When did Support turn into bash a person????

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Replies

  • littlepinkhearts
    littlepinkhearts Posts: 1,055 Member
    Knowledge is power and sometimes falls into the wrong hands?
  • DesignGuy
    DesignGuy Posts: 457 Member
    As sad as it is, there are people out there that put other people down because they perceive it as raising themselves up.

    This.
  • MissHellsing
    MissHellsing Posts: 133 Member
    It annoys me when they act like I got to eat exactly like THEM and the ones that act like you can't feel good about yourself till you reach your goals. I don't need those types in my life AT ALL. :noway:
  • EricJonrosh
    EricJonrosh Posts: 823 Member
    Most people are supportive on here. There are a few rotten apples. On the other hand, if a friend of mine has lost 80 pounds and mentions something about my diary, I don't flip out. They earned the right to say certain things and they want me to succeed. Those are the teachable moments in the process. Your friend must try and separate the mean people from those who did the work and want to help her.
  • dvisser1
    dvisser1 Posts: 788 Member
    Both support and constructive criticism are important. What some people forget is that in an online forum is that tone of voice (a very powerful communication tool) does not come across in the written word, nor does sarcasm. Generally, written words are taken extremely literally even though the intent may or may not have been so literal. Some people also don't know that there is a very significant difference between constructive and destructive criticism, both on the giving and receiving end. Not knowing you, your friend or the situation you're referring to I can't comment beyond this: In general I've found people on this website to very supportive both to their personal friends and out right strangers. There are always gong to be people who feel entitled to point out and pick on flaws in other people. When I come across people like that, I call them on it and if they show they can't change then I cut them out of my life and remind myself that if they are that bad on the outside how bad are they to themselves on the inside.
  • Cait_Sidhe
    Cait_Sidhe Posts: 3,150 Member
    It didn't. Sometimes helping someone is telling them the truth. Truth hurts, but it also helps.

    Correcting someone on doing something harmful is not bashing them. It's trying to help them.
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
    No matter how suggestions are phrased, there could still be a nugget of information worth having that will help in the battle.

    Help me back on the wagon with a gentle nudge or kick me back on with a size 12 boot either way I will take all the help I can get :smile:
  • Taras32
    Taras32 Posts: 25 Member
    Friends tell friends the truth!! The only exception is that we all for the most part are new friends and haven't really learned each others emotional threshold. Know that no one on this site is perfect and we all have bad days but we joined this site for support and the majority of our comments come from a good place.
  • angelpie36426
    angelpie36426 Posts: 52 Member
    I wonder how perfect the "basher's" diary is. Is theirs open for people to see? There is a difference between helpful advice and negative comments. Just unfriend them. They are probably putting you down to make themselves feel better about what they are eating. Don't waste any more energy on this person.
  • padraigin67
    padraigin67 Posts: 78 Member
    Sorry I should have made it clearer. This is not one of her friends giving constructive advice. This is a troll who is haunting and even if you will stalking her. She has deleted his posts, blocked him and now she has locked her diary. She should not have to deal with all this harassment. For most of you I understand what your saying about the cold hard truth. I call that constructive advice. This guy is just being vicious. :flowerforyou:
  • Xoxa1029
    Xoxa1029 Posts: 21 Member
    I will ask closer friends if they want me to chastise them or be bubbly supportive. People I don't know so well I stick with the bubbles :)
  • adrian_indy
    adrian_indy Posts: 1,444 Member
    Sorry I should have made it clearer. This is not one of her friends giving constructive advice. This is a troll who is haunting and even if you will stalking her. She has deleted his posts, blocked him and now she has locked her diary. She should not have to deal with all this harassment. For most of you I understand what your saying about the cold hard truth. I call that constructive advice. This guy is just being vicious. :flowerforyou:

    I think there is an ignore user option. That would be my advice.
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
    I have nothing against constructive criticism and hearing the truth, but unfortunately it is really sad when people do get mean. There are ways to help someone but being so hardcore in a 'mean" way is not the way to go. Sorry your friend had to go through that. Simply if that person does not like what he/she then unfriend them simple. That's why I only accept positive and awesome people. If they suddenly start bashing everyone including me, then I'll simply delete them.

    Let's be nice people of MFP and stay positive :flowerforyou:
  • ZugTheMegasaurus
    ZugTheMegasaurus Posts: 801 Member
    Sorry I should have made it clearer. This is not one of her friends giving constructive advice. This is a troll who is haunting and even if you will stalking her. She has deleted his posts, blocked him and now she has locked her diary. She should not have to deal with all this harassment. For most of you I understand what your saying about the cold hard truth. I call that constructive advice. This guy is just being vicious. :flowerforyou:
    That's different. I checked the Terms of Service, and that seems to be a clear violation of 22(a) which covers prohibited uses. Have your friend contact MFP; if it's as bad as you say, I imagine a ban might be possible.
  • megsmom2
    megsmom2 Posts: 2,362 Member
    Even the cold truth can be said in a non-hurtful way. Some people get their kicks by acting like jerks, in the anonymity of the Internet. Sad lonely insecure people who deserve a smack upside the head. That's why I never just open my diary.
  • angieleighbyrd
    angieleighbyrd Posts: 989 Member
    I ended up having to remove someone because of the comments she was making on my diary.

    She had the do as I say attitude and acted like she knew everything.

    Everyone has bad days. She never once commented on a good day it was only on my bad days.
  • autumnk921
    autumnk921 Posts: 1,374 Member
    I have noticed that on quite a few threads that are made....It seems like when someone is proud of losing weight or just needs advice they get bashed with so many negative things....Earlier a girl was proud that she had lost 14lbs very quickly by juicing - Well so many people posted tons on negative remarks about why she would encourage people to do that - She wasn't doing that - It was crazy - More people had negative remarks than good things or even congrats to say to her....It seems to be happening on a daily basis...I just think that if people don't like or agree with what someone is doing then click on another topic....If you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all.....I truly believe that - Unless it is constructive criticism that is not meant to hurt or degrade someone....That is all.
  • Kristy_Elizabeth
    Kristy_Elizabeth Posts: 435
    I think your friend just needs to delete that person. I always cut negative hurtful people out of my life. Who needs them? Not me! =D
  • ChasingSweatandTears
    ChasingSweatandTears Posts: 504 Member
    i agree but you can't always sugar coat everything for everyone, if someone is eating horribly or even under eating i think its good support to say "hey this is what you should do to change your diet" that is giving support and giving them options to help them... Always telling them that what they are doing is OK is not going to help them... Everyone is here to learn and if you can't be honest with someone because it might hurt their feelings then this is the wrong place to get support from. Yes i agree that we all can have a bad day but if its everyday then I'm going to say something, because what i say could help the person choose to make better eating and working out decisions.

    And this goes for people who are under eating or over eating.

    I like your response! I think I'm going to send you a friend request! :)
  • ChasingSweatandTears
    ChasingSweatandTears Posts: 504 Member
    Sorry I should have made it clearer. This is not one of her friends giving constructive advice. This is a troll who is haunting and even if you will stalking her. She has deleted his posts, blocked him and now she has locked her diary. She should not have to deal with all this harassment. For most of you I understand what your saying about the cold hard truth. I call that constructive advice. This guy is just being vicious. :flowerforyou:

    Oh that is bad :( some people are just plain crazy! I give honest feedback and give credit to the good and try to offer advice for the bad if I actually think it's needed, not just remarking that someone ate a doughnut. But I could never be vicious. Wth?
  • SCVSarah
    SCVSarah Posts: 231 Member
    I have mine unlocked to my friends. I eat poorly some days, but my friends are always very supportive. I think the supportive people need to stick together and just keep their journals open to friends. Anyone who wants support, please feel free to add me.
  • icandoit203
    icandoit203 Posts: 170 Member
    Either take it as negative or turn it into a positive to make herself do better. Either way who cares. Everyone has the right to voice their opinion and sometimes the truth hurts.
  • yhateme1
    yhateme1 Posts: 29 Member
    I think it is what you say not how you say it.... And have the good mind that god gave you to know when not to say one dam word!! you tell her nevermind that person who is without a heart on several days.... Matterfact..delete them!!
  • yhateme1
    yhateme1 Posts: 29 Member
    Corection: How you say it ...not what you say... Sorry :)
  • BlueInkDot
    BlueInkDot Posts: 702 Member
    All trolls should be banned from everything ever.

    No trolls allowed anywhere ever.

    THE WORLD WILL BE SUCH A BETTER PLACE. :D

    Or only one place where only trolls are allowed, and they remain occupied by trolling each other into oblivion. And all us non-trolls get to just do our thing with no trolls around. Yaaaaaaaaaay.
  • CMmrsfloyd
    CMmrsfloyd Posts: 2,380 Member
    Sorry I should have made it clearer. This is not one of her friends giving constructive advice. This is a troll who is haunting and even if you will stalking her. She has deleted his posts, blocked him and now she has locked her diary. She should not have to deal with all this harassment. For most of you I understand what your saying about the cold hard truth. I call that constructive advice. This guy is just being vicious. :flowerforyou:

    I think there is an ignore user option. That would be my advice.

    I think the ignore feature only irks so that you don't have to see public posts by that person in the forum. You know, if someone just rubs you the wrong way every time you read one of their posts, you can ignore them.

    I believe if someone as you a private message you can also block them from private messaging you,
  • albinogorilla
    albinogorilla Posts: 1,056 Member
    sounds like a friend selection problem and not a diary open problem

    personally i rather people give me a hard time when i eat like crap,
  • kealambert
    kealambert Posts: 961 Member
    I have mine unlocked so someone will tell me how awful I am eating lol

    word

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