"never good enough"

COOKINATOR

I was just wondering if I'm the only person in the MFP community that never feels good enough. Yes, I know I have some mental issues and most of it stem from my parents and my upbringing. It would just be nice to know that I'm not the only one...

When I was growing up, as a bright student and competitive swimmer, it was always "you should lose 10 pounds and you'd be faster" or "you should have don't better on that test". I developed an eating disorder because of this and lost 30 pounds in 2 months off of my already tiny athletic body frame. My parents gave me this idea that no matter what, I could have always done better. Still, after 8 years, I still struggle with these ideas.

I still feel like I'm too fat, or not smart enough, or don't work hard enough or too lazy. I wan't, more than anything, to be this person that everyone thinks I can be, but I honestly feel like I can't. I can't seem to pass the last semester of college, or lose the last 15 pounds. No matter what, I will always fail.

Anyways, I would appreciate no hating considering I do this enough to myself. i actually am a Psychology Major so I know quite a bit about therapy and have a very negative view on it due to bad experiences with both therapists and the medication they push on you. I would just kind of like some support, suggestions, friend requests from those that understand what I'm going through and how they have dealt with it :ohwell:

No your not the only one cause I am always feeling that way despite losing 102 lbs since Nov. 2010.....you are very beautiful and have done great dont let anyone tell you otherwise

Apazman

Its pretty funny, I know a lot of people who look FAN-FUNKING-TASTIC but still hate parts of themselves when others would give whatever apendage you want for a body like thiers. Its all relative I guess.... the Super -Fatties like myself, just want to be semi- normal looking, and the normal looking people want to be model looking, and the model looking people want something else... I think herione addicts call this "Chasing the Dragon"? Always chasing what isn't there and never TRULY appreciating what you have and be content with it in the moment, because lets be honest ... we all get old and wrinkley and end up worm food. So enjoy who and what your are, because lets face it .. men top out around 35-40 and women top out around 25-30.

premiumchilenita

I think you need to stand in front of the mirror and talk to yourself (don't think I'm crazy, it's a self esteem building exercise) Don't stand there and tell yourself how much you could lose or how awful you are, but tell yourself you look great, you are smart, you can finish things, make sure you look at yourself in the eyes.

Write them on a piece of paper and stick them to that mirror, look at it everyday and say it EVERYDAY. When people, especially those around you are constantly putting you down then at least you have someone in front of the mirror that is always cheering for you, and making you feel great.
We all have our faults and we all do things bad, BUT you do more AMAZINg things and you do more good things in your life, forget about the bad and focus on the good, trust me, there are more good than bad

Rayman79

I think most of us feel this way at some point - I know I have. For some people it is about certain aspect(s) of their life, and for others it is much more pervasive and becomes a feeling about the person in general rather than specific aspects of them.

My wife also suffers from this a lot, and needs constant reinforcement of her value. I understand that is her need, and take every opportunity to remind her how valuable she is to me, to her children and family, and in her professional life. I think for someone who constantly undervalues themselves, having someone to call on and be honest with is very valuable, particularly if you can rely on them to be honest and supportive.

I learned fairly early in life that I was going to be best served by a 'fake it til you make it' attitude. After years of bullying, parents messy divorce etc, I was a pretty unsure and vulnerable kid. I learned to put on the brave face and adopt a confident persona, even when I was feeling like a bowl of jello on the inside! This has served me well over the years, and now when I express some sort of insecurity it is usually met with surprise, people are genuinely fooled into thinking I am a confident and successful guy... the strange thing is that (to a certain extent) I actually am! I have a great wife and kids, good friends, a good job that pays well etc.

I am sure you are familiar with the concept of the self-fulfilling prophecy (which I thought was nothing more than a catchphrase before legitimately studying it in Psych. :blushing: ) well just keep telling yourself that you are valuable, successful, good-looking etc, I can tell you that there is some tangible value in it!

AndiJoy812

Oh, how I want to reach through here and give you a big hug!

Listen...I am almost 40 and I still live with the fear that I am going to do something to disappoint my Mom. Now, that being said, I have learned to deal with that fear in a rational way. Of course I do not want to disappoint her, but I am human, and I make choices that impact me...and I'm the one that has to live with the consequences of those choices, not her. It took me until my last 20's to figure that out, though.

From what I am reading, you are still fairly young. This is the time in your life when you should be figuring out what makes you happy, and then go for it! Try and change the way you are looking at yourself....really sit down and list all of the things that you are good at, are passionate about, and focus on that. Try and surround yourself with people that love you and lift you up, and limit or get rid of those relationships with people that are toxic. Be your own advocate! Don't let anyone speak to you with anything other than respect. Learn how to say NO. And try not to base your happiness or self worth on what someone else thinks! You only have control over one person, and that is you. You can't change other people, but you can change the way you feel about yourself, the way you react to situations, and how you develop your own self-worth. Don't depend on other people to do it for you...you know why? Because they are human, too....and depending on other people for your happiness never works. You have to figure that out for you.

And as far as your parents go...if you have already had that talk with them and nothing changed, it may just be the time to accept the fact that you can't change what/how they think. And then move on. What other choice do you have? Are you going to let that keep you from achieving your goals? Or is it an excuse that you are using to keep from trying? Sometimes it's not other's opinions of us that hold us back, but the fear of failure.

I wish you the best of luck, and I am sending you big hugs. Start believing in yourself! And start loving yourself and believing that you are worthy of good things.

ChasingSweatandTears

You never know. Other people probably think "She has it all together, I wish i was like her" Actually, thats the way it is most of the time. If we could only see ourselves through others eyes....

While I incredibly appreciate those that have commented on this thread and while my opinion of myself has not changed... this has probably more fact than everything else. people outside those that know me think I'm laid back, intelligent, in shape etc. but those close to me know what it really is like.

Thank you for this comment. I want so much to have this mentality all the time. I wish I could think of (and actually believe) this when I'm stressed and depressed like right now.

I completely understand. I actually have had people HATE me and yes, actually hate, because they thought that I thought I was better than them! Ha! If they only knew! I've always been the girl people thought had it all together, and felt like I was holding onto a deep dark secret of all of my million flaws, along with a neverending quest for perfectionism. That is what led to my weight gain, the loss of my job due to again being bullied, and a complete destruction of my already weak self esteem... only a few months ago. I had to quit my job to get away from these haters so that I would have the energy to gain some confidence back and finally start taking care of myself again. Drastic yes, but so far effective as I feel now more in control and care less what others think of me. I am only comparing myself to my OWN set of standards now, to be the best version of me I can be, whatever that means, but in THIS given moment I AM good enough for ME. I can feel that way and still want to improve, because I see improvement as a life long journey. It's hard when people have no idea who you really are but you can't let their limited perceptions define you or bring you down. I have very few friends, not because I'm not a nice outgoing friendly person, but because people dont want to get to know me. they think I have it all together and then that makes them feel bad about themselves. It's funny how people are. It's sad because I have a lot to offer, but I now am working on becoming my own best friend, and hey if people are dgoing to judge me, I might as well give them legitimate ammo ... a rockin body Hang in there hun, you are good enough. Look at self improvement as a JOURNEY not a destination, not a number, not a goal. It's about perspective. Sounds like your family needs some of that.

ChasingSweatandTears

Its pretty funny, I know a lot of people who look FAN-FUNKING-TASTIC but still hate parts of themselves when others would give whatever apendage you want for a body like thiers. Its all relative I guess.... the Super -Fatties like myself, just want to be semi- normal looking, and the normal looking people want to be model looking, and the model looking people want something else... I think herione addicts call this "Chasing the Dragon"? Always chasing what isn't there and never TRULY appreciating what you have and be content with it in the moment, because lets be honest ... we all get old and wrinkley and end up worm food. So enjoy who and what your are, because lets face it .. men top out around 35-40 and women top out around 25-30.

Damn. I'm 35. I thought I was actually going to "top out" at 65. :huh: