Friend Failure
Replies
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It was rude of him not to acknowledge your success. It's a little weird with "friends with benefits" (past or present) and how they react to things. I'd ask him right up front why he didn't respond and tell him you are hurt. Unfortunately, maybe it is time to wean yourself off of him...you've said as much yourself. As you said, you have feelings for him, but he doesn't return those. Not a reason to hang around, do you think? :frown: Congrats on a job well done. Can't wait to see the pics of the tattoo.
That is actually my reward to...hopefully by July! I have mine all planned out... just waiting for a flatter stomach before I get mine. 0 -
just because its important to you, does not mean its important to him. and how do you know he got it, if he hasn't mentioned it maybe he didn't get it... I have had it happen to me before.
I don't think he is a jerk... I think he is just a guy. Don't let it ruin your excitment for hitting your milestone, Oh and congrats.0 -
Why don't you just be honest with him and tell him that his action or lack of action hurt your feelings? I honestly don't think he's purposely withholding celebration from you and so, I cannot jump on the "he's a jerk" bandwagon....
I don't know if your friend has ever struggled with his weight and he may not even be able to relate or KNOW to launch rockets because you do deserve them.
So, instead of sitting there resenting the poor guy..... speak up!
"So this morning I sent you a text with my weight on the scale. I am FINALLY below 165 and I wish you could be excited for me! Congratulate me, I've worked HARD for this!"
or.... something like it..... don't be afraid to ask for what you want/need.....0 -
Get your tatoo and wait for him to notice...though he may not because you can put a mans socks in the middle of the room and he will still ask where his socks are. Just saying. ?.of course maybe that is just my husband. But then again he notices if I change my lip stick color!
Sooooo....if he doesn't notice, flaunt it, perhaps remain friends and move on.
Congrats on your success!:flowerforyou:0 -
How are you *sure* that he did receive it?
I text pics to my Mom, and it can show up hours, days later. Cell service isn't 100% reliable.0 -
Why do women always think men should think the way they do? He may have thought.. cool.. and never thought to comment. i dont comment on every little thing my wife or daughter send me, i look at them, give them their due attention and move on. Why do you need to put this on him? Maybe he just didnt think of it.. men arent as emotional as women.....
This bolded bit here. I text Boyfriend and don't expect to hear back every single text.It's very possible he may have just thought "Oh that's cool" and never thought to comment otherwise. Instead of automatically assuming that he's ignoring or brushing off what you've sent him, just ask him.
"Hey did you get my text message? I am pretty excited about hitting my goal!"
It sounds more like deep seeded issues you have with having a past sexual history with him, but not being fulfilled in a romantic one that you know he isn't interested in and are lashing out by an apparent lack of interest. Instead of assuming this or that, just bring it up to him that you're excited, but you can't expect everyone to always have a response for you and you can't hold your relationship desires above his head and want him to react to you the way you WANT him to.
I agree with this. I had a romantic feelings for an old coworker who's pretty much my friend now - and we would text pretty frequently - whenever he was bored or I was bored and just catch up whenever. I would get upset/hurt when he wouldn't return my texts quickly or even at all; I realized that I was making him and his actions more like a boyfriend rather than just my friend and it wasn't right nor was it cool. We've had this happen 2x now and it was the last time that I understood. It's hard to gauge with texts and even more difficult with the "weirdness" and overanalyzing of texts because of those feelings and your case, the sexual history. As someone stated above, if he truly values you and your friendship, he'll come around. You should be proud of yourself and focus on you right now! 0 -
Don't use his lack alleged lack of interest derail you. Sometimes we expect the world to be a better place if only we get to our goal weight. Fireworks do not go off, your bank account will not get a unexpected deposit, and your friends might not do cartwheels for you. What really matters is you committed to a goal, you suceeded in accomplishing the goal and most important along the way you have a great deal to be proud of. Congrats!!!0
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I think that you are looking too much into this. We are all strangers to you and do not know your full history with this gentleman. However, your personal weight loss is always going to mean more to you than anyone else because you are the one who has worked so hard to get to this point. Remember, guys aren't wired the same way as women. Chalk it up to that. Be happy with your acheivements and don't allow someone else to navigate away from your success.
You've lost the weight now regain your power. You alone control how things affect you.
Just sayin'0 -
So... Today, I reached a major milestone in my weight loss.
For over a year I've told myself, when I was below 165, I would reward myself with a tattoo. It has been the weight goal that I've had ever since I was overweight, and I've worked super hard to get there.
Well... I have a close friend that means a lot to me. I have romantic feelings for him, which he does not return, but we're still friends (probably because he finds me attractive and we've had a sexual past). We've both been exercising, and he has known about this goal for a long time and heard me vent through my plateau, etc.
Well this morning when I reached my goal, I took a picture of my scale showing 164.8 and I texted it to him.
He has not said a single word about it all day. :-( I know he has seen it, and I've been chatting with him online a little, but he will not even touch the subject of my success. I KNOW he has seen the text message.
This has hurt me so incredibly much, and I don't understand why anybody would act that way. It has made me so angry, I am thinking that this friendship just needs to end when someone can't even say congrats to you.
Someone please tell me what a jerk he is, and how I should just drop his stupid behind
I say your part is done, you informed him, now stop wasting time worrying about what he may or may not be thinking and be proud of YOURSELF!!! focus on the goal you just reached and if he responds, great, if not, don't get too tripped up about it, and just enjoy your success for all it's worth!0 -
I think you're the one over-reacting. Why does it hurt your feelings so much? Did you lose that weight for his approval? Did you lose that weight just to get congratulations, and now that hes not paying attention to your accomplishment and that ruins it for you?0
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Weird. I'll def give peeps the benefit of the doubt until they really prove me right about how stupid they are (haha - glass half full, eh).
What about just calling him out & asking where the heck are your props for reaching your goal??
As your friend & someone you're known for some time, he has to know/should know how important that is to you. (I don't really like confrontation, but sometimes you just gotta lay it out there in convo.)
This and maybe he forgot about your goal....honestly I forget my friends are sick half the time and they hate it but I just dont remember when Im asking them to come hang out or my friends will tell me something they are trying to accomplish and when they do it takes me a minute to even realize it!....what Im saying is, it might not be that he doesnt care or is jealous or whatever you think his motive or mood is maybe it just simply did not click
no matter what though I really think this is a little extreme to end a friendship over, life is too short0 -
That is a great looking tat! Congrats on earning by hitting your goal!
Regarding your friend, I have two thoughts. One, he's a guy, and just because you as a female would have reacted a certain way doesn't mean he as a male would respond the same way. Guys and girls just have different ways of expressing (or not expressing) themselves. He may not know how to respond. Two, how is HE doing in his weight loss goal? You said he's been trying to lose too but made no mention of his success or lack thereof. He's got feelings too. Your finally hitting your goal may be making him feel inadequate or that he may be losing you as a close friend (and potential sex partner). So he may be happy for you while still feeling frustrated or anxious. That doesn't make him a bad friend. It just makes him human.0 -
You could be right, but somehow I think if she had told him once she reached her goal she would celebrate by having sex with him again (she mentioned they had a sexual past) the jerk would have taken the time to acknowledge her hard work and success!
Just saying!
It sounds like a complicated situation. Maybe he thinks that the OP is expecting a change in the relationship and is uncomfortable. Or maybe he's passive aggressive. Perhaps it's something else entirely.0 -
Why do women always think men should think the way they do? He may have thought.. cool.. and never thought to comment. i dont comment on every little thing my wife or daughter send me, i look at them, give them their due attention and move on. Why do you need to put this on him? Maybe he just didnt think of it.. men arent as emotional as women.....
Bull****
Not Bull****. I totally agree!0 -
Also, why don't you send him a normal text saying you hit your goal? People send me pics all the time that I don't get. Usually for me it's because i have a normal number and a google voice number, and the google number doesn't accept multimedia files.
Every so often I run into a friend a day or two later and they wonder why I didn't respond and I'm like, "respond to what?"0 -
...Guys and girls just have different ways of expressing (or not expressing) themselves. He may not know how to respond.
I don't like generalizations about women and men. Men are perfectly capable of monitoring and analyzing someone's emotions when it matters to them. Have you ever heard men talking about what their boss said at a meeting and how it might affect their prospects?0 -
I'd say just ask him too! I think that is an amazing job that you reached your goal. Good for you and if he did see it and on purpose did not congratulate you than he is a douche!! Dont let him get you down girl. On a side note I think I'm going to set getting a tattoo as my rewatd to losing weight also...thats an awesome idea!!!0
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If you have no doubt that he received it...then kick him to the curb. Weight is a touchy subject, but he's your "friend" he would/should be able to talk to you about it. At the very least, say congrats.
Congrats btw! What kind of tattoo are you gonna get?0 -
Leave him in the dust girl!
You did a great job with your weight loss, Congrats! 0 -
Maybe....well lets just not assume anything. Its always best to ask. Just ask he if got your celebratory text message on your goal weight.0
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How are you *sure* that he did receive it?
I text pics to my Mom, and it can show up hours, days later. Cell service isn't 100% reliable.
I totally agree! The same thing happened with me! How are you sure that he did receive your picture?0 -
I don't know, men are different. My husband doesn't say "good job" or basically anything when I talk about my weight loss or anything else related to how I look. In fact I've never known a guy to give a compliment unless he wants "something" in return. If I was you, I'd just find some girl friends to relay your success to if you're looking for someone to be enthusiastic about it lol
Great job meeting your goal !0 -
Congratulations, great job on reaching your goal.. I say ask him about it.. If you don't, and let it fester, then a good friendship could come to an end over a misunderstanding. If he didn't see it, then its your opportunity to tell him how excited you are and hopefully he will be happy for you. If he did see it and just didn't think it was important enough to respond to, then let him know exactly how you feel.. I agree with many of the others, that men don't always react as we do. You will be able to tell his true feelings once you approach him about it.. Either way, keep up the good work and enjoy yourself.0
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Congrats on meeting your weight goal.Perhaps your friend will treat you to the tattoo you want or perhaps he is looking to talk to you in person to celebrate with you. Texting is so impersonal. Give him a chance to be a friend. Enjoy your success, after all didn't you lose the weight for yourself not him?0
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Did you include a message saying " hey I reached a milestone today, now I can get my tattoo" or did you just send a pic?
He's not a mind reader and there is no reason why he should remember every individual goal you have set.... Maybe he thinks you sent it to say "oh no, I've gained weight" .
Basically it is your goal and your issue - if you want to talk to him about it, then talk. "did you get my text, ive reached my goal" would be a good way to start.
Don't act like a kindy kid and get all cranky when he doesn't give you the exact comment you want from a cryptic text.0 -
I think he might be afraid that if you are slimmed down that other man will be attracted to u as well and maybe he is jealous. Also, maybe he might think that you wont need him anymore0
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Congrats on reaching your goal!!! Be proud and screw what anyone else thinks... Don't give anyone the authority to rob you of your joy!!!
^ every word of this0 -
Stop placing expectations on others and relish in your own achievements. Go get the tattoo!0
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Congrats on meeting your goal! That is just awesome! Maybe he is just jealous. Or an insensitive jerk and you should get rid of his *kitten* :-)
I have come to a very similar realization recently. I have lots of friends who are very one sided. Hmmmm...I should probably just chalk it up to them being insensitive jerks and get rid of their *kitten*, lol
Keep up the great work chick! And go get that tattoo!!!!0 -
Maybe he didnt get it!! I received a text this morning that was sent 3 days ago from a friend... give him a chance...kinda silly to jump to conclusions... ask him.
BTW- Amazing job!0
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