Discrimination against skinny/fit women
Replies
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kiara knightly is gorgeous
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If I could share my 2 cents? Please don't attack, I am being COMPLETELY honest and trying to shed some light on what's going on with that...
As an overweight/obese woman, I've found that because of MY OWN INSECURITIES with my body, I am much more likely to be judgmental of other people's bodies. I have a theory that the thing we are most self-conscious about is the thing we first notice about other people. So for me, it would be size/weight. When I became conscious of this, it was a behavior that I could learn to change -- so instead I try to focus on other things when I meet new people.
Now, this isn't to say that just because I SEE a thin person means I label them a "skinny *****" but I do NOTICE that they are slender. If the slender person says or does something that makes me feel uncomfortable, I have a bad habit of automatically ASSUMING that it is because of my weight and THAT makes them a "skinny *****" because, in my mind, they have done something to insult me because of my size. Again, something I am working very hard on.
I will also say that as someone who has struggled with her weight for my entire adult life, I have occasionally given a friend a hard time if they are thin and seem to be able to eat anything. Not saying it is fair, but I am guilty of it. I have a girlfriend who is just naturally thin -- she can pack away the food and throw back the drinks and doesn't seem to exercise a whole lot and is still small -- while I'm busting my butt at the gym and eating lean protein and veggies. Yes, sometimes I get a little bit jealous. But that doesn't make her a ******. What would? Well, if she knows I'm working hard to lose weight, and she rubs in the food and booze or something, well that does. But it would make her a ***** whether she were fat or thin. Haha.
Overall, best to ignore negativity and move on. That's what I try to do when people make snide comments about my weight. And when I am thin(ner) if someone gives me a hard time about that, I'll try my best to either ignore OR maybe I'll take a few minutes and tell them my story. :bigsmile:0 -
As a side note, and because I'm a grammar nerd, I have to say:
You meant "..of overweight women THAN the other way around," not "then."
"Just assume" should be: "just as soon."
You meant "THAN let me cross," not "then."
I love you for this.
I know this was not for me but sometimes when I am writing on my smartphone the autocorrects kicks in and the correction is not necesarily the word I wanted to use. So she might have had the same autocorrect problems.0 -
Okay, so I have been fat and I have been thin, and/or fit. I have found that there are two types of discrimination. Discrimination from skinny people (mostly women) against fat women and the contrary - fat women against skinny women.
I will tell ya, I have a new appreciation for women who have looked good their entire life. Having been on both sides of the discrimination, I have found that skinny women are far more tolerant of overweight women then the other way around. These days, heaven forbid should I want to cross the road and a heavy set woman is driving my way. She'd just assume run me over then let me cross. OR, if I am walking into a building behind an overweight woman, she'd just assume let the door hit me in the face than hold it. Things like this keep happening and happening to me. Although, when I was fat, I had a small degree of this from skinny women, the contrary far out weighs those experiences. I have had women say, very seriously, "I hate you" or "You B*&^ch" because of my weight loss. Thoughts and experiences on the subject?She'd just assume run me over then let me cross.
Lol. I think that's just applicable to bad/impatient drivers in general. To equate it with someone's weight is just silly.
As a side note, and because I'm a grammar nerd, I have to say:
You meant "..of overweight women THAN the other way around," not "then."
"Just assume" should be: "just as soon."
You meant "THAN let me cross," not "then."
Also.... I think, if this is true (which seems hard to believe, considering I've known A LOT of awful skinny/thin/fit people - male and female), then people might be nicer to you when you're fat because they're hypocrites. They're nice to your face when your fat because they feel bad for you - they aren't "accepting" you, they just might assume* you have a hard/rotten enough life already, so they'll be kind to your face and then talk *kitten* about you later.
Thank you for your grammatical tips. After I posted and reread, the "than" and "then" became apparent to me. With regard to the phrase, that was my blonde coming through
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Now, with regard to your opinion I have to say that because you are a man you're less likely to have a creditable opinion on the matter LOL. I'm sorry, but the male/female dynamic is not the same as the female/female dynamic. Although you may have known a lot of skinny/thin/fit people, the question is really only relative to those who are or have been living as fat or thin woman. As a side note; Everyday I have to cross the CROSSWALK to get from my car to the double doors of my gym. My gym in nestled in the same complex as a Costco. On numerous occasions I have started to cross, as pedestrians have the right of way, and have been nearly plowed over by car. The driver always fits the same description - a woman. I assure you that it is not a figment of my imagination. I am sure I have punctuational and grammatical errors in this reply, as well. No need to critique. Fortunately, I work with numbers for a living
Another assumption. I'm actually a gay man, and body image issues are quite a bit worse in my community.
So, I DO know and I still think you're wrong. Maybe women in general are just more aggressive drivers? I've often noticed that they're more likely the ones to race me on the road. :P0 -
As a side note, and because I'm a grammar nerd, I have to say:
You meant "..of overweight women THAN the other way around," not "then."
"Just assume" should be: "just as soon."
You meant "THAN let me cross," not "then."
I love you for this.
I know this was not for me but sometimes when I am writing on my smartphone the autocorrects kicks in and the correction is not necesarily the word I wanted to use. So she might have had the same autocorrect problems.
Or, like me, she could just be a really lousy typist. I was just noticing a bit ago how many times I type "then" when I mean "than". My brain knows the difference but apparently my fingers don't.0 -
I've been big all my life and I've had women of all shapes and sizes be rude to me for no apparent reason. I am always nice and courteous to everyone so it really makes no sense. I suppose women just don't like me. My husband tells me that they don't like me because I look stuck up and conceited. Hello! I am usually bigger than a lot of these women so why would I think I am better than anyone? Women are just weirdos. lol0
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I used to think that my weight was the reason I didn't have any friends...because people were mean to me in school about my weight. And then I grew up and got out in the real world and saw all the different sizes and shapes people come in and how everyone is different...different likes, different dislikes, different attitudes, and different way of behaving. Those people who used to make fun of me are now long gone or have told me the truth about why they made fun of me...because they were intimidated by me (I was very smart and almost a year younger then everyone else) or because they were jealous of me ("You were always just so happy and easy going about everything. And you ate what you wanted and didn't care what anyone thought!" was what one girl said to me. I had to laugh. I cared! Alot! but I never let it show). So in short...people are just people. Sometimes they are going to be mean to you or say hurtful things to you but just let it roll off your back. Ask yourself...why are they being this way to me? It doesn't have anything really to do with how YOU look but more about how the other person feels about themselves. Only very insecure people feel the need to make fun of other people. And I now think of it as the easy way to tell if someone is worth taking the time to know or not. If they're that insecure and insensitive to someone they don't know then I don't need or want to be their friend anyway.0
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I get sad when I read forums like this where women so freely admit to body shaming, whether it be toward overweight or underweight women. I consider myself a bit of a feminist and I wish we as women could focus on one anothers strengths and accomplishments rather than solely on our appearances. Why as a society do we have to look at someone and become envious of what they look like or what they have? Why can't we use them as a source of motivation for the betterment of ourselves. If I ever bring a daughter into this world I hope things progress toward a more positive direction when it comes to body image and body perception.0
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I've been big all my life and I've had women of all shapes and sizes be rude to me for no apparent reason. I am always nice and courteous to everyone so it really makes no sense. I suppose women just don't like me. My husband tells me that they don't like me because I look stuck up and conceited. Hello! I am usually bigger than a lot of these women so why would I think I am better than anyone? Women are just weirdos. lol
You are also beautiful, so that could be it. *****Disclaimer****** I said "COULD* lol0 -
B!tches comes in all shapes, sizes and colors.
/end rant0 -
B!tches comes in all shapes, sizes and colors.
/end rant
:drinker: :laugh:0 -
Tedious, cursory subject, unnecessarily pitting women against women.
Instead, let's talk about discrimination against women of ALL sizes. Or let's talk about fat acceptance in the workplace. Or, dear god, just ANY other topic that won't make us all look like superficial, dumb c*nts who'll scratch each other's eyes out over the latest edition of People's 'Sexiest Man Alive.'
Was that too harsh?0 -
I get sad when I read forums like this where women so freely admit to body shaming, whether it be toward overweight or underweight women. I consider myself a bit of a feminist and I wish we as women could focus on one anothers strengths and accomplishments rather than solely on our appearances. Why as a society do we have to look at someone and become envious of what they look like or what they have? Why can't we use them as a source of motivation for the betterment of ourselves. If I ever bring a daughter into this world I hope things progress toward a more positive direction when it comes to body image and body perception.
I agree with what you say but it is a pipe dream for those of us in the USA. I say this because as a society we have been taught to crave to the best of everything. To always have more then the Jones. And this also applies to how we look. We are never truly happy with ourselves and are always comparing ourselves to someone else we pursue perfection. The measure of success for many is how well we compare to someone else. If someone else has more or is better then we are, then we become jealous. Which is why we immediately go to the negative thoughts of "Oh she must starve herself...she has better genetics then I do...blah blah blah" because no one wants to admit that the reason they are they are is because they themselves did it to themselves. They are too conditioned to expect things to be easy and convenient that they can't fathom it being their own fault. Which leads to the excuses as to why they can't and why it is someone else's fault..."Mcdonalds made me fat....It's my mother's fault...I was taught bad eating habits...blah blah" instead of saying "I ate things that were bad for me and sat on the couch all the time and I got fat. Now I need to change my lifestyle if I want to be healthy and the only way that is happening is if I make myself do it. No one else is going to do it for me.0 -
I get sad when I read forums like this where women so freely admit to body shaming, whether it be toward overweight or underweight women. I consider myself a bit of a feminist and I wish we as women could focus on one anothers strengths and accomplishments rather than solely on our appearances. Why as a society do we have to look at someone and become envious of what they look like or what they have? Why can't we use them as a source of motivation for the betterment of ourselves. If I ever bring a daughter into this world I hope things progress toward a more positive direction when it comes to body image and body perception.
I agree with what you say but it is a pipe dream for those of us in the USA. I say this because as a society we have been taught to crave to the best of everything. To always have more then the Jones. And this also applies to how we look. We are never truly happy with ourselves and are always comparing ourselves to someone else we pursue perfection. The measure of success for many is how well we compare to someone else. If someone else has more or is better then we are, then we become jealous. Which is why we immediately go to the negative thoughts of "Oh she must starve herself...she has better genetics then I do...blah blah blah" because no one wants to admit that the reason they are they are is because they themselves did it to themselves. They are too conditioned to expect things to be easy and convenient that they can't fathom it being their own fault. Which leads to the excuses as to why they can't and why it is someone else's fault..."Mcdonalds made me fat....It's my mother's fault...I was taught bad eating habits...blah blah" instead of saying "I ate things that were bad for me and sat on the couch all the time and I got fat. Now I need to change my lifestyle if I want to be healthy and the only way that is happening is if I make myself do it. No one else is going to do it for me. 0 -
:happy: :happy:B!tches comes in all shapes, sizes and colors.
/end rant0 -
eh. i don't know how to use this thing properly. whatev0
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I get sad when I read forums like this where women so freely admit to body shaming, whether it be toward overweight or underweight women. I consider myself a bit of a feminist and I wish we as women could focus on one anothers strengths and accomplishments rather than solely on our appearances. Why as a society do we have to look at someone and become envious of what they look like or what they have? Why can't we use them as a source of motivation for the betterment of ourselves. If I ever bring a daughter into this world I hope things progress toward a more positive direction when it comes to body image and body perception.
I agree with what you say but it is a pipe dream for those of us in the USA. I say this because as a society we have been taught to crave to the best of everything. To always have more then the Jones. And this also applies to how we look. We are never truly happy with ourselves and are always comparing ourselves to someone else we pursue perfection. The measure of success for many is how well we compare to someone else. If someone else has more or is better then we are, then we become jealous. Which is why we immediately go to the negative thoughts of "Oh she must starve herself...she has better genetics then I do...blah blah blah" because no one wants to admit that the reason they are they are is because they themselves did it to themselves. They are too conditioned to expect things to be easy and convenient that they can't fathom it being their own fault. Which leads to the excuses as to why they can't and why it is someone else's fault..."Mcdonalds made me fat....It's my mother's fault...I was taught bad eating habits...blah blah" instead of saying "I ate things that were bad for me and sat on the couch all the time and I got fat. Now I need to change my lifestyle if I want to be healthy and the only way that is happening is if I make myself do it. No one else is going to do it for me.
I see what you're saying but I think as women, as responsible citizens of our society, and as responsible consumer's of media we have an ability to begin a movement in a direction that focuses less on body image and shaming of a woman toward understanding the value of ourselves and instilling that in future generations. I admit I catch myself passing judgments, but I catch myself, I'm cognizant of my reactions and I have internal dialogue with myself to understand those feelings. Rather than passivly saying this is how things are and will continue to be, each person needs to focus on themselves for the betterment of ourselves, sisters, mothers, daughters etc.
Recently when Ashley Judd was shamed for her "puffy face" she released an article and she hit it home, below are a few excerpts:
"The Conversation about women’s bodies exists largely outside of us, while it is also directed at (and marketed to) us, and used to define and control us. The Conversation about women happens everywhere, publicly and privately. We are described and detailed, our faces and bodies analyzed and picked apart, our worth ascertained and ascribed based on the reduction of personhood to simple physical objectification. Our voices, our personhood, our potential, and our accomplishments are regularly minimized and muted."
"That women are joining in the ongoing disassembling of my appearance is salient. Patriarchy is not men. Patriarchy is a system in which both women and men participate. It privileges, inter alia, the interests of boys and men over the bodily integrity, autonomy, and dignity of girls and women. It is subtle, insidious, and never more dangerous than when women passionately deny that they themselves are engaging in it. This abnormal obsession with women’s faces and bodies has become so normal that we (I include myself at times—I absolutely fall for it still) have internalized patriarchy almost seamlessly. We are unable at times to identify ourselves as our own denigrating abusers, or as abusing other girls and women."
" hope the sharing of my thoughts can generate a new conversation: Why was a puffy face cause for such a conversation in the first place? How, and why, did people participate? If not in the conversation about me, in parallel ones about women in your sphere? What is the gloating about? What is the condemnation about? What is the self-righteous alleged “all knowing” stance of the media about? How does this symbolize constraints on girls and women, and encroach on our right to be simply as we are, at any given moment? How can we as individuals in our private lives make adjustments that support us in shedding unconscious actions, internalized beliefs, and fears about our worthiness, that perpetuate such meanness? What can we do as families, as groups of friends? Is what girls and women can do different from what boys and men can do? What does this have to do with how women are treated in the workplace?"
"I ask especially how we can leverage strong female-to-female alliances to confront and change that there is no winning here as women. It doesn’t actually matter if we are aging naturally, or resorting to surgical assistance. We experience brutal criticism. The dialogue is constructed so that our bodies are a source of speculation, ridicule, and invalidation, as if they belong to others"
"I ask especially how we can leverage strong female-to-female alliances to confront and change that there is no winning here as women. It doesn’t actually matter if we are aging naturally, or resorting to surgical assistance. We experience brutal criticism. The dialogue is constructed so that our bodies are a source of speculation, ridicule, and invalidation, as if they belong to others"
SORRY so long, but i think the information is important. Forums like this start dialogue which is the first step to change!!!
View the entire piece at :
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/04/09/ashley-judd-slaps-media-in-the-face-for-speculation-over-her-puffy-appearance.html0 -
Great post, gmankel! She's making some great points there. If you're interested in some more discussion of these dynamics, I'd suggest reading "Female Chauvinist Pigs" by Ariel Levy and/or "The Rise of Enlightened Sexism" by Susan J. Douglas. They have some very insightful arguments and research into why these issues are so pervasive in our culture and society.0
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You know, I don't know about discrimination, exactly, but weight is something that is NOT as taboo to talk about once you lose it.
I was never fat, but I was on the larger side of normal for a bit. Lost the weight, and suddenly it's totally fine to say things like "You need to eat a sandwich!" or "Why are you eating like a rabbit? Eat a hamburger."
If I said to someone who was overweight that was eating a hamburger "Really? Why don't you eat a salad." I'd be b@$%#-slapped, because that's totally inappropriate to question their eating habits.
Now, this isn't just with being thinner, though. Being thinner opens you up to the same suspension of personal privacy that having a child does. Once you get pregnant, all your choices are public opinion; people tell you to not eat certain things, they tell you that you're looking really big (loved that one), and they tell you to stop worrying about being active and just eat more stuff. Like ice cream. Apparently, ice cream is the thing that pregnant women are just supposed to have.
Whether you want those opinions or not, the status of your body allows them to somehow suspend proper social conventions, because hey, you now fit a status, and therefore you are open to public questioning.
But that also goes the other way with bigger people; it's just considered more rude to openly criticize, so people do it quietly. Or on internet forums.
Either way, it comes down to Western society being a sh*& place to be a woman, because everyone everywhere is expected to scrutinize and decide about your body for you.
I blame the Bible.0 -
I dont think it has anything to do with weight one way or another.
Some people have been brought up with no manners and are totally self absorbed, those are the ones that are going to say inapprioriate comments, they dont care about the affects they have on others. Personally when i come across these type of people, (i come across them alot working in a famous UK attraction), i try to remember to feel sorry for them, they will never be truely happy. Its much better to put your energy into saying something nice to someone.0 -
They are all pretty but I prefer the entire second row personal preference of more curvy women0
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Tedious, cursory subject, unnecessarily pitting women against women.
Instead, let's talk about discrimination against women of ALL sizes. Or let's talk about fat acceptance in the workplace. Or, dear god, just ANY other topic that won't make us all look like superficial, dumb c*nts who'll scratch each other's eyes out over the latest edition of People's 'Sexiest Man Alive.'
Was that too harsh?
Word.0 -
I'm really sorry to read this, while I've never truly felt any malice towards anyone of the thinner persuasion, I sometimes say "skinny b*tch (not to their face)", and I will admit to feeling a spurt of perverse pride when I can out perform a skinny person in something athletic. But I apologize, I've never considered how hurtful comments could be or how often thinner people receive. I guess I've always had the "grass is greener on the other side" mentality.0
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I have been both fat and thin. I am very shy so being fat actually served a purpose for me to dissapear. When I was thin I got a lot of attention- too much. I am sorry those ladies were so nasty to you. You did nothing wrong. My thought has always been if you've got it, flaunt it. And to be perfectly honest, I have met recently some lovely ladies who smart, assertive, and rather curvy plump. They did not need to bother with put downs towards anyone. I hope you meet better mannered people in the future....and good luck with your contiued success.0
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Well,I am not a man but If I was....the 3rd woman in the second row is hot.Just sayin0 -
Love it! :flowerforyou:0 -
^
Yeah, thanks, but I don't need you to speak for me. I'm not catty or jealous and never have been. I'm empathetic to a fault; it has hurt me many times (sometimes severely) but it's not in me to treat people badly. Even jerks who post sexist BS get an explanation rather than getting told off outright.all women are catty and jealous. Im surprised you're just figuring this out. Think of what you said/thought about skinny women when you were fat. Well said. 0 -
"Patriarchy is not men. Patriarchy is a system in which both women and men participate. It privileges, inter alia, the interests of boys and men over the bodily integrity, autonomy, and dignity of girls and women. It is subtle, insidious, and never more dangerous than when women passionately deny that they themselves are engaging in it."
Word.
Talking about how fat women are mean to thin women really doesn't further feminism at all. It's a symptom of patriarchy. Discuss patriarchy.0 -
all women are catty and jealous. Im surprised you're just figuring this out. Think of what you said/thought about skinny women when you were fat.
So true.
I'm still a big woman, but I have completely changed my thinking when it comes to a womans body. When I see a thin/fit woman all I can think is "Wow, the work she must have put into that!!" Where it used to be my thought was "Skinny b**ch probably starves herself.
I also get a surge of excitement when I see a large woman jogging or at the gym. I just want to cheer for her, but then I'd seem crazy.
I'll admit though, when I'm at the store or mall and I see these really huge women.....I truly feel nothing but disgust. I know I shouldn't, but it's hard not to when I can see the damage they are doing to their bodies, the same kind of damage I've done to mine.
I do NOT agree that all women are catty and jealous! I didn't get snide comments when I was 50 lbs overweight or when I was at least 15 lbs underweight. I don't remember any remarks about my weight when I was heavy, and the worst I've heard since I've lost the weight is, "You're too skinny." People are entitled to their personal opinions, but I'm comfortable with my current weight, so the comment doesn't bother me. I'm just happy they recognize that I'm not fat. :flowerforyou:
I like to see women working out, whatever their size, and I root for them! I'd love to see every woman make the effort to be healthy and fit.0 -
bump, because i don't have time to read thru this now, but i want to in a bit. i know that discrimination comes from both sides on this issue and none of it makes a good case for humanity. it's all ugly.0
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