Online Dating.. ugh

2

Replies

  • Sumo813
    Sumo813 Posts: 566 Member
    I don't think it's wrong that he only wants to date very fit women. That's a personal preference, and everyone has some. But he is a jerk for basically saying "I won't date you, but I'd bang you in the shower."

    You should joing the Single Peeps group. Lots of experienced online daters there.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/282-single-peeps

    I couldn't agree more with this. Everyone has their preference(s), but that is just flat out ballsy of him to basically say he didn't want to have a relationship, but would love to have sex. But hey, it works for some guys. I know a few.
  • Tiffaney82690
    Tiffaney82690 Posts: 99
    The good thing is people only have enough balls to say that through an IM! so you know if they say it they're being honest so at least you know its not worth wasting your time:) I met my boyfriend online and we've been together for 3.5 years so there are keepers out there
  • BrienJD
    BrienJD Posts: 541 Member
    Sounds a bit egotistcal to me, maybe it's a good thing your're not going to date him.
  • astroub
    astroub Posts: 289 Member
    Just goes to show you.....Fools are everywhere.



    ^^^^ THIS!!
  • scapez
    scapez Posts: 2,018 Member
    He's holding out hope that you'll be a booty call. Nothing more. Delete him off your list, off your phone, and out of your life!

    This is spot on...get rid of the a-hole.
  • amymeenieminymo
    amymeenieminymo Posts: 2,394 Member
    I agree with a lot that has already been said. I don't think it was necessarily bad for him to be up front that he didn't want to date (although I completely empathize with you on how it must have felt - it sucks), but I think he decided that since you kept talking to him, he could maybe convert you to a booty call. So someone he can sleep with but never has to take out in public.

    If you want to keep talking to him just as friends, then I would tell him to cut out the flirting because he's in the friend zone with no hope of getting out. And maybe you're up for just a booty call thing, although to be honest - when I was in that stage of my life, I usually picked the guys, and told them up front that it was what it was. I don't think my pride could deal with booty calling with a guy who said I wasn't good enough to date, even though I was doing the same thing in reverse. Funny how we can dish it out but not take it.

    Not all online dating is bad though!

    It's not that he doesn't want to take me out in public though, he asked to take me to lunch yesterday so I don't think its like that too much..

    Not all booty calls are meeting up late at night, wham bam and go home. In my dating days I had plenty of casual relationships/friends with benefits with whom I actually went out with, had dinner with, went to movies with, etc....but they all had the same thing in common, they weren't Mr. Right. they were Mr. Good enough until someone better comes along.

    I don't know you at all of course, but just from your few posts you seem reluctant to let go, maybe you're very attracted to him? If you're cool with being someone's Ms. Good enough for right now then go for it, but you sound like you're looking for more overall, and maybe even more from him, so if I were you I would end all contact now because if you're hoping this goes somewhere good, I'm guessing it won't. Sorry :ohwell:
  • Heaven71
    Heaven71 Posts: 706 Member
    Yes I went there.. If you don't want to listen to me vent I suggest you stop reading now..!!!

    I am currently on an online dating site and had the courage to message a guy in my area that seemed like we had similar interests, we talked for about 3 days straight.. then he tells me.. No Offense, but you're not fit enough for me to date. He likes girls that are super sporty and athletic.. which I am not.

    I got huffy but decided at least he was honest with me and I told him that I am trying to lose weight and that I have struggled with it my whole life. I decided to keep talking to him with no intentions of dating but just talking to for fitness advice and chatting.. He wasn't all that bad..

    After I got done at the gym last night he was texting me asking how my workout went and I told him I'm going to get in the shower.. "He's like wait for me...!! " so I told him he would NEVER see my A** naked because he dismissed me the way I am now. Then he was like Ohh what if I whip you into shape..??

    I guess I am just annoyed, he tells me that I am very pretty and that he was happy that I messaged him but wouldn't date someone like me because I'm not in the best of shape..

    Has anyone else gotten this sort of stuff from being on there?


    NEXT!!! He doesn't deserve you, move on. I have met most of my exes online and the one I am with now, I met online almost 3 years ago. It's possible to find love, don't let the idiots stop you from trying, just be safe.
  • Maude_Lewbowski
    Maude_Lewbowski Posts: 395 Member
    Yes I went there.. If you don't want to listen to me vent I suggest you stop reading now..!!!

    I am currently on an online dating site and had the courage to message a guy in my area that seemed like we had similar interests, we talked for about 3 days straight.. then he tells me.. No Offense, but you're not fit enough for me to date. He likes girls that are super sporty and athletic.. which I am not.

    I got huffy but decided at least he was honest with me and I told him that I am trying to lose weight and that I have struggled with it my whole life. I decided to keep talking to him with no intentions of dating but just talking to for fitness advice and chatting.. He wasn't all that bad..

    After I got done at the gym last night he was texting me asking how my workout went and I told him I'm going to get in the shower.. "He's like wait for me...!! " so I told him he would NEVER see my A** naked because he dismissed me the way I am now. Then he was like Ohh what if I whip you into shape..??

    I guess I am just annoyed, he tells me that I am very pretty and that he was happy that I messaged him but wouldn't date someone like me because I'm not in the best of shape..

    Has anyone else gotten this sort of stuff from being on there?

    I've had very bad expereinces with online dating and as a result will never do it again. He doesn't deserve your time. (IMHO online dating is just a virtual bar but worse, people thing they can get real inappropriate right away b/c they hide behond their phone or computer.

    No thank you.
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
    Yes I went there.. If you don't want to listen to me vent I suggest you stop reading now..!!!

    I am currently on an online dating site and had the courage to message a guy in my area that seemed like we had similar interests, we talked for about 3 days straight.. then he tells me.. No Offense, but you're not fit enough for me to date. He likes girls that are super sporty and athletic.. which I am not.

    I got huffy but decided at least he was honest with me and I told him that I am trying to lose weight and that I have struggled with it my whole life. I decided to keep talking to him with no intentions of dating but just talking to for fitness advice and chatting.. He wasn't all that bad..

    After I got done at the gym last night he was texting me asking how my workout went and I told him I'm going to get in the shower.. "He's like wait for me...!! " so I told him he would NEVER see my A** naked because he dismissed me the way I am now. Then he was like Ohh what if I whip you into shape..??

    I guess I am just annoyed, he tells me that I am very pretty and that he was happy that I messaged him but wouldn't date someone like me because I'm not in the best of shape..

    Has anyone else gotten this sort of stuff from being on there?

    I prefer a girl in shape or fit, but I wouldn't tell you to wait for me in the shower if I had no intention of dating you.
  • Danielle_2013
    Danielle_2013 Posts: 806 Member
    Apparently you live in Vancouver, BC? I hear this kind of stuff from my single friends pretty often! You are good enough to text with, possibly good enough for a booty call at some point, but not good enough to date. He'll message you flirty things when he's lonely, but that's about it! It has nothing to do with your body or how fit he likes his women - he's a player. Delete his texts, number and block his dating profile. Save yourself the mind games. :flowerforyou: (You are very pretty by the way)
    Another tip that I swear by even though it sounds old fashioned - if a guy likes you, he'll make the effort and message/text/call/see you. I wouldn't ever message men first. They'll be flattered probably, but you want someone who is actually interested in you! Don't settle for "he wasn't all that bad..."

    I would have to agree with this post except one thing. I met my husband through an online dating site 6 years ago. I messaged him initially. He had met someone and wanted to see where it would go and was kind and thanked me for my interest. I forgot about him. 3 months later I came across his profile again and sent him a message, having totally forgotten about the first time I messaged him. It had not worked out with the other woman he had already met. I gave him my phone number and I swear, from that time on, I NEVER had to call him, he ALWAYS called me..... and called me when he said he would.

    After we were engaged, I read a book called, "He's just not that into you" which I would Totally recommend for ANY single lady out there today. One of the first things it talked about was if he likes you, if he is genuine, he will call you. You should not waste your time calling him, if he isnt calling when he said he would, drop him. Secondly, if he is flirty with you privately but wont date you openly, drop him. He's just not that into you and you are wasting your time.

    Get that book, I dont know if the movie was based on the book at all or not but here is a link to the book on Amazon It is COMPLETELY worth it and is a funny read as well:
    http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/068987474X

    Ha ha - love it! I completely agree with you. I met my boyfriend online actually and he swears I messaged him first. If I did, I will never admit it! I have that book also and was going to recommend it too. The movie was not good. :wink:
  • LilRedRooster
    LilRedRooster Posts: 1,421 Member
    I don't think it's wrong that he only wants to date very fit women. That's a personal preference, and everyone has some. But he is a jerk for basically saying "I won't date you, but I'd bang you in the shower."

    Agree. He can have a personal preference for women who are more fit. It's like the guys on here that have personal preferences for women with more cushioning, and who don't hit the gym as hard as they do. It's just a preference, and nothing more.

    The joking about the shower thing though sounds like he wouldn't mind keeping you open as an option when he's bored for a casual meet up fling now and then. Been there, done that. Casual flings aren't all that bad, if you're truly okay with it never going anywhere long-term, but it sounds like you want something more. If that's the case, then it might be more worth your while to just stop talking to him, because he's already told you his interests, which don't include you and your current lifestyle.
  • mollsred06
    mollsred06 Posts: 22 Member
    i would use THAT as motivation! get fit...then say screw you. or just say screw you to begin with. lol either way works, the first option may be a more fun. i've always used ex boyfriends, or guys that i want to impress as motivation to work harder. NOT saying that my fitness is for other people, im absolutely doing it for myself, but its a nice little push
  • HotCuppaJo
    HotCuppaJo Posts: 476 Member
    I don't think it's wrong that he only wants to date very fit women. That's a personal preference, and everyone has some. But he is a jerk for basically saying "I won't date you, but I'd bang you in the shower."

    ^^^^^ Totally agree with this!!!! (and on a side note, I get the impression that you are still texting him, etc. in the hopes that he WILL change his mind. That maybe when you DO lose the weight, he'll be interested. I would cut your losses w/ this guy and find someone that appreciates you for YOU...a few extra pounds or NOT. :) Best of luck. I can sympathize, as I'm on a few of those sites. It gets old FAST, that's for sure!!
  • jaxandmaksmom
    jaxandmaksmom Posts: 262 Member
    being that you are from van.. and it is a dating site... and your age.. i am pretty sure i know which one.. and the one is basiclly a hook up spot for *kitten*.. sorry... there are the rare ok guy on there but i find.. not alot are there.. i have meet a couple of great guys on it.. but majority are about the sex.

    You are a beautiful person.. and this jerk is looking at you like a back burner.. keep her there till i find someone or she is "at his standard"
    honestly hun.. just tell him no and walk away... there are plenty of guys in van that are not douches (although we have our fair share of them... )

    I wish you luck in this dating scence in van.. it is a tough one.. best of luck to you!!!
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    I think you're gorgeous.
    :flowerforyou:
  • MommaNicole22
    MommaNicole22 Posts: 15
    I tried online dating. I ended up marrying him. though the first thing he did say to me when we met was "you look better in pictures". i didnt use a dating sight. i used craigslist lol which is NOT a conventional way of meeting people. But weve been married 3 years next month. he's adopting my 4 year old,and we have a two year old together.

    some men are set in there ways about "Weigh" on woman. but doesnt mean they still wont sleep with them. pretty messed up in my opinion.
  • lynnmarie60
    lynnmarie60 Posts: 325
    sounds like he wants a "booty call" from you and that's it. No friendship and no serious relationship so I would RUN from him for sure.
  • n25philly
    n25philly Posts: 75 Member
    What's with guy's these days? Bang in the shower then tell them they are not datable. lol Seems like I'm always paying for the stupid crap these idiots do. Good guys are out there you just have to look.
  • mdsjmom98
    mdsjmom98 Posts: 333 Member
    My friend is on match.com. She is about 4'11 on a good day, and she's very upfront about it. Some dude started messaging her telling her he thought they would click, but he couldn't date someone so short. WTH??

    Edited to add that you are a beautiful girl, and shouldn't even friend people like that. I have a son that is about your age and would genuinely like a girl like you. Nice guys are out there, I promise. I'm married to one, gave birth to two of them!!
  • deadstarsunburn
    deadstarsunburn Posts: 1,337 Member
    I met a TON of really creepy or mean people who said awful things when I tried that.
    I finally met my current boyfriend which made it worth it. He's so sweet =]
    Don't even bother with people who make comments like that because even if you have no intention of dating him, what kind of a jerk he must be to even say that.
  • Diary_Queen
    Diary_Queen Posts: 1,314 Member
    I got a good one the other day. A guy messaged me on a dating site and i knew i shouldnt have opened the message when the subject line was "Yo", but i did.... he wasnt local, looked stoned in his profile pic and seemed like a total d0uche! He eventually asked me if my pics were current and i said that they were pretty current. He replied "Oh." I asked, "Why Oh?" He said, "Well your profile says that you've lost like 90lbs. I was hoping those were your before pictures because you're still a fatass"

    I mean damn dude....

    Where's my forever alone meme when I need it?
  • HotCuppaJo
    HotCuppaJo Posts: 476 Member
    I got a good one the other day. A guy messaged me on a dating site and i knew i shouldnt have opened the message when the subject line was "Yo", but i did.... he wasnt local, looked stoned in his profile pic and seemed like a total d0uche! He eventually asked me if my pics were current and i said that they were pretty current. He replied "Oh." I asked, "Why Oh?" He said, "Well your profile says that you've lost like 90lbs. I was hoping those were your before pictures because you're still a fatass"

    I mean damn dude....

    Where's my forever alone meme when I need it?

    OMG...you have GOT to be kidding! What an absolute JERK!! Hope you came back w/ a helluva one-liner and deleted his *kitten*!
  • Roadie2000
    Roadie2000 Posts: 1,801 Member
    What a tool, I mean props for being honest and all but now it sounds like he's just keeping you on the hook.
  • sallywilson06
    sallywilson06 Posts: 269 Member
    I don't think it's wrong that he only wants to date very fit women. That's a personal preference, and everyone has some. But he is a jerk for basically saying "I won't date you, but I'd bang you in the shower."

    ^^^^^ Totally agree with this!!!! (and on a side note, I get the impression that you are still texting him, etc. in the hopes that he WILL change his mind. That maybe when you DO lose the weight, he'll be interested. I would cut your losses w/ this guy and find someone that appreciates you for YOU...a few extra pounds or NOT. :) Best of luck. I can sympathize, as I'm on a few of those sites. It gets old FAST, that's for sure!!

    This just happened yesterday.. actually last night! Haven't talked to him today though.
  • sallywilson06
    sallywilson06 Posts: 269 Member
    I got a good one the other day. A guy messaged me on a dating site and i knew i shouldnt have opened the message when the subject line was "Yo", but i did.... he wasnt local, looked stoned in his profile pic and seemed like a total d0uche! He eventually asked me if my pics were current and i said that they were pretty current. He replied "Oh." I asked, "Why Oh?" He said, "Well your profile says that you've lost like 90lbs. I was hoping those were your before pictures because you're still a fatass"

    I mean damn dude....

    Where's my forever alone meme when I need it?

    What a freaking JERK!! Wow thats terrible. I have gotten the chubby comments but that it just freaking ignorant as hell!
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    Been there done that on the online bit.

    I give him props for at least telling you he doesn't have interest, though the reason behind is far too superficial.

    In my experiences, it's been 2 dates that go great, but then never another response. Seriously, not sure what is worse, what you experienced in someone that was at least open and honest about what they like, or the pure lack of respect in saying the truth and using someone for a night out.
  • natvanessa
    natvanessa Posts: 230 Member
    Sorry to say this, but really don't take this online dating too seriously! If this guy is bothering you (as in you don't like his comments and stuff,), just stop texting/talking to him!

    Other messages you get that bother you, just delete and move on. I have found people tend to be a little more bold when messaging someone they haven't met before.

    Just take it as a factor of doing the whole "online dating" thing and move on. It's really not that big of a deal.

    I hope I don't sound snarky at all, but have been online dating more than I'd like to admit, LOL, and have grown to have a pretty thick skin from it. It's just not that serious. However, one day you may just find the man of your dreams and it will be all worth it in the end :wink:
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
    Sounds a bit egotistcal to me, maybe it's a good thing your're not going to date him.

    If that's what you're wanting to call it, then I guess I'll consider it the same. But there's reasons as to why I choose to date fit/active people. It fits w/ my personality now and my lifestyle now.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
    I met my hubby online in july 2006 and when I met him in person in july 2007 he said "you're smaller than I thought." LOL :P I had an eating disorder before I met him online so when we got married in November 2007 he ALWAYS made sure I ate which made me gain weight. I am losing weight now and when I tell him how it is going he is very supportive.

    Forget that guy because you need a guy who will accept you for who you are! You're beautiful!!!!
  • Tanya_777
    Tanya_777 Posts: 1
    No Offense, but you're not fit enough for me to date. He likes girls that are super sporty and athletic.. which I am not.

    Yep, men are strange enough, some of them even looking for dating with models http://top4vip.com/dating/
    But how you get along with each other counts at last.

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