I am literally sitting here balling my eyes out.

xoalyssaox

B/c I am a COMPLETE moron. Seriously FOR TWO YEARS NOW I have been saying I need to lose 30 pounds (that I gained while prego). FOR TWO YEARS I fail.

My Mother in law calls today and invites herself over to go swimming in my apartment pool. I am SERIOUSLY A MORON SITTING HERE CRYING b/c I DON'T WANT TO GO. My shorts I wear over my bathing suit don't fit, there is no way in heck thatI am not wearing shorts, my stomach hangs over my suit...

I am just really hating life right now. I am probably the most self conscious person you will ever meet. I mean seriously who cries all day b/c they don't want people to see them in a bathing suit. I cannot even enjoy my life living in FL, b/c I care what every one thinks of me... I seriously just don't even want to go any where any more b/c I am so sick of being fat. I wish there was someone who could help me...

fiftyandfit

why don't you start today by helping yourself...stop being so overly critical.
take control and stop worrying about what others think........
life is toooooooooo short to waste worrying about others.....start eating
right to keep yourself healthy for yourself and your kiddo. by looking
at your picture, you're very young and have nice elastic, go back in place
skin. try having a baby at 41 and see what droops and hangs over!! lol!
my youngest just turned 8yrs and i still have baby fat!

thadeus3977

You can do it!!!! The first step is getting exercise to fit into that swimsuit! You go girl

FluffnStuff

I've noticed several of your posts... I've noticed something... you are really hard on yourself.
You are gorgeous!
I've been on here over a year and I've gained all the weight back, but I am still here and trying.
It doesn't help to beat yourself up, for many it makes it even worse (can we say my love of burgers, pizza, and Chinese food come into play with my mopes).

So, it's been 2 years.... My kids 6 and I soooo know she's not the reason I am still fat. I'm lazy/busy/tired/ or a million other excuses I can come up with. I HATED buying a swimming suit this year, but my kid loves the pool... do I punish her for my choices or do I suck it up and just deal. I may not LOVE the body I have, but I am the one who has control of it... be it diet or exercise or both. If I want it to improve I HAVE to do the work... WISHING to lose weight, be skinnier, etc never got anyone there. Hard work did.

You are not a moron.

What have you been doing to lose weight?

amicklin

B/c I am a COMPLETE moron. Seriously FOR TWO YEARS NOW I have been saying I need to lose 30 pounds (that I gained while prego). FOR TWO YEARS I fail.

My Mother in law calls today and invites herself over to go swimming in my apartment pool. I am SERIOUSLY A MORON SITTING HERE CRYING b/c I DON'T WANT TO GO. My shorts I wear over my bathing suit don't fit, there is no way in heck thatI am not wearing shorts, my stomach hangs over my suit...

I am just really hating life right now. I am probably the most self conscious person you will ever meet. I mean seriously who cries all day b/c they don't want people to see them in a bathing suit. I cannot even enjoy my life living in FL, b/c I care what every one thinks of me... I seriously just don't even want to go any where any more b/c I am so sick of being fat. I wish there was someone who could help me...

---

I am sooo sorry you are having such a bad day!! I do understand having the extra weight and knowing it needs to come up and it just doesn't happen. It is not easy, it really is not especially with a baby. Don't be too hard on yourself. I know it sounds like a load of crap but everyday that we do pay attention to what we eat and try to excersize even just for a little bit will start to show. Im 20 years old, you look around my age. I know for myself at least, I feel like people look at me and think why is she young and that heavy?! .... All of that to say, I understand and you are not alone. It does take alot of work and focus but I know if you keep at it, it will get better!!

leg8

well you are beautiful!! so just find a bathing suit that you love that flatters your figure until you're able to accomplish your goals!! find a pretty coverup to wear over your suit..something that you feel really comfortable in.

i understand how you feel about being in a suit... i just found a cute little dress to wear over top until i am more confident with my body. hopefully that will make you feel more comfortable and happier, and if you're smiling, nobody will care about anything else!

p34tsho

:flowerforyou: Don't call yourself a failure!!!!! The only time a person is a failure is when they DON"T TRY!!!!! AND you are trying!!!!! SO give yourself CREDIT!!!!!

1Corinthians13

I'm so sorry that you feel like this, but darling, your picture is beautiful! You are beautiful! Don't overwhelm yourself. I know it's hard, but take a deep breath and one day at a time. Hell, on minute at a time. Every minute is a new chance.

Cindysunshine

OH sweetie- Please stop crying and take a deep breath. You only have 30 pounds to lose. I am in no way trying to make your problem seem small. I know how you feel. We have a pool in our little neighborhood and last summer I only swam once with my daughter. I was soo self consious. I have alot of weight to lose. I have lost some but I have 145 more to lose. I have been in the pool 12 or more times this summer with my daughter. You shouldn't feel weird shorts or no shorts. I'm sure NO one will be thinking bad thoughts about you. What I'm trying to say is don't let yourself talk you in to feeling this way. Don't let yourself be your worst enemy. Put that suit on -be proud- Go swimming -have fun and burn some calories. Look around when you get there too because I bet there will be at least 1 person there that SHOULD feel embarrased about what they have on. We have a neighbor who probably weighs 240 pounds and she wears a bikini. Thats right a bikini. She looks so bad but you know what? She doesn't seem to care. She still has fun. Cindy

TamTastic

I am so sorry you are having a rough day and trust me, I have been there too!! :ohwell: :flowerforyou:

And you are a beautiful girl and shouldn't feel so horrible. I know that is easy for me to say..but life is too short to miss out on so much.

I know with my own weight-loss, it is taking my brain a lot longer to catch up than it did for my body to lose the weight. This "lifestyle change" is as much mental as it is physical! If not MORE so!

You will do it!! And you will be living your life the way you should be!! Just let it happen!!! And try to look at yourself differently and stop missing out on life!

One thing that kind of feeling taught me is that food just isn't worth feeling like that, is it??

You'll be OK!! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

-Tami

JenniferMann24

Its ok! I was the same way. I don't know if you exercise but that makes me feel better. Walking 40-60 min, 4-5 times a week will help your mood ALOT! If you don't want to go swim DON'T! Work up to feeling comfortable enough to do that.

I have been fighting weight for the past year. I have PCOS and Ive been going to a psychologist(spelling) and he helped teach me things to control my moods. Exercise is the biggest.

I have not lost ANY weight since Ive been to him. I will lose a pound or two and it will come right back. My mood however has changed very much. I don't worry about what other people think as much as I use to.

Hope I helped!:flowerforyou:

sdesrosiers

You know what? They make beautiful clothes in all different sizes, even my size...20. Go buy yourself a bathing suit and some shorts that fit who you are right now. Good fitting attractive clothes make us feel good, feeling good about ourselves leads to treating ourselves better. You can't accomplish much if you hate the person you are working for (you)

You can keep the other short and swimsuit for when you are back to that size. And swimming in the apartment pool will help you get there.

xoalyssaox

Thanks everyone for your support! I just wish it was easy!
I have had a history of eating disorders. I've been like this my whole life, overly critical and I saw a psychiatrist once and it was a load of crap. She told me the reason I felt this way, is because my husband doesn't pay enough attention to me!! UM HELLO LADY, I had an eating disorder way before I even MET HIM. I stopped going there, and just dealt with my feelings ever since, but today I literally just broke down.

Thanks again everyone, I wish I just could have someone like keep me motivated every day or something. Wouldn't that be nice?

FluffnStuff

Thanks again everyone, I wish I just could have someone like keep me motivated every day or something. Wouldn't that be nice?

Isn't that why we have this place?
To gather strength from others when we aren't strong....

Valtishia

B/c I am a COMPLETE moron. Seriously FOR TWO YEARS NOW I have been saying I need to lose 30 pounds (that I gained while prego). FOR TWO YEARS I fail.

My Mother in law calls today and invites herself over to go swimming in my apartment pool. I am SERIOUSLY A MORON SITTING HERE CRYING b/c I DON'T WANT TO GO. My shorts I wear over my bathing suit don't fit, there is no way in heck thatI am not wearing shorts, my stomach hangs over my suit...

I am just really hating life right now. I am probably the most self conscious person you will ever meet. I mean seriously who cries all day b/c they don't want people to see them in a bathing suit. I cannot even enjoy my life living in FL, b/c I care what every one thinks of me... I seriously just don't even want to go any where any more b/c I am so sick of being fat. I wish there was someone who could help me...

When you have gone swimming have you ever noticed if there are other overweight people, whether it be a little or alot? Bet you haven't...
I'm not gonna say there aren't people out there that judge others that way but really who wants to be friends with someone like that who can't look past the exterior. To be honest if I don't wanna be friends with them I don't care for thier opinion either. So start worrying about you rather than a handful of people that are too busy looking at what they think is wrong with you to avoid the stuff they are self consious about.

AliceLMS

I work at a resort and see all shapes and sizes in suits, the most important part of their outfit is their confidence and smile.

I watched a young woman at the resort sit miserably by herself, clutching her clothes around her, while watching everyone else have fun. Her husband obviously adored her and was very solicitous and entertaining but she would not take part in anything.

Meddler that I am I went over and talked to her. Reminded her these days only come once, there is no rerun and get it right next time this day comes around. She had a beautiful smile, great kids, and a loving husband. Today is it, get up, and get moving, have fun. "If only I were thinner I could have fun, go swimming, take a trip, or a million other things." are excuses you will still have on the day you die,what a waste of life. The whole world is not focused on you and your weight. Lighten up on yourself!!!!!!!! Get out and LIVE!!!!!

naugustyniak

B/c I am a COMPLETE moron. Seriously FOR TWO YEARS NOW I have been saying I need to lose 30 pounds (that I gained while prego). FOR TWO YEARS I fail.

My Mother in law calls today and invites herself over to go swimming in my apartment pool. I am SERIOUSLY A MORON SITTING HERE CRYING b/c I DON'T WANT TO GO. My shorts I wear over my bathing suit don't fit, there is no way in heck thatI am not wearing shorts, my stomach hangs over my suit...

I am just really hating life right now. I am probably the most self conscious person you will ever meet. I mean seriously who cries all day b/c they don't want people to see them in a bathing suit. I cannot even enjoy my life living in FL, b/c I care what every one thinks of me... I seriously just don't even want to go any where any more b/c I am so sick of being fat. I wish there was someone who could help me...

My rail thin sister and I went to Hawaii a couple of years ago. (it was a business trip she earned at work and asked me to go so I paid nothing but my souveniers (sp). I didn't even OWN a bathing suit then and was dreading it BIG TIME. Once I got there I realized there were people MUCH bigger than me wearing MUCH less than me and DUH no one was taking time out of their day to look at me.

Like others said, get some sort of cover up. It will be fine really. You could even look at this as a work out if you want. Walk in the water as fast as you can and burn some calories while you are there.

futurediva37

There is nothing I can say that hasn't already been said... I just wanted to say to you that I understand how you feel. A lot of people do. Up until last year, I wouldn't go swimming for the same reason. I'm a REALLY big girl and finally one of my friends just made me do it - I was crying and "kicking and screaming" the whole way to the pool... but you know what? NOBODY looked at me. Everybody else was too busy having their fun to worry about me. And I live in a nosey neighborhood. LOL GO and enjoy yourself. If you are that self-conscious wear a tshirt and say you don't want to get sunburned!

PureAndHealthy

Try listening to Miley Cyrus's The Climb. It's become my workout mantra. :bigsmile:

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaken

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

nance1109

I think just being on this site everyone can understand your frustration. Some times we have to just have a good cry then jump back on and reasses our goals. Your's being to be able to feel comfterable in your cloths. Someone suggested to get another suit that is more fitting for you at this time. I think thats a great idea. Its actually what I do! I have bathing suits of all sizes from 4 to 14. I can't bare to get rid of them for fear I will need them again! I will be darned if I will sit in the house and deny myself the chance to exercize in a pool or beach cuz my suit don't fit.

Right now I am in the middle of sized as I also have 30 to lose...I will get there but it will take some time and effort on my part.

Feel better cuz this too shall pass.

rockchic9382

You seriously have to be your own motivation! You can't expect some one to do it for you! If you don't want it enough to motivate yourself how can you expect some one else to care enough to. You're the one who has to want it, to push yourself everyday to work out and make the right food choices. It's hard, I'm not going to lie but it IS do able. 30 lbs. really isn't very much. You could lose that in 6 months time. And you have all of us here for support when you need it. I realize your obstacles may be slightly harder because of the eating disorder but you still can do it!! i promise you!! Just stop feeling sorry for yourself and DO IT!!!!



p.s. none of this is meant to sound mean...so please don't take it the wrong way.

CarmenSantiago

First off let me say that you are stunning. Please, please, don't beat up on yourself so much. Life is too short. I know that sounds cliche but you are only 21. I am not trying to patronize you. You are a wife, and a mother. That is what's important. You have a beautiful, I assume healthy baby. Thank God for that. When I was 21 I was 100 pounds overweight, after my children I was 300 pounds overweight. I know about eating disorders, I know about self hatred, and I know about disgust. No one is going to convince you that you are beautiful until you realize you are beautiful. You have to love yourself at any weight or age. You seem like a wonderful, caring, loving, young woman. Again, that's what you need to concern yourself with. Come to this board for support and motivation. There are so many knowledgeable, inspiring, people on this site. As for today grab one of your husbands t-shirts and go to the pool. Peeps are right, no one is going to concern themselves with you. Everyone is self conscious so they're concerned with themselves. Carry your head high and exude confidence. Even if you don't have it, fake it till you make it is my creed.

Do you ever notice that people in Europe, the Carribeean etc. run around the beaches in whatever they want? All sizes of people run around in barely there swimsuits. I was in Mexico last year and I saw a woman who must have weighed 250 pounds lying topless on the beach. She didn't look good but the thing I admired about her is she obviously didn't care. We have such a unhealthy view of what is beautiful in this country. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to minimalize the 30 pounds you have to lose. I don't believe carrying extra weight is healthy. But do you get the irony here? We are so obessed with how we look in America, to the extreme that we in turn are the fattest country in the world. Morbid obestiy is epidemic. The correlation there simplified is we starve ourselves to look like fashion models and when we can't obtain the unobtainable we eat to soothe our shame and our guilt, and frustration.

I didn't mean to get on my soapbox sometimes I just go on. What I'm saying is dry those eyes, kiss your baby, rub your tummy and remember that you carried that beautiful baby there not long ago. Then get started today losing that excess weight, eating right, coming to the sight, and changing your self loathing attitude. Think about it....we are NOT what we look like. We are so, so, much more.

Good Luck to you!

Schaff

I think we all have been where you are now from time to time. Its hard! Sometimes you just want to sit at home in sweats and just be! You mentioned that you had seen a psychiatrist once and that her advice was not helpful. I can see why you wouldn't want to go back, her advice was a load of crap! But, it can make all the difference in the world talking to the right person about things like this. I have been there myself, and I am a big advocate of therapy. However, I think it is so very important, probably the most important thing about therapy, to find a therapist that is right for you, that YOU connect with. It might take a few trys, but once you do, its one of the best things you can do for yourself. I would suggest trying again, this time at a different therapist office if you can find one. Or, if you really don't want to, try writing in a journal. Try that for a few days and then read back what you wrote. That can be SOOO helpful in identifying the root of your issues. Hang in there sweetheart! It really is all going to be ok, and we are all here for you if you need help!

arewethereyet

Thanks everyone for your support! I just wish it was easy!
I have had a history of eating disorders. I've been like this my whole life, overly critical and I saw a psychiatrist once and it was a load of crap. She told me the reason I felt this way, is because my husband doesn't pay enough attention to me!! UM HELLO LADY, I had an eating disorder way before I even MET HIM. I stopped going there, and just dealt with my feelings ever since, but today I literally just broke down.

Thanks again everyone, I wish I just could have someone like keep me motivated every day or something. Wouldn't that be nice?

Ok so now we know you are very intelligent. You were smart enough to know the psych lady needed therapy herself.

FluffnStuff

I think we all have been where you are now from time to time. Its hard! Sometimes you just want to sit at home in sweats and just be! You mentioned that you had seen a psychiatrist once and that her advice was not helpful. I can see why you wouldn't want to go back, her advice was a load of crap! But, it can make all the difference in the world talking to the right person about things like this. I have been there myself, and I am a big advocate of therapy. However, I think it is so very important, probably the most important thing about therapy, to find a therapist that is right for you, that YOU connect with. It might take a few trys, but once you do, its one of the best things you can do for yourself. I would suggest trying again, this time at a different therapist office if you can find one. Or, if you really don't want to, try writing in a journal. Try that for a few days and then read back what you wrote. That can be SOOO helpful in identifying the root of your issues. Hang in there sweetheart! It really is all going to be ok, and we are all here for you if you need help!

I agree, the first try obviously was a bomb.
I went to a counselor (recomended through a religious association) a few years ago, not even for weight issues but it's amazing how dealing with OTHER stuff helped my mind. He didn't even do much, just listened.

KatWood

Perhaps, as a way to help inspire yourself think about your son. Imagine the kind of woman you want him to fall in love with and spend his life with. Try to become that woman. Seriously, think about it. You want him to find someone beautiful, healthy and confident right? You want him to find someone who is a strong, confident woman who doesn't obsess over her body image or what others think. Also, you want him to become the kind of man that looks past just physical beauty and sees the beautiful person inside. You can help him become this man and find that woman. You're actions will define (or at least influence) what he believes a woman should be.

Look at it this way, whether you believe it or not, you are already beautiful and healthy (and working towards being even healthier). All you need to work on is your confidence and attitude. Don't be so hard on yourself. I guarantee you that no one else is judging you so harshly.:flowerforyou:

Also, swimming is good exercise :happy:

zaza54

Hi-
I thought I would add my 2 cents even tho there are already so many wonderful comments.
No matter what anyone tells you, if YOU don't feel comfortable - that's how it is. So, think about what would make you feel more comfortable for now. Maybe it's the cute cover-up that someone mentioned or a t-shirt to prevent sunburn as someone else suggested or maybe it's just not getting into the pool today.

The next thing is to change the message. The mind-body connection is extremely powerful so I understand that it is easier said than done. But, could you try giving yourself a pep talk? For example, look in the mirror and tell yourself - if I'm smiling and my hair and make-up look good - that's enough. My smile and eyes and attitude will be what everyone else notices.

Another thought is to focus on your baby. Think about having fun with him. As a 55 year-old mom, let me tell you that these precious moments evaporate in the blink of an eye. Besides, if you're carrying him - maybe no one will really notice what you look like. :laugh: Also, once you're in the pool, just sink in up to your neck. Then no one can see anything but your pretty face.

Seriously, try to laugh. :laugh: I think if you smile and laugh out loud, it actually makes you feel better.:happy:

Lastly, everyone here is pulling for you to feel better. :flowerforyou:

CarmenSantiago

Hi-
I thought I would add my 2 cents even tho there are already so many wonderful comments.
No matter what anyone tells you, if YOU don't feel comfortable - that's how it is. So, think about what would make you feel more comfortable for now. Maybe it's the cute cover-up that someone mentioned or a t-shirt to prevent sunburn as someone else suggested or maybe it's just not getting into the pool today.

The next thing is to change the message. The mind-body connection is extremely powerful so I understand that it is easier said than done. But, could you try giving yourself a pep talk? For example, look in the mirror and tell yourself - if I'm smiling and my hair and make-up look good - that's enough. My smile and eyes and attitude will be what everyone else notices.

Another thought is to focus on your baby. Think about having fun with him. As a 55 year-old mom, let me tell you that these precious moments evaporate in the blink of an eye. Besides, if you're carrying him - maybe no one will really notice what you look like. :laugh: Also, once you're in the pool, just sink in up to your neck. Then no one can see anything but your pretty face.

Seriously, try to laugh. :laugh: I think if you smile and laugh out loud, it actually makes you feel better.:happy:

Lastly, everyone here is pulling for you to feel better. :flowerforyou:

Well said zaza and I soooooo know the feeling about the kids. I say that everyday. My boys are 12 and 10 now.They are still young yes, but they are both taller then me and it will be tomorrow that they're out of the house. I asked myself the other day what happened to the pudgy lil guys that thought I hung the moon?! But I don't live in the past. I know our memories for tomorrow are made today, and I try to live my life going forward with none of the regrets I've had in the past.

xoalyssaox

UPDATE: Ok I went to the pool. It wasn't AS bad as I thought. I wore my bathing suit, board short and a tank top.

I had a really good time with my son, I am glad I went. It actually motivates me more, b/c I LOVE swimming, I have just been making excuses for 2 years and missing out on life. So I need to lose the weight so I can be comfortable in my own skin.

I mean I live 10 minutes from the beach for crying out loud, I should enjoy my life, right?

Thanks again everyone, you have NO idea how much you helped me today!!!!

Wishful

atta girl, alyssa!

CarmenSantiago

WTG!!! Rock on with your bad self!!

Keep us posted! :smokin: