Intimidating?

quink77

I was told by three separate people today that they've found me intimidating. I'm hurt. I try really hard to be humble, non-judgmental and genuine in what I say. I certainly don't think I'm better than anyone.
I'm divorced and unemployed, so it's definitely not that I'm living any type of dream......

How can I spin this into a positive?

kymillion

maybe they dont mean your personality some people dont seem approachable , I am one of them ... dont trip.. you seem fine to me

s1lence

If you are intimidating then it may not be how you are acting/talking, it could just be how you present yourself. If you are confident in yourself and you don't back down when you think something is wrong then that could be intimidating. If you see that you can change something that others think impossible, then with that mindset it could intimidate others.

Try thinking of it as, you are strong and know who you are instead of thinking of it as a bully or egotist mindset.

quink77

I see myself as the wallflower. I'm more of an introvert...

SlimSammy2012

Don't let them get to you. I said some things last week that I caught so much flack that I actually almost cried, quit MFP. I gathered myself, Appologized openly to the Chats that I was in during the day. I was surprised at the positive responses I received from so many. I mean I was really sorry. I was/am daling with a lot of stuff and Anger lately. I got dumped about a month ago and I can't deal with it. I don't know why? anyway, I recognized that my anger has goten the best of me and I am schedule to try to get some help on the matter. I took a couple of Only assessments for Anger Management and I was a bit surprised at my scores. Nothing as serious as Physical violence but Snapping at people, Shortness, dismissing others, etc.

Anyway, Just appologize if you had offended anyone and try to be a little bit more sensitive.

Hope this helps//

Jenni268

Personally, I am a talk, talk talker I am rarely intimidated by anyone, since I have a (seemingly) intimidating dad and I'm married to a soldier, but when I AM intimidated it's by quiet people. I don't really know why, but the quiet ones always just kinda set me on edge and I'm not sure how to proceed. Maybe that it!

BrienJD

Just curious, were they male or female?

quink77

I do generally have a positive attitude about things. But at the same time I'm very sarcastic. I use sarcasm and cynicism as a defense mechanism.

Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut more?

quink77

Two male, one female.

I don't think it was that I offended anyone.

JeepBaja

I do generally have a positive attitude about things. But at the same time I'm very sarcastic. I use sarcasm and cynicism as a defense mechanism.

Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut more?

Between my very dry humor and sarcasm, I am more irritating than intimidating. Are you sure you got the right word???

quink77

Ha ha @JeepBaja -- I'll double check!

tmarie2715

I see myself as the wallflower. I'm more of an introvert...

Many people find that intimidating. If you talk a lot and appear more outgoing, people tend to think you are approachable / odds are you will approach them...

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Once people get to know you I assume they find out the truth. After all, they did find the courage to tell you this, so you can't really be very intimidating, right?

LaurasClimb

I was told by three separate people today that they've found me intimidating. I'm hurt. I try really hard to be humble, non-judgmental and genuine in what I say. I certainly don't think I'm better than anyone.
I'm divorced and unemployed, so it's definitely not that I'm living any type of dream......

How can I spin this into a positive?

I have been told this, too. This probably doesn't help much but you have to look at the person who finds you intimidating. For me, I would come across as confident, self assured, always having the right answer (not cocky, just knowledgeable), not afraid to jump in and take care of business, etc. The people who found me intimidating were younger, less confident and supposed to be my supervisor (fairly newly hired). But...apparently they found me nice enough to be able to come up and tell me this, sounds like this is the case with you also. Usually, once they were able to say so, it helped relieve their insecurities and they felt much less intimidated.

JenAiMarres

I see myself as the wallflower. I'm more of an introvert...

Many people find that intimidating. If you talk a lot and appear more outgoing, people tend to think you are approachable / odds are you will approach them...

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Once people get to know you I assume they find out the truth. After all, they did find the courage to tell you this, so you can't really be very intimidating, right?

It can go the other way too with being "outgoing"...people dont like extremes in others...Im extremely outgoing...people are intimidated by that. You cant make everyone happy is my opinion. Just be you, b/c that all you can be really.

The fact that two men said it leads me to believe they are telling you this to "break the ice" in some sort of way...do you feel an attraction to you from them?

LorinaLynn

I see myself as the wallflower. I'm more of an introvert...

Many people find that intimidating. If you talk a lot and appear more outgoing, people tend to think you are approachable / odds are you will approach them...

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Once people get to know you I assume they find out the truth. After all, they did find the courage to tell you this, so you can't really be very intimidating, right?

Yup. I'm pretty shy and introverted, and have come to realize that can be interpreted as snobbishness or aloofness. :ohwell:

quink77

tmarie -- that is an excellent point -- they all did share willingly. I guess that is a bonus!

It was just weird, I felt like I was in jr high again. When I was in 7th grade, my older brother came home from school and told my Mom that everyone thought I was a b!tch. I was so intimidated by high school ... by trying so hard to fit in ... to blend in. I was like a deer in headlights all the time.

quink77

JenAiMarres - both men I have dated. There's definitely an attraction with both.

davenportk83

Interestingly enough, my boss of five years recently told me she was intimidated by me. Frankly, it is a shame. She is an educated woman but has no self-esteem. I think my sense of confidence and decisiveness bothers her. I do feel as though I can do most anything if I am determined and work hard, but I also feel this way about others. I also like to have fun, no matter what I am doing or who I am doing it with, and I encourage others to do the same. I have my parents to thank for this, they raised me well.

Be true to yourself, but also be kind to others and maybe once in awhile soften your approach if you are coming on too strong. But hey......don't take any B.S. either ;-)

Pinoy_Pal

Are these three people close friends or family members? Do they in any way play an important role in your life? If not, like you said, these are just the opinions of "three" people...btw, with that smile, how can they even say that

quink77

My girl friend said it "maybe is because it's so rare that someone as attractive as you is so positive". WTF?

StrengthIDidntKnow

I am painfully shy, awkward around others. I have been told more than once that this has made me appear snobbish to people that don't know me.