When did Support turn into bash a person????

padraigin67

When did the word Support become bash a person, when they are already down? I have a friend that has locked her diary because someone is constantly giving her negative feedback. She is a wonderful person who has come a long way in her journey. To have support is an essential need that we all have. To have Constructive advice is the goal. When any person is having a bad day. They already know it. They do not need people jumping on them and putting them down. Saying hey it was a bad day tomorrow work on a better one goes along way. Did it acknowledge they went over or did not exercise? IMO, yes it does but it also encourages them to do better. I join MFP for support not soup nazi's and mistreatment. I feel my friend did too! If you read this, just know not all of us are haters and most of us will support you with love, laughter, and tears!!!!!:flowerforyou:

Hazelandmaddy

Add me please! I need constructive support and I'm willing to give it!

jsugihara86

I have mine unlocked so someone will tell me how awful I am eating lol

soon2b_1fitmama

that's horrible
sadly, ppl like that will always be around.. online, in person.... we just have to brush them "haters" off
i have noticed this site is mostly filled with supportive ppl though sorry to hear she encountered that.

sbb7249

I hope your friend does read this. We all have bad days, but sharing my diary and the encouragement I receive from people here helps me get back up when I fall down. If the person was being super negative, maybe she could just block them. I hope she won't let one person keep her from the wonderful support and friendships here!

RikanSoulja

For me support sometimes is hearing the cold hard truth, Not some fluffy o you will get it tomorrow stuff.

ZugTheMegasaurus

I don't know the details of your friend's experience, but I find that on the forums, people tend to read "bashing" into things that are only offering advice without sugar-coating. For example, on threads where people are upset at going on a huge binge, any response that isn't, "It's totally fine! Everyone does it!" is seen as criticism or bashing. It seems like taking the realistic viewpoint of "it's NOT fine and here's how to prevent it in the future" is taken as a personal attack for some reason.

Support doesn't mean stroking someone's ego or telling little white lies to make them feel better; sometimes the best support is a firm (but kind) wake-up call.

BeeSunny

Love it!!! Good Support is important!!! Please feel free to add me I really hope your friend sticks to her OWN journey and does not depend on what others think of her.

Weighinginwithmy02

why wouldn't she just delete the friend who wasn't being supportive rather than locking the diary? My diary is open only to people on my friends list because I know how public forums can be and I don't need those people getting in my head. Not everybody is nice. Not everybody is considerate. Not everybody has a good heart. That's why there is the delete option. Make use of it.

c8linmarie

I usually don't comment when someone has eaten poorly (as they probably already know that). I like to shift the focus to what they did do well that day, like say, they did really well on their protein, or they drank an extra 8 glasses of water because they knew they were a little high on the sodium. No one needs to be kicked when they're down...

100over

I know, it's crazy how some people have to make others feel bad to make themselves feel better and superior. Obviously we know a day of nachos and ice-cream isn't going to help our weight loss, but hey, we all have those days and part of the food diary is to be honest. People like that only encourage others to either privatize everything or lie in it. Stupid!!!!

RoseRoiz

That is not nice, tell your friend not to pay attention and for her to continue her journey if she wants support she can add me as a friend and anyone who needs it!!

Babsvii

i agree but you can't always sugar coat everything for everyone, if someone is eating horribly or even under eating i think its good support to say "hey this is what you should do to change your diet" that is giving support and giving them options to help them... Always telling them that what they are doing is OK is not going to help them... Everyone is here to learn and if you can't be honest with someone because it might hurt their feelings then this is the wrong place to get support from. Yes i agree that we all can have a bad day but if its everyday then I'm going to say something, because what i say could help the person choose to make better eating and working out decisions.

And this goes for people who are under eating or over eating.

WhiteCoc0

Thats why theres a delete button!

Ravenesque_

Even on these forums you will find people who take a shot at someone else just make themselves feel better.

Just imagine how rotten those people feel when they're pouring abuse on other losers, only to be ignored. AHH no one should ignore them! when they're being nasty to you, and your job is to pay them attention and soak up their misery and guilt to make them feel better! OMG my victim has blocked me! I'm going to take solace in this tub of Ben and Jerries and binge out to make up for it. Now I've put on more weight... and so the spiral begins again.

Okay that was a figment of my imagination, but internet trolls are everywhere, so dont let them grind you down.

Lose Kilos, not friends!

jennifer783

For me support sometimes is hearing the cold hard truth, Not some fluffy o you will get it tomorrow stuff.

This might be what that person was trying to do to show support? It's hard online to tell if someone's being mean or just frank. Sometimes, I need encouragement and other times, brutal honesty.

So sorry she was offended. That's never cool. :flowerforyou:

allisonrozsa

If your friend is getting such negative feedback from this person in their MFP team, maybe it's time to "unfriend" that negative person. Sometimes it's necessary.

ishallnotwant

I have mine completely public and i've never had anyone bash me for it...there have been a few times i've gone too low and a friend has kindly pointed it out, but never just downright mean stuff. I really have a super great friend list though, they are so wonderful and supportive! I'm really happy to have them.

chevy88grl

Some people prefer nothing but the cold hard truth. While other people may want the cold hard truth, but they would prefer if you would coat it so it is easier to take in. Neither person is wrong and neither person is right. It is all about the support YOU need. I don't need someone telling me to stop eating cookies or whatever. I also don't need someone telling me what is wrong or right for ME and I'm not afraid to tell you to back off either.

I like honest support, but there does seem to be a fine line between honest support and just being rude. Too many people, in my opinion, use "honesty" as an excuse to just be flat out rude. Tact is an important and crucial trait to have in life.

Kevanicole

:noway:

ScarlettVamp

I think being supportive and giving positive feedback is important. I agree that everyone has bad days and sometimes we have to say "Put it behind you and start fresh tomorrow".

That being said, I also think there is a fine line between being supportive and enabling someone who obviously isn't really trying to eat healthier. I personally refuse to comment on a diary that is nothing but junk food EVERY single day or only 800 calories EVERY single day. (Not saying that is the case with your friend.)

Bottom line: We all think about this journey differently. Personally if I don't like how someone is "supporting" me, I know how to hit "delete" on my friend list. Hiding my diary would just be cutting off my nose to spite my face.

Good luck to you and your friend as you continue on your journeys to good health!

jkestens63

I don't know the details of your friend's experience, but I find that on the forums, people tend to read "bashing" into things that are only offering advice without sugar-coating. For example, on threads where people are upset at going on a huge binge, any response that isn't, "It's totally fine! Everyone does it!" is seen as criticism or bashing. It seems like taking the realistic viewpoint of "it's NOT fine and here's how to prevent it in the future" is taken as a personal attack for some reason.

Support doesn't mean stroking someone's ego or telling little white lies to make them feel better; sometimes the best support is a firm (but kind) wake-up call.

I agree with this. The key word to me is "kind" - you can be realistic with someone without being mean and rude. When you are doing something detrimental to your goals, sometimes you need someone to stop holding your hand and say "wait a minute, you're upset because you overate/gained but what are you doing to change it? you can't expect to do the same thing over and over but get different results". That's not being cruel or unsupportive, its another method of support. Plus one has to keep in mind its just an opinion - and opinions are meant to be an individual's thoughts on a subject. Doesn't make it right, doesn't make it wrong - its just an opinion. YOU are the one who gives it weight and importance.

Toddrific

I dunno, I'm supportive from my perspective of what is healthy. If someone is consistently eating below 800 calories or less than 20g of fat, I'll mention that they might want to try to eat more. Some might view my comments as negative. But support is supporting their health, not any willy nilly thing they choose to do.

coconutbuNZ

You are so right! Gosh we have it hard enough just beating up ourselves after a binge or setback but when your pals in here do it, that is not good!

JanetLM73

My menu is open, and I don't judge others....sometimes we all have off days, doesn't mean I'll bash them for it.

tigersword

Support doesn't mean bashing. It also doesn't mean fawning over, coddling, or otherwise sugar coating and protecting the other person.

EbonySD

For me support sometimes is hearing the cold hard truth, Not some fluffy o you will get it tomorrow stuff.

agree

If I fall off, its usually on for a day or so. If I'm constantly falling off, I don't need anyone telling me I'm doing a good job when I'm not. :glasses:

tigersword

Besides, if one person is consistently giving negative feedback about the way someone is eating, to me, that says the person that's eating needs to fix something. I'd be more concerned about that than I would be about the way the person giving the feedback is wording themselves.

stephenatl09

As sad as it is, there are people out there that put other people down because they perceive it as raising themselves up. There is a way to give constructive criticism without bashing someone. Then on the other hand some people, especially on a site like MFP, that have low self esteem already and it does not take much to push them over the edge. Like most old sayings, "The truth hurts" is accurate.
But I still feel there is a way to be honest with people without bashing them while you are doing it.

Jivebunnie

My diary is locked - no-one needs to know what I eat - I'm the only one that is qualified to judge me!

Your friend could unlock her diary if she wants and just share it with her friends & delete the person who has been unkind. Insulting someone or deriding them for what they have eaten is only going to cause more harm and possible comfort eating.

How can you comment on someone's eating habits if you don't know their height/weight/BMI?

Your friend can add me if she wants more support.

HelloSweetie4

I agree, It seems like there's a lot of grumpy grumps on MFP lately looking to stir up trouble...