Annoyed with families comments....
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I am getting the same thing right now from more and more people in my family. I tell the I want to look just as good naked as I do in my clothes that hides areas very well. It does get irritating, and I think some just do not want people to succeed to show them up.0
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I didn't tell anyone what my goal weight was or how much I wanted to lose. When asked, I would generally reply, "I'm not really sure. I'm focused on healthy eating and exercising right now. I'm not watching the scale." What more could they say? And if they are going to be so rude and push the issue, I would then go into great detail of all the GREAT changes in my life...."Oh my, I love lifting weights. I had no idea it would be this much fun. And did you know I can do 45 minutes on my elliptical on the highest resistance? I've never felt better in my life! I'm so glad I made these healthy choices for ME and my family!"
That generally shuts them up.
As for not eating cake at birthday parties, or any other food that doesn't "fit" into your lifestyle -- tell people you've recently realized you have an allergy to bleached flour or whatever ingredient. Again, that shuts them down.
For example, I hate mushrooms (almost makes me want to retch typing the word). When people ask me if I want one, I just politely tell them I'm allergic. No more questions. However, if I said, "I really don't like them" then I'd have to hear the "But their just so good, maybe you've never had them prepared such and such way." Nope -- it's just easier to be allergic.
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I was a slender 115 lbs before getting pregnant. I gained 53 lbs during the course of my first pregnancy and then settled at 125 lbs. Second pregnancy, I gained 35 lbs but then setttled around 130lbs. At 5'5" , I average around 130 - 132 lbs.. and I'm convinced the last 10 -15 lbs I'd like to lose is stuck in the stubborn belly area I hate it but then I hear similar comments from family and driends.. "You look "Healthy" now.. why do you want to look anorexic?" ... "So what if you have a belly, it's ok to look like a mom".... .. ... My response to most, "Sorry, you wouldn't understand.. you haven't been in my shoes and you don't know what it feels like".. I hate it having to defend why I'm working out.. all I want is to be fit and rock a simple jeans & t-shirt and not have a mufin top 0
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Here is a come back for you
Comment: "Youre already so skinny, if i sat on you, you'd die"
Response: If you sat on Santa you would break him too...perhaps you should join me for a run today.
this haha0 -
Tell them, "My Doctor thinks I'm doing great!"0
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First things first, you don't owe anyone any justification for what you choose to eat or not eat if you are eating healthy.
Second, I know how painful it is when the very people who should be happy for you can only put you down for achieving your goals instead of cheering you on.
Thirdly, there is this concept call 'tact' that seems to be completely missing in society, both local and world-wide these days and people think they can just say anything off the top of their heads because they have a right to speak their opinion.
ok. So. It would depend on how important it is to you to remain tactful with these numbskulls. If the answer is 'yes', even if it is in the interest of keeping peace in the family, then I would suggest the following:
"Why do you like looking anorexic?" Anorexia is a serious disease, my goals are based on being healthy.
"Don't you worry you will give your daughter a complex?" If really wanting to be healthy is a 'complex' then I am working very hard to instill this 'complex' in her instead of the complex girls get from photo-shopped models in ads.
"You shouldn't focus so much on yourself." If I don't take care of myself, who will be around to take care of my family?
"There is nothing wrong with looking like a 'mom'." Mom is an honored position in life, not a fashion statement. And I plan to hold my position for a long, long time.
The last one "If I sat on you...." My answer would be "That would be *kitten*-ault, then, wouldn't it? I am getting healthy to be able to survive life, not to survive being sat on by you or anyone else."
The party thing...not eating cake or chips or the junk food. You don't owe them any kind of explanation, but if you wanted to offer one, you could say that you have "learned that you feel so much better when you don't eat those carb-heavy treats and that you don't want to spoil being at the party by making yourself feel poorly". This is nothing short of the bare-bones truth and makes the comment-maker look like the cad he/she is for making it in the first place by pointing out that you are forgoing those things out of respect for yourself AND those around you by keeping in a good mood so the party can be enjoyable for all.
If such gentle pushbacks don't work with your family, then it's time to just button up and walk away from that person. Nothing bothers a person more than an old-fashioned shunning. It may not make them apologize for being so uncuth, but it will make them think twice before doing it again.0 -
I've lots about 13lbs & 11 or so inches so far & I had recently gotten some really cute & girly clothes... Since I usually wore one size to big t-shirts & hoodies in jeans. Well I got to my boyfriends after work and he said what the hell are you wearing that is ugly. I looked at him and said I"ve had some compliments on this today & he says "From anyone under 75".... I was devistated I had to grab my dogs and leave. I sent him some messages explaining how hurt I was and he never even once said "sorry" Sometimes people are so insecure & jealous the only thing they can do is tear someone else down.0
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I think whats important to remember is that your looking to be fit! you may be thin, but the mindset should be more about being healthy and feeling comfortable in your body and your size... it's happened to me on many occasions where people tell me your too thin, don't be so obsessed with what you eat and what you weigh, or why do you measure everything? in most cases these are the people that now are forced to look at their own eating habits, and often times are overweight. i once worked for a company that constantly had luncheons... i would always get the look when i didn't dive into all the chinese food that was in front of me... i have had my own family members sabatage my diet efforts by bringing home a much loved ice cream or some other treat only for me to tell them.... " you know i can't eat that" and they get all pissed off at me.... you have to do what makes you happy. surround yourself with positive thinking, health conscience people, and when you can't, ,you simply say.." i'm happy with the way i look and the goals i have, and ignore or don't respond to negative comments except maybe to say.... everyone is entitled to his or her opinion and drop it... congratulatins by the way on a healthy daughter and your 30lbs weight loss..... julianne0
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I'm sorry, girl. I know how that is. I got it after I had my son. I still get it now. Anytime I lose any weight, people at my work have to say something rude like:
"You can stop losing weight now." Umm... I didn't need your approval to begin losing weight in the first place...
"You're losing too much weight."
"You don't need to lose anymore weight, you're looking sick." <--- I am 5'5" and was at 130 at the time of this comment, clearly not unhealthy.
"Have you been losing weight? Did you mean to? Do you like how you look?" They couldn't believe that I was happy about being the weight I was (130).
I really don't understand... No one would come up to me and tell me I looked fat, needed to lose weight, or ask me if I meant to lose weight and ask if I liked the way I looked. It's really insulting, but I could really give a crap. The people that ask me this stuff don't eat healthy and don't work out, so I don't think they know that I'm at a healthy weight and am in great shape.0 -
My family is the way, always making negative comments. Do what makes you feel better, and proud of yourself. Whatever their problem is, you should not let it get you down or stop trying to reach your goal. Keep pushing, and don't give up!!!0
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I agree with some of the previous posters on just not talking about it except with those you know you can trust. Unfortunately sometimes people you think you can talk to will surprise you, and just because you don't talk about it doesn't mean somebody else won't bring it up.
But what you can say back to these people really depends on each person. Well and how much you care if you have a relationship with them after, lol. I do think there's a point with some family members passing judgement (on anything not just weightloss) where you get to the point you have to just take them aside and set them straight, if that's possible.
And if it's not somebody all that close to you, then yea sometimes it feels good just telling somebody where to get off. But something else think about....some people, either consciously or subconsciously, are looking for a reaction and trying to upset you because they are in fact jealous. And funny thing about people, once they know a weakness or that they can get to you they keep doing it.
So that said, I've personally never been thin. I get the remarks on the other end of the spectrum. But I watched my mom go through this same thing. Unlike me, my mom hadn't been heavy her entire life but she did get up to a size 22, almost 200lbs before getting her weight off. Now unfortunately due to a divorce and other stress factors she did end up losing too much and not looking healthy. BUT what's funny is that is NOT when people made those comments to her. Nope....they did it when she was looking great.
People said some pretty mean stuff, including asking her if she was doing drugs. I was still in high school and one of the comments that truly sticks to this day was when this guy we knew, who'd never said anything mean before, got on her about her weight loss. Then turned around and said she lost all that weight but I must have been the one that found it.0 -
I have begun to just learn who and who not to talk about weight with. My mom's a great person I can talk with but besides that and my fiancé, it's basically just people on here.
Many people don't want to hear about how well others are doing - it's totally ridiculous but true. Maybe figure out who can actually be supportive and then don't bring it up in front of those who aren't. It's tough especially because you're super proud of yourself and by explaining your accomplishments it's almost like, "I did this, so why can't you?" - Not negative, but you want to kind of give people tips. People don't want tips though lol.
Keep doing what you're doing and don't listen to people. It's YOUR body, your choice. As long as it's being done healthily, I see no issues.
This is a great response!
I have the issues, too. I have a very supportive boyfriend who struggles with his own weight issues, but outside of him I have no one to talk to about my weight successes and failures, which is why I have started to be more active on these message boards.
My mom has her own weight issues, and my Dad, Brother, and 3 Step Brothers are all over 6 feet tall and just around 180 - 190 lbs... think tall and lean and athletic naturally. I am curvy and have struggled with weight forever. My mom just isn't supportive in the right ways, and my Dad and Brothers don't understand.
Just keep doing you and reach out for the right support when and where you can!0 -
Hello,
Congrats on the baby! I have a 14 month old myself and the baby weight I still carry is the main reason I am here. uhh.
I'm not sure how tall you are but 125 lbs for a goal seems excellent to me. I think that is a great weight for the average adult woman. I don't have any witty comebacks to offer you but it sounds to me that you are doing a great job and staying focused and are in the home stretch right now. Good for you and keep up the good work - just 10 lbs to go!0 -
I have begun to just learn who and who not to talk about weight with.
^^^^
This.
If you don't like what they have to say about your weight, then don't discuss it with them. If they like to bring it up then carry a supply of your doctor's business cards with you at all times. When they try to give you medical advice about your weight, offer them a card and invite them to contact your doctor directly. It might sound rude, but I did this to a friend who kept telling me that my doctor was "wrong" about my health. I finally invited her to call my doctor directly, which was my way of closing the subject entirely. She hasn't brought it up since.
If your family won't drop it, then simply don't respond. Change the subject, or change your focus to someone else who isn't discussing it. Walk out of the room. Whatever it takes for them to realize they are not welcome to the subject at all. It's not. their. business.0 -
I HATE HATE HATE!!!!!! the mom comments, I have 3 kids. ppl are such butts!
Some of my favs -
"well once you have kids, nothing goes back the way it did"
"You'll never get rid of the pouch."
"You should be focused on your kids, not how you look."
Because being a mom means I should look like slob and let myself go. (okay I did that, it sucks, now I am here and feeling much better) They gave up so you should give up.
Maybe I'd like to teach my daughter and sons how to eat properly, exercise and to work hard....
Okay sorry rant over.
There's seems to be no happy medium, you get comments if there is too much jiggle, or not enough jiggle...they are being bullys, and the only way to fight it, is to confront them about it or to remove them from your life.
Sorry I wasn't much help. I hope it gets better. and remember you have support here.0 -
Okay so the basis is.... I had a terribly complicated pregnancy, and almost lost my life... i was in the hospital for 23 days after having my little girl, and then i went home with husband and her!
I dont want to look like i did when i was in high school, and at this point in my weight loss journey, my focus is on TONING. On keeping motivated and going on walks with my daughter, because i can NOW!!!! =D
So... here is my issue... and i'm sure some of you have this issue too....especially when you tell people the goals for your weight...
"Do you really need to look anorexic?"
"Why do you have to be soo thin, dont you think you will give your daughter a complex?"
"There is nothing wrong with looking like a MOM"
"Shouldnt you focus less on yourself"
"Youre already so skinny, if i sat on you, you'd die"
.... =[
and these are the same people that on Christmas day were telling me that i should commit myself to losing weight and really get on it.... and now that i have done just that, they tear me down, especially when i say 5-10 more pounds, even though i'm figuring i will lose that much on just toning at this point, which is what i want....
sooo my question to you lovlies on this site.... what are some witty comebacks? or maybe just ways that i could get my family off my back.... i mean, my best friend (who is pregnant right now) is totally rooting me on (but we were both thin, so she knows how i feel), but everyone else is like asking me if 'i'm okay' and if 'im eating'.... its like if i'm at a birthday party and turn down the crap they are serving, i get stares.... like i'm starving myself or something....
Firstly, I am soo sorry that you had to go through such a horrible childbirth. I'm glad you and the baby are ok. Secondly, not that it should matter, but these people who are commenting on your weight, are they overweight or in pretty good shape as well? I couldn't imagine anyone who's in shape and cares about their nutrition trying to discourage you like that. My guess, they are not only OVERWEIGHT but perhaps JEALOUS! Keep up the good work!0 -
everyone is jealous. I think you are setting a perfect example for your daughter. I have a son but I want to set good examples for him. He loves grilled chicken, yogurt and fruit. Keep up the good work.0
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If they don't stop bringing it up I would just let them know that you are doing it for you an no you are not starving yourself and you are healthy and feeling great but you wouldn't like to further discuss it with them.0
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the hardest part is when i havent seen people in a while, and they ask ME about it... and i answer, and they are interested... but then someone chimes in, and then its like a 20 minute marathon of what everyone thinks or how they feel about it.
But you guys definitely have advice that makes sense! This is about me, and not about them... i'm just so tired of people in my family talking about how they dont want to be obese or overweight, but they eat like poo, and then justify themselves by saying
"well i dont want to look like cheyanne, but i could lose a few pounds..."
Rude, BI**H! you know you wanna look like me!!!! GRR FACE! hahahahahaha0 -
There are people who actually say that about you?? I would MURDER someone if I heard that! Especially if it were a family member! :explode:i'm just so tired of people in my family talking about how they dont want to be obese or overweight, but they eat like poo, and then justify themselves by saying
"well i dont want to look like cheyanne, but i could lose a few pounds..."
Rude, BI**H! you know you wanna look like me!!!! GRR FACE! hahahahahaha
Fortunately my family members would be more likely to hop on the rage train with me than ever make such nasty comments in the first place.0 -
Rude, BI**H! you know you wanna look like me!!!! GRR FACE! hahahahahaha
Damn Straight! You know damn well she wants to look like you!!!! She only wishes! But she has to work for it herself...your success is all yours!!0 -
Screw them.
And, then, don't let them get under your skin EVER again! :flowerforyou:
^^^ this^^^ and the fact that maybe they are a bit jealous of your success
) keep up the good work ) 0 -
I'm kind of on the opposite end. A guy I work with makes comments constantly and tends to laugh when I talk about working out and dieting. I feel as though he is mocking me and it infuriates me! We had a luncheon the other day for "Administrative Whatever..." Secretary's Day. He brought an entire container to my desk and asked if I would like a trough to eat from... :explode: I was livid and couldn't come up with a something witty. My sister to ask him next time if he would like a feeding tube to eat from. HAHAHA Good luck on those come backs... I'll work on mine as well!
OMG! What a complete TOOL that guy is! BTW...those kids in your ticker are adorable! Screw people like that!0 -
I had my daughter young just like my mom and i had a son later. I have always gone for the "hot mom" look. People see me and i say i have a 16 yo and they can't believe it! so if i'm giving my kids a complex by being healthy and striving for a goal i'm all about it and screw all the haters! and OP that's the way you should be! We have to be role models for our kids and i would rather set a good example then a bad one. Not only that but my hubby loves it....When i tell people that i'm running a 5k or doing a zumbathon and they say why? i counter with why not? it's better than sitting on my butt stuffing my face... in the immortal words of the character Mame " I want to LIVE LIVE LIVE!!!!"0
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Well I am a guy and I didn't lose a lot of weight like some people on this site... I dropped 35 pounds and built a lot of muscle but have heard all the lines about you’re too skinny; you are going to vanish into nothing you need to bulk up etc… all from family members. I was excited about my fitness journey and wanted to talk about it when asked in the past but now as far as family goes I say nothing and when they ask about it I just say eh, just working out… I don’t mention anything about my weight… lose, maintain or gain. I am only interested in my fitness for my own selfish purposes now… which is to have a long and productive life and being able to interact with my kids…. Ignore everyone else… so long as you are healthy what business is it of theirs0
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thanks everyone, totally appreciate it! I feel much better now, and i hope that i can keep up with the things you guys are saying... its just so annoying, you know? every family get together i just know someone is gonna say something that they think is sooooo clever... idk, my husband is supportive and i can keep up with my toddler (which alot of people cant say) so i know what i'm doing is right!!!! And i'm doing it the right ways, and for the right reasons!
hmmm so say to them... so how many push-ups can you do???0 -
Congratulations on the birth of your baby, your weight loss and recovery!
I read once that when people ask you inappropriate questions that you dont want to answer or even hear, you should respond with this: If you'll forgive me for not answering/responding to that, I'll forgive you for asking/or saying that! I haven't had a chance to use it yet but I cant wait to.
Being a person who has recovered from an ED myself, you need to pay attention if 'everyone' is saying something about you being too thin. If you are in a normal BMI range for your weight and height, your bones arent sticking out, have a gaunt face, etc. you get the drift, then you have nothing to worry about. And if you're ok in that department then just ignore them! Some people feel threatened when a 'former fat person' they spend time around gets into shape. Sad, but true.
It's your body, your life, your mission and your health. Just step back and make sure everything is ok once in a while. (The cautious, former anorexic in me speaking) You and your body has been through a LOT and it would be easy to 'overly focus, obsess' on anything afterwards.
Hugs and again, congrats on the little one!0 -
Obviously I didn't hear the tone of the comments but for most of them I would just take them as compliments. The one that included your daughter...not so much but i'd just probably smile and ultimately ignore that one.
it really just sounds like they are saying they think you have hit what should be your goal weight. I get that all the time...i'm a dude and honestly don't really give a crap but if you can take it like "hey, my hard work is showing...they think i look fit" then it won't bug you as much.
and then as long as you are doing it all in a healthy way then by all means keep it up!0 -
do u think they cud b jealous?0
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I'm kind of on the opposite end. A guy I work with makes comments constantly and tends to laugh when I talk about working out and dieting. I feel as though he is mocking me and it infuriates me! We had a luncheon the other day for "Administrative Whatever..." Secretary's Day. He brought an entire container to my desk and asked if I would like a trough to eat from... :explode: I was livid and couldn't come up with a something witty. My sister to ask him next time if he would like a feeding tube to eat from. HAHAHA Good luck on those come backs... I'll work on mine as well!
Sweetheart, you don't need a witty comeback. You could be walking away with his job. This is harrassment. It is vile, evil, and disgusting. Report him to HR. Over and over, if that's what it takes. And though it might sting your pride a little, ask a coworker who has witnessed it to report him, too. You DO NOT have to tolerate a hostile workplace.
^^This0
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