When the women's locker room becomes daycare

danifo0811

I currently stay at home so I only go to a gym with (basic ) child care. My older daughter loves it and now I go 5 times a week instead of 3 on her request. I did a Kickboxing class at a boxing gym and while I loved it, I was limited to when my husband was home.

When I worked I used a tiny workout room at work and did 40 minutes before I picked my daughter up.

My gym has a rule that kids under 14 are not allowed in the change room without adult supervision. If you are concerned, mention at the desk and they can decide how they want to deal with it or if they value the mother's business they might be able to offer another space.

I don't think working out as a parent is bad but I do believe it is bad if your kids feel abandoned. As parents we have some responsibliy to find them something fun and safe. Don't know the whole story here though so no judgement.

sl1ngsh0t

Maybe something changed in Mom's schedule, which caused Daughter to have to come with her for a few weeks?

There may be a whole lot of factors we just don't know about which influenced this mom's decision. I don't agree with leaving my 13 year old at the gym during my workout, but then again, some parents just don't seem to have their heads on straight. Derp.

You can always report it to the gym staff if you're feeling uncomfortable with it. There's nothing wrong with that. Safety First, man

kapeluza

I don't see anything wrong with it. She's 10-12 not 5 and she is doing homework. I know a dozen parents that have to almost beat their children to do homework. And finally, I have seen worse places than a humid gym locker room. Try going to a restroom in the middle of nowhere China..... yeah....

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

maybe the daughter LIKES being where her mom is and prefers sitting in there to wait for her to finish work or working out as opposed to sitting at home alone. My daughter would rather be anywhere I am than where I'm not and would probably do the same thing and she'll be 11 on Monday.

healthyliving_girl

First reading this, I thought, "Wow. That's crazy."

Then, I thought more about it...and thought we don't know the whole story.

When I was a kid, my single parent mom took me a lot of places I didn't want to go... It was just part of the deal. It wasn't a big deal. Sure, I didn't love waiting in the car or waiting at her work for her, but life isn't always about what the kid wants - unlike what many children think nowadays.

By the time I was 12, I was walking home by myself, staying home alone, etc. Again, part of the deal of being a child of a single parent. I think at 12, if she is listening to music while doing homework, it's probably a non-issue to the girl. Maybe they don't live in a safe neighborhood and she doesn't want to leave the kid home alone?

I don't know.

After some thought, I figured having the kid waiting in the gym is probably safer than waiting in the car...?

AlsDonkBoxSquat

I belong to a facility that is a gym with a swim team attached. Parents come in with their kids, some swim on the team, others sit at tables and do homework while their parents workout. There's an floor and ceiling age limit to our child care center. While I don't think it's fair to require the child to sit in the stank locker room to do their homework, I don't see anything wrong with finding a more comfortable place in the facility for a child of that age to sit and do their school work. I really don't see what the big deal is, she's doing home work, when I was a kid I did home work in lots of different situations including going down the highway at 60 mph during the daily 1.5 hour round trip ride to swim practice or sitting in the car while my carpool's little sister practiced.

That being said, it would be nice for that mom to try to get that child active while at the gym, but you honestly don't know what they do at any other point in the day either, so . . . yeah.

regina2063

i feel for the mom and the child. but sometimes we have to do what we have to do...maybe there are reasons why she cant stay home. maybe the neighborhood isnt great or mom dont feel comfortable not being able to get to her daughter is there was an emergency and dont have anyone else to rely on....im quite sure the mom has her reasoning.

tig_ol_bitties

Does her mother not realize that pedophiles come in all shapes, sizes, and GENDERS???

TheDoctorDana

12 year olds usually have more than an hour of homework a night, if she is able to get her work done there and doesnt mind the smelly nature of locker room (kids are much less likley to notice that sort of thing) then i wouldnt jump to conclusions about her and her mom. instead of being home but not interacting at all while the daughter does her homework, they both get what they need, if she is a single mom or if dad works evening shifts then this could be the only opportunity for mom to exercise

people shouldnt jump to conclusions about what kind of flexibility the mom has to choose another gym be it due to the location of other gym options and/or financial contraints (her work may have a deal with this gym, you have no idea what went in to the decision making process that resulted in what you see).

she is also teaching her daughter several subtle but important lessons here
1.value your health
2. make the most of what you have available to you
3. make a plan and stick to it
4. set long term goals and work hard for them.

these are all important lessons she is likely modeling for her daughter, whether they realize it or not.

doesnt sound ideal on the surface but there are many factors i can easily imagine that make that scenario seem perfectly fine or at the worst, the best they could/better than the alternative.

This^ There is no way I would leave my child at home alone but that's my OCD.

Wolfena

That's a very selfish Mom.

She should either find a gym that allows her child to become a member, or a gym with other activities and/or daycare. In either case, she shouldn't be allowed to hang out in the locker room.

^^
I agree with this completely

sammys1girly

My gym doesn't allow any children. Which is fine with me, b/c I wouldn't even leave them with strangers anyway. And it keeps the cost of the gym very affordable.

Jersey_Devil

When I joined a gym, the main reason I chose it was because it has child care hours. I personally would never leave my child in the locker room for numerous reasons. If day care is closed, I'm out of luck. Just the way it is. As for what other people do-- it's none of my business.

mztea11

I'm a single mom with limited income and quite frankly can't go to the gym unless my daughter comes with me. We consider it homework time. She's going to be pinned in a boring place doing homework (about 30 minutes of math, 30 minutes of spelling and 30 minutes of reading), and I have to be pinned to some cardio equipment. I have to get healthy in order to even have a life with my daughter. I like bringing her so she see's the effort I'm making to be healthy and that it's not about pills and potions. It's our routine. I ask her all the time how she feels about it and she said, "well my homework's done and your exersize is done and now we can spend time together."

Afterward all of our responsibilities are done and we are now free to do fun stuff together, like watch tv, go to the movies etc, roller skating whatever... I get full on facetime everynight with my daughter that's not about our chores, homework, working out etc... and it's our routine that provides the oppertunity.

I don't leave her "alone" though. our gym's lobby has chairs and I can see her from the equipment. If she needs me I can come to her. our gym has child care hours but only for home mom's... reducilous if you ask me.

BAMFMeredith

Does her mother not realize that pedophiles come in all shapes, sizes, and GENDERS???

I kinda had that thought too. Then again, I watch a LOT of Law & Order SVU so sometimes I think I'm a little paranoid.

tig_ol_bitties

Does her mother not realize that pedophiles come in all shapes, sizes, and GENDERS???

I kinda had that thought too. Then again, I watch a LOT of Law & Order SVU so sometimes I think I'm a little paranoid.

My friend's daughter was molested by a woman...it can definitely happen, and this is a very dangerous situation for a kid to be in.

mztea11

amen

EmmaR84

I know that in England it's illegal to leave children under the age of 14 at home on their own...

No it's not. There is no law for what age a child can be left alone at home, if soemthing was to happen to that child then it is the parnet/guardians duty to defend their actions about why it was reasonable to leave the child.
For example leaving a 2 year old whilst you go do the shopping at tescos, unacceptable as the child would be unable to act appropriately if there was an emergency.
Leaving a 10 year old whilst you go do the shopping? Maybe, it would depend on the child and if they were mature enough to understand things like not to open the door to anyone, not to play with the fire place/oven, know how to operate a phone if they needed to contact their parent.
To leave the same 10 year old at home whilst caring for younger siblings, less reasonable.


In regards to the OP's post, as others have said we don't know the circumstances. The girl may want to be there, the woman may not be able to access other gyms etc

When I was between the ages of 9-11 I spent many evenings and time at weekends at a gym with my parents. It was a small gym catering mainly to body builders and not a full leisure centre. You could say I shouldn't have been *made* to spend so much time there, but I enjoyed it. If it wasn't busy I would use the exercise bikes and elliptical trainer, as I got older the wife of tye gym owner taught me how to do different cruches/push ups/pull ups.
If it was busy I would sit in a seating area just off the gym floor and read/do homework/chat to the people I got to know. The owner or his wife would often bring me what I believed were milkshakes, I know know they were protein shakes, and I still believe they were the best "milkshakes" I tasted!
I was taught from day 1 the rules such as don't touch the weights, stay out of peoples way, don't wander off etc and as I wasn't a nusciance for anyone I was accepted as part of the gym and enjoyed the time I spent there.

The woman may know the owners of the gym and may have an agreement that her daughter can stay on the gym floor/changing room whilst she's exercising.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

Does her mother not realize that pedophiles come in all shapes, sizes, and GENDERS???

I kinda had that thought too. Then again, I watch a LOT of Law & Order SVU so sometimes I think I'm a little paranoid.

My friend's daughter was molested by a woman...it can definitely happen, and this is a very dangerous situation for a kid to be in.

oh my! I'm so sorry for your friends daughter. That is SCARY!

melbot24

I'm a single mom with limited income and quite frankly can't go to the gym unless my daughter comes with me. We consider it homework time. She's going to be pinned in a boring place doing homework (about 30 minutes of math, 30 minutes of spelling and 30 minutes of reading), and I have to be pinned to some cardio equipment. I have to get healthy in order to even have a life with my daughter. I like bringing her so she see's the effort I'm making to be healthy and that it's not about pills and potions. It's our routine. I ask her all the time how she feels about it and she said, "well my homework's done and your exersize is done and now we can spend time together."

Afterward all of our responsibilities are done and we are now free to do fun stuff together, like watch tv, go to the movies etc, roller skating whatever... I get full on facetime everynight with my daughter that's not about our chores, homework, working out etc... and it's our routine that provides the oppertunity.

I really would prefer to think of it this way.
I was raised by a single mother, so I understand there are limitations.

Thank you everyone for sharing your opinions and offering up some perspective!

macpatti

I don't even like my daughter going to public restrooms by herself. You never know who can just walk in, especially when it's a pattern that can easily be observed.

Bentley2718

I would feel somewhat bad for the girl as well, BUT, it is possible the girl prefers being at the gym to where ever she would be otherwise. As a child and teen, I often preferred to be with my mother, even in boring, mildly unpleasant circumstances.

_GingerSnap_

My gym doesn't allow kids under the age of 16 and even then they have to have their own membership.

I found this out when I took both my daughters 16 and 10 at the time. They let the 16 y/o stay on the treadmill but wouldn't allow the 11 y/o. Guess what we left, because I thought it was unfair for my little one to hang out at a gym with nothing to do.

That being said as a mom, I don't think hanging out in the locker room is the best idea. Between the strangers that are coming in and out and the fact that I cant see my daughter or who is around her, makes me nervous.

grassette

At 11-12 yrs, she has outgrown daycare. But if she knows how to keep herself busy by doing homework, that is a good thing. I'm thinking that there might be a commute for both her and mom that obligate them to do things in this way. As far as I am concerned, kids of that age still need adult supervision so that they don't get into trouble, so it is a good thing that mom is keeping an eye on her. Try being friendly and encouraging so that she does not feel unwelcome.

amandagaines_05

12 year olds usually have more than an hour of homework a night, if she is able to get her work done there and doesnt mind the smelly nature of locker room (kids are much less likley to notice that sort of thing) then i wouldnt jump to conclusions about her and her mom. instead of being home but not interacting at all while the daughter does her homework, they both get what they need, if she is a single mom or if dad works evening shifts then this could be the only opportunity for mom to exercise

people shouldnt jump to conclusions about what kind of flexibility the mom has to choose another gym be it due to the location of other gym options and/or financial contraints (her work may have a deal with this gym, you have no idea what went in to the decision making process that resulted in what you see).

she is also teaching her daughter several subtle but important lessons here
1.value your health
2. make the most of what you have available to you
3. make a plan and stick to it
4. set long term goals and work hard for them.

these are all important lessons she is likely modeling for her daughter, whether they realize it or not.

doesnt sound ideal on the surface but there are many factors i can easily imagine that make that scenario seem perfectly fine or at the worst, the best they could/better than the alternative.

^^^Agreed

lindseym1983

I am a mom of 2 and I can only think of a few reasons for this...
1. Most gyms around me the child has to be 12 and supervised to work out, so I guess she is not old enough for the gym.
2. She is probably too young to stay home by herself.
The way I see it, yeah it sucks that she is stuck in there for the evening but hopefully when she is old enough she will see the good habits her mom is showing her with working out and start working out herself. And it could be a lot worse, it's not like she is waiting in the back of a strip club for her mom. I would say the mom is a decent mom: she sets good examples, her teenage child is alone and still doing homework (us with kids know they are sneaky), and she knows where she is at and doesn't have to worry about her alone at home and what could be going on.
If you are concerned she is lonely talk to her while your in there, take a cpl extra magazines to the gym and offer her one.

ckmama

maybe she is going thru gym lockers and bags that aren't secure when no one is around:laugh:

soccerella

is it possible her mother or father is a single parent and actually works at the gym and has no choice but to take them to work with them?

vim_n_vigor

I don't know about this. Is she 10 or 12? That can make a big difference in her maturity level alone. There are nasty, rotten people everyone, even in women's locker rooms. Maybe her mom works there or owns the place. I don't know the story and I don't know how much mom checks in on her. There are too many unkowns to have a really good opinion on this. I would say that a locker room is no place for anyone to hang out in for hours and at the very least, if I were her mom, I would be looking for almost any other options than having her hang out in the locker room. While there are worse places for her to be, that is still a pretty rotten place to spend evenings.

andreanicole686

This would never happen in the mens locker room.
The old naked coots would want to show the little kid how to fly fish, or tell them war stories.

next time, try telling the girl war stories.

haha I love that!!!

On another note I think the girl is old enough to either stay at home or work out with her mom. Maybe the girl likes having that alone time? I dunno. You never know the reasoning for some things. If the girl is 12 she can stay home alone.

fteale

While of course there are nasty people out there of both sexes, the fact is, there are many many many fewer female pedophiles, especially when it comes to non-related children. The safest place is going to be the women's changing room. Presumably the gym has membership and knows who is in etc, and changing rooms always have people in. Danger isn't the problem. Boredom could be.

At 12 a child is old enough to sit by themselves for a few hours. What I would question is why a parent would want to exercise over spending time with their child, but as people have pointed out, perhaps they work there and have no choice.