HELP ME PLEASE!

sondra1723

OK, a little bit about me... I've always been a little over weight, but in high school since I took 5 dance classes after school and would always been walking around town with my friends, I would eat like crap and stay the same weight from all the exercise I was getting.... But then I quit dance, stopped hanging out with those losers (not in the mean way, they were literally losers, pot smokers, going no where in their life but jail, no jobs, stealing..etc... so yes, they were losers) and got pregnant. I am 5'9 and stayed around 200lbs at the time... not a big deal, yea, I could have lost a few lbs, but I wasn't unhappy at that weight. After my son was born total i gained 30lbs. OK, not that bad, I could deal with it and lose it.. well that didn't happen. I have gained an extra 25lbs and weigh a total of 255lbs. It is KILLING me. I am always tired, I have no energy, I am so depressed and angry all the time, and because I am so stressed about my weight, I constantly have headaches. I can't even walk across the street to my In-laws house without getting out of breath. I am so depressed and i cry all the time and I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. =[

And so, a cashier at a gas station told me about MFP (because I had stopped to get one of those healthy fruit pack things for lunch for work one day) a few months ago.. So I joined MFP that night when I got home. the first 2 weeks I did great. I was eating better, going to the gym (that I had joined in Nov. and went the first week and never went again), and proportioning my food.... and I lost 10lbs in 2 weeks! I was soooooo excited. Well guess what, I fell off the wagon and gained it back.

I feel like a complete failure and that I am destined to be fat the rest of my life. I need help.. Suggestions, recipes, secrets that people have used.. ANYTHING. I'm desperate. Please, someone help!

Jen2Bfit

Please do not feel like a failure. What you are doing is starting a new way of living. By saying "new" it means that you are not used to it, and sometimes it takes time to adjust. You do not fail if you fall down, you fail when you quit trying. So as long as you keep trying and keep picking yourself back up, you are winning. It took me a very long time to change my ways and my eating, and I still and I am sure always will have my bad days. But I look at those as one bad day and I jump back onthat bandwagon the next day.

I would not suggest to change ALL of your eating habits at once rather than one or two at a time. If you try to change too much at once, that can make it feel overwhelming and you will be more prone to just say "forget it". I would take baby steps. Ex.-today I will drink more water, or today I will not have sweets. Whatever you choose. Take the baby steps and then add more as you feel ready.

This is doable. Remember that there are many here who were where you are right now and can understand the frustration. By speaking out as you did you are not only helping yourself and that is making progress towards a healhtier you, but you are also helping others here who feel the same way.

Keep on keeping on and one day you will be amazed. :happy:

michellekicks

^^ Good advice.

To help not trying to do too much all at once, try setting your goal to lose .5 lbs/week to start. Once you've done 2 weeks of that, change it to 1 lb/week and slowly cut back calories to where you're at the 2lbs/week goal. When people go from eating whatever and whenever to trying to restrict too badly, it puts them in a "diet" mentality. When you make small enough changes to not even notice them, that's when you'll make the longest-term changes.

JonathonMars

"Don't expect perfection. It is the enemy of the good."

Charismasme2

I know exactly how you are feeling. I was put on my first "diet" when I was 6 weeks old. I turn 50 this year. I've pretty much always been heavy. Except for short periods of time when I was in my teens. I've tried other sites for calorie counting, but would stay on it only for a couple of weeks with small losses, and then get bored or have a "cheat day" and then not go back. I agree with the other poster...baby steps. Make small changes. One of the biggest thing for me was "snacking" all the time. I felt hungry...so I ate. Chips, candy, you name it it went in my mouth. Try keeping somethings around your house for quick grabs that's not to bad for you. LIke 90 calorie Fiber One bars. One thing a "friend" on here has taught me is that you need to eat a little something every 2-3hrs. Buy some nutella, I know it's packed with sugar, but I find that when I'm really hungry or just craving choc. I will take one tablespoon of it, with an apple and eat that. It satisfies both the hunger and the choc. craving I'm having. I've been on here since April 3rd, and have lost 12lbs. It's not a fast loss, but I'm learning how to eat, and how to eat healthy for life...If you think of this as just a "Diet", then you will ultimately quit. If you think of it as a lifestyle change, then you WILL succeed. Go out and take a walk when you get the "munchies"...and if your still hungry after that eat some protein, and some fruit/veggies. Small changes. If you can only walk to the corner and back...GREAT!!! You'll feel so much better. If you want you can add me as a friend, and we can do this together.

pfarley68

The secret is to not stop, get back at it. Eat well and exercise. There is no other healthy way. You can do it. When you blow it, just start again at the next meal or the next day. This is more then a diet, you have to change forever. You can add me if you like.

PShep17

You need to try and think about the positive's:
you successfully lost 10 lbs before (very well done to you)
you're still here and asking for help and support

Take one day at a time, baby steps. Be sure to share any not so good days along with your successful days. It's the tougher days we need the most support.

You're not a failure, dont give up. You can do this!

smilingalltheway

You can do this you proved that by lossing 10 pounds in the begining. We all start out with a bang the trick is sticking with it. I do that by setting small goals and not all weight loss goals. Examples I will eat within my calories for 1 week, I will eat more fruits and veggies, I will drink more water, I will go for a nice slow walk 3 time this week and if I fail I try and talk to myself like I would a loved one, I can be very hard on myself one little set back and I'm an idiot I'll never do it, so I ask what would I say to a friend. I also try and keep sight of my goal how will I feel when I loss all this weight what clothes will I be able to buy.
You can do it, just one step at a time be kind to yourself, if you back slide figure out what cause it, forgive yourself, and move on.
You'll be great just keep pluggin away and never quit.

bdubois63

So here's the thing sweet cheeks:happy: ...the entire world is on a diet...your diet is what you consume, whether it is 3 cheeseburgers, fries and soda or a grilled chicken breast, sweet potatoe and green salad...what you eat is your DIET:drinker: ..... If you have been eating crap for 30 years, that was your diet, if you change it now to healthier options. THAT is your diet.....understand? I decided I was going to EDUCATE MYSELF to eat in a healthier manner. MFP has the tools to do that, to teach you PORTION SIZE and to make sure you eat ENOUGH! It actually takes the guilt out of eating because if you are within your limits, you have no doubts about what you are eating. There will come a time you will want to understand sodium andd things like that better but I do believe that will come as your EDUCATION advances. Once you start seeing progress and know you have been eating great food, you will not miss the CRAP food...in fact your body may turn against it and let you know it is not something it wants to consume. I think a different mindset will help you climb this mountain...and see what awaits for you at the top! Just go for it! You might be SURPRISED:flowerforyou: how soon you feel better!

peggymenard

Stress, anxiety, depression, hurt, frustration, anger disg:flowerforyou: ust are all fuels for snacking. Snack food is like a fix to a foodie as drugs are to users. Exercise raises the endorphins (feel good thingys) that take some of these negative things away. In the short time I've been on MFP, I have seen many amazing body transformations so I know it can be done. Do it for your son who by the way is a darling. He will need his mom and indeed her energy. Take the advice of those on this site who have been successful and feed off their incredible fortitude. I do and it's working...my life has really changed. Good luck and an early "Happy Mother's Day".

o2co2

If you look at it as a start of a diet, end of a diet kind of thing you will never be able to sustain any weight loss. YOU are trying to replace habits that hurt you with habits that help you. Take a moment to read this article.


HOW LONG?
How long does it take to form a new habit?
Published on December 1, 2009 by Ian Newby-Clark in Creatures of Habit

Every once in a while someone emails me and asks something like, "I sit on the couch too much. I'm trying to be more active. How many days will it take before my new exercise routine becomes a habit? My friends tell me it will take about thirty
days, but I think it will only take 25. What do you think?"

After I get such a question, I walk across my oak-paneled office, open a hidden door, and follow the steps down to my secret lair. Among my five billion volumes, I find the book with questioner's name inscribed upon it. I consult a few tables and do some calculations. I have to factor in the person's age at the time she queried me, the particular habit she wants to acquire, and a few (thousand) other variables. Aha! 23.638 days! I rush back up to my computer . . .

On the other hand, it might have been easier to dash into my time machine to find out how long it took my questioner. I could then report back to her . . .

Of course, that kind of messing with laws of physics would create a temporal paradox that only a good Hollywood writer could ignore.

The foregoing was not meant to mock anyone in particular, except perhaps psychologists. I understand. You want to replace a bad habit with a new good habit and you want to know how long it will take. I'm sorry that I don't have a hard and fast answer for you.

Maybe one day we psychologists will be able to give everyone his or her magic number, but right now there's just no way. That's not to say that I have no information for you. You won't leave empty-handed. It's just that I have a fairly typical academic-psychologist-I'm-being-careful kind of answer: "It depends."

Some thoughts on the "depends":

1. What kind of habit are you trying to establish? Some will be easier to establish than will others. For example, if you've been eating the same fat-laden sugar-rich lunch for the past 10 years and you've decided to switch to salad, it's going to take some time. There will be setbacks. But, if you're "tweaking" some behavior of yours, the time to habit change will likely be much shorter. That's one of the reasons why I recommend that people take baby-steps when they are changing a behavior. You'll see some progress fairly quickly. You can solidify that progress and move on from there.

2. What are the benefits to continuing with your bad habit? We have bad habits because they give us short-term payoffs. It's that feeling of a juicy burger melting in our mouths, or gleefully sinking into the couch instead of schlepping to the gym. To be sure, you're not the biggest fan of yourself for having a bad habit, but you wouldn't have it if there weren't some benefit. I don't know too many people who regularly hit themselves over the head with a big stick. Although, some behaviors do come kind of close to that.

The more immediate and tasty the payoff, the harder it will be to break the bad habit and replace it with a good one.

3. How often/automatically do you perform the bad behavior? The more often/automatically you do it, the harder it will be to change it. After all, you have to be aware that you're doing something bad in order to replace it with something good.

That last point reminds me of the one of the steps for effective habit change: Repeat, repeat, repeat! It's like learning to drive a car. If you drive, you must have remarked to yourself how easy it is to motor along now compared to when you first learned. You don't have to coach yourself through every move (check my blind-spot, signal . . . ) You just do it. That's because of one thing and one thing only: Lots and lots of practice. Repeat, repeat, repeat.


You'll have to excuse me; I left the secret door open again. How many times do I need to remind myself . . .

Deipneus

You did not fail. You had a setback. Who hasn't had those? You only fail if you quit. Get back on and go again. Repeat as necessary. Good luck.

DaveneGfit

I know how you feel! I have struggled with weight loss most of my life and have tried so many different diets. I have also struggled with depression and even feeling like I am not worthy. The greatest thing you can do is share and get it out in the open and you have already done that. I think you are on the right path towards reaching your goal. Please know that you are not alone and that you don't have to do this by yourself.

I truly agree with what everyone else said...it's about one step at a time. You can do this! You are worth it and this change is worth it! Please be encouraged! I am rooting for you!

If you are needing any help feel free to friend me

LisaJ2904

:flowerforyou: You are not a failure because you keep coming back!

You need to get in to your head that you can do anything.

In December my first step to health (not skinny) was to quit smoking.

In January my target was NOT to gain weight.

In Feb I decided I would count calories and see if I could lose some weight.

In March I had lost 7lbs and began to walk the dog every day no matter what weather for at least 30 minutes :happy:

In April I was CRAVING (never would have believed this) more exercise and joined a gym.:noway:

Today (I am 32 years old) I did my first cheerleading class and ran a 10 minute mile. :bigsmile:

On the 24th June 2012 I will run 5K to raise money for Cancer research.

Last November I had no goals, no ambitions for my health , I never exercised since I was forced to at school. I would never believed that running 5k would be in the pipeline for me.

Next year I will run 10k.

If I can do it , anybody can, really...you can x

So congratulations on taking your first steps and I look forward to seeing you reach your goals x

geneslilwifey

I am new to MFP as well I have already lost 6.6 lbs. Its been a struggle. I have am like you I was ok with my weight for a while then it kinda slapped me in the face I guess I was in denial for a while. I clean house when I get the erge a craving then when I am done and I am still hungery I pick up a yogurt, fruit, or some nuts. I also tried eating ice when my sweet tooth kicks in. Please add me as a friend an we can do this journey together. we will achieve our goals one step one day at a time

AnneGenevieveS

I know exactly how you feel. EXACTLY. was a chubby kid. Gained weight and was over 200 pounds with my kids. I always am beating myself up for what I view as "failures." Told myself, "I'll always be fat," my struggle is too hard, the road is too long, I fell off the wagon, I failed because I didn't do this or that. But I've kept struggling and trying and I didnt' give up. I've lost, and gained back a million times. My youngest is almost 6 years old. Yes, it took me almost 6 years to get this thing right, and I still have days when I feel like I'm falling off the wagon. but somehow I manage get back on. Don't give up. That's all any of us can do. Keep trying, keep going, pick yourself back up. YOU CAN DO THIS! Friend me if you'd like support.

irishcanadianwoman

One thing a "friend" on here has taught me is that you need to eat a little something every 2-3hrs. Buy some nutella, I know it's packed with sugar, but I find that when I'm really hungry or just craving choc. I will take one tablespoon of it, with an apple and eat that. It satisfies both the hunger and the choc. craving I'm having.
...
Small changes.
...

Small changes in eating + time + small changes adding more movement/exercise = success!

Every body is different. The Nutella idea works for this person, so that is great! But me? I cannot have Nutella in my house because it is a trigger food for me. I can eat a large jar in 30 seconds with a spoon!!! Really.

But....if something works for you it works for you! Can't argue with success.

We all need to take care of our physical and mental health. Don't drive yourself crazy expecting fast weight loss. Aim for .5 or 1 lb loss a week. Add walking and any movement into your day. Dance to the radio when no one is looking, walk up, down, then up the stairs again. Get off one bus stop before your destination. I've been taught by other MFP people that little things do make a difference over time.

Good luck. We all want you to succeed!

funauntsherry

Just keep moving forward. Don't stress about yesterday's calories or productivity. Yesterday is in the past and all we can control is the present. I never fully deprive myself, I make choices daily and sometimes they're not the best. I try to exercise a bit more when I do make the wrong choice. I've been using MFP since January 2011 and it has become a part of my routine to log everything, even the bad choices.

I started out at 305 and I'm down to 174. The last 20 have taken as long as the first 110 did... and that gets frustrating, but I know its because my body is different now than before. This is the hard part for me but I'm just going to stick with it!

Good luck to you, this community is very supportive. I'm sure you will find a lot of inspiration here.

TourThePast

Eat lots of fresh veg, some fresh fruit and sensible portions of lean meat and fish, no junk food, cut out stuff that has sugar in and everything fried.

You know the score, it's not rocket science, you CAN do it.

Do you want to be healthy? Do you want to be there for your children when they need you? Or do you want to be a burden?

As yourself what sort of life you you want and how badly you want it. Then either do it or don't do it, your call.

reneeileen

I can completely relate to the feeling of trying and failing. Being overweight, uncomfortable, depressed, tired. It all sounds familiar. What struck me is that you have very clearly defined reasons why you are overweight but your reasons for getting down to a healthy weight are not well defined. When those reasons are not clear it is so much easier to "quit."

Feeling better, looking better, these are good goals but they are not really meaningful. Without clear goals it is so easy to lose motivation. What is the thing that can get you off the couch when you don't want to exercise? For me, it's my fertility. I MUST lose weight in order to start a family. There is horrible diabetes in my family where I have seen grandparents, aunts and uncles experience a dramatic decline in the quality of their life because of how they have lived. I recently read that people who run regularly live an average of six extra years and no one even says what the quality of those years are. I have a wonderful husband and we have so many dreams for our future in every stage of our life. These things mean something to me. These are things I can regularly strive for.

Early on I needed immediate goals too. I don't want to feel like I am being suffocated by my fat when I lay down at night. One I haven't thought about in a long time, I don't want my knees to hurt at the end of the day. I want to shop in the "regular" section of the department store (I just got there this year.) I want to enjoy my time with my husband more - in all areas of my life.

The short term goals give you a boost, the long term goals keep you going. Tangible goals help tremendously.

On the action side - find an activity you ENJOY. Be honest with your food diary. A piece of pizza or a cookie is not failure. It is life. Keep on going. Don't beat yourself up and make a change in your life that you can be happy living with.

KetoBella

You have received some excellent advice here. The awesome about forums is you get perspective from all sides. Folks just starting out in life with limited experience to the more mature seasoned veterans who have learned so much along the way. Men and Women of different sizes, shapes, and different cultures. People from across the globe. How awesome!

You asked for help, and you will get loads, because everyone gets it. It IS possible, the only one that stands in your way is YOU. You said you fell off the wagon after doing well. If you could learn from my experience I whole heartedly agree that there is no such thing as giving up. You just make choices, and bad choices bring consequences.

Commit to doing something you can control. No matter what, track your food. Every bite, make sure you are being accurate with your portions. Don't guess because you need to practice eating the proper portion sizes. If you know you are going to eat things that you would normally consider trigger foods be sure to enter it then eat it. Enter then eat it, if at all possible other wise it becomes a food frenzy. Sometimes, just seeing the calories adding up, and up will take you from mindless, self-sabotage to being aware it isn't really worth it. Make your goal to track every day for a month, or a year, or for life if that is the only thing you can do.

As the previous poster said it is the fact you will be learning along the way and making decisions based on what you learn. You can choose to eat anything you want, make a calorie goal and try to stay in it but if you don't if you keep tracking you won't have failed.

Good luck and stick around it will be a bumpy ride but it is so worth it.

reneeileen

Oh! And participate in this community. There are so many people here that are struggling with many of the same things. Build a support system to keep you accountable!

skcornett

"Don't expect perfection. It is the enemy of the good."

Truer words were never spoken!

The changes you make now are for the rest of your life. Start small. Make the easiest changes first. For me, that was dropping my daily diet soda habit. Then I dropped fast food. It's a few pieces here and there until you get it.

Want motivation and accountability? Add me. You can do this. You came back here for help - we're here for you!

orbinick

I don't expect to lose my weight in a month or two, not even 6 months from now. At least a year an a half to two. If I have a setback, I start fresh the next day. I just have to log every day and I will have a better idea of what I'm eating. Long term goals mixed with ATTAINABLE short term goals. I try to choose snacks that have less calories but will sustain me between meals, instead of just one candy bar and feeling hungry an hour later. Logging in helps me adjust my needs and I try to factor in more than one type of snack. and salads are really low calorie. I eat everything but now I'm more conscious of my needs and what I need during the day.

LaurenPeel07

Nutella I'd actually about as good for you as a snickers bar. They actually just got sued for falsely advertising that it is healthy and are being forced to give refunds. However, I get that we all have that sweet tooth lol. What I do is put a little JIF reduced fat peanut butter on some apple slices. And take it from me it DOES NOT TASTE LIKE REDUCED FAT! I absolutely hat fat and no fat foods usually. I was shocked that it tastes just like regular peanut butter! Hope this helps a little!

9jenn9

I'm a veteran of numerous diets which worked well when I stayed on them. Unfortunately, I could not stay on them. I spent a lot of time beating myself up for falling off the wagon which fueled my out of control eating. Here's my hard earned advice: PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION. You're not perfect. Neither is anyone else. You will slip up. It's a given, but it's doesn't doom you to failure unless you quit. Acknowledge the positive changes you made. 2) When you mess up, FORGIVE YOURSELF AND MOVE ON. Don't look back. Don't dwell on it or stew about it. By this I mean don't focus on your shortcomings or berate yourself. But do try to understand how the slip up happened and what you can do differently the next time that situation comes up. 3)DO NOT LET YOURSELF BE HUNGRY. Don't under eat. Don't try to do this fast. Any eating plan that leaves you feeling deprived and hungry will not last.

You CAN do this. One day at a time.

Tonya_me

I gave up the fight and had wt loss surgery. That was the right decision for me, I'm not saying run out and get it. For me, I had the reaction you're having. I would do good for a short period of time, make some progress, fall off the wagon and would regain whatever I had lost except that I would then go on to gain even more wt than where I was to begin with. I eventually got tired of the fight and gave up and that was not good either!!! I felt bad and my body hurt.. it literally hurt. And, my wt effected me in every aspect of my life - health, physically, appearance, socially and I'm sure financially, too.

So -- here's my advice to you. You're going to fight the good fight and you're occasionally going to fall down, go off plan, fall off the wagon. Accept that as part of your journey. Recognize your triggers. And occasionally let yourself go and fall when it feels like it's going to be the lesser fall than if you wait and fall off a cliff (hope you know what I mean). But!!! When you do fall, IMMEDIATELY shift gears!!! Go from a state of chasing wt loss and instead make it your burning goal in life to maintain your wt!!! This will help you for when you do get to a wt you like and decide you want to stay there and it can help you from getting discouraged during your wt loss journey. And, when you succeed in maintaining your wt, feel proud as EVERYTHING!!! Big people can lose wt.... we can definitely lose wt! For me, it was the maintenance that always got me. I could never keep off what I'd lost. So... be prepared to slip but also be prepared to shift gears and embrace a lifestyle of maintenance. Catch your breath... take an emotional rest... and when you're ready push forward to further wt loss. Just remember, the trick to being more slender is not the wt loss, it's the maintenance of what you've lost. You'll get there. Don't give up, just adapt.

michellekicks

Nutella I'd actually about as good for you as a snickers bar. They actually just got sued for falsely advertising that it is healthy and are being forced to give refunds. However, I get that we all have that sweet tooth lol. What I do is put a little JIF reduced fat peanut butter on some apple slices. And take it from me it DOES NOT TASTE LIKE REDUCED FAT! I absolutely hat fat and no fat foods usually. I was shocked that it tastes just like regular peanut butter! Hope this helps a little!

I can't even buy Nutella because I'll eat the whole jar on a spoon. Plus, it's just made of modified palm oil and other hydrogenated oils. It's not water soluble. Don't eat it.

orbinick

Everything in moderation. It's actually chocolate and hazelnuts in a spread. Love it too much to buy it.

sondra1723

Thanks everyone. You're all a big help. =]
I will def take everyone's advice and pointers. =]

melanielupien

"Don't expect perfection. It is the enemy of the good."

Very well said and very true.