I sometimes really hate my boyfriend

stratdl · July 2009

Most everybody has said what's been needed about your BF. In regards to the other:

I've tried working out at home but other than strength exercises and the firm (Which to me is strength exercises) I cant do cardio and thats what i mainly want to get in because i have muscle its just covered by some fat....oi im sooooo mad right now...sorry now im rambling =/

If it makes you feel any better about not doing cardio, I've been reading lately that people who do strength training lose more body fat than those who do strictly cardio. Also, remember that muscle burns more calories! :flowerforyou:

Cheers! :drinker:

April0815 · July 2009

Most everybody has said what's been needed about your BF. In regards to the other:

I've tried working out at home but other than strength exercises and the firm (Which to me is strength exercises) I cant do cardio and thats what i mainly want to get in because i have muscle its just covered by some fat....oi im sooooo mad right now...sorry now im rambling =/

If it makes you feel any better about not doing cardio, I've been reading lately that people who do strength training lose more body fat than those who do strictly cardio. Also, remember that muscle burns more calories! :flowerforyou:

Cheers! :drinker:
[/quote

I recently bought the Jillian Michael DVD 30 day shred It seems like it is going to be very good. And it does everything in intervals. Maybe its something that could work for you.

thumper44 · July 2009

His Mommy will take him back in and cook his meals and wash his funky drawers. She wants to - that's why she's babying him now. No woman is good enough for her precious baby. My mom tried it for the first 10 years I was married 'til my ol' lady b!tch slapped her :laugh:

Working strictly by example - he's teaching your boys that it's Ok to treat girls like crap and that asinine behavior gets rewarded. That's not fair to them or you or anyone else.

Boot him, he'll run home to her, they deserve each other. Sue for child support - you'll get it. Then get on with your life. You're a great gal and you don't deserve this and you don't have to take this crap. Life's too short to waste time with A-holes.

I agree with Casper totally.

He wakes up at 1:30pm, leaves at 3pm, and goes out to 4:15 am, then sleep in and cycle starts over. Is he drinking? That cost money too.

How often does he play poker? Since I am a guy and enjoy playing poker myself.

Was he really out playing poker.
Where was the money he was playing with come from?
Does he win money from said poker and doesn't tell you.
Does he owe anybody money from playing poker?

Since you are making money and pay the bills. I hope you are not paying for his gambling, and any other expenses he's spending on a nightly basis.
What to do..
One of those nights that he goes out from 3pm. Surely there's a pattern. Get a friend to come over and help you and stay with you. I know you ladies like to have a friend with you when going through this. It will help you push you through the stages where you start pondering if your doing the right thing. Also have the kids at a babysitters might not be a bad idea.

Pack a suitcase with clothes, and leave them in the front driveway, front lawn, and call the locksmith to change the locks.

Guys like this really need a smack upside the head.
He's taking advantage, and as you said he knows that you'll back down.
Which makes a manipulator keep doing what their doing.

Good luck.

Johnnyswife · July 2009

When does he work?

I agree with the others, if you know he is like this then you need to find another way to get your cardio in. I know there is alot of DVD's with Cardio.

As far as the relationship goes, you need to put your foot down. Even though this is none of business I have to give you my opinion. He is very rude to talk to you the way he does. Good Luck with everything.

he doesnt work =/...lol god i know how to pick them *shakes her head*

So the only thing he has going for him is that he is the father of your children. Do you work?

Girl! What do you need a back up plan for? Your taking care of two small children, and one big one? Get rid of the big guy. You'll save money in the long run. Heck, you can take the money your saving from feeding his face, and poker money, and buy yourself an eliptical or bike and workout at home!

You don't need him, (even though you love him)but he needs you.
Mabe if he see's what life is like without you, he'll straighten up.....Lets hope.

leshawnturner · July 2009

This is none of my business but I just wanted to tell you I can relate . My ex husband used to work about 6 months out of the year and took voluntary layoff every winter so he could stay home and play playstation even though we could not afford it. I had to work 10 hours OT each week to make up for it. He had a very similar attitude to your BF and did not clean, cook, or even take out the trash. He stayed out all night on the weekends and would not stay with our daugthers so I could run errands or go work out or otherwise do anything for myself. I found out he was having an affair and around the same time, I lost my job. I was overweight, unemployed, and otherwise miserable. I was only 23 with 2 kids, and like you I felt it was impossible to leave. But you know what I did? I kicked him out. I had not a dime to my name and it was scary as h#ll. I went on assistance for 2 months while I looked for a job. That was 8 years ago and in that time, I got a great paying job, put myself through college, lost 80 pounds and found myself a good man whom I have been with for the past 4 years.

My point? Don't be afraid to walk away from a bad thing, you will make it. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be with someone who wants that for you and will support you in whatever it is you need to do to get there.

WELL SAID!!!! I completely agree. Why put yourself through such crap. I understand the attachment and the fear of doing it on your own, but frankly you can do bad by yourself!!! Think about how much worse your situation is by him being there. You have to show your sons that this kind of behavior is not acceptable and that you will not accept it from anyone especially their father. Because if you keep him around your sons are going to think that its okay to treat you the way you allow their father to treat you.

Pray for guidance. Then step out on faith when the Lord tells you its time to move on. Know that even though it may be hard the Lord won't fail you.

hiddensecant · July 2009

I don't get it. If you're the one working, why can't you send him home to his mother? What are you saving up for? It's cheaper to live with one less child, especially a big one who likes to gamble.

The moment he stops living with you, he starts owing child support. Once he does work again, his wages will be garnished and if he's young enough, there are some cases where they'll take the money from his parents.

keiko · July 2009

What? you have to ask him to babysit HIS kids? Sorry that's not babysitting. Being a parent is called parenting not babysitting. It's not like you asked him to not work and watch the kids while you went out to play poker.

And please don't listen to that crap about men being boys until they are whatever age anyone tells you. I say they still act like boys sometimes the way they talk but by 19 they should be acting like adults. Working/ going to school. If they have kids being a parent. Yes some don't but lets not make excuses for them.

I married my husband when he was 23. I already had two kids. The day he married me he took on parenting responsibilites. He watched them while I worked, went to school. He did laundry, cooked, cleaned. Anything that needed to be done. And he also was working and was going to school. I did not have to ask him. We looked at our schedules to see who would be home when and who would do what.

You can either stay with him and keep supporting his play dates and asking him to babysit his own kids. Or you can take control of your life. You are working plus you can probably get some kind of state help. You'll also qualify for money for school.
Will it be hard? Yes. But can it be any harder than what you're putting up with now?

I normally would suggest counseling. I never like to see couples divorce. I did and I know the pain it caused my kids. But I also know that the life I gave them was better than the life they would have had if I would have stayed in the first marriage. If you can talk to him and see if he wants to have a real relationship with you then try counseling. Otherwise like others have said. Pack his stuff up and put it outside and change the locks. Tell him he no longer lives at your address. Also talk to a lawyer. Make sure you have custody of your children. Not the babysitter, who is irresponsible and can't remember what time he is suppose to be there.

OK, now I'm off my soapbox.
I wish you much happiness in your new life! You don't deserve to be treated like he is treating you.

tiffanygil · July 2009

I know this wont be a popular answer but a lot of my friends have the same problems with thier hus/ boyfriends when they start a trying to get in shape, they make it as hard as poss. Well I think I know why, first they all think its b/c once you look your best your going to cheat! So by making it imposs. for you to do it you will eventually give up. Don't let it do that to you. Stick to your guns and he will get over it.

thumper44 · July 2009

Reading what Keiko said. I just remembered one thing.
For lawyers/custody purposes, it can't hurt to write down everything.

How much he really does things, or does not do things.
How irresponsible he is for HIS kids. etc. etc

keiko · July 2009

Reading what Keiko said. I just remembered one thing.
For lawyers/custody purposes, it can't hurt to write down everything.

How much he really does things, or does not do things.
How irresponsible he is for HIS kids. etc. etc

This is very good advice! I did this during and for a time after my divorce. Missed visitations, visitations where he took them to the bar. I put a quick stop to that.