bang in the middle of the healthy BMI range. Of course, I found a thousand other ways to blame myself, but the fact of the matter is that we don't get to go back and see if we can change things by acting or being different so wondering is a waste of our limited emotional resources. Be gentle with yourself, give yourself time, and love, and nourishment of every kind. I told myself that my babies got sent to someone who needed them more, and somehow found comfort in that. Take comfort where you can find it, and know that you are not alone.

1horsetown

They say that only 25% of all conceptions result in a healthy birth. 75% don't.

Statistically, nothing you did caused them. They just happened.

Very sorry for your loss. I know it still hurts.

Malaika946

I am really sorry for your loss. Stay strong.

joconnor09

I'm so sorry to hear about that. I can't even imagine what it must be like to go through that. Clearly you're a very strong person if you're already willing and ready to work towards a new goal in your life. Don't be afraid to grieve for a while. No one will blame you if you take a few days off. But just make sure those few days don't turn into a few weeks. Try taking a nice long walk with your husband, and just take time to enjoy each other's company. You could try new activities and hobbies that incorporate exercise, like hiking, rock climbing, etc. Just do things to take your mind off your problems. I know a few years back when I was going through a really rough time, I would go out every day and just walk for an hour. Every single day. It helped me clear my head, get some fresh air, and get some exercise while taking my mind off my problems. Though it seems tough now, you'll get through this. We are all here to support you in any way we can. We're here for you!

lisag2007

Hi, my husband and I suffered two miscarriages as well and both at about 8 weeks. One of those would have been twins. I was never told it was due to my weight, although I was about 35 pounds overweight for my height. I can tell you this, I was also older when I got pregnant the first time at 36, 37 the second and 38 this last time when we had our beautiful son. There is nothing you could have done and for some reason our bodies couldn't do what they needed to to carry those pregnancies to term. Let yourself go through whatever grief you need to and know that in time, you will feel better. As silly as it may sound, I bought a tiny stuffed tiger the first time after I mc and the 2nd time I bought matching sheep....just something to remember the little ones that will never be. I do now have a beautiful son that is almost two, so there is hope for you....do not give up. Take care of yourself and in time, I hope you too are able to have a healthy pregnancy. I am so sorry for you and your husband's loss.

timetogetfitter

Hi hun,
as you know I too suffered my second miscarriage on Tuesday, we can not blame our selves hun, I know life sometimes feels so unfair when there are so many great mums /mums to be that loose their babies while i wouldn't wish it on anyone there are women out there that have healthy pregnancy's that are a lot larger than you or I, there are those that smoke, drink heavily, take drugs etc throughout there pregnancy's and don't miscarry. So don't blame your self hun. I keep having moments of crying since loosing my twins, but don't think i am ready to deal with it properly yet and am keeping myself busy and trying my best not to think about although i know this isn't good for me. I think tomorrow when i will be alone for the first time it will hit me then at the moment it doesn't seem real, the four days i spent in hospital seems like it happened to someone else. I am here for you when you need me hun big hugs to you x

InnerFatGirl

I am so very sorry, sweetie. Look after yourself, okay? xx

BrianSharpe

My wife and I lost our first son at 22 weeks, that was over 17 years ago and the memory is still painful. Take time to grieve and heal and don't feel guilty, there was absolutely nothing you could have done about it.

AbbyHoopi

I just found myself in a smiliar situation. I was 7 weeks along with my 2nd child when I had complications and found that I miscarried. I never fully lost the weight from my oldest, who is 2 years old, before getting pregnant this time. In that 7 weeks I gained about 5 lbs (which happened with the 1st as well) and now I want to lose some of this before I try again, which we decided will be right after my 1st cycle (as recommended by my Dr).

I want to find something that I can do even once we do become pregnant again so I can keep this pregnancy healthier than my 1st, which I was off work and a complete and total BUM! So maybe I don't find myself struggling to lose weight as much. ((Sugestions welcome!))

Lots of love and support to you in this time of loss... it is the hardest thing i have gone through in my life and would never wish that pain upon anyone. If you need some support feel free to add me!!

ohi1073mysoldier

I lost my baby last week. I was 13 weeks. I'm going to read over your responses because I'm in need of the same support. I'm so sorry for your loss. This has been the most terrible experience of my life. My body is confused and thinks I have a baby in my arms. The weight is a painful reminder. There are so many factors that go into miscarriage and 8 weeks was surely a coincidence. There's no week that makes it more likely, just the further you go the less likely. This wasn't your fault just like it wasn't my fault. Our babies were meant to be born straight into perfection.

DebbieMc3

Please listen to me very carefuly..... Weighing 250 lbs did not make you lose your babies.
I'm so sorry that you are going through this.
I lost my daughter at 21 weeks. My heart breaks everyday and it has been 3 years.

I wish you strength and love to get through this.

Debbie

TxAngel79

This was by no means your doing! I have been there. I lost my third and final baby at 5 1/2 weeks. I dealt with the guilt that it was something I must have done. We were not trying to get pregnant at the time. I believe it was natures way of telling us it was too risky to have a baby as I got diagnosed with cervical cancer right afterwards! Give your body, heart and mind time to heal! It has been almost 5 years and it still hurts! Feel free to add me! I'll be there in any way I can!