I am literally sitting here balling my eyes out.

CarmenSantiago

First off let me say that you are stunning. Please, please, don't beat up on yourself so much. Life is too short. I know that sounds cliche but you are only 21. I am not trying to patronize you. You are a wife, and a mother. That is what's important. You have a beautiful, I assume healthy baby. Thank God for that. When I was 21 I was 100 pounds overweight, after my children I was 300 pounds overweight. I know about eating disorders, I know about self hatred, and I know about disgust. No one is going to convince you that you are beautiful until you realize you are beautiful. You have to love yourself at any weight or age. You seem like a wonderful, caring, loving, young woman. Again, that's what you need to concern yourself with. Come to this board for support and motivation. There are so many knowledgeable, inspiring, people on this site. As for today grab one of your husbands t-shirts and go to the pool. Peeps are right, no one is going to concern themselves with you. Everyone is self conscious so they're concerned with themselves. Carry your head high and exude confidence. Even if you don't have it, fake it till you make it is my creed.

Do you ever notice that people in Europe, the Carribeean etc. run around the beaches in whatever they want? All sizes of people run around in barely there swimsuits. I was in Mexico last year and I saw a woman who must have weighed 250 pounds lying topless on the beach. She didn't look good but the thing I admired about her is she obviously didn't care. We have such a unhealthy view of what is beautiful in this country. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to minimalize the 30 pounds you have to lose. I don't believe carrying extra weight is healthy. But do you get the irony here? We are so obessed with how we look in America, to the extreme that we in turn are the fattest country in the world. Morbid obestiy is epidemic. The correlation there simplified is we starve ourselves to look like fashion models and when we can't obtain the unobtainable we eat to soothe our shame and our guilt, and frustration.

I didn't mean to get on my soapbox sometimes I just go on. What I'm saying is dry those eyes, kiss your baby, rub your tummy and remember that you carried that beautiful baby there not long ago. Then get started today losing that excess weight, eating right, coming to the sight, and changing your self loathing attitude. Think about it....we are NOT what we look like. We are so, so, much more.

Good Luck to you!

Schaff

I think we all have been where you are now from time to time. Its hard! Sometimes you just want to sit at home in sweats and just be! You mentioned that you had seen a psychiatrist once and that her advice was not helpful. I can see why you wouldn't want to go back, her advice was a load of crap! But, it can make all the difference in the world talking to the right person about things like this. I have been there myself, and I am a big advocate of therapy. However, I think it is so very important, probably the most important thing about therapy, to find a therapist that is right for you, that YOU connect with. It might take a few trys, but once you do, its one of the best things you can do for yourself. I would suggest trying again, this time at a different therapist office if you can find one. Or, if you really don't want to, try writing in a journal. Try that for a few days and then read back what you wrote. That can be SOOO helpful in identifying the root of your issues. Hang in there sweetheart! It really is all going to be ok, and we are all here for you if you need help!

arewethereyet

Thanks everyone for your support! I just wish it was easy!
I have had a history of eating disorders. I've been like this my whole life, overly critical and I saw a psychiatrist once and it was a load of crap. She told me the reason I felt this way, is because my husband doesn't pay enough attention to me!! UM HELLO LADY, I had an eating disorder way before I even MET HIM. I stopped going there, and just dealt with my feelings ever since, but today I literally just broke down.

Thanks again everyone, I wish I just could have someone like keep me motivated every day or something. Wouldn't that be nice?

Ok so now we know you are very intelligent. You were smart enough to know the psych lady needed therapy herself.

FluffnStuff

I think we all have been where you are now from time to time. Its hard! Sometimes you just want to sit at home in sweats and just be! You mentioned that you had seen a psychiatrist once and that her advice was not helpful. I can see why you wouldn't want to go back, her advice was a load of crap! But, it can make all the difference in the world talking to the right person about things like this. I have been there myself, and I am a big advocate of therapy. However, I think it is so very important, probably the most important thing about therapy, to find a therapist that is right for you, that YOU connect with. It might take a few trys, but once you do, its one of the best things you can do for yourself. I would suggest trying again, this time at a different therapist office if you can find one. Or, if you really don't want to, try writing in a journal. Try that for a few days and then read back what you wrote. That can be SOOO helpful in identifying the root of your issues. Hang in there sweetheart! It really is all going to be ok, and we are all here for you if you need help!

I agree, the first try obviously was a bomb.
I went to a counselor (recomended through a religious association) a few years ago, not even for weight issues but it's amazing how dealing with OTHER stuff helped my mind. He didn't even do much, just listened.

KatWood

Perhaps, as a way to help inspire yourself think about your son. Imagine the kind of woman you want him to fall in love with and spend his life with. Try to become that woman. Seriously, think about it. You want him to find someone beautiful, healthy and confident right? You want him to find someone who is a strong, confident woman who doesn't obsess over her body image or what others think. Also, you want him to become the kind of man that looks past just physical beauty and sees the beautiful person inside. You can help him become this man and find that woman. You're actions will define (or at least influence) what he believes a woman should be.

Look at it this way, whether you believe it or not, you are already beautiful and healthy (and working towards being even healthier). All you need to work on is your confidence and attitude. Don't be so hard on yourself. I guarantee you that no one else is judging you so harshly.:flowerforyou:

Also, swimming is good exercise :happy:

zaza54

Hi-
I thought I would add my 2 cents even tho there are already so many wonderful comments.
No matter what anyone tells you, if YOU don't feel comfortable - that's how it is. So, think about what would make you feel more comfortable for now. Maybe it's the cute cover-up that someone mentioned or a t-shirt to prevent sunburn as someone else suggested or maybe it's just not getting into the pool today.

The next thing is to change the message. The mind-body connection is extremely powerful so I understand that it is easier said than done. But, could you try giving yourself a pep talk? For example, look in the mirror and tell yourself - if I'm smiling and my hair and make-up look good - that's enough. My smile and eyes and attitude will be what everyone else notices.

Another thought is to focus on your baby. Think about having fun with him. As a 55 year-old mom, let me tell you that these precious moments evaporate in the blink of an eye. Besides, if you're carrying him - maybe no one will really notice what you look like. :laugh: Also, once you're in the pool, just sink in up to your neck. Then no one can see anything but your pretty face.

Seriously, try to laugh. :laugh: I think if you smile and laugh out loud, it actually makes you feel better.:happy:

Lastly, everyone here is pulling for you to feel better. :flowerforyou:

CarmenSantiago

Hi-
I thought I would add my 2 cents even tho there are already so many wonderful comments.
No matter what anyone tells you, if YOU don't feel comfortable - that's how it is. So, think about what would make you feel more comfortable for now. Maybe it's the cute cover-up that someone mentioned or a t-shirt to prevent sunburn as someone else suggested or maybe it's just not getting into the pool today.

The next thing is to change the message. The mind-body connection is extremely powerful so I understand that it is easier said than done. But, could you try giving yourself a pep talk? For example, look in the mirror and tell yourself - if I'm smiling and my hair and make-up look good - that's enough. My smile and eyes and attitude will be what everyone else notices.

Another thought is to focus on your baby. Think about having fun with him. As a 55 year-old mom, let me tell you that these precious moments evaporate in the blink of an eye. Besides, if you're carrying him - maybe no one will really notice what you look like. :laugh: Also, once you're in the pool, just sink in up to your neck. Then no one can see anything but your pretty face.

Seriously, try to laugh. :laugh: I think if you smile and laugh out loud, it actually makes you feel better.:happy:

Lastly, everyone here is pulling for you to feel better. :flowerforyou:

Well said zaza and I soooooo know the feeling about the kids. I say that everyday. My boys are 12 and 10 now.They are still young yes, but they are both taller then me and it will be tomorrow that they're out of the house. I asked myself the other day what happened to the pudgy lil guys that thought I hung the moon?! But I don't live in the past. I know our memories for tomorrow are made today, and I try to live my life going forward with none of the regrets I've had in the past.

xoalyssaox

UPDATE: Ok I went to the pool. It wasn't AS bad as I thought. I wore my bathing suit, board short and a tank top.

I had a really good time with my son, I am glad I went. It actually motivates me more, b/c I LOVE swimming, I have just been making excuses for 2 years and missing out on life. So I need to lose the weight so I can be comfortable in my own skin.

I mean I live 10 minutes from the beach for crying out loud, I should enjoy my life, right?

Thanks again everyone, you have NO idea how much you helped me today!!!!

Wishful

atta girl, alyssa!

CarmenSantiago

WTG!!! Rock on with your bad self!!

Keep us posted! :smokin:

Cindysunshine

I'm so happy you went ! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

karamae

Chin up! Think of today as the best day ever. You've finally reached your limit. You've realized that something must change to feel better about yourself and to have more energy for your kid!

Start by making little changes. For example, if you have a major sweet tooth, find alternatives like popcorn or sugar free pudding. (this was my problem.) I PROMISE you it will get better if you keep yourself accountable and change your lifestyle to become a better eater and be more active. I had never successfully lost weight before I started using this website, and have now lost 20 pounds!

You can do it! You have great support here!